I have suffered from anxiety and depression for many years, and I was wondering if there are some other 2p2ers who are on the same boat.

Maybe we can share experiences and help each other talking about what has worked and what hasn't.

I've been on meds for many years but one of my goals is to be meds free in the near future, trying some Cognitive Behavior Therapy and of course life style changes (diet, exercise). It's easier said than done and you who have been there know what I'm talking about.
Specially when you pay poker for a living, because of the stress level and usually a pretty bad life style, it's hard to make changes.

Hopefully we can share experiences and lets hear some recommendations from the people who has successfully recover from anxiety or depression.

I really thinks this topic belongs to health, and the fitness part may help to fight this illness.

One thing that has really helped me is staying on a VERY strict sleep schedule. Many people with depression/anxiety have either insomnia or chronic fatigue. This puts you on a bad sleep schedule constantly changing and making your emotions and moods very turbulent. Top that off with playing poker for a living, giving you the option to stay in bed for days, or stay at the table for 30 hour benders it's a recipe for disaster. Sleep schedules and even the times you sleep can have a HUDGE effect on you. Most people are "programed" to sleep from about 10pm to 6am. I have done a lot of reading on this because I have a HORRIBLE time sleeping. Since then I have made it AN ABSOLUTE PRIORITY to get to bed between 10-1030. Let me tell you it's the best thing I have ever done. I used to stay up all night, then sleep for 8-10 hours and wake up feeling liek I havent slept at all. It would literlly take me 3 to 4 hours to "Wake up". Now I wake up without an alarm pretty much the same time every day to the minute and pop out of bed fully refreshed. Obviously playing poker for a living the games suck at 7-11am so I started working out in the morning and doing all my errands(food shopping, pickip up dry cleaner, whatever needs to get done) in the morning. This combined with daily exercise will absolutely change your life!!

Also DONT WATCH TV IN BED!! this will just stimulate your mind and make you awake and not wanna sleep. I try and stop watching tv 30 minutes before bed. I usually go to my room get ready for bed, brush my teeth, clean up my room alil then jsut hop in bed and I AM OUT in less then 15 minutes.

LOL this being said I Went out last night with my friends and I am off my schedule. ITS SO EASY TO SLIP OUT OF IT!!! and its really kinda crazy cause I feel 10000 times better when following what I jsut said. I think I need to make it a rule no going out during the week, seriously concidering giving up drinking all together

Surefire cure imo http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=unkIVvjZc9Y

I'm never really seriously depressed but I've slipped into funks from time to time.

+1 to sleep and getting to bed at a decent hour, though I still stay up too late on weekends. I like late nights :/

Strength training has helped a lot, too. Heavy squats and deads have a way of making your other problems seem insignificant.

I get down sometimes, but generally I can count on finding something like this and it makes me happy for a little bit

Anxiety is a pretty messed up thing, I've never experienced it, but I have a good buddy who gets it from time to time. He's actually not capable of going out of town anymore, it can be pretty paralyzing.

There's a lot of self help things that are very effective from what I hear.

I went through a depression around my sophomore year in high school, which was 6 years ago. It lasted for like 9 months. It ended around midway through my Junior year. I attribute how I felt primarily to being angry at the world. I constantly dwelt on how many people suffered while others lived in luxury, how corrupt politicians are, etc. etc. What got me out of that was to stop worrying about all of the problems in the world that I couldn't change and instead focus on what was going on in my own life. I started to obsess about school and brought my grades way up. I think making high grades was very rewarding--it was great to put in an effort and immediately see the fruit of my labor. So one thing I recommend is to find some activity in your own life which offers quick rewards for the effort you put in. Poker is bad for this because of the swings. School is one thing that is good for this, so is a challenge to yourself to gain or lose weight if you are fat or skinny. In the short term you might try something like spending a weekend to clean out the garage or some project like that which will make you feel good about your accomplishment when you finish. The point is to do something where you get out exactly what you put in and see immediate progress (unlike poker).

