JWhitt (and "FI") Dating/Relationship Issues Thread - Page 8 - EDF Forum

Mittens · 05-04-2011, 03:56 PM

Yeah, most of the time he's right but it's not a hard and fast rule that a girl has something wrong with her if she hasn't been in a serious relationship for a while.

What's hilarious is that he thinks this phenomenon equates to not being able to find hot girls to date. At any given time in a relevant city there are hundreds or thousands of attractive, normal women who are single because they just left a relationship that wasn't quite right, just moved there, had their old SO move elsewhere, etc etc. Unless you live in the sticks this really shouldn't be an issue. Even if every normal girl only stayed single for 3 months exactly, that would mean there was a huge population to work with at any given time.

DcifrThs · 05-04-2011, 04:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JWhitt88

I'm saying hasn't BEEN in a relationship in 2-3 years. As in hasn't dated a guy for a while.

He meant this in two ways, one of which I didn't mention.

A) The girl is hot but been single for a long time (so she's nuts)
B) What I said in my first post...girl is ugly, socially awkward, or crazy

He basically was semi-bitching about not finding any hot girls to date because the hot ones who are normal are taken and he kept running into cases of A) and B) from going on some JDates and being set up.

woopsie. sorry, misread. thought you meant has never been in a long relationship...not hasn't been in a relationship for a long time lol.

yea mittens summed this one up nicely.

sards · 05-04-2011, 04:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mittens

Unless you live in the sticks this really shouldn't be an issue. Even if every normal girl only stayed single for 3 months exactly, that would mean there was a huge population to work with at any given time.

I don't really agree with this unless your definition of "the sticks" is "any city with population under a million." The problem can also be exacerbated by cultural differences. For example, where I live, there are plenty of hot girls, but they have a tendency to marry young, especially in comparison to places like NYC and LA.

Mittens · 05-04-2011, 05:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sards

I don't really agree with this unless your definition of "the sticks" is "any city with population under a million." The problem can also be exacerbated by cultural differences. For example, where I live, there are plenty of hot girls, but they have a tendency to marry young, especially in comparison to places like NYC and LA.

when I said "relevant city" I was referring to places that are of relevance to people of that age group. Population isn't so important as dynamism. Does your city have a good reason for date-able people of that age group to be there (good jobs, good schools, good scene)? If so you should have a huge population of date-able girls and a fresh batch every few months.

Assuming you're referring to Oklahoma when you say "where I live", I'm sure there are cultural differences, but it's mostly that Oklahoma isn't really a great spot to move to as a young person. You may have a lot of attractive people (I have no idea), but I doubt you have the churn of attractive people that even smaller east coast cities have, so you have fewer girls becoming single as they or their SOs move in or out of town.

This creates a cycle in which there's less incentive to become single because there aren't as many compelling options when single, and so everybody hitches up faster.

Zeth · 05-04-2011, 06:52 PM

From the perspective of anyone under 35, Oklahoma City and Tulsa are the sticks. Sorry.

GoodGame · 05-04-2011, 07:09 PM

i'd be more optimistic dating a girl who hasn't been in a relationship in 3yrs than a girl who has been in multiples ones over the same time.

i think what the poster's friend said can be true but i also think there's a lot of girls who just have all around high standards (not in a snobby way) and aren't willing to settle just to have companionship. that type of girl is the one i hope to marry years down the road.

NajdorfDefense · 05-04-2011, 08:15 PM

In NYC it would totally std for a girl in her mid-20s not to have been in a real relationship for 2-3 years. There are plenty of hot, single, fun-loving girls who are grinding 80 hrs a week somewhere, or used to do and quit, went back to school, etc.

Also, people tend to rationalize, like if you have a really intense 3-4 week relationship and then it blows up, you consider that 'not serious' 1-2 years later while at the time you were both thinking 'possible marriage material.'
Etc.

JWhitt88 · 05-18-2011, 06:13 PM

Doesn't it seem like 95% of trip reports/instances with random girls (guys meeting random girls) in this thread trying to get a read of whether "hero" is liked by said female ends up as a loss for the hero?

Females make it super obvious they want to S.Y.D. that if there is an confusion of whether the girl may or may not want to sleep with you you basically have your answer.

They make it obvious so if you think she "may" like you she doesn't.

JWhitt88 · 05-18-2011, 06:17 PM

Oh and by the way I've witnessed first hand in multiple big cities that if 2 random guys are hitting on a random girl the better looking one gets the girl every single time. I was standing at the bar talking with a group of guys/girls this past weekend when one dude approached an attractive girl. The guy was OK looking and seemed to have OK game.

He got blown off.

Later, while we were still chatting/watching the game, a much better looking guy came up to her, introduced himself, threw his boring game at her, "what do you do?", "where do you live?" etc with no humor and she was twirling her hair, giving off signals, and asking him a bunch of questions.

He left with her.

Mittens · 05-18-2011, 06:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JWhitt88

Doesn't it seem like 95% of trip reports/instances with random girls (guys meeting random girls) in this thread trying to get a read of whether "hero" is liked by said female ends up as a loss for the hero?

Females make it super obvious they want to S.Y.D. that if there is an confusion of whether the girl may or may not want to sleep with you you basically have your answer.

They make it obvious so if you think she "may" like you she doesn't.

Yeah that's not true. I'm good at this and I've certainly been confused about how girls who eventually slept with me (some very quickly) felt about me.

