The other topic was getting a little long so it is time for a new one. Same as always post your dating questions, issues, situations, etc.

The previous edition is available here http://forumserver.twoplustwo.com/79...dition-591067/ and Volume 6 is available here http://forumserver.twoplustwo.com/79...dition-513353/ The previous five are available from a link on the OP of Volume 6.

To get things started I'd like to ask Roulette Dares what his plan is going forward? I know we've moved on a little but I'd like to get a status check on where his mind is and what he plans to do.

I'm also curious about Styles24's situation and if there has been any updates or more recent contact.

From other thread:

Had an experience with this this weekend. Hadn't talked to girl in nearly two years. Dropped her a text: "In town this weekend, going out with friends, if you're free I can give you a call with details."

I figured worst case she just ignores it and thinks its super weird. But since I hadn't talked to her in forever, not like I really care what she thinks.

Weird time gaps obviously hurt your chances. But if you had a lil connection, she might be down for meeting up again. Why not give it a try.

Don't think you need any explination outside of "I was busy." Then immediately start talking about the present.

In this case I got a positive response, went out and had a blast. (Have done similar random reconnect attempts without success before so don't take a fail to heart.)

Hi. My name is awval999 and I have a problem.

I'm a hopeless romantic. I put one woman on a pedastal that she never belonged on. I truly believe in this: Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails.

Been soulcrushed. Have soulcrushed. 23 and scared. Scared of having to settle. Do not want to wake up when your 30 and marry the next "alright" girl. Does not want the girl at 30 to marry me because I'm "good enough." Want a relationship that has to make sacrifices. If you can't sacrifice at 21 how can you sacrifice when life is hard at 41. Realizes that love may just be the feeling of having what you cannot have. Believes in passion. Truly wonders if monogamy can work in current society. Says to myself that I'm done with one night stands but with enough Bacardi I don't believe myself.

That's just the tip of the iceberg.

Henry,

As I said, something happened during our chat that made me pull back from the situation and view it with a much better view. If all that she says is true, that shes still insanely attracted to me, the chemistry she says we feel, how she compares every guy shes met so far to me and they haven't come close to matching up....then it shouldn't matter how I play it. The fact that she openly admitted she cant see us as friends because she is too attached emotionally right now is a card I feel like I have to play, I just don't know how. Is this when I go into aloof mode? It seems to me that she went out, scanned the dating scene, and is just starting to realize what she had.

Basically we have a few events coming up that we will be attending together, and I am going to treat her like every other girl in the room. I didn't think I was capable of it, but something clicked that last night in vegas and I just snapped. With her...I can see a final "do you want me or not, you say all this crap, well its **** or get off the pot time, whats it going to be." coming in the near future if we start hanging again.

In the meantime, I am going to proceed as usual with the other 2 girls I met in vegas, both who are definitely cute and not carrying any ex baggage around. I feel as though when you are dating multiple girls at the same time, it is much easier to manage the look of a busy, interesting guy to the opposite sex.

awval999,

Dude, what was that? You're 23. Stop being emo.

This isn't going to end well.

But seriously, you sound like a girl right now. I don't mean that in a rude way, I mean that in a "i feel like i just read one of my girl friend's facebook profile" way.

The best advice I can give is to man up and stop talking about passion and love at age 23.

The irony in the last poast brought me many lolz.

Yes because I treat every girl I meet the way I have described my current situation. The only reason I posted in the first place is this is the first time I have been stuck in a situation like this. You post like I don't know what I am doing with the opposite sex in general.

Seriously if I wanted to take your advice seriously, I'd probably venture into the PUA thread or go to a mystery seminar. And neg kino peacock whatever the hell the fanboys call it into never seeing a naked woman again.

please no more of this bickering

Think about this a little more. There is a different conclusion to draw from the way she was talking.

This I think is a great idea. But I thought the girls you met in Vegas were randoms that you and friends met on the gaming floor at XXXXXXX casino. Did I read that wrong or are they local by some fluke?

It isn't going to end well but he doesn't sound like a girl. Girls are not that emo. They might act that way sometimes because of social conventions but there are less emo girls than emo guys. This is especially true of good looking girls.

I am aware of exactly what you are saying. I just don't see the need for her to come back and say everything she did without it being sincere. I am 100% sure, as she confirmed in other dialogue I left out as I didn't deem it necessary, that she hasn't so much as gone on a date or tried to take an interest since the breakup, confirmed many times over.

