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Old 09-29-2016, 02:38 AM   #1
twoforgood
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Confessions of an LV boozer

I don't know what my bigger passion/vice is. It's very close between alcohol, and women. I've indulged in both very deeply in my 34 years.

When those are your biggest struggles over a 12 year stint in Las Vegas you tend to have some wild stories.

This is inspired by Spike McAwesome's awesome thread. I enjoyed reading his posts so much and thought, "I'm not any good at writing. But I sure do have some ****ed up stories that LVL readers might be entertained by." A couple of my tales are so embarrassing that I've never even told them to my closest friends.

I will start off with one, and if you guys want more I will continue. I'll begin with the story of my very first night in Las Vegas (Oct. 15, 2002)...

THE HOOKER

For my 21st birthday my mother took me to Las Vegas. Coincidentally there were some family friends in Vegas at the same time. And one of the dudes was a very cool/fun guy. He was underage but had a fake ID. Once the parents called it quits for the night/morning, him and I continued on with the party and kept drinking... heavily. He really wanted to buy me a hooker as a bday present. I didn't want any part of it, as the idea having sex with a prostitute is pathetic to me.

But he kept insisting and thanks to my main vice, alcohol, at some point we ended up in some ****-box car in the MGM parking lot.

So my buddy makes some deal with this "lady of the night" and before I know it she puts a rubber on me and starts going to town.

I was sitting there thinking, "I'm in some beat up car getting my dick sucked by what's probably a crack- whore. What the **** is wrong with me???" I felt so disgusted with myself. But at the same time... I was getting my dick sucked. Us men. I truly wanted out of the situation. Although, I didn't want to be ungrateful to the cool guy I was hanging out with who had just paid (probably $5, haha) for this blowjob. So I came up with the stupid idea to have the hooker kick me out....

*The only reason the following part of this story is funny is because I am one of the nicest, most old-fashioned, well-mannered people you'll ever come across.*

I can't remember any of the filthy things I said to her as she was going down on me. But eventually I said something to the effect of, "That's right, SUCK MY DICK YOU ****ING *****!!!"

She froze, removed her mouth, looked me in the eye, and totally deadpan just said, "alright, get out of my car". I was happy to.

I exited and she screeched away. I felt a big sense of relief...

Until I checked my pockets. My cash, but more importantly, my ID was missing. This was NOT good. At 34 I look a bit younger for my age and still get carded occasionally. This was 13 years ago. I looked like a teenager and was going to have to spend the next 6 days in LV with no valid identification.

Obviously I didn't give my mother the details about how I lost my ID. But she was NOT happy with me the next day. Thankfully Vegas was a little more lax in '02 than these days. And my mom was able to talk the concierge into getting me a wristband so that I could drink and gamble at the Mirage without ID for the rest of the trip.

So I was good-to-go and played a couple of sessions of 10/20 LHE in the Mirage poker room in 2002.

It's kind of funny. Writing this story reminded me that the reason I sat 10/20 was because of the advice I received from Negreanu after an email I had sent asking his advice about what stakes to play with my current bankroll. Which he promptly replied to. I had forgotten about that. Man, how poker has changed over the years.

If you LVLers are entertained by this first post then I will write more.
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Old 09-29-2016, 03:18 AM   #2
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Re: Confessions of an LV boozer

Quote:
Originally Posted by twoforgood View Post
I don't know what my bigger passion/vice is. It's very close between alcohol, and women. I've indulged in both very deeply in my 34 years.

When those are your biggest struggles over a 12 year stint in Las Vegas you tend to have some wild stories.

This is inspired by Spike McAwesome's awesome thread. I enjoyed reading his posts so much and thought, "I'm not any good at writing. But I sure do have some ****ed up stories that LVL readers might be entertained by." A couple of my tales are so embarrassing that I've never even told them to my closest friends.

I will start off with one, and if you guys want more I will continue. I'll begin with the story of my very first night in Las Vegas (Oct. 15, 2002)...

THE HOOKER

For my 21st birthday my mother took me to Las Vegas. Coincidentally there were some family friends in Vegas at the same time. And one of the dudes was a very cool/fun guy. He was underage but had a fake ID. Once the parents called it quits for the night/morning, him and I continued on with the party and kept drinking... heavily. He really wanted to buy me a hooker as a bday present. I didn't want any part of it, as the idea having sex with a prostitute is pathetic to me.

