JWhitt (and "FI") Dating/Relationship Issues Thread - Page 142 - EDF Forum

LucidDream · 06-11-2012, 12:53 PM

Well, sounds like you just kept things Jr. High and had a really nice conversation with her for a couple hours. If you want more to happen you're going to have to make it happen. What did you think, she was going to suggest you guys go get a room and then offer to pay for it?

Deldar182 · 06-11-2012, 01:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JWhitt88

I didn't think it was appropriate in the position we were in (standing on a balcony).

lol que

reason you didn't do anything is probably lack of sexualisation/expression of intent. Don't just expect girls to pounce on you, because it really isn't going to happen very often, especially from the sounds of you. You need to make the moves forward and not be afraid of rejection, even if you are taller or richer than them.

Attitudes like "I'm probably no chance with her" are going to become a self fulfilling prophecy for you, and have probably been a long running theme in all your romantic prospects.

What you seem to be doing is protecting yourself from your seeming fear of rejection. "If I don't try, I can't get turned down/hurt". Probably stems from low self esteem or something /armchairpsychguessitt

JWhitt88 · 06-11-2012, 01:43 PM

I don't know why I even post stuff here. My friends understood the situation and understood it was a tough spot I was in to make things happen with her. I'm a normal guy that has hooked up with girls before. I pulled this off 3 weeks ago with another girl. I don't need a lecture on all my supposed mental mistakes I make with girls by people that don't know me.

I was more looking for thoughts on whether or not you think I have a reasonable chance the rest of the summer or the fact that nothing happened on Saturday will doom me.

DcifrThs · 06-11-2012, 01:49 PM

jw, very clear to me you missed an opportunity here. no reason not to kiss her given everything you said. ESPECIALLY sitting on a balcony at night. that's like the perfect place. i bet dollars to donuts she's wondering wtf you were thinking not kissing her.

in terms of the rest of the summer, you just have to see how things go. the way you paint the picture (pessimistically in terms of opportunity) it may not present itself again. i don't see why not though as you live right below her. next party you have, hang out/drink etc. again and that time make a move.

LucidDream · 06-11-2012, 01:49 PM

JW,

You're out on the balcony, just the 2 of you for over 2 hours. Why did nothing happen? Why is that a bad spot as opposed to being crammed in a room full of 100 people?

I mean if your alone with her for over 2 hours and you don't do anything then I think your chances in the future aren't that great but only because it seems like you will probably never make a move. Some of the guys you live with probably could make it happen 90%+.

JWhitt88 · 06-11-2012, 01:58 PM

We were standing on the balcony, yes, but it was still light out at the time. I personally didn't want to be the guy making a move on a girl when there are 100 people looking up at us (the party was going on in our backyard down below). It didn't feel right. I don't know what to say. I know when it feels right, it didn't feel right. I literally thought a much better situation would present itself in a few hours. It just never did.

El Diablo · 06-11-2012, 02:05 PM

J,

I think you might have overcome that when drunk together another weekend except for the fact that you prob made her think you're all stalkery with texting her and then waiting back at her place after not meeting up with them at the bar.

JWhitt88 · 06-11-2012, 02:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by El Diablo

J,

I think you might have overcome that when drunk together another weekend except for the fact that you prob made her think you're all stalkery with texting her and then waiting back at her place after not meeting up with them at the bar.

This is as far from the truth of my intentions. I wanted to continue partying upstairs and went up there with 2 friends. She can read it like that, and may have. She didn't really seem weirded out when she saw me. I was having a bunch of fun with her housemates so it wasn't like I was standing awkwardly in the corner by myself.

El Diablo · 06-11-2012, 02:51 PM

J,

Do you normally hang out and party w/ them upstairs? If so, prob no big deal. If you don't hang out with them normally, then she prob thought it was a little creepy.

JWhitt88 · 06-11-2012, 02:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by El Diablo

J,

Do you normally hang out and party w/ them upstairs? If so, prob no big deal. If you don't hang out with them normally, then she prob thought it was a little creepy.

Not usually but I have. I mean I was upstairs a few hours ago with her and was upstairs throughout the day on Saturday. That's where we met. But as far as late night stuff not usually. I did have a friend with me and the people were enjoying our company, telling us to come up more often, etc. But there is a chance she found it creepy though when I was up there I didn't really talk to her. I was in the middle of a drinking game. I guess if she thought it was preplanned that completely ruins my chances when, as mentioned, it wasn't my intention at all.

JWhitt88 · 06-11-2012, 03:04 PM

By the way if you are serious and my decision to take the guy's offer to join them upstairs for late night drinking games completely erases the 2 hours we spent getting to know each other and the attraction that it looks like we have then this is as difficult as I say it is.

I'm not going to be upset about this. She doesn't live anywhere near NY and this would strictly be a summer thing anyway so there is no relationship potential here. Plus, she's older and I prefer to date younger.

Deldar182 · 06-11-2012, 03:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Deldar182

Attitudes like "I'm probably no chance with her" are going to become a self fulfilling prophecy for you, and have probably been a long running theme in all your romantic prospects.

Quote:

Originally Posted by JWhitt88

I was more looking for thoughts on whether or not you think I have a reasonable chance the rest of the summer or the fact that nothing happened on Saturday will doom me.

Read: Looking for a reason to abort completely

Quote:

Originally Posted by JWhitt88

I was in the middle of a drinking game. I guess if she thought it was preplanned that completely ruins my chances when, as mentioned, it wasn't my intention at all.

Quote:

Originally Posted by JWhitt88

join them upstairs for late night drinking games completely erases the 2 hours we spent getting to know each other and the attraction that it looks like we have then this is as difficult as I say it is.

