sure and I know there are lots of people like you. There are also lots of people that HATE playing from different tees, or that get annoyed when I have to look for my ball (I don't go on long, extensive ball hunts), or when I take 3 shots to get out of a bunker, etc.

and the problem is i don't know which i will be paired with until I go. i won't go anymore if i will be paired or the course is crowded. a friend of mine plays these amateur tournaments that I would absolutely love to play but just suck too much to. It's hell being a super competitive person and also sucking at everything!

Other people at the gym legitimately do not care. "no one notices until you ask to rotate in, and they have to put all the weights back on every time and spot you while you struggle with the bar as a grown ass man."

This is just some story that you made up. It's not reflective of reality. Same with the golf thing. If you have anxiety, then take steps to address that and get on with your life.

Steps would involve "not sucking at everything", which is out of my control. And you can poll golfers, and if they are honest, there is a sizable group that don't want to play with bad players. A group of people that I am acquaintances with put together an awesome golf weekend that I would have loved to play, but they limited to 20 'cappers or better, because they didn't wanna play with bad players.

I also disagree that if 100 people at the gym are having to wait to use a machine that 0/100 are going to be more annoyed/impatient if it is some weakling struggling with the bar. I would pay lots extra to be able to do gym or golf with zero other people there.

More made up stories. Best of luck. Reread my post when you're ready.

BA,

Everyone will always meet you with "No one cares" and yeah we both know thats not true at all. Im not entirely sure why thats everyones go to argument on a forum where we actively tease each other and complete randos (see GGO thread).

The ACTUAL point is you need to learn to not give a ****. Its clearly holding you back in a ton of aspects, not just gym. The only way to get over feeling like **** about judgement is to go experience it, and slowly cultivate the knowledge that it didnt effect you in the slightest.

Id recommend the book "100 days of rejection" or something similar, but also get off your ass and go get judged. Its quite literally the only way. This "wait till Im better at something before I do it" is a 100% anxiety driven approach with 0% success rate. I did the same with gym, basketball, career and I ended up a fatty with 0 money.

To everyone else, seriously lets drop this "No one cares" thing. Literally everyone cares, thats the whole point of media, to see what other ppl are doing. The point is to not care that they care. Or something

K I amend my statement. PJ cares what you do in the gym.

PJ, I'm sure we agree 99%. "No one cares to the degree that it actively matters at all in your life one way or the other and the net positive overwhelms any negative, which would largely if not entirely be perceived rather than actual suffering," was too long to write.

I was going to recommend negative visualization to this guy, but he's not going to do it, and he's not going to read your book (same general idea, just guessing based on title), precisely because it is exactly what would help him the most. OP, pls prove me wrong. k.

Not made up. Here's the post where the guy proposed it: http://www.shaggytexas.com/board/sho...8#post10327698

Here's the post where he limited it to 15 caps or better it:http://www.shaggytexas.com/board/sho...7#post10327797

Great post, thanks. I have tried to do that forever, but have never been able. When I became single again, I decided on trips to Vegas I was just going to approach random women, because who cares. I live 1500 miles away, no one knew me. Couldn't do it.

And to me there is a difference in saying "ugh that makes me uncomfortable" vs "I want to avoid adding any more layers of inferiority/inadequacy because I am already suicidal due to the existing layers".

I mean what can I say, Ive been there. I cant approach random women still lol. Thats a rather large first step anyways.

The latter paragraph is pretty much textbook anxiety logic. Youre telling yourself this logic statement to prove your anxiety, and thereby confirming your negative thought pattern. Blah blah psych mumbo jumbo but you should:

A) see a therapist, anxiety is no joke and very hard (impossible) to contain just by reading some text. This isnt like an insult or something, its a really really good thing in your life to have someone help you work towards changing negative thought processes.

B) stop telling yourself your anxiety is correct as a first step. General process is to try and step back and notice when youre having an anxious thought, something like "ok I notice someone is on the tee behind me and Im thinking about them watching my shot". Then you ask yourself why this bothers you and dive into this tree of questions and honest answers.

Its a lot of work but its way better than just throwing up your hands and saying "Well I cant do this because it makes me feel inadequate." Youre going to miss out on a lot in life with that. I dont really know what else to say as RandomInternetDude1023924 but maybe Krunic will show up and tell you positive steps are worth it.

I've done therapy during the dissolution of my marriage and didn't find it very helpful, but perhaps a different person would help. I guess I just can't see any words that they can say that will trump the truth of I suck at everything and I hate being a person that sucks at everything.

Wait, not everything. I don't suck at poker tournaments and I don't suck at my job. Unfortunately, poker tournaments are gigantically luck-influenced and I live in a backwards state and country that mean I will never approach the long-run at poker tournaments. And I got ****ed out of the two positions ahead of mine, and my skillset doesn't translate to lots of other jobs, so I'm locked into a soulcrush spot with a 2 hour daily commute. So it is worthless to not suck at those two things.

