cushlash it sounds like you are on the right track to finding fulfillment in your life. It's very normal for successful poker players to go through what you are feeling right now. Good luck, you're a smart guy and I'm sure you'll figure it out eventually. Try not to stress out too much about it, if you're experiencing extreme burnout it can really eat you up mentally if you let it. As you said, you're still young and it is normal (and optimal) to take time to figure out what your passions are in life. GL!

Things really do have a way of working out when things are not forced but just follow their natural course.

I do hope you keep posting on this site.

Hey guys, only played one day of poker since my last post, so really nothing to report there.

Been working out, reading/writing, and continuing to practice with that drum pad I got. Assuming I keep up with that I'm gonna buy a set after Christmas.

Took a weekend trip to Tempe for the ASU/Utah football game which was a good time. Was the first time I've been to a game where I really didn't have a rooting interest so that was a cool experience.

I wrote about that and some other college football related stuff just for fun, and I put it into a blog called College Football with cushlash. I'm not really focusing on stats or players, more the passion/fandom behind college football. Linked for anyone interested.

As nice as its been taking it easy poker-wise, I need to stack some paper at some point, so I'm going to do my best to get some hours in this week before heading back to Wisconsin for a few days to catch the Nebraska game.

Thanks man, hope all is well with you.

I agree.

I stopped posting strat long ago but posting itt helps me in a lot of ways so I doubt I'll stop anytime soon.

Nice blog. CFB is the nuts.

Stack that ish

Roll that ish

Smoke that ish

Get paper, burn paper, get more paper, it's a poker life for Cushlash

subscribed

Thanks man, that it is.

lol nice, I've got a theme song now

Welcome!

Getting ready to head off to Wisconsin for the Nebraska game this weekend. I could not be more excited for this game. It had huge implications for the Big Ten race and will pretty much serve as an elimination game.

I got a few solid sessions in this week. Played 8 hours one day, which looking at my records I have only done 3 other times this year other than the couple tournaments I played. Despite taking a sizable loss I was happy with my endurance.

The other sessions went much better results-wise. I am playing much better than I have been as of late, which is basically a result of me being way more focused and engaged on the game. There is a snowball effect here too because once I force myself to engage in the game, I notice way more and it makes the game interesting again. For too long there I was just stuck in a vicious circle of boredom.

I think I've mostly broken out of that now, which feels pretty good. Though it seems crazy because of how low my volume has been, I actually feel like I'm in the very early stages of turning a corner on the felt. My best guess is that the low-no volume period has forced me to look at the game differently that I have before.

I'm excited to have put together a few good sessions in which I've played well and implemented some newer concepts correctly. Its always nice to head out of town on a good note rather than after frustrating or run-bad riddled sessions. This is definitely a good start towards beginning to play respectable volume again, but thats all it is: a start. Therefore, I'll be looking to hit the ground running once I get back from Wisconsin next week.

I hear Gordon had a decent game...

Hell yea!!! Single game FBS rushing record, 408 yards and he didn't even play the 4th quarter. Big win for Wisconsin.

Started snowing like crazy in the 2nd half and it's still coming down. Def glad I don't have to deal with this weather anymore haha

Post #1000: A live grind test run, 2 and a half years later

Hey guys, just got back to Vegas today. I had a great time in Wisconsin watching my Badgers dominate, and I'm ready to do some dominating myself.

This year has not been great results-wise, and its pretty much 100% a volume issue. My hourly is actually just fine, I just haven't been playing much.

Just before this trip, as I talked about in my last update, something started clicking and poker seemed interesting again. I started doing some off the table studying, which led to wanting to play again, which led to some of my best sessions of the year in terms of thought process/paying attention.

This was perfect timing, as I was already planning what I'm calling my "live grind test run, 2 and a half years later". The goal of it is to recommit myself to playing full-time poker again, since quite frankly I've been at best a part-time player this year.

The idea is inspired by all the guys that take extended vacations/leave from work to test out professional poker, see what the lifestyle is like and if its something they could or want to do. For me its similar, except I've been doing it already. Basically I want to find out if this is still what I want to do NOW.

In the last several months I've been questioning whether the professional poker chapter of my life was nearing its end and as a result have started exploring other things. What I've found is that the prospect of starting a different "career" path in the areas I've been interested in and researched haven't seemed all that appealing once I've gotten down to it.

Thus, the conclusion I've drawn is that poker isn't really the problem and I've just been being lazy and underachieving. My hypothesis is that poker is still an integral part of the lifestyle that most appeals to me, and that I was headed in the right direction at a reasonable rate of speed when I became derailed by what I can best describe as a period of personal reflection.

That time was important, and I do not regret it, but now its time to get back to the grindstone. The first step is to test the above hypothesis.

For the next 5 weeks leading up to Christmas I'm going to play like I did when I first moved to Vegas. Poker will become a habit again, and I'll be playing to learn first and to win money second. This doesn't mean I'll be doing nothing but grinding and playing an unsustainable amount of hours in the short term. Rather I'll be playing a normal, balanced schedule that is sustainable month in and month out. Basically I'll be using the framework I outlined in this post:

#1 is easy. I've always kept up with doing this so this will be business as usual.

#2 is a large part of what I'm trying to get back on track with. Again, doesn't mean I'll be playing 50 hours a week, just that I'll be playing consistently.