I'm not going to be upset about this. She doesn't live anywhere near NY and this would strictly be a summer thing anyway so there is no relationship potential here. Plus, she's older and I prefer to date younger.

yay reason found! I didn't want her anyway. Sound familiar?

Not that I'm some sort of pimp, and I haven't been following this thread very long, or closely, but personally I think Jwhitt sounds like he needs to go out on a limb here and get slapped in the face a few times just to see that it's not that big a deal. I think if they are in a house the entire summer that he will most certainly get another chance as long as he isn't as retarded in person as he comes off here. What do you stand to lose, Jwhitt?

edavis09 · 06-11-2012, 04:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Deldar182

Read: Looking for a reason to abort completely

yay reason found! I didn't want her anyway. Sound familiar?

Not that I'm some sort of pimp, and I haven't been following this thread very long, or closely, but personally I think Jwhitt sounds like he needs to go out on a limb here and get slapped in the face a few times just to see that it's not that big a deal. I think if they are in a house the entire summer that he will most certainly get another chance as long as he isn't as retarded in person as he comes off here. What do you stand to lose, Jwhitt?

+1

Jwhitt, you need to man the **** up.

Or don't so I can go down the shore this summer and capitalize on your constant hesitation to advance with these girls; unless they're fugly ldo...

Make_My_Day · 06-11-2012, 06:03 PM

Don't thank me now,but one day,when you grow up,and mature,you will look back at this post as the best advice you had ever gotten.
It will save you thousands of $$,and countless hours of wining & dining,where you only end up sending 100's of texts wondering when you can waste your time doing it again.

-You need some serious professional help.
-Not long term,but something along the lines of four weekend sessions.
-I guarantee you that after one month,when you walk into your local watering hole,all of your friends,and acquaintances,will sense the change in the new you.
-Even women whom you have never met will recognize your overpowering air of confidence.
-And you won't have to chase them.They'll pursue you.
-But,and this is a dealbreaker,you have to hire the SAME hooker each time for it to work.

Good luck!!

JWhitt88 · 06-19-2012, 12:22 PM

Fact of the matter is that I've realized that it has nothing to do with my personality whether I get girls or not. This thread has it completely wrong. Nobody knows me and this whole "I'm not interesting" is about as far from the truth as I've come to realize over the last year. It's my personality that is around a 85-90 whereas my sexual attractiveness is in the 60s for some odd reason even though I'm in good shape and almost six feet so height shouldn't hurt me. I have a really large amount of friends and am constantly getting calls, texts, etc. to hang out with a variety of girls and guys. If my personality was so boring this wouldn't happen. I have girls laughing all the time and it going nowhere.

The guys getting girls are the opposite. They have the 85-90 sexual attractiveness due to looks and height. That's much more valuable than the 60 sexual attractiveness and 85 personality.

Girls are much more visual than people let on. They are much closer to guys in that regard.

Most of all these hookups occur when people are buzzed, to drunk, to blackout drunk, to on the verge of having their stomachs pumped. You think girls are hanging on every word guys say? Do people in this forum go to parties where people get drunk or art events with a one drink maximum?

I'm not bitching. I know that the girls I've hooked up with in my career and recently had nothing to do with being particularly interesting or interesting. This has all come to me in the last few weeks.

Last girl I hooked up with was a friend of a friend 3 weeks ago. My friend told me when she was in the bathroom that she thought I was really cute. I was pretty drunk that night. I wasn't "on." I know right off the bat by the way that she shook my hand and talked to me that she was into me. I hadn't spoken more than 10 words and I was fully aware of this.

These girls, due to looks, make up their mind who they want to hook up with close to 80% of the time within the first few minutes of conversation while out and drunk.

Two examples from this past weekend.

Girl who is best friends with a girl in my shore house just broke up with her boyfriend. She comes down shore. She had seen pictures of my friend in photos with her friend. She told her friend, "wow he's hot." Friend agreed to introduce them. My friend had come from another party (this is around 10 PM) and was basically speaking Chinese he was so drunk when he met her. The girl and him proceeded to make out and fool around after talking for 20 minutes before he was so drunk he passed out. You think she was so floored by his awesome personality before making out with him? Or had she met up her mind, in route to the shore, that she wanted to hook up with him this past weekend?

Second example. Guy who is about 6 foot 4 and looks like a Russian model was at a party. Two girls were talking about how they wanted to meet him because he was their "type". Now, they did, and his personality was so ****ty that they only talked for a minute each because he had nothing to say.

I met him and it was absolutely painful. I couldn't wait to get away. Now, samsonh and other geniuses will claim that somebody can be awesome with girls and not be able to have a 2 minute conversation. That me, with a good amount of social options, must be boring as hell even though people enjoy me around (both guys and girls).

I'll agree that personality will kill it but if this guy had an ounce of personality he would have had either girl based on being sought out.

It works like this.

Guys, when drunk, will hook up with anything skinny and normal looking in their vicinty.

The hookups occur LARGELY (like 80%+) when the girl SEEKS the guy out because she wants him (predetermined in her mind). Not because he approaches her and changes her mind with 45 minutes of fun, flirty talk.

All the relationships I can think of is when the girl was interested in the guy FIRST. They though he was hot/cute/or he was in some position in life (fraternity president, famous athlete, etc.). This whole work on your inner game and you'll get girls is such BS DCrif insanity that won't get you anywhere.

The best thing you can do is hopefully be put in social situations throughout the year where a cute girl is into your style and looks.

That's why there has been repeated conversation in all these threads about how bar approaches are largely a waste of time. It's all about the girls interest level in the guy based on looks/status and cannot be overturned if you talk to them and make them laugh/flirt.

Rant over.

Can't wait to hear all the people tell me if you work on inner game or some other BS DCrif talks about that things will magically change. The girl will look at you and determine if she wants to have sex with you.