I edited to "that makes sense" before you replied. And I would love to know what "game" in your mind consists of.

I watched that Departed video. The girl gave Matt Damon a lot of "ins" to flirt and relax the conversation. The girls I date rarely give me setups like that and rarely flirt back. I'll try to be flirty and they'll pull the conversation back to seriousness.

Ideally that's how I wish things would go but they don't get to that point because I'll attempt to say stuff to girls and they'll typically not respond like that.

So you don't think some girls take a while to open up while some girls are promiscuous?

People that I know know the girl I was dating. They don't know of anybody she's dated long term or had a one night stand.

The girl that has slept with 100+ guys is a girl I'm friends with. I've seen her go up to a guy, introduce herself and within 10 minutes they leave. She basically takes initiative and says, "I want you to **** me" tonight.

Now I'm sure I'll get called out for some bias here but that's the facts.

Two completely different types of girls.

Again I ask you, what did you do when faced with this situation? What do you do when you had the girl naked in your bed? There is no way any guy with a clue of how to treat women can fail to close back at your place after a date. Or naked in your bed.

<cue more defensive nonsense from JWhitt, rather than actually answering the question>

Are you asking how it makes sense that a girl would not want to bang one guy but would be really keen to bang another guy?

She gave him the "ins" because he was doing an A+ job throughout the rest of the date. The reason women aren't giving you setups like that is because they don't want to bang you.

Yup, they don't want to bang me. Because I'm generic, boring, and predictable. Makes sense.

There is nothing I can read or do to change that so it's helpless.

I fingered her, she had no interest in doing anything with me. I don't know what you want me to say. I had had sex with 2 other girls within 2-3 weeks of this and there wasn't any grey area. With them we had sex and it was normal. Here she clearly was disinterested in doing anything more than making out. I felt I almost was too aggressive when I got her naked because initially she held my arm in the form of a "no" before a minute or two later allowing me to take her pants off. That's why I mentioned she was prude and apprehensive.

Why do you think it went smoothly with 2 other girls and not this girl given my similar actions and all within the same time frame?

Why do you think the girl before her allowed me to bang her in the morning and then texted me a week later inviting me over her place if you think I have some giant flaw when I get a girl back?

J,

You continue to reek of insecurity, defensiveness, and denial.

You can go out with some fun-sounding NYC 2p2ers. It is unlikely they are gonna be some sort of super-alpha ultra-smooth model types you can't relate to - they have thousands of posts on a poker website...

You can go to a therapist and talk about why you have some of the issues people have mentioned repeatedly in this thread.

You can try and clear your head and really try and listen and learn from what people are saying in these posts. You like analzying? Great. Look for common observations that come up time and time again from different posters every time you post one of your situations. Probably not just a coincidence.

You can READ THE LINK SKUNK POSTED. Here it is again: http://divalion.livejournal.com/163615.html

JWhitt - This is the biggest lolfest ever. It's taking every fiber of my being to stay sincere and not just troll the everliving **** out of you.

She had enough chemistry with them to **** them. Her chemistry requirement to **** is low, but still I'm sure she didn't **** all of the serial killers that have hit on her.

NO ****. Let me repeat this slowly. You have two groups:

Group A: girls who like to bang quickly
Group B: girls who like to wait

You have two dating situations:

Situation A: date has a good amount of chemistry.
Situation B: date does not have chemistry or it's a bit unclear.

Let's do a punnett square on this bitch:

Situation A Group A: girls bang on the first date.
Situation A Group B: girls go on a few dates, then bang.
Situation B Group A: girls go on one or more dates, things fizzle, no banging.
Situation B Group B: girls go on one or more dates, things fizzle, no banging.

DO YOU SEE WHY PEOPLE MIGHT INCORRECTLY BELIEVE THAT GOING ON MULTIPLE DATES WITHOUT BANGING IS THE CAUSE OF NOT BANGING? IT'S NOT THE CAUSE, IT'S JUST A SYMPTOM OF YOU BEING A CHUMP WHO CAN'T GENERATE CHEMISTRY.

"It's not about how exciting they find you." That **** needs to go up on your Wall of Shame. Are you ****ing kidding me? It's exactly about how exciting they find you. Do they feel excited when they see you? Is there something about who you are, the things that you love, the person you represent, that makes this person happy and excited to see you?

You're such a ****ing Nice Guy defending the honor of all women like that.