#3 is going to be huge for this. While taking it easy with poker I've been enjoying doing other things. I've been doing house projects (these are mostly done though), reading again, exercising, writing, learning drum beats, being more social and some other general self-improvement. In other words, I've been living life, and what I'm looking to do here is add poker back into the rotation of my life, not make it my life.

#4 will be ongoing. I know the realities and I'll need to keep reminding myself of them when things get rough. I'll need to emphasize learning, as already mentioned, and make poker a habit so its easier to go in on the days I maybe don't want to.

#5 won't be an issue since none of my goals for this are related to any specific amount of money.

Though this post is long, my goal for this is simple. For 5 weeks I want to add poker back into my life while maintaining the other positive things I've been doing. This will help me determine if my hypothesis, which is that poker is still an integral part of the lifestyle I want, is correct or if I need to move on.

I can't stay in this "career limbo" any longer (using the term "career" very lightly here), but I also can't move on from poker when I honestly haven't been giving it a fair shake lately. So 2 and half years later, I'm gonna test out poker again. If it works, cool. If it turns out I actually hate it, then its time to move on. Let the live grind test run begin!

Edit: Yes I realize 1000 posts isn't a huge milestone by 2+2 standards, but it synced up with this idea I had so I figured **** it.

Great post! Good luck with your revitalized grind.

GL see you at the tables

Excellent post and this applies to much more than poker.

I have been working pretty hard for the last two months, so it is good to get back to something fun. Reading your post was a good way to get the party started.

Thanks for the kind words guys.

I wrapped up the first week of this little experiment or whatever you want to call it yesterday. I played 6 days this week, all short sessions, but pretty much exactly the amount of volume I wanted to play. I'd like to go to 4 or 5 days and play longer sessions but all in all I'm very satisfied.

This week I played by far the best poker I've played all year. I've been looking at the game differently and as a result have uncovered a lot of spots where I used to incorrectly just do the "standard" TAG thing and its been paying off. I definitely ran above EV this week, but there's no doubt in my mind I also played better than I've played in a very long time.

Booked winners in 5 of 6 sessions, and I'm most proud of the losing session. I got stuck 1k early after being semi-coolered in a hand where I lost a few hundred more than I should have. I could have been tilted and left. I even thought to myself "man, this probably won't end well, maybe I should just leave". But being an hour into my session I didn't think leaving was the answer. I committed to this "live grind test drive" deal and I wanted to see it through.

So I told myself its no big deal, 99% of the player pool thinks thats a pure cooler so its not a huge mistake (reciprocality ftw), just keep playing your best. I had a great rest of my session and ended up with a relatively small loss. I was proud not because I ended up losing less that I was stuck, but because I kept my head in the game, made profitable decisions, and wasn't gun-shy or tilted.

It feels pretty good to have poker back in my routine, I just need to stay disciplined so it stays there. I think I've found a pretty good balance since the short sessions give me time to keep doing the other non-poker things I was doing. This balance is huge for avoiding burnout imo. For me its just about finding that point where I can come in the next day just as excited as I came in this day. If I play past that point volume-wise I end up needing more breaks, so I'd rather play lower, more consistent volume than operate on a feast-famine playing regimen.

Speaking of feasts, I want to wish everyone a Happy Thanksgiving! Thanks for reading and I'll see you all on the other side of my impending food coma.

Happy Thanksgiving to you and all of the 2+2ers.

It could be age related; however, I think that one's overall concentration and focus is better with shorter sessions. The game seems more interesting and less grindy (if that's a word).

I'm glad to see you're still sticking with it good luck Taylor. Looking forward to more updates.

You're the man' Love the thread!

yea no doubt, and yes, "grindy" is a word, at least in poker circles.

Thanks man.

This is gonna sound strange, but the guy in your avatar looks very familiar, do I know you irl? Anyways, thanks, glad you like it.

Unfortunately I've been out of commission since my last update. Right after Thanksgiving I got sick. By far the most sick I've ever been. Thought it was a cold at first, sore throat didn't go away for way too long and I saw white spots so I assumed strep throat, which I got a lot as a kid. Went to the doctor and they said thats what it probably is and gave me anti-biotic. It took longer that it was supposed to to clear up, and in the meantime they called me to tell me the culture they ran came back negative for strep, so its something else (but still didn't tell me what) and to keep taking the meds.

Now, a week later I feel pretty good. There were definitely some pretty rough days/nights there in the beginning. Luckily the main symptoms are gone and despite some minor lingering effects, I hope to be back at it within the next day or two so I can get a last push before Christmas.

I'm definitely thankful I have access to a doctor/medicine. This feels like one of those illnesses that kills people in 3rd world countries. As much as it sucked, the fact that the sickest I've ever been in my life involved going to a doctor, picking up meds at a pharmacy, and being able to take an indefinite period of time off to sit at home with soup, ice cream and netflix while recovering is pretty damn lucky.

Sounds like Mono I had in college. It was worst I have ever been sick. Glad you are feeling better.

i got sick too many times this last year too. live poker chips. bring hand sanitizer.

Yea mono is the worst. Banging to many skanky hos

I very much enjoyed your posts and best of luck to you cush and hope you recover soon.