***** June 2016 LC - Hunger hurts but starvation works *****
06-03-2016
, 02:13 PM
06-03-2016
, 02:40 PM
Ahhh, I forgot to consult with KRS before asking that Q. 
Pretty sure you were looking for "get f*cked straya ****."
#doubleban
Pretty sure you were looking for "get f*cked straya ****."
#doubleban
06-03-2016
, 02:44 PM
banbros... the name of my next underground punk album.. If I ever liked punk or played in a band...
06-03-2016
, 04:25 PM
Quote:
You use the term "we" in the last sentence, but you seem to think it's entirely her problem, whatever the problem is, and it's all on her to fix it. She might be crazy, but she picked you for a reason. If she needs therapy so bad, why wouldn't you need therapy?
Maybe a better approach would be to ask her to see a therapist together, like a couples therapist. Instead of demanding she go to therapy, which is basically accusing her of being the source of 100% of the conflict. I doubt that would do anything except create more conflict.
Maybe a better approach would be to ask her to see a therapist together, like a couples therapist. Instead of demanding she go to therapy, which is basically accusing her of being the source of 100% of the conflict. I doubt that would do anything except create more conflict.
Quote:
Syn,
I'd take a moment to wonder why you are so heavily invested in someone that you view as clearly emotionally damaged. This sounds like a good time to face your own inner demons on why you're projecting a life with someone (very small feet?) who should see therapy after two months.
I'd take a moment to wonder why you are so heavily invested in someone that you view as clearly emotionally damaged. This sounds like a good time to face your own inner demons on why you're projecting a life with someone (very small feet?) who should see therapy after two months.
My thoughts for you. I think everyone has to decide for themselves how long to spend with someone before they can make a reasonable evaluation of their long term compatibility, but imo that's a lot longer than two months.
It's reasonable and expected to have strong feelings for someone so fast, but it is impossible to make a fair assessment of whether you and this girl are compatible without first making it through an extended partnership together. There's a time component you can't bypass if you want to make that call. Two months is not nearly long enough to determine whether a healthy future is possible for you two.
To make that call so soon would be to take a huge gamble with the odds stacked against you.
I wish the best for you if you decide to take the gamble. Sometimes people win the lottery and it works out well.
Meanwhile, I thought perhaps you would find these passages from the book Insecure in Love helpful.
Spoiler:
Good luck. You'll figure it out one way or another.
06-03-2016
, 04:29 PM
06-03-2016
, 06:38 PM
06-03-2016
, 11:23 PM
Thanks for all the replies. Appreciate the scans Busteaux, I will read that book. Currently on a train to her hometown to meet the parents. 
FYI I got in touch with an American psychotherapist in Chengdu through a troubled friend and here's what he had to say about the topic:
I apologized to my girl, said it was wrong of me to push her into a corner like this, and that I didn't want her to do anything. Only when and if she felt the need for it, that I would support her in either way. That I should focus on accepting her to the fullest, build our trust, and stand by her. And that I thought it was wrong of me to say anything different before. She showed me tears of joy.
It was a very intimate beautiful moment and we made sweet sweet passionate love. Let's see how it goes.
FYI I got in touch with an American psychotherapist in Chengdu through a troubled friend and here's what he had to say about the topic:
Quote:
It reads like you have identified the unhelpful "helping " cycle pretty well. My advice for you is as follows ( remember we have never met and I could be way off here).... My advice is...work on whatever it is that keeps pulling you into the cycle you mention. Improving your self insight and creating in and building on yourself will help you no matter what happens. Whether your relationship blossoms further ( my wish) or the cycle remains, or even may worsen. I do not mean do not reach out, give freely, etc.. Just keep (you and her) from coming to the rescue. This is easier said than done. PS my auto feature and my big fingers sometimes get in the way of my meaning. Hope this helps!
Quote:
I am happy to be of some sort of help. This is not psychotherapy, but if you want there are some truisms that can be had from many sessions. First, we cannot directly control or even manage/direct affect(mood is not the same as feelings/emotions). We can accept them. Thought can be directly accepted or managed/redirected, but cannot be controlled. In healthy adults, behavior can be controlled directly, managed/redirected, and accepted. Long term behavioral change is a two step process. Be or become validated and directly track the source of anxiety. This is for you to use yourself, use this with another without training and you will unravel them and yourself. Caveat emptor. No more at present. Focus on you, you cannot directly control what you think or feel, let alone what another does, no matter how much s/he/they are loved.
It was a very intimate beautiful moment and we made sweet sweet passionate love. Let's see how it goes.
06-03-2016
, 11:42 PM
06-04-2016
, 01:46 PM
had a hearty lol. I've suggested Fury Road woulda been better with no dialogue, but it if the only line in the movie was the "mediocre!" part, I'd be cool with that.
pretty good life strat, tbh.
pretty good life strat, tbh.
06-04-2016
, 02:55 PM
06-04-2016
, 04:05 PM
06-04-2016
, 04:52 PM
06-04-2016
, 11:33 PM
