first. great post and ty.
i just got back from a ski trip w/ a few friends i met on the italy trip and had a chance to talk to two of them i'm becoming close with at length about lifestyle etc. so w/ that in mind:
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Originally Posted by Double Life
Dcif:
Listen, I understand why you've been pursuing these religious girls. With your connections it's clearly easy to meet attractive, intelligent girls that somewhat share in your faith. Living in downtown NYC and working in finance, I have a lot of jewish friends and I understand that many, even the non-religious, will try to date other Jews when looking for long term prospects, due to family pressure, natural attraction, whatever. So I get it, kind of...
here's the thing. it is a wonderful faith rooted in tradition and for me, it's the tradition i like and would like to raise my kids jewish and give them the option of becoming more or less religious if they'd like. after having dated nothing but non-jews for almost 9 years now, i see it as very difficult or unlikely for this to happen if i don't marry a jewish girl. my most serious gf was willing to convert but there would have been all kinds of family issues etc.
as a result, dating non-jews, as i get older, becomes more precarious. i hear there are some interesting books about this so i'm curious to see what's out there. i DO know i will 100% marry for love but i'd like that to be with somebody who shares the minimal aspects of my beliefs/traditions. my family will support whomever i choose to spend my life with. so the more i date non-jews, the higher the chance i end up with a girl where this will become an issue.
so, i thought it was a very happy coincidence i met that girl who introduced me to this community. now, it may be that this community is a bit too far on the religious side for me...i don't quite know that yet, obviously.
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Here is where I think you are in for a rude awakening with these religious girls. This sexual advancement problem is just the first of many which is going to pop up as a result of a religious upbringing. That aspect of her life is going to influence and touch everything she does and there is going to be no shaking that. I'm not just talking about the restrictions that come with being modern orthodox, but to a lesser extent her taste in movies, literature, music, extra-curricular interests, stance on a variety of issues and so on and so forth.
ironically, the sexual advancement is actually the last of many rather than the first. i know and have known before i started going on dates with this girl virtually all of the aspects of what will/won't be involved in a relationship with her. i was and am willing to give this a shot though.
in terms of the movies etc., we do actually have a very similar taste in movies and some stances on issues. we have a very similar personality, both like skiing, enjoy being active (which is important to me), and enjoy games among other similarities. nobody really shares my taste in music though (mostly hip hop/r&b) but that's a given lol...and i've had no trouble w/ that before.
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Now I don't know you personally and I'm generalizing a little with the whole tastes being influenced by upbringing thing, but the bottom line is this:
Are these the type of sacrifices and compromises you are willing to make, and, looking at this from a long term perspective, is this the type of person you want to share a significant amount of your time with? In short, are their better, more compatible fish in the sea?
to answer your questions in order:
1. i'm fine making compromises and sacrifices (the biggest being shabbot/kosher cooking) if there is some legitimate shot of long term happiness with a great girl. the really long term issue is whether i actually feel more deeply about her (or whomever in the future), all things considered, to the point where i want to spend my life with her. so while currently i'm willing to try this and see if it's a lifestyle i want to live, i guess the actual answer is "i don't know"
2. there may be. but your initial assumption i think is flawed. i really DONT have an opportunity to meet great girls who are my level of religiousness and who i am attracted to mentally, physically, and emotionally.
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Because I can justify making concessions with short-term pussy in mind but these type of girls aren't down for that, so unless you are in it for the long haul break the **** free from this group.
but i don't know if i'm in it for the long haul without spending time and going out/spending time with her.
what's becoming a crutch?