JWhitt (and "FI") Dating/Relationship Issues Thread - Page 9 - EDF Forum

Spurious · 05-19-2011, 01:16 PM

A girlfriend is more than looks.

He has low self-esteem and feels the need to justify himself for ****ing a girl that might be not top quality lookswise.

I would tell him go ahead and do w/e you want, if he feels happy and enjoys it, there is no need to stop hanging out because of something as "worthless" as looks.

optionsguy · 05-19-2011, 01:17 PM

if he is your best friend as you say, then you should clearly be expressing these feelings to him. if you do and he still decides to be a pussy and "settle" then that's something he'll have to live with.

The-fryke · 05-19-2011, 01:17 PM

I think if this is the hottest girl he has slept with in 3 years he is delusional if he thinks he is settling, considering she has a cool personality as well

The-fryke · 05-19-2011, 01:24 PM

I also think looks are almost irrelevant in LTRs, as long as they are above your acceptable level, whatever that may be. (ie if your cutoff was a 7, I dont think a 9 would make that much of a difference. It might make it easier to stay faithful, but for me at least I still wanna bang every girl above said cutoff, it doesnt matter if they are hotter/less hot than a current GF). Other girls are always going to be exciting no matter how hot your GF is (tho in saying that I havent dated Jessica Alba so maybe at some stage this isnt the case??)

DcifrThs · 05-19-2011, 04:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by El Diablo

J,

Catch-22 here imo. What Dcifr says is IMO pretty right on, relationships are pretty doomed if you go into them feeling like you're settling. However, after he has banged a few really hot chicks that he gets bored with after a short time or turn out to be real bitches, he very easily might find himself regretting not getting more serious with this girl. But I don't think you can make that evaluation in a way that can work out until you've had a broader set of experiences with different types of women and really figured out the relative importance/value of looks/niceness/intelligence/personality/sex/etc to you in a relationship.

How old is this guy and where is he located?

i think a key here is the "pre girl" drought.

DcifrThs · 05-19-2011, 04:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by The-fryke

I also think looks are almost irrelevant in LTRs, as long as they are above your acceptable level, whatever that may be. (ie if your cutoff was a 7, I dont think a 9 would make that much of a difference. It might make it easier to stay faithful, but for me at least I still wanna bang every girl above said cutoff, it doesnt matter if they are hotter/less hot than a current GF). Other girls are always going to be exciting no matter how hot your GF is (tho in saying that I havent dated Jessica Alba so maybe at some stage this isnt the case??)

the guy who is ****ing jessica alba (great pick btw, that is my absolute fav and love seeing others agree. i get **** for this one as many think she's 'not that hot'...anyways, that's another discussion lol) has options equally as hot as jessica alba and still thinks about ****ing other girls ...

The-fryke · 05-19-2011, 04:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DcifrThs

the guy who is ****ing jessica alba (great pick btw, that is my absolute fav and love seeing others agree. i get **** for this one as many think she's 'not that hot'...anyways, that's another discussion lol) has options equally as hot as jessica alba and still thinks about ****ing other girls ...

Yeah that was pretty much what I was saying. Even if you had THE hottest girl alive, you would still think about banging other girls

JWhitt88 · 05-31-2011, 05:13 PM

Went out on a date with a girl last Wednesday (I picked up the phone and called her, per advice here) I met through a friend. Went really well, we ended up making out and she texted me when we got back that she had a great night, etc. We ended up texting about an inside joke from our date on Thursday and briefly texted Friday.

We didn't text from Friday to now as we were both away for the Memorial Day holiday and had plans that were outside our city. I think that was a smart move. I was down to party with my friends. I think it was total overkill to contact her at that time, as she was out of state and with her friends.

I was going to text her this time instead of call with details for Thursday and date #2.

Is this a really poor, badly worded opening text for tonight? Yeah, I know I shouldn't be thinking these things through but I don't want to F this one up.

"Hey, got back from (vacation spot) last night. You pull yourself away from (vacation spot) and get back to (her city)?"

Any suggestions welcome. I don't know why I'm overthinking the initial text after all went well up to this point. I've confidently done this on my own to this point.

I also can do a super lame, "How was (vacation spot)". Basically I want some intro into inviting her out on Thursday for date #2.

Cosines11 · 05-31-2011, 05:27 PM

not sure you need the "you pull yourself away" part.

What about just "Hey, hope you had a good Memorial Day break. Are you back in town?"