But he kept insisting and thanks to my main vice, alcohol, at some point we ended up in some ****-box car in the MGM parking lot.

So my buddy makes some deal with this "lady of the night" and before I know it she puts a rubber on me and starts going to town.

I was sitting there thinking, "I'm in some beat up car getting my dick sucked by what's probably a crack- whore. What the **** is wrong with me???" I felt so disgusted with myself. But at the same time... I was getting my dick sucked. Us men. I truly wanted out of the situation. Although, I didn't want to be ungrateful to the cool guy I was hanging out with who had just paid (probably $5, haha) for this blowjob. So I came up with the stupid idea to have the hooker kick me out....

*The only reason the following part of this story is funny is because I am one of the nicest, most old-fashioned, well-mannered people you'll ever come across.*

I can't remember any of the filthy things I said to her as she was going down on me. But eventually I said something to the effect of, "That's right, SUCK MY DICK YOU ****ING *****!!!"

She froze, removed her mouth, looked me in the eye, and totally deadpan just said, "alright, get out of my car". I was happy to.

I exited and she screeched away. I felt a big sense of relief...

Until I checked my pockets. My cash, but more importantly, my ID was missing. This was NOT good. At 34 I look a bit younger for my age and still get carded occasionally. This was 13 years ago. I looked like a teenager and was going to have to spend the next 6 days in LV with no valid identification.

Obviously I didn't give my mother the details about how I lost my ID. But she was NOT happy with me the next day. Thankfully Vegas was a little more lax in '02 than these days. And my mom was able to talk the concierge into getting me a wristband so that I could drink and gamble at the Mirage without ID for the rest of the trip.

So I was good-to-go and played a couple of sessions of 10/20 LHE in the Mirage poker room in 2002.

It's kind of funny. Writing this story reminded me that the reason I sat 10/20 was because of the advice I received from Negreanu after an email I had sent asking his advice about what stakes to play with my current bankroll. Which he promptly replied to. I had forgotten about that. Man, how poker has changed over the years.

If you LVLers are entertained by this first post then I will write more.
Nice post. I enjoyed the story. Keep the coming.
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Old 09-29-2016, 04:05 AM   #3
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Re: Confessions of an LV boozer

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"That's right, SUCK MY DICK YOU ****ING *****!!!"
Holy **** yes. More more more more.
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Old 09-29-2016, 04:28 AM   #4
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Re: Confessions of an LV boozer

You know the story will be interesting when the title is 'The hooker' and the word 'mom' pops up within the first sentence
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Old 09-29-2016, 05:01 AM   #5
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Re: Confessions of an LV boozer

good story. subbed.
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Old 09-29-2016, 05:44 AM   #6
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Re: Confessions of an LV boozer

This thread definitely looks like it's got potential.
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Old 09-29-2016, 05:59 AM   #7
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Re: Confessions of an LV boozer

.
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Old 09-29-2016, 08:13 AM   #8
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Re: Confessions of an LV boozer

Yes, keep going...
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Old 09-29-2016, 08:43 AM   #9
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Re: Confessions of an LV boozer

I would of figured it would take more than that to insult a hooker. I imagine they get all kinds of **** yelled at them
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Old 09-29-2016, 11:49 AM   #10
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Re: Confessions of an LV boozer

Count me in!

OP, you couldn't get a girl from Wisstahhh to do that before your 21st birthday?
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Old 09-29-2016, 03:22 PM   #11
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Re: Confessions of an LV boozer

subbed.
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Old 09-29-2016, 03:43 PM   #12
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Re: Confessions of an LV boozer

BACKGROUND

I have another story prepared, but I feel like writing a little bit about myself first...

I was into gambling from a young age. I was the high school bookie/ gym class HORSE hustler/ kid who taught himself how to count cards at 15. Once I discovered poker in ~2000 that became my passion. I was reading poker books, recgamblingpoker, and 2+2 before I was of legal age to play in casinos.

In October of 2002 my mother took me to Las Vegas for my 21st birthday.

I was pretty sheltered growing up, being from a small town in MA and all. I had never traveled to the west coast. So Vegas was very eye-opening to me. Walking up and down the strip I had never seen so many beautiful women. Where I'm from people seem to let themselves go at some point in their 20's. Out here I was seeing hot ~50 yr olds. I was seeing smoking hot Asian and black women for the first time. (I hope I don't come across as racist. Im certainly not- My current gf is black, and my ex of 9 years is Vietnamese)

Anyways, a little over a year after my first Vegas trip I had an unfair/bad day at work. Then something else (I don't remember the details) happened where an ex girlfriend called me hysterically and NEEDED to see me. I was overwhelmed by stress.

