Don't get me started... I'm life busto atm as I still own the house my ex wife lives in as well as my own and I've had to sweet talk the bank just to retain that, I had to sell one early this year as I wasn't earning enough to sustain the mortgage repayments and they were on the verge of pulling the plug

But yeah, at one point I owned three houses and had dreams of being a property magnate. My first visit to bustoville is covered in later chapters.

good stroy so far . plus the soundtrack is def a nice touch

Did you ever see a therapist regarding your body image/self image issues? Thanks for posting btw, was a good read and shows how much you've progressed - encouraging stuff!

Great story so far LO

One thing id like to question is this comment by you

"There was no way anything long term could come of this relationship, we were just two emotionally unstable thirtysomethings with an aversion to commitment and a shared interest in putting things inside each other."

Anyways hope for your sake it was only a finger

lol

Is it sad that I got 'And the time has come to shoot you down' within 30 secs?

Loving the stories by the way.

Thanks for the concern, I'm walking fine again now


no sir, that is impressive

Very nice read, thanks for putting in the effort and looking forward to the next chapters. Also approve of the use of music.

i've seen a therapist and included in therapy was this but it wasn't just for body/self image.

i wish i could write like LO but obv that's a pipe dream lol. given that i am currently a bit overweight (according to BMI so i have legit justification for that), i'm dropping 10 lbs in a healthy fashion (no crashing, no not-eating etc., just through exercise and eating better, making better food choices etc.).

Yo LO, where's the next chapter man?

hi!



I'd had some success with the online poker thing, my account balance had doubled and I was keen to improve my game. I browsed FTP forum and read some informative strategy threads, I also noticed there were occasional threads from regular posters who were deep in a MTT and wanted others to come and cheer them on. This appealed to me, I'd often wondered where all the observers in the chatbox had come from and I liked the idea of having my own team of supporters. The next time I made the money I started a thread on the forum inviting anyone who was bored to come and watch me try to take it down, I was delighted when a couple of names I recognised appeared in the chatbox and wished me luck. I busted before the final table but the rail factor was a big influence on my decision to focus on MTTs from now on, and I began playing as many as I could whenever I had the free time. One Sunday afternoon I made two final tables, showing a profit of over a thousand dollars and impressing my new forum friends. I contributed more to the forum, posting hand histories and seeking advice, and someone pointed out to me that Sharkscope had awarded me a shark symbol next to my name! This was great. I read about a private tournament that had been held for forumers, with the host putting up some free cash prizes to boost the pool, and I decided to make one myself to reward my new friends for their support and to further ingratiate myself with the group. I emailed support and set up the "Ostrich Frenzy", reminding myself that for online purposes my name was officially Steve and my brother's was now John.

Settling in with Joanne and the kids was a lot smoother than I expected. I still had plenty of time to myself as Joanne worked three nights a week and the kids were with their dad those nights, so I was able to keep grinding away at the tables and posting regularly on the forums. Steve wasn't so fortunate, his work commitments and the demands of his girlfriend meant he was rarely able to squeeze in more than an hour. He still made the odd post on the forum but the poker craze was wearing off fast for him. I was enjoying my new life, I had a great balance of family and personal time and I felt valued but not under pressure. I even knew the couple next door, they were old friends of my parents and seemed delighted to welcome me to the neighbourhood. Joanne was a quirky character and was prone to some bizarre outbursts, she was also a sexual deviant with a newly-discovered fascination with rain and mud, but she was great fun to be with and our family time was quite conventional as she somehow managed to save all the craziness for our private life. After all the twists and turns of the past six years, I was beginning to feel settled. True to form, it wouldn't last for long.