I went through another period of depression my freshman year in college. I think this was because I was taking a hedonistic approach to life. I ate garbage all the time and skipped my classes in an attempt to seize the day, but in the process of chasing pleasure and avoiding things I didn't want to do my life got worse. I would hear people talking about how they didn't want to go to class and I would think to myself "you idiot, then why are you going?" I think what got me out of that way of living was the realization that hedonism is ultimately an empty way to live. Genuine fulfillment in life doesn't come from chasing comfort and avoiding discomfort. In my opinion happiness is largely the result of a harmony between what you believe and what you do. If you think you should do something (like eat healthier, go to class, take out the trash, quit smoking) no matter what it is, you will always feel fulfilled when you do it and unfulfilled when you don't.

I could write pages about this stuff because as a Philosophy major I have thought a ton about what it means to live a good life.

Meditation is great for treating anxiety btw.

Nothing really helped, including the CBT stuff or trazadone for insomnia, until I quit playing poker, started waking up in the morning to go to an actual job, and started exercising on a regular basis for an extended period of time.

Even though the source of anxiety and depression often appear to be mental they manifest themselves physically. The resultant pain and fatigue can exacerbate the anxiety and depression which has the potential to start a negative spiral from which escape is difficult. Any kind of exercise or activity that allows you to concentrate on form and conscious breathing can be beneficial in breaking this pattern and allowing you to better cope.

Since you have pursued medication I assume that you have participated in some form of counseling. This should have given you the opportunity to learn what triggers your anxiety and depression and to explore why they do so. When you are able to fully acknowledge when these events occur and understand your own initial reaction you can practice more skillful coping mechanisms.

It is helpful to remember that bad sh*t can and will happen to everybody and it is perfectly normal for your emotions to react accordingly. The worst thing anyone can do is deny or avoid negative feelings. Your mind may be able to trick yourself into thinking they don't exist temporarily but your body will not be able to avoid them.

I've struggled with depression since my freshman year at college, about 8 years ago. I've been on Prozac, Welburtrin, Effexor, and currently Celexa. Of the two Prozac and Celexa work the best, but with Celexa my **** works, so I'd have to say that's the best one. Never, ever, ever let a doctor talk you into Effexor, it's horrible in every way.

Anyway, as others have mentioned, my worst time was probably when I was playing poker for a living. Exercise is the most effective anti-depressant though, and is probably why I like Celexa the best at the moment. Also having a routine helps a lot, as others have said.

I feel like I've gotten a lot better in the last two years. I attribute that less to drug therapy, which I think of as sort of a way to maintain a baseline of functionality, and more to exercise, having a 9-5 and the mental maturity that comes with age. Things don't get to me like they used to.

For depression I've been on Prozac, Effexor, Wellbutrin, Remeron (Mirtazapine) and Cymbalta (just 2 days)

Not all the meds work the same for everybody, right now I'm on Wellbutrin and I think it has worked fine, but Effexor worked fine with me too, it helped with the anxiety too. For me the worst has been Cymbalta, I just took it for a few days and the side effects gave me one of my worst panic attacks to date.
Remeron was also bad, my doc changed the Wellbutrin to Remeron to help me with my insomnia, it worked for the insomnia, now I was sleeping like 12 hours a day !!!, and feel like a zombie most of the time, yeah, I was sleeping but I couldn't do basically almost nothing else, I remember the first month on Remeron I couldn't even run, I could walk but not run, pretty weird feeling, and the first two weeks I couldn't climb stairs without help, I felt pretty disable, it was like my muscles were kind of asleep too, now I could sleep but what good was that if I couldn't function, after 2 months of the "experiment", I asked my doc to put me back on Wellbutrin, and have been there since.

I also feel I have gotten better not precisely because of the meds, but because of a combination of some other things, but as you said they have been sort of a way to maintain a baseline of functionality. I would like to be off them entirely, right now I'm on Wellbutrin and Rivotril (clonazepam) for anxiety, I think it's hard to be off the anxiolytics after taking them for many years, the panic attacks for me are my worst fear while I think I can handle depression (or at least have learned to), but I haven't been able to cope with anxiety yet, but I have improved considerably in that area too just by learning about it. I think learning about my condition has helped me the most.

I could probably write an entire book on this subject relating to my life. This is way too long.

