Originally Posted by Jarl
Comparing my own country to Bolivia, where I visited half a year ago. All scores should be 1 = worst and 10 = best.
Country - Norway
Firsthand Experience? - Yes
Cost of Living - 1 Most expensive country in the world. If you are not rich, you won't have fun here.
Recreation - 3 - The government likes to ban things and control many aspects of our lives. As a result this leaves little left to do besides watching TV for many people. Clubs close way too early, snowmobiles are banned in most areas and live poker is illegal. Other ridiculous stuff I can think of being illegal:
- programs depicting poker on Norwegian TV channels
- drinking alcohol outdoors
- smoking weed
- pro boxing
- hunting with bow and arrow
- paying for sex
- building on your own property without a specific permit
plus much more ridiculous stuff that I can't remember right now.
How Safe - 6 to 9 - Depends where you live. The capitol of Norway, Oslo would be 6 while a town in the north I would rate 9. Mostly due to random acts of violence, drug addicts and foreign gangs that often take place in Oslo, I would not recommend walking home in the middle of the night but I've done it without anything happening. Then again, I didn't meet any gangs while doing so
Poker Playing - 2 - Good internet is the only plus. You have to tax if you play for a longer period, 28%. You can't play cash games where pots exceed ca €1300 or you will have to tax each pot. Obviously being an MTT pro would be retarded as well since you have to tax on every price above €1300. Live poker is banned by the semi-communist government.
How Easy to Get There and Stay There? - 8 - Very easy if you are from Europe and not much hazzle as I understand it.
Here is a small guide for "what to do if you are hiding from a loan shark, and by accident ended up in Norway"
Welcome to Norway, the coolest place north of the arctic circle. If you like snow, ice and polar bears, you're in for a treat!
First some practical information. Norway is not a place in Sweden! (Why are Americans so dumb?)
The Norwegian currency is called "kroner". One US dollar is a bit more than 6 kroner.Norwegians are spoiled, we have free health care, 130 kroner an hour is considered low, it's as peaceful as Hundred Acre Wood and still we complain. As a result of high income everything is expensive, so i wouldn't recommend going crazy with the credit card at the mall.Public transportation is good, but expensive, 15 minutes on a train cost like 60 kroner. Also taxi is ridiculously expensive!Don't think you need to take any vaccinations, all the scary deceases are almost non existing. Also no scary snakes or sharks.
Day one: Where is the snow?
You have probably heard that Norway is covered in 10 feet of snow and that we only have one hour of light a day. I'll have to disappoint you. That is only during the winter (November to February). If you come to Norway between may and august the grass is green, birds are singing and you can even get a tan! 20 hours on an air plane is heavy ****, the first day can be used to relax and meet the awesome Norwegian Vikings. Maybe even spend a weeks salary on a beer at aker brygge.
Aker brygge is probably the dumbest place you can buy a beer. It costs like 80 kroner and up for a pint. But in return it is a beautiful place, close to all the attractions in Oslo like... uhm. A lot of statues and ****.
Day two: Wtf is brunost?
After getting drunk on a half pint you might want to take it easy the next day. You can go see the castle where the king lives and check out fort akershus (it has cannons and ****!). I would definitely check out fort Oscarsborg. Awesome island with big ass cannons. If ships want to sail to Oslo, they have to pass this terrifying island loaded with cannons! In the sea outside Oscarsborg, Norwegians built a under water wall to force big ships in front of their cannons. The German Blücher was destroyed there during WW2. Awesome place! Also, brunost is cheese made from goat milk.
Day three: Do i have to wear bunad?
NO! We don't walk around in bunad every day, and it's made from wool so it's itchy.. If i could get my hands on a boat, day three would be perfect for a boat trip with bbq at some island. Bring a sweater, when the sun goes down it gets cold pretty quick.
Day four: Why do you speak weird?
It's because we speak Norwegian, and when we try to speak English, the words are correct, but it still sounds Norwegian. Oslo is the capital of Norway, but not a place to spend the entire vacation. You could go south, but it's a lot more to see if you go north or west. Bring a compass and some good shoes, travel time! Jump on a train or a bus to go somewhere new!
Day five and six: WOW!
Choose between some of these awesome places!
Biggest glacier in Norway, cold, a lot of snow, awesome!
Also ski resort in the summer!
A long walk, but worth it! Base jumpers get killed here sometimes. Awesome!
One of natures many wonders.
Day seven: My legs hurt!
Take the day off, go discover a small town nearby.
Day eight and nine: That's right you old salt!
Thought it would be pretty cool to rent a lighthouse one or two of the days. Back in the days it was some dude living there that turned it on and off, but these days it is automatic so on every island with a lighthouse there is a empty house that is open for tourists and native vikings. It's not expensive at all compared to hotels. The Norwegian sea can be brutal and unforgiving. Don't expect getting back the day you planned if the weather is bad.
Day ten: Skål!
After visiting some lighthouse take the boat back to the mainland. You will most likely find yourself in a small town called Florø. A small town at the west coast where i grew up. Maby visit my grandmother for a traditional meal like fish, or fish pudding, or fish, or fried fish, or fish. Beautifull town with a lot of nice people.
Day eleven: Æ Ø and Å
Only four days left! Time to do some awesome **** like sea rafting, kayaking or other cool things. Also fishing from a kayak is possible, but hard if you get fish...If you are in trouble and have to use the phonetic alphabet the three Norwegian letters Æ, Ø and Å is: Ærlig, Østen and Åse.
Day twelve: Samer?
The sami people are weird. They live in tents made from rain deer skin and drink a lot. Not worth to go to the top of Norway just to see a couple of drunk clowns. Instead, buy a funny hat and pretend to be one at a local pub.
Day thirteen: What gifts to bring home?
Tourists in Norway buy a lot of stupid souvenirs like hats with elk horns, wooden trolls or rocks. Don't be an idiot and bring home 10 pounds of brown cheese. Instead buy a traditional Norwegian sweater called lusekofte. Here, famous Norwegian bank robber David Toska wearing one in court.
Day fourteen: Tax free!
Norwegians are known to drink a lot, but did you know we had our own liquor? Its called aquavit (Latin for water of life)! Made from potatoes, put on oak barrels and sailed all the way down to Australia and back. The changes in temperature and movements from the sea is supposed to make it better. Famous Christmas drink that goes well with sheep and potatoes. It makes you awesome, just look at this guy!
That's all for now. I bet you can't wait to visit Norway after reading this!