I wouldn't normally post about my gambling experiences in-depth but I'm fighting the gambling demons currently so perhaps getting feedback will help snap me back into reality. I know risking 20-30k each day isn't healthy or natural for me/my situation. As of today, the end result is a positive outcome but that doesn't excuse my past choices.

I should be broke right now, well, bankroll wise. Life-roll is 200k but we need to add a backyard to our new home (just like Leon went through in his thread). I'm at a weird stage with being satisfied winning what I did, but also feeling that urge to keep pressing for more. By nature, I'm super competitive and feel I can overcome anything. I haven't had a boss in over 16 years (since I was 23) due to me believing I can turn nothing into something and doing just that. This holds true with my gambling mentality; down to my last hundred and believing I can run it back up.

My problem is being disconnected with reality and what this money really means. Away from the casino it means so much; future bills/expenses, future trips, future home improvements, future gifts for my girlfriend or myself, etc... At the casino it merely means I can play at X level for X amount of sessions. I don't have a stop-loss or shut-off switch. History has proven I'll gamble most of the funds I have available if given a chance.

I'd call myself a fake high-roller because I cannot afford to gamble what I do. Sure there's micro scale gambling when I try to win $100 if I'm out with my girl, but there's been many times that $100 chase turns into $1000 and $10,000. I usually don't have access to large amounts of money as my life roll is managed by my better half (thank God).

So, without further ado, here's what transpired over the last 3 weeks:

Girlfriend and I agreed I'd take 20k from savings to play poker tournaments during the World Series (June and July). June 10th I arrive at Caesar's and I have 5k on me for a couple events. I'm an avid Video Poker player and over the years have blown my tournament buyins on the machines. There's been times like when I wired 25k to RIO for the summer and had reserved multiple stays, only to blow it that first day on VP and would drive back home. I just can't help myself after incurring a loss.

Back to the story, I walk by the high-stakes VP machines and decided to try and win my first buyin ($1100). Lose 1k, then 2k, then 3k and then:



Couldn't believe it, let out a roar so loud I lost my voice later. Immediately felt redeemed from the last time I hit a Royal for 20k and gave it all back. Text my girl and head upstairs to get ready for the tourney. Had a convo with her later promising I was gonna lock up the 40k. Busted the tourney later that night and went to sleep. Next morning comes and I figured to try and win another buyin. Brought 5k downstairs and lost it rather fast. I played as if my bankroll was 40k rather than 5, so the downswing was too big. Go back upstairs and grab 10k, breaking my promise and thinking to myself 30k is still a decent score. Lose the 10k just as fast. Head back upstairs to grab another 10k. On the elevator ride down I was coming to the realization that I may blow the whole 40 as if I lose this 10 then I'm gonna grab the remaining 20 and if I lose that then gonna head home (even though I had a week booked). Somehow go on a hot streak and end up winning though:



Ok, so I'm close to 50 now and feeling very grateful. I stop, eat and go play the tourney. Bust the tourney that night and back at Caesar's. I know what will happen if I start losing, but push that aside and continue playing hoping a losing streak doesn't happen. At 55k, then 60k, then 65k. I ended the night at 65k. Next morning I don't try to win the tourney buyin and just head over there. I only brought over 2 buyins. Register for the tourney and have about an hour to spare. Figured I'd try to win lunch (literally just $50) playing the $1 machines. I lose the first $100. Switch the machines to $5. Lose another $100, and another and...you see where this is going. I end up losing my second buyin and was upset so what do I do? I get back in my car and head back to Caesar's, go upstairs and grab $10k. Back downstairs and back to risking 10s of thousands of dollars all because of lunch. Well, that's a copout as its because of me, but trying to win lunch triggered it. Somehow end up winning 5k or so and put it back in the safe, go back over the to tourney about 2 hours late. Bust the tourney later that night and head back to Caesar's. This time however I don't gamble right away. I took a nap, ate and went to go buy my girl 5k in bags. I felt really good doing that and she deserves nice things after all the **** I put her through.

