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Old 03-05-2012, 10:15 PM   #6001
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Re: Dating/Relationship General Advice Thread - Volume 9 --Spring 2010 Edition

Dcifr,

"that wasn't a typical dcifr craziness thing."

I just saw a lot of formulas and variables and stuff. Ask whatever that was in plain English and I'm happy to answer!
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Old 03-06-2012, 12:09 AM   #6002
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Re: Dating/Relationship General Advice Thread - Volume 9 --Spring 2010 Edition

Lucid,

Since it's keeping it real time around here, I find your constant usage of u and ur quite annoying!

Nice work w/ the Marlo quote, though. Very appropriate.
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Old 03-06-2012, 12:56 AM   #6003
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Re: Dating/Relationship General Advice Thread - Volume 9 --Spring 2010 Edition

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Lucid,

Since it's keeping it real time around here, I find your constant usage of u and ur quite annoying!

Nice work w/ the Marlo quote, though. Very appropriate.
It's a bad habit made worse by the fact that almost all my posts these days are made from my phone. I'll work on it though.
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Old 03-06-2012, 07:09 AM   #6004
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Re: Dating/Relationship General Advice Thread - Volume 9 --Spring 2010 Edition

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CQ: I don't think that's a weird way to feel. I have been in love with 3 girls in my life, and understand and accept that I may or may not find another one where we're compatible with each other and fall in love with each other. I would like to have that in my life, but it doesn't really bother me too much that I might not.
CQ, ED:

Yikes. I'd tend to think that's really pessimistic and sucks. Mind if I ask what the long term plan is? I think not looking for love at a young age is the right way to do it, but I can't imagine being ok with thinking it won't happen (again).

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Lucid,

Since it's keeping it real time around here, I find your constant usage of u and ur quite annoying!
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It's a bad habit made worse by the fact that almost all my posts these days are made from my phone. I'll work on it though.
, it really distracts from the content of your posts.


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There is no variety to nightlife in NYC? And we're trolling?
dear thread,

occum's razor.

-Mitts
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Old 03-06-2012, 12:54 PM   #6005
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Re: Dating/Relationship General Advice Thread - Volume 9 --Spring 2010 Edition

Mittens,

Long term plan? I don't know exactly. I could end up sticking with the girl I'm currently with indefinitely I suppose. Like I said, things are fine, we get along great, rarely fight. There's just no "love" whatever that means. But I sincerely don't think it's a problem with the girl! I think I'm just not wired to fall in love. Like I've said, I have felt what I thought could be "love" in the past, but it ends up always being just that early stage euphoria that wears away after a month or two or three.

She knows my entire stance on all of this stuff too, so it's not like I'm being dishonest with her in any way.
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Old 03-06-2012, 01:05 PM   #6006
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Re: Dating/Relationship General Advice Thread - Volume 9 --Spring 2010 Edition

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Mittens,

Long term plan? I don't know exactly. I could end up sticking with the girl I'm currently with indefinitely I suppose. Like I said, things are fine, we get along great, rarely fight. There's just no "love" whatever that means. But I sincerely don't think it's a problem with the girl! I think I'm just not wired to fall in love. Like I've said, I have felt what I thought could be "love" in the past, but it ends up always being just that early stage euphoria that wears away after a month or two or three.

She knows my entire stance on all of this stuff too, so it's not like I'm being dishonest with her in any way.
I'd think you're both settling, but I'm just a guy on the internet. Love is a really cool thing, and it's separate from the early stage euphoria. I have no idea if you're wired to feel it, but I don't think you'd necessarily know if you were one way or another. I, and the history of human experience, suggest that it's probably worth exploring other, potentially more ambitious relationships to make sure you can't feel love because of the great, lifelong benefits that occur in the (maybe) rare situation where you can.
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Old 03-06-2012, 01:07 PM   #6007
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Re: Dating/Relationship General Advice Thread - Volume 9 --Spring 2010 Edition

Mitts,

"Yikes. I'd tend to think that's really pessimistic and sucks. Mind if I ask what the long term plan is?"

The long term plan is to keep going out with women and hopefully fall in love again. Historically I've connected with someone at that level every few years or so, but lots of things have to align right for that to happen. I think it's a mixture of pessimism, reality, and semantics, though. My personal bar for what I consider "being in love" and DEFINITELY for telling someone I love them is a lot higher than lots of other people, so some of this just comes down to semantics.
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Old 03-06-2012, 01:09 PM   #6008
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Re: Dating/Relationship General Advice Thread - Volume 9 --Spring 2010 Edition

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Mitts,

"Yikes. I'd tend to think that's really pessimistic and sucks. Mind if I ask what the long term plan is?"

