Dating/Relationship General Advice Thread - Volume 10 --Spring 2012 Edition - Page 9 - EDF Forum

Abbaddabba · 03-14-2012, 02:28 PM

it's not the worst idea to make yourself seem busier than you actually are, but if you say, "oh, well i didn't hear from you so i ended up making plans. maybe we can do something later this weekend" it just makes you sound bitter. just say what you need to say. "can't tomorrow. are you busy ____?"

you should also consider just not talking to her on account of the fact that she's the kind of person who plasters her facebook wall with mindless garbage. that kind of attention seeking behavior goes hand in hand with the crazy.

NameOnTheCake · 03-14-2012, 02:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DcifrThs

1. this is the girl that doesn't do the phone. so "call" would be me texting her tonight w/ like "what's your schedule like this weekend?" and see what she says. as of now, i don't plan on doing that or contacting her at all until she reaches out.

2. having unpleasant sex isn't a possibility at this point as we've only kissed due to circumstances (mostly of her making it seems) for our 3 dates. yet i've met her sister, etc. etc. etc.

3. id never tell her i was annoyed at her lol. c'mon.

I was talking about the persistant girl you aren't into. just jokes. althought it would probably work

Kenny Bania · 03-14-2012, 03:10 PM

mega, one possibility is that she is just a really bad kisser and doesn't know what she's doing in that department.

Aloysius · 03-14-2012, 03:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DcifrThs

so this girl from the picked-her-up-on-a-chair-lift story and i have still only gone on 3 dates since early feb. she definitely seems very distant for days at a time yet then sends texts like "omg, im sorry ive been so busy, maybe we can get a drink someday this week" (sent sunday).

i'd just respond "ok" as i've been backing off. she then keeps at it saying "ok well i have school tuesday and wednesday and will know my schedule tomorrow so i hope we can meet up for a drink or something this week" to which i again say, "ok, sounds good. lemme know your schedule when you know it."

then another 2 days go by and yet again, haven't heard anything from her. i'm done reaching out though i do expect, given past instances of this behavior, that i'll hear from her tmrw or thursday.

i'm thinking i should not be available the day she is. i know it sounds 'petty' but the way this has been going is pretty bad and that may change things up. i.e. she'd say "hey it turns out i don't have to work tmrw, would you like to get a drink" and i'd say something like "oh, well i didn't hear from you so i ended up making plans. maybe we can do something later this weekend" and be noncommittal about it. if she invites me to st. patti's day (she's irish and has been plastering facebook w/ her excitement for saturday lol) then i'd say yes after that.

good plan? stupid plan? doesn't matter either way? or just go out w/ her if she's available and let things fall where they may?

I don't like to give advice that is overly reductive, but based on your posts ITT, I think the bolded above is true and it doesn't matter either way.

True, there is always a rhythm/cadence to dating/communicating at the beginning, and there are more optimal ways to manage it.

I think at this point though you've sent her some passive-aggressive texts indicating you are insecure about the situation/like her a lot. So you're already "leveraged", if you will (for lack of a better term) - meaning, she knows you're not going anywhere. I think you might believe that if you push back, this could flip the dynamic or at least make it a bit more favorable for you. I don't think that's the case, largely because you've already shown your hand. More pushback will only further solidify the image in her mind of you as liking her a lot/being insecure.

My advice would be to take a deep breath, stop playing games, and just make plans to see her again soon and let the chips fall where they may.

Good luck, Dcifr.

Chitown3b18 · 03-14-2012, 03:46 PM

Dcifr,

Seriously, don't send all that. Just send 'Drinks Friday, XXX bar'. No question mark, no YGOS exclamation point, no lame banter. One of three things happen...

1) She agrees and you better go into it looking to lay pipe. Its date 4 and you're just gonna come off as nice guy orbiter soon.

2) She hems and haws, says she is busy.

3) She sets up another definitive time.

1 is optimal, 2 and I never speak to her again, 3 is a toss up (but I wouldn't continue. You have been more than accomodating, and she would return the favor if she was really that into you). If 3 happens and you agree to her frame, don't come crying in here when you eventually get the LJBF convo bc she is secretly getting railed by Dr. Mcsteamy when on shift.

Follow my directions or not, but this is the right play and deep down I think you know that.

Chitown3b18 · 03-14-2012, 03:47 PM

Oh, and dcifr, take your panties off, let your sack breathe and never text a smiley face ever again. Jesus, I cant believe I even have to tell that to a guy in his 30s.