Driving to see her, I still remember the exact moment and location on Oxford St. in Auburn, MA when the thought came to me, "**** all of this... **** my job, **** the drama with these chicks, **** it all... I'm moving to Vegas to pursue my pipe dream of being a professional poker player (ugh). Later that night I had a conversation with my mother about my thoughts. She knew that I was a winning player in the Foxwoods in the 5/10, 10/20 LHE, 5/10 Stud8 on Wednesdays (I miss that game), and on pokerstars and she was very supportive of me. A few months later I was off, with $10k to my name and not a clue as to what I was getting myself into.

My professional poker career went about as well as every other kid's who comes to LV with that stupid idea.

I planned on playing 8/16 and the 10/20 LHE. On my first day at the Mirage a 6/12 seat opened before the 10/20. I had a losing session and I never made it up to the 10/20 game until years later.

My 6/12 earnings just weren't paying the bills by the end of the summer. And it didn't help that I was hemorrhaging money on drinks and women at Carnival Court and Tequila Joe's on basically a nightly basis.

I was broke, but not broken. I didn't want to go back to MA with my tail between my legs. So with the last of my bankroll I signed up for a poker dealing course at 'Las Vegas School of Dealing' behind the Rio. And eventually got a job on the strip.

That's enough backstory for now. Stay tuned for my next tale... 'GRANDMA JOAN'
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Old 09-29-2016, 05:04 PM   #13
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Re: Confessions of an LV boozer



Bring it!
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Old 09-29-2016, 05:06 PM   #14
MatthewNL
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Re: Confessions of an LV boozer

Quote:
Originally Posted by twoforgood View Post
BACKGROUND

I have another story prepared, but I feel like writing a little bit about myself first...

I was into gambling from a young age. I was the high school bookie/ gym class HORSE hustler/ kid who taught himself how to count cards at 15. Once I discovered poker in ~2000 that became my passion. I was reading poker books, recgamblingpoker, and 2+2 before I was of legal age to play in casinos.

In October of 2002 my mother took me to Las Vegas for my 21st birthday.

I was pretty sheltered growing up, being from a small town in MA and all. I had never traveled to the west coast. So Vegas was very eye-opening to me. Walking up and down the strip I had never seen so many beautiful women. Where I'm from people seem to let themselves go at some point in their 20's. Out here I was seeing hot ~50 yr olds. I was seeing smoking hot Asian and black women for the first time. (I hope I don't come across as racist. Im certainly not- My current gf is black, and my ex of 9 years is Vietnamese)

Anyways, a little over a year after my first Vegas trip I had an unfair/bad day at work. Then something else (I don't remember the details) happened where an ex girlfriend called me hysterically and NEEDED to see me. I was overwhelmed by stress.

Driving to see her, I still remember the exact moment and location on Oxford St. in Auburn, MA when the thought came to me, "**** all of this... **** my job, **** the drama with these chicks, **** it all... I'm moving to Vegas to pursue my pipe dream of being a professional poker player (ugh). Later that night I had a conversation with my mother about my thoughts. She knew that I was a winning player in the Foxwoods in the 5/10, 10/20 LHE, 5/10 Stud8 on Wednesdays (I miss that game), and on pokerstars and she was very supportive of me. A few months later I was off, with $10k to my name and not a clue as to what I was getting myself into.

My professional poker career went about as well as every other kid's who comes to LV with that stupid idea.

I planned on playing 8/16 and the 10/20 LHE. On my first day at the Mirage a 6/12 seat opened before the 10/20. I had a losing session and I never made it up to the 10/20 game until years later.

My 6/12 earnings just weren't paying the bills by the end of the summer. And it didn't help that I was hemorrhaging money on drinks and women at Carnival Court and Tequila Joe's on basically a nightly basis.

I was broke, but not broken. I didn't want to go back to MA with my tail between my legs. So with the last of my bankroll I signed up for a poker dealing course at 'Las Vegas School of Dealing' behind the Rio. And eventually got a job on the strip.

