For weeks, a terrible family of unruly tourists has wrought a trail of destruction from Auckland all the way to Hamilton. A large man in red shorts and a white tank top, a woman in a unicorn onesie, and a small, angry boy are the unwilling public faces of this terrible family who number about 12, according to multiple witnesses.

It all kicked off on Monday when Kiwi social media was flooded with video footage from an Auckland beach. The video showed a Kiwi woman confronting a tourist about rubbish they’d left strewn along the beach, including beer bottles and baby wipes. (Littering is a fineable offence in New Zealand as well as heavily culturally frowned upon.)

The woman shooting the video, Aucklander Krista Curnow, said she was intimidated by several adults in the group before being threatened by a shirtless boy of about 9 wearing an oversized straw hat. In the video, the boy, having detected his family’s honor is being called into question and marching purposefully into the fracas, shouts, “I’ll knock your brains out!”

Soon other New Zealanders came forward with their own stories of unpleasant encounters with the unrepentant tourists. It turns out this bad family has been wreaking havoc on our quiet country for a month! The family’s alleged crimes are many and varied. Not only did they refuse to pick up their own rubbish, they had the cheek to tell locals to pick it up for them. They have been accused of purposely contaminating meals with both ants and strands of hair to get out of paying the sometimes hundreds of dollars’ worth of food they’d ordered, leaving a ****-filled baby onesie on a plane, and walking through a Burger King drive-thru.

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Then, on Tuesday afternoon, an alert: Immigration had served a deportation notice. Apparently, the government can kick someone out of the country on the grounds of bad character, and clearly our officials agreed with the public at large: We were dealing with a bunch of real bad eggs. The bad family didn’t care; they were already cutting their vacation short, John Johnson told the Herald. “We’re here to see the Hobbits,” he said. “I’ve been looking at the Hobbits my whole life, since I’m born, that was originally what our plans was, but it’s all been f–ked up now.”

“I’m no one famous,” he added plaintively. “I’m just a fat kid from England on holiday.”

About Jan 3: A group of about 13 tourists order drinks and four meals at Backyard Bar & Restaurant in Northcote. They claimed there were ants in a meal. They leave after paying for three meals.

About Jan 5: The same group return to the restaurant. They leave after not paying for two meals after claiming there was hair in them.

Jan 9: A group of travellers dine at Artwok eatery in Takapuna. They eat before threatening staff and walking out without paying.

Jan 12: A group of tourists check in to Ibis Hotel in Wyndham St for two nights.

Jan 13: A group left rubbish on Takapuna beach before threatening to 'knock the brains out' of a local who challenged their behaviour. Police say they will speak to those involved.

Jan 13: A family outside Ibis Hotel demand to use a man's scooter. The man says they were rude and demanding.

Jan 13: The group from the beach dine at Nandos in Albany and demand a refund after ordering meals. A group of travellers also dined at Mr India in Northcote where they only paid for one $16 meal but refused to pay for $250 worth of other food claiming there was hair in it.

Jan 14: The group check out of Ibis. The owner of Coffee Club next to the hotel reports them to police saying they were abusive and didn't pay for a piece of chocolate cake.