I went through a moderate depression in 2004. I think it was pretty severe at the onset until I decided to get help and then by that time I was diagnosed with the moderate condition. After thinking about it more, I'm not really sure if there was some underlying subconscious effects causing the depression or if it was just a combination of external events.

In 2003 I was deployed to Kosovo and it was the first time I really left home not knowing when I was coming back. I also just started dating a girl and it was hard to say goodbye. The entire deployment was stressful trying to juggle the fact that I was stuck in a third-world country and trying to accommodate my girlfriend so that she wouldn't break up with me while I was gone. She was very selfish and stubborn. When I got back she broke up with me 3 weeks later, there were rumors of us going to Iraq, I wasn't able to go back to school, I didn't have a job, I didn't have any friends. I felt like I came home to nothing and didn't have anything to look forward to. That was really the turning point in my life. Most of my days were spent in a haze, sleeping as often as a could, going from feelings of normalcy to absolute rock bottom, I would cry constantly at the spur of a moment. I would often be doing something and then all of a sudden have an intense feeling of sadness and have to go to my room and shut the door so that I could hide. I finally gave up and broke down to my mother where I then started getting help.

I saw a therapist who recommended Lexapro. She was awful, I think I only saw her 2 times. I then saw a psychologist and he got me on Effexor XR. That really helped a lot. Towards the end of my treatment I saw a psychiatrist who combined Wellbutrin.

I didn't realize it at the time, but after I went back to college my coping strategy was to eat as much as I could until it hurt so that the pain in my stomach would divert the thoughts in my mind. I ended up gaining a lot of weight because of that. It didn't help either that I lived by myself. In January of 2006 I was 217lbs, so I would have to say I may have been nearly 225lbs at the peak of this period, after being ~185-190lbs when I graduated high school.

Throughout 2005 was just staying constant. I was feeling better and still on my own. After Hurricane Katrina I was deployed to Louisiana, still taking my medication down there. I didn't really hide it, but I definitely tried to not let people see me going through a bunch of pills.

After I got back, I woke up one day and I instantly snapped out of it. I still remember the feeling to this day. It was like a lightbulb went off, I told myself I was done beating myself up over this (and that which I could not control) and decided it was time to live my life.

Ever since then the depression creeps back in. The biggest problem I have is failed relationships. My biggest thing is that I'm not happy with my job, I want to settle down, and I want to get out of my hometown and experience what the world has to offer. It's hard for me not knowing what I want to do, where to go, or how I'm even going to manage. I have a BA in Economics, but I feel like I'm better wiping my ass with it. I always question why I would spend my time trying to work for someone else when I could put in that same effort and do something for myself. At the same time, though, I want to be around better people and hopefully finding new friends and being around more people I can get out of this funk of feeling lonely, isolated, and trapped.

I have been lifting for the majority of this year and while it has made me feel better, I also feel that I'm at a plateau and that I'm not seeing many more gains. I have been having trouble with my energy levels. It's not uncommon for me to only be able to go to the gym for 20 minutes before I just feel really tired and unmotivated.

The biggest thing I can say is to try running. Running has helped me cope with some depression as it allows me to focus on more positive things. Often I would run and just think about all that is good in my life, talk to myself about what is most important in my life, and come to terms with the fact that I'm better off without that girl who just broke up with me.

Lately I have realized that I have been having some anxiety. Usually it is just a sudden onset of feeling sad, my heart starts pounding, and my thoughts seem to all rush towards that area that makes me feel depressed. After recognizing it I can often stop myself and get back on track, but it definitely is a tough road to go down.

And lastly, one thing that has been helping is by doing something that allows me to focus on myself. I started an online business, that although I don't expect to get rich off of it, it is cool just to think that it is mine. If I make a couple sales or just breakeven, I will be happy. It's a learning experience.

Some of you will probably disagree with this, but it is something to think about. I find a lot of inspiration in reading the bible or listening to podcasts of people like Joel Osteen, John Hagee, Jentezen Franklin, Creflo Dollar, Perry Stone, and sometimes Joyce Meyer. To me it is like any "self-help" book, except in a religious form. Osteen, Franklin, and Dollar are probably the best in having something you can relate to. Hagee likes to preach the end of time and Stone is more like relating the history of the bible to today's events - some of it is quite interesting. Give it a chance. I find it always puts things into perspective and makes me realize that my problems really aren't that bad sometimes.

