JWhitt (and "FI") Dating/Relationship Issues Thread - Page 4 - EDF Forum

optionsguy · 08-26-2010, 01:20 PM

yea i mean it was a first date. not all girls are gonna suck your dick after 1 dinner.

Henry17 · 08-26-2010, 01:23 PM

Dinner date isn't bad as long as it is the first half and then you have something else like drinks at a lounge. The two biggest concerns though is that you are basically looking at six or more hours of which you can't press abort for the first two to three hours.

Just dinner with nothing else though is not a good choice.

JWhitt88 · 08-26-2010, 01:27 PM

Yeah we went to a bar after dinner but it was only booths so we sat across from each other. I don't know, I think I'm in an ok position but I didn't do enough sexually. The question is will this doom me (am I already doomed) or am I at a normal point? If she said a few times she had fun and want to do this again I think I can rebound or progress.

She drinks but isn't a huge drinker and said she's cut back a lot since college.

I was looking for an alternative activity to get more sexual escalation. I'll have to continue to think.

I'm in NYC so there's options for sure.

M0n3y0nf$r3 · 08-26-2010, 01:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JWhitt88

Any suggestions for a bottle of alcohol to purchase to have in case it gets back to my place?

Really no excuse to not have 3-5 bottles of your staple spirits stocked at your place. You never know when an after hours situation can fall into your lap.

I am surprised at the wine suggestions. Maybe we are dealing with different demographics. I have met one early twenties girl who wanted to party with wine... didn't take much convincing to switch to vodka.

optionsguy · 08-26-2010, 01:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JWhitt88

Yeah we went to a bar after dinner but it was only booths so we sat across from each other. I don't know, I think I'm in an ok position but I didn't do enough sexually. The question is will this doom me (am I already doomed) or am I at a normal point? If she said a few times she had fun and want to do this again I think I can rebound or progress.

She drinks but isn't a huge drinker and said she's cut back a lot since college.

I was looking for an alternative activity to get more sexual escalation. I'll have to continue to think.

I'm in NYC so there's options for sure.

find a lounge-type place where you can kick back and sit next to her on a couch and listen to live music that's not so loud you can still talk and increase physical conduct.

M0n3y0nf$r3 · 08-26-2010, 01:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JWhitt88

I don't know, I think I'm in an ok position but I didn't do enough sexually. The question is will this doom me (am I already doomed) or am I at a normal point?

Sounds like you made no sexual escalation over the course of the date. Then it is ending... "Oh ****, time to go for the make out." It is important to establish a physical/sexual relationship far earlier into the night.

Think about things you can do to escalate prior to the date so you don't miss easy opportunities. Don't pick a date that involves a 3x5 piece of wood between you two. Even standing at a bar allows exponentially more opportunities.

JWhitt88 · 08-26-2010, 02:02 PM

I don't know what I could do. We flirted a good deal, maybe the spot I chose wasn't good. I thought it was all positive since the length and her saying that she wanted to go out again, now I'm doubting myself.

Henry17 · 08-26-2010, 02:16 PM

I wouldn't be too worried. I personally find that people put too much value in physical escalation. I'm not saying it doesn't have importance but at least in my experience not as much as people give it.

shirokuraudo · 08-26-2010, 02:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JWhitt88

I thought it was all positive since the length and her saying that she wanted to go out again, now I'm doubting myself.

Never doubt the length!

...What I meant to say is that you need to be making small probe bets throughout the night to gather information before just shoving your chips in on the river, or you'll go busto.

[Analogy: Be semi-aggressive throughout the night, don't just jump into a kiss if all you've done is talk all night. Grab her hands (gently), put your arm around her, etc. and if she seems comfortable, you're good to kiss and maybe more depending on where it all leads. If not, muck and wait for a better hand.]

Yeah, I totally just made a dating analogy out of poker. You've just gotta be more physical if you expect physical results. Stay out of the "friend zone." (Thanks Good Luck Chuck). And...good luck.

M0n3y0nf$r3 · 08-26-2010, 02:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JWhitt88

now I'm doubting myself.

Don't sweat it, sounds like you did fine. But doesn't mean you can't explore ways to improve on second date.

Cosines11 · 08-26-2010, 02:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JWhitt88

I don't know what I could do. We flirted a good deal, maybe the spot I chose wasn't good. I thought it was all positive since the length and her saying that she wanted to go out again, now I'm doubting myself.

whoa whoa whoa

bro, relax. you guys went on a first date, had good convo the whole time and kissed a little at the end. I'd say that is a pretty fuggin successful first date, especially if this is a girl you want to actually have a relationship with and not just bang.

take the advice given on here and go to a bar/lounge type place for a second date and see what happens.

JWhitt88 · 08-26-2010, 03:21 PM

I overreacted. She just texted me she had fun. We discussed seeing each other again just now. She writes for a newsletter and has a deadline for Wednesday and I can't do anything after Wednesday next week because I'm going to the US Open and then the shore for Labor Day so our schedules suck. Unfortunately we may have to push date #2 back until after Labor Day.

^I'm also away this weekend at the Jersey Shore.

JWhitt88 · 08-26-2010, 04:37 PM

Yeah, we're going out next Wednesday. Her deadline ends Tuesday night so she's free and so am I. I'll try to do some research for a good NYC lounge so I can improve on the sexual escalation.

burkoboy · 08-26-2010, 04:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JWhitt88

Yeah, we're going out next Wednesday. Her deadline ends Tuesday night so she's free and so am I. I'll try to do some research for a good NYC lounge so I can improve on the sexual escalation.

what night are you going out? I'm a nyc'er and I can probably give you some a few good places...

also... how much are you looking to spend per drink? any food?

Peppmill · 08-26-2010, 04:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JWhitt88

Yeah, we're going out next Wednesday. Her deadline ends Tuesday night so she's free and so am I.

Quote:

Originally Posted by burkoboy

what night are you going out?