First, don't take a girl to dinner on the first date. Second, if you take them to dinner, don't be a bland conversationalist. Haven't you ever talked to someone and felt engaged with them? Have you never built rapport over dinner? Talk to them about their lives, be passionate about yours, find out what you have in common. Those things bring humans together. It generates excitement. It makes us feel alive, like kindred.

Anyway, you have a major misconception about the mechanics of attraction. It's not some intellectualized, rational thinking process where we objectively assess our date and choose whether we like this person. It's an emotional rush: it's the most primal parts of our DNA that dump happy chemicals into our system to say, **** YES, this is someone that GETS me, someone I want to touch and to be touched by. And how does that emotional rush feel? It feels like excitement. That emotional rush gets triggered by a wide variety of things: common backgrounds, witty banter, shared interests, similar morals and viewpoints, a beautiful rack, a chiseled jaw, a graze of a touch, whatever. Yeah, many sources of excitement and attraction. But regardless, it expresses itself as excitement.

Call it whatever you want -- lacking excitement, being boring, things fizzling, interest waning -- but the bottom line is that you don't sustain chemistry and attraction. You don't sustain excitement because you're boring and not that engaging, or a million other reasons.

J,

Describe the other two girls. How did you meet them, what are they like (personality, looks, age, career, intelligence, etc), what is your relationship with them, etc?

The words you choose to use in describing your sexual interactions are often really strange.

Ah, feeling helplessness, the first step to defeat. "I have no options! This is just who I am!"

You can act like a man, first off. And there are plenty of options that you have. Diablo has outlined many good ones. YOU choose not to take those options. You are the architect of your own prison.

sample of 1 (me):

1. EVERY serious relationship (defined as 6+mo) i've EVER had started with a series of dates.

2. The places I met these girls were EVERYWHERE but a bar. Never dated a girl seriously that I took home from a bar/party/etc. and then banged. EVERY girl I've NOT dated that I've had sex with was one of these. i have taken home a miss new jersey contestant/pageant queen from a bar and i did pick up the hottest girl ive ever been with while wearing rollerblades/rollerhockey gear and smelling like sweaty ****. but neither turned into relationship (mnj was the most shallow person i've ever met. time on phoen w/ her was painful and hottest girl had to go back to slovakia lol...she was 18)

3. The places included:
- intro from friends,
- actress girl i picked up on train to ny from dc (turned out to be psycho, said i love you w/in 1 mo),
- girl i picked up on street b/c she had the cutest dogs ever and huge boobs,
- girl picked me up on airplane (southern baptist psycho who faked a pregnancy on me),
- i picked up girl in swimming pool at ymca,
- girl i met on match,
- girl i met on jdate,
- and currently if this pans out, girl i picked up on ski lift in windham. of those, only 2 did i have sex with on or before the first 4 dates and NEVER on or before the first 3. most were post 4th date.

4. I've almost never (except the "intro from friends" above) had a relationship where i was put in the same spot w/ a girl a few times. and that one time the girl tracked me down because i made fun of her every single time we hung out. she kept saying ******ed **** and i called her on it and the whole room laughed at her. she LIKED THAT and later said it was what attracted her to me. she asked me out 3 times until i said yes (my friend was interested in her so i didn't wanna date her w/o his permission, which he gave so i said yes and she ended up being my first love).

Given JUST ME as a data point and the fact that i'm not special-->

You are *SO ****ING OBVIOUSLY DEALING WITH A BIASED SAMPLE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD* or you have something very very wrong with you. I'm not special. I'm not god's gift to "dating girls w/o hooking up w/ them first and not having them lose interest in me." I'm a (semi) normal dude who overanalyzes **** a lot and is actually my own worse enemy...but i make due and have had a bunch of "normal" relationships. i'm not god's gift to women or anything so clearly people do much better than i.

you just don't happen to be one of them. you're like the sith of dating. always thinking in absolutes.

i love the saying "nothing is ever certain, including this statement lol"

First girl was a girl a few years older than me. She worked in the TV business, was a few years older, and seemed to have her **** together and was intelligent. Met her randomly, she basically sought me out. It was at a party, we went to another party after that one briefly, and banged I'd say an hour later. She wasn't the type that I was particularly interested in dating so I left it at that after leaving her place next day. I'd say an 8 overall.