After the shopping I thought to myself, "I would feel even better if I could win that money back and get those for free essentially." So, I go downstairs and after some back and forth, end up winning 5-6k. I end up leaving the next morning with 70k in cash and gifts for my girl.





Mission accomplished! Or is it? Let's just say what comes up must go down and results in utilizing the services of a payday loan center.

This is the exactly the kind of degeneracy I come here for. Thanks OP, keep it up!

This roller-coaster story has just begun. It won't be an ongoing thing though, just from June 10th up until now (I think/hope).

Jesus man, the winning seems to be your downfall.

Maybe you'd be better at budgeting if you didn't regamble your winnings.

1st ballot HOF thread.

Most people don't know this,

but you're allowed to quit when you're up and spend the money on fun stuff instead of degen'ing it all back

What is the store's return policy on those bags?
You know, just in case

We should start a pool on how long until those bags are returned

in b4 busto

Playing 7/5 Bonus Poker at $10 level?

Now, that hurts

Continued...

I get back home and at this point my girlfriend thinks I'm up 40, not 70. I wanted to do something nice for her again, so I suggested we upgrade her ring. Jared has a good trade-up plan where you can bring your previous purchase in and they'll give you full credit towards your next, provided that the price is at least double of previous purchase. Her old ring was 15k so we'd be spending another 15k and looking for rings around 30k, which she found something really nice:



I've dusted off money many times where I regretted not upgrading her ring, so I was very happy for her (and myself) being able to do it this time. I look at the tournament schedule and see there's a couple starting on Monday (it's Saturday). Book a room at Caesar's for M-F. At this point I feel good about taking care of her so I take 40k with, knowing I'll still have 15k and 20k in gifts to her (the original Royal money essentially).

My drive is 5 hours and my plan was to head to RIO first to register (before lines got crazy) then over to Caesar's to check-in, then grab something to eat and head back over to RIO. After registering I'm walking by high-limit slots with my laptop bag that had the 40k (didn't want to leave it in the car). I start playing the $25s trying to hit a quick score for the tourney buyin. Down 3-4k right away and for some reason I decided to change demon to $100. I played 2 credits at first with the remaining 6-7k out of that strap and lost. Then I started chasing that 10k. I go up to the cashier and hand her a 10k strap to get tickets. Back over to the machine which I lose in 15 minutes. Back over to the cashier for another 10k, same thing. I had 10k left and was contemplating playing blackjack with it but thought that machine can't be that cold...it was. Lost it all in about an hour, not even checked-in yet.

As I walked back down the RIO hallway to the parking lot I was shocked/speechless but understood the mentality I had is what won me the money in the first place. I wasn't upset that I lost it, rather, the manner in how I lost it. There was no back and forth, no long sessions, no fun hits, nothing. It was in my bag one minute and gone the next, probably the quickest I've ever lost. I remember back in the day when buying in blackjack for 10-20k that I sometimes lost it faster than it took the dealer to count it. This was the same feeling.

So I literally have 0 money left and only the tourney entry to play. Tourney starts in 30 minutes and I figured why bother going to Caesar's to check-in, just play the tourney and go home if you bust today. That doesn't happen though so Day 1 ends around 1am and I head over there. After a good sleep I'm more focused on the tourney than the 40k. Making it back in the tourney is a long-shot but I play tourneys more for the enjoyment/experience rather than trying to hit it big. 30 minutes in and I lose my stack with KK against 22 on a 942 board. So, that's it for me and I head home. Ironically I thought mostly about the hand and if/how I could have changed the outcome, rather than lighting 40k on fire. To my girlfriend, I only lost 1 buyin. I know she cannot emotionally handle these swings so I figured it was best to not tell her about the extra 40k. This way if I lose it she won't feel that sting (although later I come clean).

It's now Wednesday and she heads to work. I have free time on my hands (I work for myself so mostly have free time). Don't know why I thought I could make a dent in that 40k, but decided to take out 10k (now only 5k left if I lose) and go to my local casino. I play blackjack, and win 7k. Chill for the rest of the day. Thursday comes, I take that 7k win and say to myself if I win another session then I'm going for it (meaning getting the 40 back). I lose it though, go get another 10k (again with 5k left if I lose) and head back to the same casino. Somehow end up cashing out at 28-29k. Then head over to a different casino and win 5-6k. Ok, bankroll is 40k now. Feeling satisfied I stop for the day. Next day comes I do the same thing somehow, win 5-6k at the first one, go to the other and another 5-6k, then go back to the first one at win again. I'm now at 60k! Won everything back and then some.