I mean, some people just suck right? Some guy has the littlest dick in the United States, and all the therapy/counseling/books in the world aren't gonna change that or that he isn't getting any women off with it, and that it dramatically decreases his appeal as a long-term partner. It just is, and sucks to be him.

I'm sorry to react negatively, I truly do appreciate your posts.

You def need a personal therapist you find a connection with. I had one after a relationship too, and that wasnt really the same purpose as what Im recommending. And yeah she sucked too lol.

And again its not them saying words in a correct order, theyll teach you how to approach making altercations to your thought patterns. It is super hard to find a therapist you feel like is helping though so I understand that side of it. This **** is a lot of work dude. There is no way around that, but any progress is gonna help.

Re: Little dick tirade -
What a super random offshoot lol, but I assume that isnt you? So there you go, you already suck less than one dude. People without the ability to use their arms and legs find happiness out of different aspects of life by working towards it, doesnt that make you feel like you should work to do the same with even more going for you?

PJ makes a lot of sense here, I hope you pay attention to his posts. Anxiety can be crippling and you need to learn some techniques to better deal with it.In regards to golf I have played with guys who are so much better than me it's not even funny and I honestly got no bad vibes from them at all. They were just very helpful in telling me how I could improve. Maybe there are some people who would be annoyed playing with people not as good but I think you feeling that everyone is like that is stemming from your anxiety and not the actual reality of the situation.

I really hope you find some ways to lessen your anxiety as it sounds as though it is having a very negative impact on your life. Gl in the weight loss bet!

Yeah I do feel worse about myself because I know other people have worse situations. I have two amazing kids and a loving girlfriend. I know lots of people would love that. All I can tell you is those things don't change who I am and I despise that. Shrug emoji.

Rexx thanks also. But other than the Neanderthal set, guys are going to be much more accepting/welcoming of a beginner girl than beginner dude.

I was going to mention the girl vs guy thing as well. I don't even have to worry about being inadequate or anything like that when I rotate in with the guys lifting because it's expected that I'll lower the weight and be naturally weaker.
Women do have feelings of inadequacy in other areas though. There are two other women that frequent my gym. They are hot and in shape. I don't notice the guys looking at them, but I catch them looking at me. It immediately makes me feel self conscious (unless it's a black guy) and makes me wonder if they are thinking something about me being so fat and gross. I just started thinking they are checking me out to get rid of all the anxious/insecurity feelings and it actually kinda helped. Maybe you could apply the same logic and change your thinking in different situations.
Try to force yourself to think something different even if it is you pretending, you will start to actually think and feel different over time.

BA,

I got a w8 loss bet w MLYLT. You want some action ?

Can't edit but +1 PJ

Nah thanks. Good luck to you too though.

Ok that's a fair point but I have also played sport with women where I am clearly not as good as them and they haven't seemed put out by it at all. My best friend as a kid was awesome at sport, she would always make state teams etc but I continued doing sporty stuff with her because it was fun.

Golf is quite social, if you get the right group of people you should have fun regardless of your skill level. I'm not downplaying your anxiety but the more you do things out of your comfort zone the easier it will become.

Wed log:

Good job on Cal's even with the girls out cookies.

Thanks. My brother is a workout/fitness guy and I've been sending him my logs and he commented on them also. My thought is if I can keep it well under budget, that 235 of calories of 'sweet' during the day isn't so dreadful. The logging definitely helps that from spiraling into demolishing a sleeve of cookies in a sitting.

Bad start today because it was "Donuts with Dads" day at my girls' school, so no cookies today.

UGH alright, I signed up for Planet Fitness. Doing the Black Card membership, one month free, $20/month. Includes tanning, massage chairs, hydro-therapy, free guest (so I can bring my gf) and includes those at any PF anywhere, which helps bc I travel a lot for work. Still don't know when I'm going to be able to do it, and don't know if I can take the increased self-hatred, but here goes.

I had a membership at Planet Fitness a year or so ago;I wasn't working out, but going for the hydro messages. They are really good, so even if you don't work out it's worth the money. And, they have free pizza once a week I think lol

Re. the other people caring what you do:

Some do care, but understand that even if you were the fittest person in the world with the best exercise form and programming, there would probably still be misinformed people at the gym who think what you're doing is silly. In other words, it doesn't matter. Basically, everyone at the gym is dicking around at random **** and is probably about to injure himself/herself at any moment. Especially the case at any commercial gym.

Great. I'd suggest mapping out a list of exercises you'd like to do. Doesn't have to be a long list. 6-8 may be enough to start. Keep the weight light and you can probably bang out your workout in 30-45 minutes. Please don't overdo it early. It takes a few weeks of light lifting to get your muscles prepared for gradually harder workouts...so you may not even work up a sweat for a while. Good luck and stay with it.

Log for 2/9. Pretty happy with the overall calorie/carb/fat numbers given the bad start.

Also, most of my logs were actually 29 calories short because I wasn't logging the vitamins.