Other girl was two years younger, we met at a party that some friends of friends threw. She was in finance and intelligent as well. I'd say a 7 overall. She was the one that contacted me a week later inviting me over to her place. I wasn't exactly feeling hanging out with her again so I canceled on here since I had an interest in the girl in question and was going out with her the next night. Before I get crucified over that I wasn't feeling the girls personality the next morning at all and didn't feel like wasting a night hanging out with her again.

I'm pretty vague here and am open to additional questions off of this.

Did "not feeling the girls personality" the next morning possibly have anything to do with her sleeping with you that night?

Absolutely not. I was drunk when I went back with her and thought she was pretty cute but the next morning I was completely turned off when she started talking.

@JW,
I just think it is interesting that you are obsessing about the girl you obviously don't have good chemistry with, while you completely ignore the cute, intelligent, "overall 7" that appears to be quite attracted to you.

And you do that just based on some short conversation the next morning?

If you bang someone the first night drunk, the morning after is often going to be awkward. You are very quick with ignoring her, considering you always complain about not meeting enough dateable girls.

Eur,

What are you talking about? I had great chemistry with the girl I discussed. We hung out a bunch, had a fun time, she was texting, emailing me, calling me, etc. Everything was flowing.

Ok so the girl I banged was weird when I talked to her the next morning. I didn't like her stance on politics, didn't like her sense of humor, and just overall found her weird upon interacting. Yeah she went to a good school and had a good job but so did the girl I was dating. I preferred everything to the girl I was going on dates with.

She must be struggling and no guy wants her if she's texting me out of the blue about a week to two weeks later to invite me over for dinner when we spent about an hour talking overall. That basically summed up there was something off about her. She also sent me a text message which was pretty lame and weird.

Punnett square was A+

J,

"I had great chemistry with the girl I discussed."

No, you didn't.

"She must be struggling and no guy wants her if she's texting me out of the blue about a week to two weeks later to invite me over for dinner when we spent about an hour talking overall."

This speaks volumes about your underlying issues.

U do this **** in every post u make defending urself. Ofc u had great chemistry with her...hell, she was texting, calling, hanging out with u, etc... Would she do these thing if u weren't a really interesting, fun, awesome guy who she had great chemistry with. The answer is YES. Yet u make statements like that in nearly all ur posts where u defend urself. Realize maybe u aren't as interesting and fun as u think. And if u really did have great chemistry with that girl she would have slept with u.

If I found out the girl I was dating has slept with less than 3 people her whole life would that change anything?

No, you did not have good chemistry with her. You just mentioned earlier that she was never giving you any "ins" during the dates. Giving "ins" is something that works mostly on an unconscious level, if you are not getting these signals it means the attraction / chemistry is not ok.

I think that girl did like you on a conscious level, probably thought you were a nice enough guy who would be worth dating. But that means nothing if there is not enough sexual attraction. Sometimes people are just not compatible in that way, that does not even mean that you necessarily made any huge mistakes with her.

Maybe she just actually liked you and tried to see you again, after you did not call her for two weeks.

J,

"If I found out the girl I was dating has slept with less than 3 people her whole life would that change anything?"

No.

That girl could not have liked me. We spent less than an hour together actually talking. You like someone from spending a wide variety of time with them and getting to know them. I can't remember one topic I discussed with that girl before we hooked up. That was part of why I canceled on her. I was pretty drunk that night and it would have been weird because I feel like I was less aware than her and would have been discussing things we already discussed.

People on this forum just play devils advocate to troll.

JW,

You have a completely distorted idea of how pair bonding works. You slept with her. Sex triggers some very powerful bonding mechanisms, especially in girls.

She wanted to see you again, waited for 2 weeks and you did not contact her. So she eventually decided to initiate texting. There is absolutely nothing wrong or needy about her behavior.

It speaks volumes for your self confidence that you think something must be wrong with her when she wants to see you again after having sex with you.

CQ: I don't think that's a weird way to feel. I have been in love with 3 girls in my life, and understand and accept that I may or may not find another one where we're compatible with each other and fall in love with each other. I would like to have that in my life, but it doesn't really bother me too much that I might not.

JW: "That girl could not have liked me. We spent less than an hour together actually talking. You like someone from spending a wide variety of time with them and getting to know them." Once again, you simply impose the way you think things should be onto other people. That's not the way things work. And you don't understand how attraction works.