One morning I was about to get in my car and set off for work when our neighbour Bill (my dad's old friend) approached me and asked what all the fuss the previous day had been about. I had no idea what he was talking about, which he'd obviously anticipated as he enthusiastically filled me in on the details. Some bloke in his forties had screeched his Audi into our driveway, hammered on the front door and proceeded to yell abuse at Joanne. He'd pushed his way into the house, things had been smashed and Joanna was crying by the time he stormed back off again. Bill had been tempted to call the police, but didn't like to interfere. He and his wife had seen this guy a few times before, his car had often been in the driveway overnight until recently. They'd always assumed he and Joanne were an item but Bill's wife thought he looked too old for her. But this time he was super pissed off, and his language had been frankly disgusting. I thanked Bill for the heads-up, and sensed his disappointment as I headed off to work without sharing any further gossip. The implications of what Bill had told me were clear: for starters, the father of Joanne's kids was in his sixties and didn't drive an Audi so whoever this guy was, I'd never heard about him. Even if their relationship had recently ended, Joanne and I had been together for a few months now and she'd deliberately failed to mention him. It seemed unlikely that someone she'd split up with months ago would suddenly turn up in a rage on her doorstep, and a more obvious explanation was that she'd been seeing us both and he'd discovered that I'd moved in. I confronted Joanne about it that evening, and she admitted that my read was spot on. The guy's name was Mike, they'd been together since Joanne had split with the kids' father (they'd actually slept together a few times while she was still with him), and she'd intended to end it with him when she returned from her holiday with me but they'd ended up in bed. Suddenly I recalled a number of nights when Joanne had either been uncontactable or had acted strangely, and she confirmed that she'd been with Mike pretty much every time. One such occasion was the night before I moved into her house. I was furious with myself for trusting her, and devastated that the happiness I thought I'd found had been based on a fraud. My path through life was strewn with mistakes and it was time to add another to the list: Ignoring all the obvious warning signs and expecting loyalty and commitment from a woman who'd sprawled naked on the back garden lawn and demanded I piss all over her on our first date. But even in that moment of despair I reminded myself that I'd been through worse than this and I'd get over it. It even occurred to me that this was payback for what I'd done to Anna, and I should take it on the chin and move on. I grabbed as much of my stuff as I could, and went back once again to my parents' house. I took the next day off work, and cleared all my possessions without listening to Joanne's pleas and apologies.

It was quite depressing to find myself back with my parents, and I quickly decided that as there was no chance of me and Joanne sorting out our differences I'd sort my living arrangements out quickly. It was complicated. I'd been slightly creative with the application for a mortgage that covered three properties and two of them now had tenants paying me rent, the other housed my ex-wife and our daughter. Anna paid her own way but it would cost me a lot of money to free one of the other properties back up and move in myself. Frankly I'd over-stretched myself and if I wanted my freedom back I'd have to either earn more or spend less. But I couldn't stay with my parents, so I got on the phone to the letting agency. The soonest I could realistically move into one of my own places was three months away, so I had to swallow my pride and load my clothes back into the wardrobe in my old bedroom, and prepare for the reality of spending Christmas with my parents. I couldn't bear the thought of sitting downstairs watching TV with them every evening, so I set my laptop up in my room and vowed to start going to the pub again.

Why would you vow to start going to the pub again, especially after all the problems it caused you last time? Seems like an odd choice of words.

Your writing style is really pleasurable to read and captivating, If you wrote a 500 page novel, I think I could knock it out in a few hours, good stuff, thx.

It was a much more attractive option than sitting and watching Coronation Street with my parents. I guess my choice of words isn't ideal there though, and perhaps I ought to have added some emphasis to the feeling of failure and the realisation that my only social options were my laptop and the pub.

Is your daughter still living with your ex-wife? How often do you see her?

Yeah she lives with her mum but spends a minimum of one night a week with me, often more. In fact during the current school holidays she's definitely spent more time with me than not. I get on really well with her mum now, which I'm sure will surprise most people who read the first story.

Nice work so far - next!

Not to nitpick too much, but could you use a bit more paragraphs? Would make it easier to read imo. Still great stuff.

Sorry about that, I realise some of the paragraphs are quite bulky and perhaps I've been overly anxious to avoid breaking up the flow of each "scene". It was slightly disingenuous of me to announce that I'd finished writing the story, in actual fact I'd written the core of it but I've been editing and padding each chapter before posting and in some cases I've added so much that I ought to have used more paragraphs. Feedback taken on board!





It didn't take me long to get back to my old routine of snorting coke, starting fights, pulling girls and being generally obnoxious. Just over a week after leaving Joanne I found myself waking up one weekday morning with a headache from Hell and a black eye, which wasn't well received by my boss. When I wasn't out causing chaos I was in my bedroom playing poker and posting on the forum, I even added a few forumers on MSN Messenger and remember thinking to myself how pathetic it was that these people felt more like friends than the people I was spending my nights in the pub with. I realised I wasn't even enjoying going out, I was just doing it to escape from the cell that was my bedroom. Joanne had hardly made any attempt to beg for my forgiveness, for all I knew she could still be screwing that Mike bloke. I ought to have known she was unreliable, but I'd overlooked all the warning signs and focused on the positives. Now I was paying the price, and my world had come tumbling down around me again. I accepted that I'd been stupid, but I still felt like I was cursed and destined to never find true happiness.