We eat dinner Friday night and considering I won the money back, I tell her. I acknowledge I'm out-of-control and need to slow down. Well, part of me feels that way. The other part feels I'm just freerolling their money so why not take shots? I think I got choked up a little when talking to her; saying I know it's not normal to risk tens of thousands of dollars each day to chase for more money. It was a good conversation and knocked some sense into me...until I went back to Vegas a couple days later.

enjoying this

Sounds like you are getting super lucky on essentially short buy-ins (for the stakes you are playing) and you might want to consider dropping down to make it last longer and enjoy the experience, rather than going for the quick hit. But logic and gambling rarely go together. It's nice of you to buy your gf gifts but if she's really not happy with at $15K ring then she (and you) might have bigger problems. A $200K life roll isn't that much, particularly when you just spent 15% of that (30K) on a ring! (not to mention the bags). That's just my opinion, grain of salt, IMHO, FWIW etc. But I'm enjoying your stories! Curious about what Leon thinks about your streak (and that $40K hit!).

Continued...

Sunday night comes and I tell her I'm only bringing tourney buyin money this time. Show her my wallet which confirms that. Monday morning comes and I have that itch. I could have just as good of a time playing tourneys, but I have unsettled business. I take 40, just like before.

Staying at Palazzo this time due to the tourney being at Venetian. It's 10am and I have a couple hours to kill. Told myself to not go crazy on the first day, but I did anyway. Went into high-limit with 10k. Played single-line at first and got crushed. Same old story; went upstairs to get 10k more. This time I switched to ten-play Triple Double Bonus $5 demon, betting $250 per hand. Multi-line is pretty addicting and with TDB, I just needed 1 premium hand to come in and I'm good. Played for 5 hours and got nothing. Had 4 to the Royal and three Aces with a Deuce dealt to me and missed every draw (0/20 for 20k per). The session lasted longer, but the result was the same, lost all 40k.

It's now 5pm and I'm broke. Don't even have funds to play the tourney. I eat and go to bed early (was up at 4am due to the drive). Morning comes and I pullout my fail-safe; it's payday loan time. Now I've never used or needed a payday loan for the purpose of not having life money, it's only for when I'm stuck. Here's a tip though, prior to using payday loans I'd just charge my card 3-4k, but would get hit with $200+ in fees. Not sure about other places, but with RapidCash/SpeedyCash you won't get charged any fees if you pay it back within 24 hours. So its an interest free loan if you can do that. Has saved me a couple thousand in CC fees by doing it this way.

Head over to get my loan and it's always a weird feeling being there and listening to some of the stories from other customers (meaning them explaining to the agent about their financial problems). I suppose I too have a strange story and usually tell the agent it'll be paid-back the next day as its merely for gambling. My limit is 5k I think and I took out 3200 (2 buyins):



I've done this many times, but it does feel a little sickening when the previous day I had 10s of thousands, playing in the high-limit room and now having to resort to this. I head back over to Venetian, register for the tourney, have $1600 left which is supposed to be for another buyin but yet I go over to the machines and start paying the $5s. $100 gone, then another and another. Stupid me, if I wanted to play still I should have just taken out the full $5k and still had 2 buyins. Now I'm stuck with a single buyin (already registered) and $400 left, then I'm dealt 4 to the Royal. Don't think much about it and hit draw and bam! 20k!!! I remember yelling "I'm back." Don't have a pic of it as I wasn't planing on sharing with my girl (remember, only supposed to be playing tourneys).