The long term plan is to keep going out with women and hopefully fall in love again. Historically I've connected with someone at that level every few years or so, but lots of things have to align right for that to happen. I think it's a mixture of pessimism, reality, and semantics, though. My personal bar for what I consider "being in love" and DEFINITELY for telling someone I love them is a lot higher than lots of other people, so some of this just comes down to semantics.
that sounds perfectly reasonable and healthy. I read a lot more pessimism in your first post, not really sure why now that I re-read it.
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Old 03-06-2012, 01:09 PM   #6009
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Re: Dating/Relationship General Advice Thread - Volume 9 --Spring 2010 Edition

The issue is more likely to be with him and not with the relationship. It's unusual enough to where I'd want to go through the entire battery of tests to make sure there isn't some issue, medical or psychological, that's actively preventing me from feeling love.
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Old 03-06-2012, 01:14 PM   #6010
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Re: Dating/Relationship General Advice Thread - Volume 9 --Spring 2010 Edition

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The issue is more likely to be with him and not with the relationship. It's unusual enough to where I'd want to go through the entire battery of tests to make sure there isn't some issue, medical or psychological, that's actively preventing me from feeling love.
Just to be clear, you're not implying that men and women 'feel love' in the same way, correct?
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Old 03-06-2012, 01:14 PM   #6011
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Re: Dating/Relationship General Advice Thread - Volume 9 --Spring 2010 Edition

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The issue is more likely to be with him and not with the relationship. It's unusual enough to where I'd want to go through the entire battery of tests to make sure there isn't some issue, medical or psychological, that's actively preventing me from feeling love.
really? I'd think the same sort of girlfriend who is allegedly completely OK with being tolerated and respected in perpetuity is the same sort of girlfriend who isn't likely to inspire the passion deep within CQ.

But again, I'm a guy on the internet with two posts worth of info.

Last edited by Mittens; 03-06-2012 at 01:14 PM. Reason: But yeah, he should see a therapist before he breaks up with her.
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Old 03-06-2012, 01:30 PM   #6012
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Re: Dating/Relationship General Advice Thread - Volume 9 --Spring 2010 Edition

CQ/Mitts/skunk:

CQ - how old are you? I read CQ's posts as a much less serious issue than you guys.

I feel like "Like I've said, I have felt what I thought could be "love" in the past, but it ends up always being just that early stage euphoria that wears away after a month or two or three." is the way lots of people feel until they finally find someone they connect with at a deeper level, at which point they change their stance on "love." I've seen it happen lots of times. I don't think it's that unusual not to have experienced that love at a relatively young age (I'm assuming CQ is in his 20s).

"I could end up sticking with the girl I'm currently with indefinitely I suppose. Like I said, things are fine, we get along great, rarely fight." also sounds pretty standard as far as the type of relationship that lots of people settle into. Lots of people get stuck in comfortable - jobs, relationships, whatever. And lots of people spend years (and get married etc!) in comfortable situations like this where everything is fine, and are totally happy with it. Maybe that's as good as they (or CQ) will ever find. Or maybe if they didn't spend so much time in these types of relationships, they'd find someone to connect with at a deeper level of "love" or whatever you want to call it. Anyway, my point is, when I read CQ's posts I get more of a feeling it's more likely that CQ hasn't found the right person to fall in love with yet, rather than him being incapable of being in love with someone.
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Old 03-06-2012, 01:38 PM   #6013
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Re: Dating/Relationship General Advice Thread - Volume 9 --Spring 2010 Edition

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Anyway, my point is, when I read CQ's posts I get more of a feeling it's more likely that CQ hasn't found the right person to fall in love with yet, rather than him being incapable of being in love with someone.
a) this is exactly what I'm saying. It's a good reason to start searching for love (and likely have a bit of fun along the way).

b) I'm mostly weighing in to try to steer the thread away from the debacle that is the JWhitt discussion. It's unlikely he's not someone's gimmick.
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Old 03-06-2012, 01:57 PM   #6014
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Re: Dating/Relationship General Advice Thread - Volume 9 --Spring 2010 Edition

Vin - Men and women feel love exactly the same way. It comes out in different ways, and the biology/hormones that causes us to bond is a bit different, and I think lust and sexual romance come out differently between the sexes, but the idea of love itself, of caring deeply for someone and appreciating them wholly and unequivocally, that feels the same.

Mittens & Diablo - I might be reading too much into what CQ has said, but it sounds like he's roughly late 20s and has seen a number of girls, so it's not like he's been lacking in experience. Don't you think by now that he's met & gotten to know at least one girl that could have made him feel that way? If not, doesn't that mean that he either has an issue with getting to know the wrong girls, or that there's something else going on?

I'm not saying he's a robot incapable of love necessarily, but there's a good chance he's also sabotaging himself from meeting the right girls, even if it's something as subtle as choosing bland, safe girls and getting stuck in comfortable relationships. I would still call that an issue.
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Old 03-06-2012, 02:41 PM   #6015
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Re: Dating/Relationship General Advice Thread - Volume 9 --Spring 2010 Edition

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I'm not saying he's a robot incapable of love necessarily, but there's a good chance he's also sabotaging himself from meeting the right girls, even if it's something as subtle as choosing bland, safe girls and getting stuck in comfortable relationships. I would still call that an issue.
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skunk: Fair points re: CQ.
Upon further reflection, this is just some silly semantic argument that I cooked up to weasel my way out of having overcommitted on a position. In the end, you are right that he probably hasn't met the right girl, but let's leave the door open to the possibility that there's more to it than just bad luck.
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