The wonder of the internet meant I could be whoever I wanted to be. Right now I was a lonely divorcee, approaching his 33rd birthday and living with his parents in the aftermath of another calamitous relationship blowup, desperately attempting to convey a confident image in public by taking drugs and having sex with strangers. But on the poker forum I was a popular, witty guy called Steve who had a happy family life and was at least slightly knowledgeable about poker, and was happy to donate his time and even some of his money to help those less fortunate to improve their game. My online identity was the perfect vehicle for my desire to escape from the reality of my existence, and I did my best to maintain the image I'd created. I didn't even have much money, it was almost Christmas and my outgoings were crushing my income, but I still managed to casually throw the occasional $10 to a young, deserving poker wannabe.

I went out for my birthday in early December. Nothing special, just a few drinks in the pub with a view to heading into the city later. I was surprised to find Joanne in the pub when I arrived, she was perched on a bar stool with a female friend, chatting happily away to my old mate Jim and a few other guys I knew. She wished me happy birthday and bought me a drink, I wasn't inclined to argue with her and as the hours passed by we got along well. I felt quite uncomfortable with the way she flirted with my friends, but they all knew she was my ex and none of them would let it go anywhere. Plus she made it quite obvious that she was interested in me, dropping occasional suggestive comments into the conversation and even grabbing my backside as I bent over to take a shot at the pool table. We didn't leave the pub that night, nobody suggested heading into town and I was happy enough where I was. Most of the guys in the pub (myself included) would occasionally wander into the toilets for a cheeky line of coke, and Anna and her friend latched on to this and joined in. Her friend was quite attractive, and the single males in the group were all sniffing around her, but as the end of the night approached the two girls pulled an expert manoeuvre and exchanged a lingering kiss in full view of everyone. This provoked cheers from the remaining men, and when Joanne made eye contact with me and gestured for me to come over I could feel the jealousy piercing into the back of my head as I joined them at the bar.
"Have you worked out what your birthday present is yet?" Joanne asked with a faux-innocent smile. I grinned and looked at her, then at her friend who raised her eyebrows suggestively to indicate her approval. We finished our drinks and went back to Joanne's place.

The day after our threesome, Joanne assured me she'd ended it with Mike. She'd meant to end it sooner but she just found it difficult to refuse good, easy sex. Bizarrely, it was Joanne who was now dictating terms to me: she told me she loved me and was amazingly attracted to me, but if we were ever going to work as a couple we'd have to disregard some traditional conventions. It would be unhealthy for either of us to feel obliged to be faithful to the other, it would only work if we both respected each other's needs and no matter how good our own sex life was, there would be times where we'd both want to go with other people. She argued that this could work as long as we were honest with one another and didn't keep any secrets: If I found someone attractive and wanted to sleep with her, all I had to do was let Joanne know. I could even bring her home if I wanted. She'd let me know about anyone she decided to sleep with, again I'd be welcome to join in. We could even set each other up with people we knew. A relationship with no boundaries, and based on trust and openness. The main reason couples split up was because one of them got frustrated and resorted to cheating: we could remove that possibility from our relationship and could both do whatever we wanted. We had so much in common and it could be perfect if we were able to trust one another, this was the best possible solution.

I was secretly unsure how I'd react to the reality of all this, but it seemed worth a try. At the very least I'd get a ton of amazing sex and would have someone other than my parents or my deadbeat "friends" to spend my time with. I wasn't ready to move back in yet, but I agreed to gamble and give it another try. Joanne suggested we should spend Christmas together and re-affirm our commitment to each other, then if we still agreed on the open relationship idea in the new year we could get the ball rolling. She knew of at least one single mum at her kids' school who definitely had the hots for me, and was confident that I could easily get this woman round for sex. If she was ok with Joanne joining in, all the better. Despite my reservations I just couldn't bring myself to refuse this.

yes! *reading*

Did you mean to say Joanne here?

This thread isn't worthless without (actual) pics but it would certainly be a bonus!

LO, I think you missed a paragraph here.

Fixed.

Wow I can't believe I let that typo slip through the net, pretty annoyed about that

The lookalike pics are the closest you're getting though, sorry!