"The Legend of Zelda™ ****ing sucked, FYI. It was a SCAM designed to force you to subscribe to Nintendo Power™, or cozy up to the one smug ****ing kid in your poor bull**** town whose parents had enough largesse to lay out for not only a state of the art Nintendo Entertainment System™ but also The Legend of Zelda™, which if you’ll recall was at least ten dollars more than an ordinary Nintendo cartridge, purportedly because it was the first game where you could save, and about a hundred bucks for that stupid ****ing magazine so you could figure out the ONE bush out of thousands that actually has the staircase under it or whateverthe****. The rest of us had to painstakingly walk around like a dick randomly burning bush after bush on screen after screen, in a perfect metaphor for the drudgery that would become the rest of our lives. That ****ing kid also had the PowerGlove™ too, probably, and that stupid exercise pad that you ended up just crouching over and pounding really fast with your hands. **** him."