That's enough backstory for now. Stay tuned for my next tale... 'GRANDMA JOAN'
Where/how were you living during all of this ?
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Old 09-29-2016, 07:07 PM   #15
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Re: Confessions of an LV boozer

GRANDMA JOAN

"I am disgusted with myself. And my behavior. But I'm not unhappy about that." -Hank Moody

I had a cousin, who some might say is kind of a prude, visit me in Las Vegas a month after I moved here in 2004. We did a bunch of boring/nice stuff during his stay. We went to Zion National Park for instance.

After spending a few sober days hiking and camping I was really itching for some trouble. So when we got back to town I took him to my all-time favorite pickup spot, 'Carnival Court'.

Early in the night I ran into "Black Mark" who was a homeless Bellagio railbird. Despite his degenerate lifestyle he was a very likable person. I invited him to hang out with us at CC.

At some point a cute girl ended up showing interest in my cousin. It was nice to see him letting loose for once. I was happy to play wing man. She was there with her mother and grandmother. Eventually CC was closing and the girls cordially invited us up to their room at Imperial Palace for more drinks. These women seemed very nice and it appeared to be just an innocent suggestion to keep the party going.

So the six of us head up to the room. The mom of the group had an adjoining room and left to get some sleep. My cousin, the chick, Grandma Joan, and myself kept drinking heavily into the early morning hours. Black Mark wasn't a drinker and likely came to the room because he saw an opportunity to sleep in a bed for once rather than in the sportsbook. He was a very good hustler.

Eventually it was time for bed. The atmosphere was very loose and Grandma Joan casually suggested that we all just crash in the king-sized bed.

Looking at the bed from left to right we had my cousin, the chick, Black Mark, me, then Grandma Joan. Everyone had dozed off including myself, until I feel someone rubbing my dick over my pants. Then inside my pants. And then Grandma Joan gets off of the bed and onto her knees. Unzips my pants and starts blowing me.

•My only weakness when it comes to alcohol is that sometimes when I'm drunk I have a hard time ignoring that voice in my head that tells me, "**** it dude, just do it. This is gonna make for a hilarious story."•

Keep in mind that there are three other people in this bed, and I notice that Black Mark might not be asleep after all, so I get up and take Grandma Joan to the bathroom. She says she has a better idea and takes me into the adjoining room, where her daughter is sleeping.

We get on the other bed and I lift up her dress, take off her panties, and start slowly ****ing her from behind. I was trying to be quiet. But this old bat wouldn't stop cackling for some reason. This caused her daughter to wake up and storm out of the room, saying something like, "OH....MY....GOD" as she walked past us. At this point I just started ****ing this 63 yr old lady's brains out. Seriously, I gave her a pounding.

Once I felt she was satisfied I went back to the other room, grabbed a couple of beers for the road, and with the Vegas summer sun shining I began walking back to my Budget Suites apartment that was behind the Stardust.

That was a long walk of shame.


In conclusion, I woke up a couple of hours later to a handful of missed calls and voicemails from my cousin. I could tell by his tone that the story was out. When I called him he somehow was able to convince me to meet back up with our friends from the night before. Grandma Joan was insisting on buying everyone lunch. That was awkward to say the least. And the old hag was still bizarrely cackling throughout the entire meal.

Thankfully they were leaving town that day. But my cousin must have given Grandma Joan my contact information. Because for a few weeks afterwards she left me voicemails wanting to see me again. Inviting me to spend a day on her yacht in Newport Beach and other lavish ideas. She even sent me a Cardplayer magazine in the mail. I remember it had a note which said how she enjoyed the Barry Tannenbaum article, lol.

My cousin and the chick stayed in contact for a few months afterwards. She eventually told him a little about Grandma Joan, and how both her and her mother were actually happy about the whole incident. Apparently Grandma Joan's husband had been paralyzed for many years and she hadn't had sex for a very long time.

I guess that's kind of a happy ending to an otherwise shameful story.
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Old 09-29-2016, 07:25 PM   #16
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Re: Confessions of an LV boozer

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This thread definitely looks like it's got potential.
aaaaaand it delivers
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Old 09-29-2016, 07:40 PM   #17
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Re: Confessions of an LV boozer

You GILF loving son of a *****! Awesome story man!


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Old 09-29-2016, 07:53 PM   #18
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Re: Confessions of an LV boozer



I am so, so happy with this thread.
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Old 09-29-2016, 08:35 PM   #19
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Re: Confessions of an LV boozer

Thinking of material for this thread has motivated me to get my head checked. Seriously.