Or "Hey, hope you had a good time in (vacation spot). Are you back in town?"

JWhitt88 · 05-31-2011, 06:33 PM

By the way on our opening date the girl dropped the phrase "good girl" about herself 3 different times throughout the date. We ended up making out for a while and as mentioned above and had a solid date.

Anybody deal with this branding of themselves? Is that her way of telling me I'm going to have to work for sex for a while? It appears that way.

Basically what I'm saying is has anybody run into this and it had no effect? The girl was saying that to say it and it may end up not being true.

Mittens · 05-31-2011, 09:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JWhitt88

Basically what I'm saying is has anybody run into this and it had no effect? The girl was saying that to say it and it may end up not being true.

It can mean something or it can mean nothing.

I have had girls say this to me and then have sex with me within minutes (and hours within having met each other), whereas other girls have used this as a low-friction way to let me know to cool off for a date or two.

JWhitt88 · 05-31-2011, 11:30 PM

I'm fearing my scheduling may wreck a potential good thing with the girl I mentioned above.

Henry, I think got into this a little but when you are first dating how much time left in between meets is too much time?

Spoke with girl tonight and she was just getting back from her vacation. I wanted to contact her tonight since I'm busy with a work function tomorrow night and super busy at work this week. Plan was to do something Thurs. night.

I'm in a shore house all summer (about 2 hours away from my city) so I'm not around this upcoming weekend. Plan was to go to the shore house almost every weekend since I paid for it and my friends are down there.

Basically what happened here is that I met what appears to be a good looking, awesome girl that is somewhat into me, we've had some physical escalation, and my lack of ability to be around (I paid for this shore house, I'm going to go) may doom me.

Anyway, as mentioned, we originally were shooting for a Thursday date, for date #2.

She responded to my idea to meet up with, "Want to hear about your vacation...can I let you know tomorrow about Thursday, I feel I may need multiple nights of recovery"---she just got back from a vacation where I assume there was lots of partying.

If she wants to reschedule I may not be able to do this for another week or more since I have work functions next Tuesday, Wednesday, and possibly Thursday. Then I'm going to the shore again since thats my plan all summer. I can do Monday but I feel like I need a night of recovery from my weekend and its just awkward to do a Monday date IMO.

So

1) her response is not a copout, I'm assuming, since we chatted after that for a while via text and she kept asking me questions,etc. to keep conversation flowing. I know when girls are interested and not interested and unless I'm reading this wrong she's the former.

2) she mentioned possibly going to the shore I'm at this weekend because her friends have a house on my street from what she told me and before we met she was offered a spot in the house but backed out. That would be cool and we'd meet up. That might be a little desperate for her, though?

My main question is how long do you think "too long" is before she loses interest in me not being around. We've hung out twice and had good chemistry I'm just fearing my lack of being around and the timing of her getting back should lead me to just forget this even though this girl seems great.

Anything behind her backing out and wanting to re-schedule?

Also, should my schedule tell me to just ditch this girl? I'm all in on getting drunk, partying at the beach, and hooking up when the opportunity presents itself on the weekends.

I think she knows this, since she knows the shore house is all summer.

How often do you give up a potentially good thing because of timing? Any thoughts welcome on anything I wrote.

El Diablo · 06-01-2011, 12:19 AM

J,

She'll let you know about Thursday. If that works, great. If that doesn't work and she goes to the shore, see her there. If she doesn't go to the shore, invite her out next week. Not rocket science.

JWhitt88 · 06-01-2011, 11:28 AM

We re-scheduled for next Wednesday. She has a work volleyball game with her company that she didn't know about Thursday night. My friend works with her and plays on the team so it's legit I would imagine though didn't talk to him.

She did suggest another time.

I can feel the flake coming, though for next Wed. night. I believe that if you go too long between dates that's when the flakes come out.

I'll be away this weekend trying to hook up with girls and she could be meeting guys. Who knows what we will run into but from my experience exactly two weeks between first and second date is basically leading to failure.

JWhitt88 · 06-01-2011, 01:49 PM

Sorry for the annoying follow up but haven't gotten into the "scheduling conflict situation." Since we have a date planned for next Wednesday right now should I just contact her with details on Monday?

I haven't given her the specifics of where it will be yet (Planning that later, possibly an error).

How much conversation should we do via text before our date between now and then (remember I'm at the shore for the weekend).

I can just sense with so much time (2 weeks) in between last seeing each other that this opens itself up for a big time flake situation.