Dating/Relationship General Advice Thread - Volume 9 --Spring 2010 Edition

[guids]

Hi fellas, Im bored tonight, so I figured Id start this thread and answer some questions to say thanks for the help irt the Chicago advice.

Dating/Relationship Thread Vol 8

[calm]

Who is the most idealistic about mating? It seems to me it is children, post-menopausal women, and young male “nerds”, i.e., with especially weak current mating prospects. These folks talk as if they hold themselves and others to the highest standards of ideal love, while happening to speak when they have an especially low chance of fertile sex.

http://www.overcomingbias.com/2010/0...-idealism.html

[VanVeen]

re: robin hanson's post

construal level theory when applied to itself looks like an 'impressive' far-view abstraction that misses the messiness of reality, i.e., limited/zero predictive value (can be interpreted as consistent with a broad range of 'near' details; phrased differently, it does not constrain observation). it provides nerds with a neat framework they can use to generate plausible-sounding pseudo-explanations, though, so we can expect to hear about it until the cynicism has been exhausted and/or it stops signalling cleverness (kind of like ev-psych).

also, what 'psychohistorian' said. how idealistic anyone seems about anything at any given time will depend on many variables, chief among them being their intention (what are they trying to do?). those without ''fertile mating prospects'' are those with the weakest incentive to think about the routine behaviors of a relationship. instead they can ''sample'' pleasurable (low-resolution) ideals and fantasies for idle enjoyment (sometimes so often that it becomes their default/habituated model/belief, i.e., they will automatically profess it when asked just out of habit unless there is an incentive to suppress the cached association and get them thinking and talking about ''what is most likely TRUE").

[Thremp]

That was a lot of big words. Is this like the very fat woman telling people she's "saving herself for marriage"?

[Bojangles90]

How do I show a girl im interested in her sexually in the best way? And if she responds, where do I go from there, ask her out?

[M0n3y0nf$r3]

Originally Posted by Bojangles90

How do I show a girl im interested in her sexually in the best way? And if she responds, where do I go from there, ask her out?

Going to need a lot more details to give a perfect answer, but assuming we in a vacuum, I'd show her my penis. If she responds well, have sex with her.

[M0n3y0nf$r3]

Re: Mr Bump

"What do you guys do when you meet a girl that you like but you have no idea if she is single or not and have no way of finding out before making a play "

I recommend never asking. I don't care if she has a BF, he's got nothing to do with me. Girls leave relationships for other guys or cheat on casual BF's all the time. Ceasing contact or becoming instaplatonic will leave a lot of value on the table.

[The-fryke]

"What do you guys do when you meet a girl that you like but you have no idea if she is single or not and have no way of finding out before making a play "

Act as if she doesnt until told otherwise?

[Thremp]

Originally Posted by M0n3y0nf$r3

Re: Mr Bump

"What do you guys do when you meet a girl that you like but you have no idea if she is single or not and have no way of finding out before making a play "

I recommend never asking. I don't care if she has a BF, he's got nothing to do with me. Girls leave relationships for other guys or cheat on casual BF's all the time. Ceasing contact or becoming instaplatonic will leave a lot of value on the table.

I agree.

[bruin]

Originally Posted by Bojangles90

How do I show a girl im interested in her sexually in the best way? And if she responds, where do I go from there, ask her out?

Yeah this is way too vague. It really depends on the dynamic between your personality and the said girl's personality. If she responds, ask her out for a drink or something? Be a gentleman, etc. This is a very standard way of consummating a sexual relationship.

[guids]

Originally Posted by calm

http://www.overcomingbias.com/2010/0...-idealism.html

I agree with this, if Im understanding the gist:

people who have a preconceived notion of what "love" should be usually are wrong, and either dont have sex, or have sex with someone who doesnt fit in with thier abstract ideals of what a mate should be.

if so, agreed.

[guids]

Originally Posted by Bojangles90

How do I show a girl im interested in her sexually in the best way? And if she responds, where do I go from there, ask her out?

touch her arm or the small of her back, see how she reacts (or get her drunk)

[guids]

Originally Posted by Thremp

I agree.

Nah, this is wrong, you ask, the more information you have the better, it also supposes that you are going to go instaplatonic or break contact off, which in my book is a terrible thing to do.

edit: to do something I hate and use a poker analogy, this is like having the choice of looking at your opponents cards or not, choosing not to, and deciding that if you are forced to see their hole cards you will fold your hand anyways, no matter what they have.

[M0n3y0nf$r3]

Originally Posted by guids

edit: to do something I hate and use a poker analogy, this is like having the choice of looking at your opponents cards or not, choosing not to, and deciding that if you are forced to see their hole cards you will fold your hand anyways, no matter what they have.

Its more like asking an obvious fish how much money they lost this year. Just kills the mood and doesn't matter.

Edit to add IRL example:

Friday I end up crashing at a girls place, I'd like to get with her roomate. Haven't officially met roomate. On my way out I see a guy leaving the apartment.

Saturday I am partying with the two girls. The roomate says, "Oh, you saw (she starts stuttering over what to call this guy)." I tell her "Don't worry, I was pretty hung over that morning, don't remember seeing anyone."

She instantly is way more at ease and social. Had I delved into what that relationship actually was, we would have made far less progress.

[Henry17]

Originally Posted by guids

Nah, this is wrong, you ask, the more information you have the better, it also supposes that you are going to go instaplatonic or break contact off, which in my book is a terrible thing to do.

While I agree more info is usually better I think by asking you are giving up the opportunity to get other info. It isn't hard to determine if a girl has a BF or not thought casual conversation. It isn't perfect but you can gain the info pretty reliably based on how she answers certain questions. The more valuable information is how long does she go before explicitly confirming that she has a BF if she has one.

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100% agree with Clam's quote.