And maybe another thing is to help other people. Give away some money, do something nice for someone, volunteer your time to other things. Feeling like you have a place in this world may just bring you around to who you truly are. Sometimes it's just about finding the meanings of our lives, which I have yet to do, and it's not fun to feel like you're running in place. My entire life I knew what I wanted, and now that I got it (college and my job) I want to do something else, something bigger for this world, but I don't know how to get it or where to even start. Everyday is a struggle sometimes, but I'm trying to be content and in one week I am going to start applying for jobs somewhere else and try to get the ball rolling on living my life and getting away from everything that I hate about my life.

So just to end this, I had this in another thread, but I want to put it here. This was given to me by the psychologist I saw. I think it helps a lot. Print it out and read it often. Skimming through it one time will not be enough.

Genetically humans are still nomadic, though culturally many of us have become sedentary. Our bodies (including the brain) evolved over millions of years to sleep regularly, eat fresh food, and exercise. That is why those 3 things are very important to our health.

Having a crappy sleep schedule, eating crappy food, getting little to no exercise and expecting to be happy is like keeping a killer whale cooped up in a tank in an amusement park and expecting it to be happy. It just wasn't meant to be this way!

This hit home, the circular thoughts. You want to settle down, find a new job, and experience everything the world has to offer all at the same time. I know the feeling. One thing that has helped me is a kind of half-assed buddhism, mainly focusing on being present. I used to let the past constantly beat me over the head, which would sabotage anything good I was trying to do in the present, but recently I've had more luck letting things go. Read this book imo: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hardcore_Zen, although it will conflict with your religious leanings, so maybe don't.

I liked that list you posted, it's good, especially #1 on both lists. It's easier said than done to stop internalizing everything

All the advice above about sleep and excercise is of course spot on.

Also, stop playing poker fulltime and find some job where you have more human interaction and most importantly a job where you feel like your doing something that makes other people happy. (Even something as simple as making people drinks at a coffee shop, you dont have to be saving the world).

Depression makes people focus inward and only think about themselves, so you need to find things that help you not fall into that mindset.

Poker is pretty much the worst posible career I can imagine for someone struggling with depression. You sit still all day, if your playing online then your likely sitting in the same room for a huge portion of your week. Playing poker is a completly self absorbed profession, its all about the money/winning, there is not a tangible feeling that you are providing a service to your fellow man. In fact on your most succesful days, your actually likely making others feel miserable.

I would venture to guess there are very few people in the world who could play online poker fulltime for 20 years and not become depressed.

italianfx,
SS + gomad, imo. I'm serious.

Anxiety is the worst. I started getting it early this year after I did something dumb that lead to me thinking I was having a heart attack. The same feelings I had while I thought I was going to die have been reoccurring since then, but less often as time goes on. So frustrating when I have to just randomly get up from hanging out with friends and sit outside because I'm having a panic attack. I've taken two meds for it, one was generic xanax and the other was similar (forgot the name) but had a heavier sedative effect. Didn't really like to take either and I've just been dealing with it.

I struggled with depression 6ish years ago, when I was freshman in college. I was medicated for a short period of time and sought help, and learned ways to cope with and deal with it. Depression will always be with me, but I feel like, most of the time, I am able to control and handle it by channeling it into positive energy. It took me many years to learn how to do this, though, and every once in a while I have to fight that battle again. I recently went through a bad break-up and had my depression return for a few months. It took me a bit, but I eventually gained control over it again. Most people I know now would describe me as extremely optimistic, outgoing and happy. I like it that way.

Anxiety is the killer for me. I have struggled with irrational anxiety my whole life. My mother is the same way. When I was in HS I'd often wake up at 3 AM to her downstairs doing the bills because she was afraid something would go wrong this month and we wouldn't be able to pay them off. She's a completely rational and sane person otherwise, just gripped by irrational fears from time to time.