DcifrThs · 03-14-2012, 03:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chitown3b18

Dcifr,

Seriously, don't send all that. Just send 'Drinks Friday, XXX bar'. No question mark, no YGOS exclamation point, no lame banter. One of three things happen...

1) She agrees and you better go into it looking to lay pipe. Its date 4 and you're just gonna come off as nice guy orbiter soon.

2) She hems and haws, says she is busy.

3) She sets up another definitive time.

1 is optimal, 2 and I never speak to her again, 3 is a toss up (but I wouldn't continue. You have been more than accomodating, and she would return the favor if she was really that into you). If 3 happens and you agree to her frame, don't come crying in here when you eventually get the LJBF convo bc she is secretly getting railed by Dr. Mcsteamy when on shift.

Follow my directions or not, but this is the right play and deep down I think you know that.

yea this seems to be the winning strat. i don't think a command makes sense though. i'd do something like "yea, no skiing on friday. let's do drinks instead. 8pm at XYZ"

and her response to that will be very clear. her friday should have been opened anyways since we were planning on skiing. saturday is st.patti's day and that's a big deal to her (irish catholic drinking girl) so if not friday, i'll know what's up and will jsut move on. done.

stinkypete · 03-14-2012, 04:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chitown3b18

Oh, and dcifr, take your panties off, let your sack breathe and never text a smiley face ever again. Jesus, I cant believe I even have to tell that to a guy in his 30s.

i understand why people say this but it's simply wrong. it might be +EV in dcifr's case though.

DcifrThs · 03-14-2012, 04:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by stinkypete

i understand why people say this but it's simply wrong. it might be +EV in dcifr's case though.

yea i disagree w/ chitown's assessment there. i'm kinda gay like that and it works. just part of my bubbly personality. even if pete's being sarcastic i still feel that's fine. some will agree, some will disagree but whatev.

Deldar182 · 03-14-2012, 08:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chitown3b18

Oh, and dcifr, take your panties off, let your sack breathe and never text a smiley face ever again. Jesus, I cant believe I even have to tell that to a guy in his 30s.

do people talk like this in real life

MegaFossil · 03-14-2012, 08:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gimmickdater

Mega,

Seems like everything is going great. Not sure why you would pretend like tonight never happened. She's probably just a bit awkward about first kisses, since it sounds like she may not have as much experience. Sounds to me like you are overcomplicating this and should continue hanging out with her 1-1 and making out.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kenny Bania

mega, one possibility is that she is just a really bad kisser and doesn't know what she's doing in that department.

I guess that could be the case, I was just a little confused b/c she made no attempt to even do anything and in the past even the terrible and/or inexperienced kissers have at least made some response on the first kiss. She mentioned she's been in 4 relationships over 1 year, but I'm assuming not many shorter ones, so I'm not sure if that'd make her more or less likely to be an inexperienced kisser.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chitown3b18

Oh, and dcifr, take your panties off, let your sack breathe and never text a smiley face ever again. Jesus, I cant believe I even have to tell that to a guy in his 30s.

I definitely wouldn't make smileys a staple of any guy's texting game, but I agree with the others that in rare occasions they can be ok. For example, with the Chinese girl, she's been in New Zealand for 8 years, but still doesn't have total grasp of the English language (didn't know what sarcasm means? wtf) so in a lot of my texts, I will use a smiley or sad face to convey the proper tone lest she get confused.

DcifrThs · 03-14-2012, 08:41 PM

so this is the kind of response i'm talking about. she texted me earlier today and i responded w/ the whole "yea, friday skiing is out. let's do drinks at 8pm at xyz."

no response lol. there's like a 50/50 chance she comes back with some lame ass non-committal banter in which case i'm done here. i have a date tonight w/ a 22 y/o i met a few weeks ago and i have a new addition to the social circle i met skiing. 2 french girls and a montana skier girl who work for veuve cliquot in nyc. they do happy hours and stuff so obv i should be able to meet more people this way.

that'll help forget about this non-committal one. and if it happens, great. if not, whatever.

DcifrThs · 03-14-2012, 11:29 PM

So like 9:1 against this working out. She's posting **** on fb like "yay done w class for a week" an hour or so ago yet didn't even bother responding to my text. At least I know where I stand.

El Diablo · 03-15-2012, 12:07 AM

Dcifr,

She's prob pissed off at you because she went to xyz at 8pm, waited for a couple hours, and you never showed up.

DcifrThs · 03-15-2012, 12:17 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by El Diablo

Dcifr,

She's prob pissed off at you because she went to xyz at 8pm, waited for a couple hours, and you never showed up.

lol. well that's her fault. i said friday, not today.