I just don't see any harm 3 weeks down the road of me saying something like "look, I am tired of the back and forth, if everything you say is true and sincere, then what are you waiting for? do you want to do this or not? if not, i am gone."

As for the other girls...a good girl friend of mine brought 7-8 girls with her to vegas as well, and she knew the situation I was in. Pissed off about it, she told her girl friends and they responded accordingly. They were shocked at for how fun and attractive they saw me as, that I was so stuck on one girl. So basically I played off that and in the mix got a few #'s and a little something on the side. Seriously, I am far from single/random hookup ******ed, that is actually my forte. Where I am ******ed, (apparently obviously), is relationship mode.

Fortunately for you it is much easier to learn IMO because the same skillset is applicable.

i think ultimatums only work if the other person doesn't realize it is an ultimatum.

I'm not purposely trying to complicate it, I just happen to like her. One night stands or random flings aren't complicated for me usually if that's all it is. If my only interest in this girl was just for the sex then you'd be right that it's not very complicated at all, I'd just show up, have sex whenever she wasn't busy and that would be that. But yes, the reason It's a bit more complicated for me is because I actually don't want just sex from her and really felt like this is a chick that I'm interested in. So the part I'm confused on is how exactly she feels and how to interpret what's gone on thus far.

Also as far as her response to liking me, it didn't seem very telling of much, which was also why I even feel confused in the first place. She told me "if i didnt like you baby then i wouldn't have stayed the night with you " and I said something playful in response and she says "nooo.. i like you, i hope you like me too". Then she would say **** while we were together like "Can I be your girlfriend?" which seemed like she was joking or playing games and I didn't feel like things were very clear. So on one hand she seems to say things that indicate she's interested in me for more than just sex but then I can't help but interpret her blowing off calls and not responding as a sign of disinterest in someone since I'd never do that unless I really could care less about someone. At the least I'd just text or call and say can't make it so they aren't left unsure.

Really just was posting to get feedback from others on if it seemed like the girl was interested in more than sex, how concerned I should be over the money thing, and if this type of behavior is just something more common with hotter girls (only thinking it could be this since it's the hottest I've been with and also the first time I've had this happen).

There's this girl that used to go out with one of my friends. I got to know her very well and we always got on incredibly well, i did think she liked me but always put those thoughts at the very back of my mind. He ended it with her a few months ago and it's clear nothing is ever going to happen with them in the future. I bumped into her out one night over the holidays and we ended up talking until the end of the night. It was purely platonic though. although now that i think of it, it might be worth mentioning that she was talking to a guy when i bumped into her, they may have been holding hands too but i had been drinking a lot that night and I'm a little hazy, she completely ignored him and turned her back on him to talk to me for the rest of the night. I got talking to her on fb the next day it changed direction and I've been talking to her almost everyday since. I haven't seen her out since then we've both been studying. I'm not sure how likely it is i'm going to bump into her again by chance.

This isn't some sort of puppy love thing, but i have gotten quite smitten. She's the first girl in years that i've wanted to have something serious with. The thing is she's making this very long drawn out. I know she's had very very few boyfriends, and she's quite elusive. If this was any other girl i would have passed before now. I was warned i'd have to go through this but I'm not sure how much patience I have for just constant messages on fb. She keeps circling back all the time, e.g. the other night she made it clear she wanted to me to bring her out, I invited her out to dinner and she made excuses about studying, I insinuated I was just giving up on the whole thing and she got close again. i guess this reads like i'm just being led on, and I am paranoid of that myself but going by the general flow of messages I don't think that's the case. At the same time absolutely nothing has happened. It feels like I have to go through this long process before anything will happen.

I'm not sure what i'm looking for here, I guess i just need to vent more than anything else. I suppose I'll know how things stand for sure either when i run into her again or when we're finished our exams. I'm not sure if I should keep up the communication until then though.

No one said it wasn't sincere. I believe she believes it or at least believed it when she said it but that doesn't mean it is true. She is talking in platitudes with dialogue that could have been ripped out of any teen movie. She is wrapped up in being a 24 year old girl in the middle of a romantic drama that is playing out publicly in front of your mutual friends in the surreal environment that is Las Vegas. She is saying what her role is suppose to say. If you think about it a little it doesn't actually make sense. How many guys could she possibly have met in three weeks especially since according to your last post she hasn't even been on a date? If quite a few months had passed and she had dated a bunch of people and she said this then it might be meaningful but saying it after three weeks in Vegas is just what people say in these situations. The parts of the interaction that you told us about is all pure standard drunk talk with EX material. She doesn't even do a good job of filling in the blanks as if I remember correctly she used two mutually exclusive adjectives to describe you both.

