Let lonely cake eat box.

I'm trying to lose weight, I ordered a salad with my chicken wings

Let CakeBox eat lonely

OMG...Nancy Pelosi put us $20 trillion in debt? Political ads are very informative.

HUGE IF TRUE

let lonelyweight lose cake

you pay the weight to leave

I don't always put things in small holes, but when I do, it's a flower

I conducted the appropriate research. It turns out AIOTT's waxer is wrong...only a little more than half the female population have outties.

Which means I'm ~50% less gay than I thought.

So you're only 95% gay?

new math

FAKE MATH

50% of the female population have Audis?
I thought the Volvo thing was a crisis...

The other 19% is Canadian

And I have an itch about AIOTT's "waxer" that's gonna need some scratchin, too.

i feel like my dad has bi polar. did nothing yesterday but i have to drop him off at the air port at 1 and he decides he hates this house and it's time for a spring clean. few hours before i have to take him...

great

sounds about right

nvmd can't read

Bump

so good.

eh?

Taking these puns down to the skin are we?

So I'll explain why I was annoyed at FB yesterday.

Apparently there's some story floating around about this dad who took a selfie (I like that my phone wants to autocorrect to selfish) while laying in bed with his baby laying on him & his wife passed out next to him.

He attached some dumb text to his picture about being your wife's dream husband & letting her take naps.

The internet basically falls into 3 camps, sorted roughly in order of commonness:

#1: Awwww best dad ever she's so lucky.

#2: She's going to kill him for posting a picture of her looking like that.

#3: This is a humblebrag, it's his kid too, this is what he should be doing.

& then there's my camp. Wtf is wrong with this dumbazz? The baby is somewhat overheated from laying on him, & if he actually wants to let his wife sleep, instead of just being a self-aggrandizing douche, why the hell is he laying in the same bed with his sleeping wife instead of laying somewhere else in the house with the baby so that if the baby starts making noise it won't 100% wake up his wife, either when the baby cries, or when he tries to get out of bed to take the baby somewhere else. Obviously his plan is just to cuddle with the baby in a fairly unsafe manner for the baby until such time as the baby actually makes noise, & then pass the baby off to his wife.

You're not a dream husband you're a loser who is trying to look good for when you're single in 2 years because your wife isn't putting up with your stupidity anymore.