But then again I seem to remember last time you posted in this thread was with a gross oversimplification too.

Mittens · 05-18-2011, 06:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JWhitt88

Oh and by the way I've witnessed first hand in multiple big cities that if 2 random guys are hitting on a random girl the better looking one gets the girl every single time. I was standing at the bar talking with a group of guys/girls this past weekend when one dude approached an attractive girl. The guy was OK looking and seemed to have OK game.

He got blown off.

Later, while we were still chatting/watching the game, a much better looking guy came up to her, introduced himself, threw his boring game at her, "what do you do?", "where do you live?" etc with no humor and she was twirling her hair, giving off signals, and asking him a bunch of questions.

He left with her.

yeah that's not true either.

I've been on both sides of this not being true a decent bit.

JWhitt88 · 05-19-2011, 11:14 AM

Let's discuss the topic of settling for guys since I don't think I've seen that discussed on here.

I have a very good friend (arguably best friend) that has been friends with a girl for a while. They just started having sex a month ago randomly. She really likes him now. He likes her but enjoys his freedom as a single guy in a big city. She's OK looking (good body, very mediocre face). Please be advised that he may like her more than he lets on but she definitely likes him.

She wants a relationship. He enjoys the sex and her company but believes he can do better looks wise and doesn't necessarily want to be clamped down because of work and the fact that he *may* or *should* be able to do better.

In fact when other friends found out they've been hooking up they all reacted with "Really? They are hooking up? I guess whatever makes him happy."

In the last 3 years he hasn't banged a girl hotter than this girl but we all believe if he got into better shape and approached more often he could definitely do better. In fact he's basically been in a slump with girls.

When should a guy settle? We know this girl, btw, and she's 100% normal and cool. She's also good in bed but like I've mentioned a few times she's not all that incredibly good looking.

DcifrThs · 05-19-2011, 11:26 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JWhitt88

Let's discuss the topic of settling for guys since I don't think I've seen that discussed on here.

I have a very good friend (arguably best friend) that has been friends with a girl for a while. They just started having sex a month ago randomly. She really likes him now. He likes her but enjoys his freedom as a single guy in a big city. She's OK looking (good body, very mediocre face). Please be advised that he may like her more than he lets on but she definitely likes him.

She wants a relationship. He enjoys the sex and her company but believes he can do better looks wise and doesn't necessarily want to be clamped down because of work and the fact that he *may* or *should* be able to do better.

In fact when other friends found out they've been hooking up they all reacted with "Really? They are hooking up? I guess whatever makes him happy."

In the last 3 years he hasn't banged a girl hotter than this girl but we all believe if he got into better shape and approached more often he could definitely do better. In fact he's basically been in a slump with girls.

When should a guy settle? We know this girl, btw, and she's 100% normal and cool. She's also good in bed but like I've mentioned a few times she's not all that incredibly good looking.

VERY clearly this relationship won't work long term. if he feels he's settling, isn't PROUD to show her around to friends/family etc., there's a problem.

he should be honest and clear with his intentions w/ his friend, now fwb. do NOT lead her on, do NOT get in a relationship with her.

so to answer your question, for the long term (assuming your friend is looking for something 'serious' in the grand scheme of things), i don't think a guy should ever settle. maybe i'm biased b/c i met basically my dream girl lol but even when dating/seeing other less cool/hot girls, i knew i would not 'settle' for something. i'd rather be casually dating than in a relationship where i didn't feel proud as hell to bring my gf anywhere to meet anybody.

just my opinion but yea, your friend should feel like "look at who i landed" when introducing his gf or whatever. if not, then don't get that serious.

NOTE: i'm not saying looks are everything. in fact, i know guys who are VERY happy w/ their sig.others and i wouldn't think they would be but they're in love and they feel very proud introducing their gfs to whomever. so this isn't an objective looks thing it's a how much does this guy like the girl thing. given that you, your friends, and the guy hooking up w/ this girl all feel the same way (with the latter being by far the most important), then this is an easy one imo.

JWhitt88 · 05-19-2011, 12:37 PM

I feel like he's justified it to me recently though.

"I know her face isn't great but she's got a great body, is good at sex, and she's got an awesome personality."

It's almost like he's convincing himself and is trying to push off what others say. I think I've done a decent job describing the girl but she's definitely not hideous. She's not a girl people are turning down drunk. It's just that for myself and my group of friends nobody finds her particularly hot or a girl you'd want to "show around."

Considering he's known this girl for years I don't know how this one ends up. He likes having regular sex and knows that he can't be a dick to this girl since they've been basically long term friends.

He just doesn't want to reach the "so where are we?" stage that happens when you and a girl have been hooking up routinely over a period of time and she wants to assure the guy doesn't have sex with someone else.

He wants to keep things where they are so he gets sex out of it and he doesn't have to let her down. Actually I think he may get into the relationship and settle since he's weak and doesn't want to make a hard decision.

El Diablo · 05-19-2011, 01:13 PM

J,

Catch-22 here imo. What Dcifr says is IMO pretty right on, relationships are pretty doomed if you go into them feeling like you're settling. However, after he has banged a few really hot chicks that he gets bored with after a short time or turn out to be real bitches, he very easily might find himself regretting not getting more serious with this girl. But I don't think you can make that evaluation in a way that can work out until you've had a broader set of experiences with different types of women and really figured out the relative importance/value of looks/niceness/intelligence/personality/sex/etc to you in a relationship.

How old is this guy and where is he located?