Maybe it's just being a young mid 20s male, but I take this to the extreme sometimes. If there is a 0.5 % chance something terrible can happen to me, then I will worry about it endlessly. I've heard it described as "circular thinking." You start at a low level of anxiety and then keep analyzing and over-analyzing the situation until you've built it up to some severe, life-altering event. You then graduate from circular thinking to "catastrophic thinking." The worst part of it all is when I do this I KNOW I'm being irrational, but I can't help it. This can sometimes lead to panic or anxiety attacks.

As I've aged I've gotten a huge amount of control over this, but it still gets me from time to time, albeit very rarely. It usually only happens now if I'm in a general period of high stress. Example: the other day after my exam I convinced myself I had forgotten to put my anonymous grading # on the exam before I turned it in. I know I did and sitting here now I'm 100 % I did. However, I kept doubting myself until I escalated the situation into a near anxiety meltdown. I feel like this will be with me the rest of my life, but I learn to control it and ignore it more and more the older I get.

None of the things you talk about address your problems.

I know. Maybe you'll get miraculously lucky in the right spots and things will change for the better. But you don't think you will. You'll probably break down again. Because bad **** happens. And **** don't stop, ever. There's no pity in this world for the people who cry to themselves over their regrets.

You don't have to be special, or even average. People are flawed. When you approach the world with a friendly attitude, and people see that you have good intentions and just want to have fun and do ****, they'll be responsive. And when they judge you and **** you and shoot you down, your life will just have to be better without them anyway.

If it helps, take the place you live in, burn it/sell it/move out, quit your job, pack up all your ****, and just leave. It doesn't matter where you go, or what you do, or what you believe, or whether you're right or wrong.

What's the difference if you can't look yourself in the mirror and love and respect yourself?

Everyone experiences loneliness, rejection, betrayal, some much worse than others, and some handle it better than others. Every single one of us is destined to die. When you compromise your values, when you lie to others and yourself, when you live like a bitch and say tomorrow things are going to be easier, you're never even giving yourself a chance to really live

"I'd rather die like a man than live like a coward"

<3 Jeff
I'm amazed at how many of us have been prescribed drugs.

First let me say there are DEFINITELY many people who need them. Absolutely. And they do help.

But I think docs give them out too easily. I've turned down more Rxs from doctors than I'd like to recount. Doc asks me how I'm doing, I say I've been having a stressful 2 weeks and dealing with anxiety and next thing you know he's shoving Xanax in my hand. Jeez man, it's just been a couple weeks. It happens to all of us.

+1. Western medicine is just jamming pills in your face-hole.

never had depression, but i've dealing with anxiety for over 10 years now - started right before finals my first year of law school (what a surprise; come to think of it, many lawyers have mental issues). anyways, i ****ing hate it. it's so debiliating. for me it's specific situations: tall buildings, tunnels (though not subway tunnels), airplanes, pretty much any driving that's not on flat land: mountains, tall bridges, etc. i've gotten better at dealing with it, though i mostly just avoid situations that cause me anxiety. was on paxil a few years and got off of it because i felt it it had done all that it could.

to anyone who doesn't have severe anxiety, it can sound silly. but for someone with it, it can cause an overwhelming feeling of dread in certain situations and they become hypersensitive to every little thing at the moment.

anyways, i hate it. it's a bitch to get rid of - if it's even possible to get rid of it. so i just try to "manage" it, but mostly i just end up avoiding situations, which lowers my quality of life to be honest. exercise helps a little but not much. what helps mostly is doing the same thing over and over. like if i haven't flown in months, i get anxious when i have to fly. but if i just flew an hour ago and am catching a connection, then the 2nd flight is a piece of cake and i usually actually enjoy it. also therapy helps just because it gives me a chance to realize what assumptions my brain makes about a situation that causes me the feeling of dread. eating better, sleeping better hasn't done much for my anxiety. breathing works great. by the time i get to the 6th or 7th deep breath, my mind has shifted its focus to something else and my heart is more calm.

Yes, blame the entirity of western medicine for the fact that family doctors get crappy mental health training.

oh man getting that anxious on a flight must suckkkk. I get a little anxious but it's not that big of a deal and I know deep down I'm being irrational.