Dating/Relationship General Advice Thread - Volume 9 --Spring 2010 Edition - Page 63 - EDF Forum

OMGMileyCyrus · 06-25-2010, 09:36 AM

Never posted in here before but figured what the hell I have never really had this situation before so here goes. I met this girl at a bar about 4 months back we started talking, going on dates, being sexual etc etc. She was openly honest about struggling to get over her ex (which I know should of been a sign right there) but I really liked her and was willing to tough it out. Anyways I eventually get a text saying Sorry I am going to give it another shot with my ex, which I was like blah cause I really really like the girl. My problem is she still calls and texts me telling me she likes me but then tells me she loves her ex. Guess my question is do I just let it go and ignore her? Do I stick around ?

Sciolist · 06-25-2010, 09:45 AM

I don't see how sticking around helps at all. You can just say "I like you too, but you chose your ex so let's stop texting please" and ignore her thereafter. It sounds like you may not have been too clear with her where you stood before (she's still texting you afterall), so I'd rather give a reason for ignoring her in the future than just cutting her straight off.

OMGMileyCyrus · 06-25-2010, 09:54 AM

When I say stick around I don't mean like hang around waiting for her to stop talking to this guy, she has openly told me she is still confused and doesn't know what to do. So I think by stick around i mean still be part of her life ish till she actually figures out what she wants (not that it ever works out that way we all know she will just continue to drag it out till one of us walks away). So I mean do I just say "well you picked him so see ya later".

I should probably mention I have never connected with a girl like I have with her and I honestly mean that I have been with tons of girls, and I truly feel like if we ever got a fair shot at it we could of been real good together.

Henry17 · 06-25-2010, 09:56 AM

It really comes down to what you want out of this. I don't believe in ever allowing low effort communication to develop because then you end up with **** like this and with girls who you don't know if they are interested or not.

Since it is a little late for that I would just cut her off and move on. Four months in a girl is not worth the hassle of dealing with BS. Developing a next mentality at the first sign of any BS makes life so much easier. It is one thing if you have an established relationship but anything under a year insta-drop at the first issue. Not only does it make life easier it also cuts down on BS in future relationships.

If you keep her hanging around then odds are you'll get a second shot next time they break up / fight but then you have to go forward with this being nothing more than a casual sex relationship. If you are all gaga over her then just removing her from your life is much easier.

OMGMileyCyrus · 06-25-2010, 10:04 AM

True say like I am not all gaga over her I just lol so hard to explain like I like her it was nothign serious but I have just flat out never connected liek that before. I dated a girl for almost 5 years and we didn't even have the same connections I had with this one so I was just trying to see if that should alter how I handle the situation. If it was just some girl I was getting to know and banging well ya this BS wouldn't be worth it at all, but seems that even having feelings this BS isn't worth it lol.

VoraciousReader · 06-25-2010, 11:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by OMGMileyCyrus

When I say stick around I don't mean like hang around waiting for her to stop talking to this guy, she has openly told me she is still confused and doesn't know what to do. So I think by stick around i mean still be part of her life ish till she actually figures out what she wants (not that it ever works out that way we all know she will just continue to drag it out till one of us walks away). So I mean do I just say "well you picked him so see ya later".

I should probably mention I have never connected with a girl like I have with her and I honestly mean that I have been with tons of girls, and I truly feel like if we ever got a fair shot at it we could of been real good together.

If you continue to allow her to contact you, she gets all the benefits of being with him AND the ego boost of having another guy interested in her AND the fun of enjoying whatever things about having you around made her life better.

If you ever want anything romantic with this girl at all you can not allow this to continue. Why should she lose the boyfriend when she can still have your attention and companionship? And there's a good chance that whatever the unsatisfactory parts of her relationship with her ex led to the original breakup (insensitive/not enough time for me/doesn't listen/etc) she can now get filled by YOU so she could stay with him even longer.

Cut her off, nicely and politely, but finally. If she still contacts you, reply with "as long as you're still dating Billy, I really don't think we have anything to say to each other." She will then try to make you feel guilty for not wanting to be her friend. But unless you want to be her friend that she bitches to about her bf until she eventually breaks up with him only to start dating somebody else (still not you), end it now.

Obviously the chance of anything romantic happening are slim now, but they are nonexistent if you continue to contact her. Plus, assuming there is no chance and moving on is best for you in any event.

godofgamblers · 06-25-2010, 11:59 AM

So my friend is going crazy (I only know because he's making me drink with him like 4x a week) cause his girlfriend of 2 years admitted she cheated on him with an ex twice during their first two(?ish) months of dating. Her and the ex still talk on an irregular basis.

I wasn't sure what to tell him, so I went with dude that was 2 years ago when you first started going out, she probably liked him more than you at the time unfortunately but now she's obviously with you. His stance is once a cheater always a cheater, but he feels like an ass breaking it up over something that happened 2 years ago which doesn't have much relation to now.

Do you count it as cheating? Should it affect your relationship in any meaningful way ? Any advice whether it's to break it up or to stay together is fine as long as it'll help him get over it faster one way or another.

Henry17 · 06-25-2010, 12:00 PM

Why did she admit to it now?

godofgamblers · 06-25-2010, 12:10 PM

I don't really know the specifics about that. All he said was he found out, whether she told him or he found it independently somehow I don't know. We don't actually talk about the issue that much, but when a guy rarely goes out to drink and then suddenly drinks 4x a week and possibly more, I'm assuming that's the reason. If it's normal going otu and having fun I wouldn't mind, but it's the binge-totally trashed drinking that makes it terrible.

Henry17 · 06-25-2010, 04:48 PM

Cheat for girls is very different than cheating for guys (in most cases) so you can relive him of the idea that once a cheater always a cheater. For the most part girls cheat based for situational reasons so there is no greater likelihood of her cheating again than of any girl cheating. Beyond that without knowing them both and a lot of other stuff no one can tell you what he should do.

El Diablo · 06-25-2010, 04:56 PM

OMG,

What VR said.

sayid_the_saviour · 06-25-2010, 05:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Henry17

Cheat for girls is very different than cheating for guys (in most cases) so you can relive him of the idea that once a cheater always a cheater. For the most part girls cheat based for situational reasons so there is no greater likelihood of her cheating again than of any girl cheating. Beyond that without knowing them both and a lot of other stuff no one can tell you what he should do.

henry what do you think about him having sex with his GF's sister, or something along those lines, to get even?

Henry17 · 06-25-2010, 07:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sayid_the_saviour

henry what do you think about him having sex with his GF's sister, or something along those lines, to get even?

That is pretty ****ed up. I think the lack of a filter might be part of your problem. Thinking something like this is ****ed but even most people who would then have the good sense to not voice it.

sayid_the_saviour · 06-25-2010, 08:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Henry17

That is pretty ****ed up. I think the lack of a filter might be part of your problem. Thinking something like this is ****ed but even most people who would then have the good sense to not voice it.

okay. what about him having sex with like a few random girls he meets? then she did something bad to him, and now he does something bad to her so they can move past it.

mrducks · 06-25-2010, 09:02 PM

2wrongs don't make a right. Cheating on her with someone is not the answer. If he feels like he's owed a free pass for sex with someone else, he should get he to agree to a threesome with some other girl. That way, she is there and it is not cheating but he gets something for her cheating.

If you get punched by someone and you go to court, the court doesn't let you punch that person back but you get financial compensation for your pain and suffering. Well, the threesome is the equivalent of financial compensation for his pain and suffering.

I know this sounds stupid but it makes sense. Or she should just do something for him to make up for it. Threesome just seems like a very rewarding compensation for her past cheating.