Originally Posted by turd dust
Oh yeah, hooker trip report - is it ok if it isn't in Las Vegas?
In my entire life I had been in 2 strip clubs for a grand total of 15 minutes. I love titties, but these places were dirty and smokey and smelly and full of degenerate scumbags. I just don't see how I could possibly relax in them, and never had any interest in going back.
But I'm out of town, visiting a friend who lives in the middle of nowhere in Kentucky, and we decide to go hang out somewhere in town. I think he is taking me to a ****ty rundown greasy spoon, because it looks like a little hellhole on the side of the road mom and pop restaurant, but it turns out it is a strip club, or at least the Kentucky (or possibly we drove into Ohio or Indiana? I don't know) version of a strip club. If I remember right, the girls on stage keep their tops on, but flash a little tit as the grand finale. So it isn't really a strip club, its more like a skanks in underwear club.
Anyway, one very pretty 20s midwestern girl who seems pleasant and speaks nicely and has all her teeth and everything haunches down next to me and asks me how I'm doing, introduces herself, tells me I look handsome, and asks if I would like to take her to the VIP area. She explains very plainly that if I take her there, she will take her top off and let me see her bare breasts. As clean and classy as she seems, in stark contrast to everything else about the place, she has tiny breasts and I'm not even slightly tempted. She mentions "the other girls won't take off their tops*," so just remember her pretty face and come find her if I change my mind. Sure, whatever.
*Remember this claim; it will seriously be called into question in about 1.5 seconds.
My friend goes to buy drinks, and a second girl comes up to me immediately. This one sits on my lap, without any provocation from me pops a boob out of her top, and puts in on my face and in my mouth, while she whispers in my ear "want to have a good time? I promise I'll make you cum." She was kinda fat, and kinda ugly, but had really nice tits. She started tonguing my ear and sucking on it and for a moment I thought she might make me cum right then and there, because I was just not expecting this at all, and this was basically the first time in my life a strange big breasted woman had ever put her tit in my mouth and started grinding on me.
For better or for worse, I was not interested. I told her I was just here for moral support, but my friend would probably enjoy having a good time with her.
He comes back, and before she can get on his lap, I have this realization that it will make me feel very dirty if I have to sit and watch her do the same exact routine on him that she just did on me. I don't want a tit that was just in my mouth in that jamoke's mouth! The tongue that was just in my ear should not go into his filthy wax hole! And that thought makes me laugh. So as I am laughing out loud, I put my arm around her shoulder so she doesn't move over to my buddy, and I say (still laughing, which probably puzzled them, and made it all the more funny to me, thus causing more laughter) "she'll make you cum if you want, I told her you'd probably be up for it."
I'm practically doubling over laughing, kind of reviewing the scene in my head while it is happening, very surreal, and the stripper/hooker is polite and smiling and looking at me like I'm ******ed or something, but also trying to look sexy at my friend, and says, "if you pay $40 to take me into the VIP area, I will definitely make you come, I promise, don't even worry about it, but I expect a nice tip from you when we're done." He says ok, they walk over to the bar and pay the bartender the $40 (I don't know if it is usually done that way; seemed weird to me), and they walk into the VIP area...
The VIP area is two tables/booths on the left side of the room. They are not secluded. They are not closed off. They are not private. At all.
Now I'm choking and gagging I'm laughing so hard, as they sit down like 10 feet away from me in the "VIP area." At one point I notice the door man or bouncer or whatever is looking at me and chuckling. I don't know what he thought was happening, but I'd like to think it was pretty clear I was amused at the absurdity of this whole thing, this dirty run down one room strip club where they don't take off their clothes, and I'm interested to see whether my friend is actually going to get off, or be blue balled or ripped off in some way.
She starts lapdancing my friend, and I try not to stair, I glance away a lot, but did I mention I like titties? And she has big nice ones, and they are out, so I'm looking a lot. I guess I'm not jaded like the typical strip club patron. I am still aroused just by seeing a naked lady!
So anyway, after a minute, to my shock and slight horror, just 10 feet away from me and in pretty much plain site, she opens his pants and starts stroking his dick. My jaw drops to the floor. Initially I thought the VIP would be a closed room and they would go in there and bang, but once I saw it was just the table next to me, I assumed she was putting him on, or at best she was going to dry hump him. So I'm flabbergasted. And I can see my friend's dick - never thought that would happen. And eventually, I'm bored. She is jacking him off and lapdancing on him and occasionally putting her tits or her mouth down in his crotch, for 15 minutes, 30 minutes, 45 minutes. I guess me (and everyone else in the place) watching him isn't really doing it for him.
Finally, 50 minutes in, at this point I'm mostly looking at my phone and only shooting the occasional glance at them. I'm seriously considering texting him or just walking over and telling him I want to leave (he drove). So I look at him, contemplating what to do, and I'm just in time to see her jump down to her knees and finish him off in her mouth. Yum.
I am no longer laughing, and I suddenly feel like throwing up, because now it is like I just had a threesome with this chubby whore and my gross slob of a friend. I mean, yes I am fully dressed and 10 feet away, but I just watched him cum into her. Gross.
On the way home, I'm silent, and my friend starts giggling more and more until eventually his is choking himself laughing, and I start laughing too, and we just laugh for the next 30 minutes. We get back to his place, I take a very fast shower and settle down on his guest bed, I am just about to pass out, when I hear him scream. I turn on the lights, and he comes storming into the guess room buck naked.
It wasn't bad enough that I saw him ejac less than an hour ago, now he is wagging his dick in my face shouting, "she rubbed it raw, she destroyed my dick!" There are big areas of it that are just red and oozing.
I guess the scream wasn't because he was surprised, but because his underwear had scabbed into the oozy spots and then when he pulled them off, it ripped it all open. Ouch.
Anyway, I ask him if she put her mouth all the way down on it, and he says he is pretty sure she just sucked up the ejaculation right out of the end without really putting it in her mouth. So then my weird sense of humor gets the best of me again, and I start laughing, and barely manage to say, "are you sure it didn't look like that already?" That gets him to laugh too. I tell him to get his dick the hell out of my face, you probably can't get AIDS from her hand touching his bleeding open wound of a cock, so he is probably ok. Secretly, I'm very concerned that my friend now has AIDS. I wonder if there is something that an ER could do to help prevent the AIDS from taking hold if we hopped in the car and drove to the hospital right now. But I'm tired, so I do not bring it up.
I didn't think of this then, but now it occurs to me: in the dark of that nasty strip club, did that stripper walk away from this whole thing with his penis blood smeared on her hands or body or face? Holy cow, that would be awkward.
Also, the next day he told me after 50 minutes of jacking off which was very painful by the end, when he was walking away he handed her about 12 dollars wadded up to look like more than it really was. That was why we made a b-line out of there.
I hadn't even noticed that we made a b-line out; I was just tired of sitting there and a little freaked out and ready to leave.
As far as I know, he did not catch anything from her. But I never asked.