I just got off the phone with a health clinic and have an appointment next week to tackle my issues with anxiety, depression, and my best friend- alcohol.
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Old 09-29-2016, 08:46 PM   #20
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Re: Confessions of an LV boozer

Black Mark has so much hustle he slept in the middle to be open to either engagement and you kept sweet Joan all to yourself? For shame, for shame
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Old 09-29-2016, 08:52 PM   #21
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Re: Confessions of an LV boozer

great stories dude! more more more
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Old 09-29-2016, 10:51 PM   #22
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Re: Confessions of an LV boozer

It's going to be tough to top the GRANDMA JOAN story. But I'm sure I can drum up a few more that will hopefully be mildly entertaining. Without further ado...

NATALIA

Disclaimer: A few years back I read the book 'I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell'. There is a chapter that is similar to this story. The author was kind enough to provide a disclaimer which said something along the lines of "If you've had sex with a lot of different women you should probably NOT read this story. It might make you physically sick."

So don't say I didn't warn you...

This story is from about a year after I moved to Las Vegas. Me and my girl were on our way to have dinner at Mon Ami Gabi. She was playing that game where she was visibly upset but when asked what her deal is she says she is "fine". I don't like game.

We were walking through the casino floor and eventually I told her, "Listen, either you tell me what's on your mind, or we're going home. I'm not going to sit through dinner at a nice restaurant if you're going to pout the entire time."

She chose to go home. So that's what we did. She didn't play that game anymore after that.

I remember thinking that night how this relationship wasn't going to last. So the next night when an opportunity presented itself I took advantage.

While at work, my floor manager approached me with a couple of passes to a new club that was opening that night and asked if I wanted to join him. I'm not one to turn down a good time. Plus I was a little sad about the relationship with the hottest girl in Las Vegas appearing to die out. So I obliged.

At some point in the evening I caught a girl giving me this unmistakeable look that screamed, "All you have to do is say 'hello' and I'll **** you tonight." So I said hello.

When we were dancing I said something like, "You seem like a pretty cool chick."

She leaned up to my ear and responded with, "Yeah, and I like getting ****ed in the ass, too". Okie dokes. This was shaping up to be an interesting evening.

So I take her back to my apartment. We sit on the couch for a short while then move things into the bedroom. I eat her out for awhile before my drunkass decides to raw- dog this one night slut.

She got painfully dry rather quickly, even though I had just eaten her out. She kept blaming it on all of the alcohol. Whatever. I ****ed her for awhile anyway.

In the following weeks she called and texted constantly. Even found me on MySpace. She was becoming a real pain in the ass. Especially since it looked like me and my girl might try to make things work. Eventually she stopped bothering me.

Fast forward to a few years later when I was reading 'I Hope they Serve Beer in Hell'. In the chapter described above, he mentions how if you've had sex with many women then there is a good chance you've ****ed a former dude. Apparently it's much more common than you'd think.

I started thinking of my former sexual partners and when I came to Natalia I got a little sick to my stomach.

The signs were there. 1) Her face had sort of a funny shape to it. She very slightly resembled a neanderthal. 2) She had a raspy/deeper than average voice. 3) The fact that she was apparently a big fan of ass play. 4) It was unusual how dry she was for her age.

So yeah, there's a possibility my dick's been inside a (former) dude. I really hope not though.
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Old 09-29-2016, 11:08 PM   #23
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Re: Confessions of an LV boozer

still counts
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Old 09-29-2016, 11:43 PM   #24
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Re: Confessions of an LV boozer

Ok I am hooked. More please!
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Old 09-30-2016, 12:52 AM   #25
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Re: Confessions of an LV boozer

MORE BACKGROUND

I have hard time believing there's a person on this earth who consumed more ounces of alcohol than I did in a 2 year period following my mom's death.

I really shouldn't be alive right now. From 2013-2015 I LITERALLY drank 24/7. My sleep problems, due to drinking, became so bad that I kept bottles and beers on my nightstand so that I could take a swig when I would wake up, which was every 10 minutes to half hour. I drank all throughout my work shifts, and always had some sort of bottle(s) in my car.

I was secretly and functionally drunk for about a year and a half. While a few people suspected I might have a problem, they didn't realize just how bad it was. Probably because I'm so damn like-able, confident, funny and fun to be around when I drink.

Stay tuned for,

THE BOOZE FINALLY TAKES IT TOLL
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