Ok, I now have $20,400. Go back to the room and leave everything but $4800 (payday loan money and another tourney buyin if need be). Head back over to the payday loan place to pay it off but couldn't (guess you need to wait at least 5 hours). Fine, I arrive back at Palazzo with the 4800 and started playing VP again. Went up to 8-9k at one point but gave it all back. I now have 15kish left and grab all of it and proceeded to play blackjack. Went cold at first, losing 6-7k, then hot winning 6-7k, then getting crushed again. I bought in for 10k so had 5k left in my wallet. When I lost that 10k I just said **** it, I'm done. Maybe cause the money was in my wallet versus being a strap, I don't know. I never stop usually but in this case I did.

The tourney is already 4 hours in and I've been blinded off about 6k in chips. Get down to 11k, find a double to 22k and another to 45k. I think I was just trying to get a good stack before dinner or head home. It worked and I ended the day with 220k. There was another Day 1 so I headed home and would return the next day. I felt good about things because I made it to Day 2 with a good stack and still had 5k in which I could payoff my loan and have a buyin for a different tourney when I return.

After a day off I head back, this time with $1500 only. I blew my chance/40k, twice!!! There will not be a third. Or will there be?

She didn't ask for anything and never would. We've been together for 23 years so I think we're doing ok .

What do I think?

- I understand the allure of the machines and that "I can turn this around" better than most.
- OP is more degen than I am.
- As anyone who's followed my thread knows, I've made plenty of lucky comebacks. And I've been felted/almost felted many times. So...

You need to scale it back OP. We know from an expectation POV where all of this ends for you (and me)- busto. So why are you playing? For me, it's for fun. Life entertainment and all. I've luckily survived where I can from experience know what's a reasonable amount to bring/lose etc and be able to play essentially indefinitely given life expenses etc. It could have been so different in so many ways. Don't make the mistakes I did- scale it back so you can play and have fun.

I'm kind of in the same boat you describe in your first post, meaning I feel less of an urge to gamble these days than I used to. But for me it's more related to the knowledge that I really can't afford to play bigger, and short of some lightning strike I'm probably not going to create some magic that'll really get me excited. Ie, the risk is starting to outweigh the reward. Just in time for the Wynn to make their paytables crappy and for me to branch out to other places. Good thing, I guess...

Anyways, take it easy. They always win eventually. Remember that. As a gambler, I wouldn't presume to tell someone else what to do, but it sounds like you have some serious degen in you, I'd address that. On some level you realize this bc you're unwilling to tell GF about all your plans and losses. I tell my wife everything. If you have to hide what you're doing... there's probably a problem.

I may have misread something earlier itt, how old are you ?

She has been with you since you were 16 ?

Give her that $200K into her name, put the house into her name, go back to grinding up your life roll, and


read the last paragraph of leon's post above this one itt,

THEN, get some help or she will not be with you in 10 years, and

THAT will suck much worse than would not gambling any more.

Also, this is not to be a dick at all, but I think OP is putting too much stock in having a “200k life roll” at 40. You work for yourself so if that includes retirement savings, your overall finances probably aren’t as stable as they feel given you all have some expensive hobbies/taste, so your going to require millions of saving a to generate a pretty high retirement income to sustain anything close to the lifestyle your accustomed to

@gzesh: 39

@leon: I hear you man and thanks for the feedback.

I don't know which parts are more painful to read, the parts where you play games you're seriously under rolled to play or that you pre register for a touney and then get blinded out and show up 4 hours late.

Also, are you sure that putting that much into a ring that has a resale value a mere fraction of that is wise when your life roll is 200k?

You started the thread saying that it was a good thing your better half controlled the finances, but no financially responsible better half would ever agree to that kind of thing... that's just... at a loss for words

sick thread; i really enjoy the transparency. I am sure some of it is hard to share; even with the anonymity of the internet. Good luck man; as long as your line of work is pretty steady for the long term future; you can afford some of these crazy sessions.

You don't always have to gamble.

I appreciate the comments as it's good to get others' perspectives. I don't mind how my story/experiences come off as we're all just strangers that will never meet/do biz anyway. I've been like this ever since my early twenties (both for biz and gambling).

I never thought I would live to see the day where Leon was telling someone else to take it easy on the gambling.

Also, OP, more greyhounds. Thank me later.

Hahaha