I don't want to discourage you since you have come this far and at this point you have nothing to lose in playing the faint hope clause but you should go in knowing it is quite a long shot. You are ignoring the much more important parts of the conversation where she seems to make it clear that it is not going to happen. Further, that the relationship was played out in the group is a massive massive obstacle. I think you guys are going to do this roller coaster thing for a while until one of you finds someone and then it is going to be a massive train wreck.

Thing is it could even possibly be you who finds someone first and if that is the case I can see her make a full court press for you. If you dump the new girl for her though it will only last a few months if that.

This situation actually reminds me a lot of a situation I went though at one point when I was much younger (except the no sex part -- that is just wow) and it was actually a very good learning experience so I think you'll be fine and better off for this but just try to get it wrapped up by the time patio season comes around.

nexus,

Since "keeping up the communication" generally == showing her that you have nothing better to do than send FB messages back and forth . . .

I'm with ya, man (cept I'm still mildly ******ed at the single thing too). I used to think it was the same skill, but after recently landing a beautiful girlfriend, and proceeding to be Henry's stereotypical crappy boyfriend and piss her off to no end, I no longer think this.

It's down to procrastination during studying more than anything else, but yeah I agree.

How is this any different than your previous approach(es) handling her? You've given her tons of ultimatums IIRC. You've gained some insight into how she feels, but you are establishing or have already established your pattern of behavior (give ultimatum, get iffy answer, get some space, get back together, etc.) and it's a negative one. Negative patterns are called ruts. Your **** is stuck in a rut. Get out of it.

You might be best served to take a fatalist stance: if it happens it happens. Roll with the punches. I say this because I'm not really sure there's anything you could do to get her to commit; I don't think she's really all there right now. But there sure as hell is a lot you could do to push her away though, and that would be via dickish ultimatum, ignoring her, or some other extreme stance.

Pretty sure this will not end well for you though -- sometimes things are just timed wrong -- so when it doesn't, try to keep your head clear and learn from it. And post more pics.

I didn't mean it as an insult, just as how it will be perceived by her.

Sorry if my reply came across the wrong way, I knew what you meant!

Back up -- this was not in the original post and is rather important. More details of how this Can I be your Girlfriend statement came up.

Having fun is more than sex. People can have pretty good non-committed relationships. You enjoy each others company, you have fun, you have sex, you actually care about each other but you just don't want to be in anything serious. That being said there is no reason that this might not be something serious but I think you are trying to make it serious way too fast. Just let it play out and enjoy it. If it goes somewhere it does and if it doesn't it doesn't. Killing time while having sex with a hot girl isn't bad,

Hard to say since we have no idea what we are talking about when we say money thing. The amount of money and your ability to not be willfully blind are unknowns. I use to be of the opinion that anyone who is intelligent enough to make real money is also intelligent enough to know the game but then some of the stories I have heard during the tech boom and then with online poker have made me reconsider that.

just a general question.. what kind of things are good for dates (non-first dates) that are more different and unique? like outside of bowling, ice skating, mini-golf, movie, etc


edit: im 22

The fatalist approach is pretty much where I am at now at this point. The fact that she could actually say that to my face and seem genuine was almost comical to me, mainly because I don't believe in fate, which most girls seem to foolishly do. The only other semi-bat**** thing she said to me was that:

"You are so persuasive and really smooth talker, and I know you are the type to always get what you want. So of course every time I spend time with you I get wrapped up and want to be with you and everything seems great, then I start thinking about it more when we are apart and it worries me how sincere you really are. If it really is you liking me like you say or if it is more you trying to appease your ego because this is the only thing in your life that hasnt come easy to you."

Tell me I am reading this correctly. Basically I just think she is a really intelligent girl trying to use her brain instead of her emotions....and shes just really not emotionally available right now. Would you/anyone concur?

Quick question: when setting up a day 2, is it generally ill-advised to text a girl inviting her to "come out tonight" early on in the day? I know it might be better to invite her to a specific venue or event later on at night, especially because people don't have concrete plans for that night during the daytime, but is sending out an early invitation a bad idea? I sometimes I do it so that the girl is aware that hanging out is an option.