Dating/Relationship General Advice Thread - Volume 10 --Spring 2012 Edition - Page 69 - EDF Forum

scrolls · 07-04-2012, 06:35 PM

Probably overthinking this but f*ck it. A couple of guys I’ve been cool with for years but never really hung out with I’ve recently started spending more time with. Their group is like four guys and three girls who have all been close friends for 5+ years (none of them dating each other or anything).

Met one of the girls for the first time a couple months ago briefly and thought she was cool, nothing too interesting. This past Saturday I hung out with two of the guys and her for like 16 hours and I’m definitely into her, got the feeling she might be into me but not sure and I doubt she’d make it too obvious around her “brothers” (her words). She gave me her number the next morning because she couldn’t find her bowl and told me to text her if I found it (cleaned house the next day and texted her to let her know it wasn’t anywhere to be found, exchanged a few texts, nothing interesting).

So basically I want to hang out with her without the other guys but without making it too obvious I’m interested, thinking about asking if she wants to smoke one night or maybe invite her to a group drinking thing (with my group, not hers). Or am I overthinking this and should just call her up and ask her to grab a drink? Other option is to just wait as I'll almost certainly hang out with that group again in the next few weeks and can feel it out more then.

Oh, and I also briefly dated (like 5ish dates) and slept with one of her best friends (also a part of that same group) a few months ago which doesn't help anything.

daryn · 07-04-2012, 11:34 PM

Why would you not want to make it obvious you're interested??

**citanul** · 07-05-2012, 12:17 AM

daryn,

probably because he's bought some bro-tastic garbage about the way to get girls is to be aloof and never show interest.

Deldar182 · 07-05-2012, 05:12 AM

^ lol, you say that like the opposite is the only way to get it done, when in fact thats the least effective way. It's easy to come on strong and look like a total retard. If he likes this group, why would he do that? He's gonna see her again.

Situation sounds gay. I would wait it out til the next time you hang out. Try and make your interest in her unambiguous- maybe you could [casually] ask them "what the deal is with X -> she seems pretty cool..." or something along the lines of that? See how they respond?

I dno, ur gonna see her again, I wouldn't rush it. Just text her in the meanwhile. When u get "closer" via text it'll make it a lot easier and seem a lotttt more natural to invite her out separately.

I'm not good at these though. gl. i think a lot of this depends i think on how well u know the group and other dynamics which are kinda tough to glean from ur post

James Morgan · 07-05-2012, 05:20 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by scrolls

Probably overthinking this but f*ck it. A couple of guys I’ve been cool with for years but never really hung out with I’ve recently started spending more time with. Their group is like four guys and three girls who have all been close friends for 5+ years (none of them dating each other or anything).

Met one of the girls for the first time a couple months ago briefly and thought she was cool, nothing too interesting. This past Saturday I hung out with two of the guys and her for like 16 hours and I’m definitely into her, got the feeling she might be into me but not sure and I doubt she’d make it too obvious around her “brothers” (her words). She gave me her number the next morning because she couldn’t find her bowl and told me to text her if I found it (cleaned house the next day and texted her to let her know it wasn’t anywhere to be found, exchanged a few texts, nothing interesting).

So basically I want to hang out with her without the other guys but without making it too obvious I’m interested, thinking about asking if she wants to smoke one night or maybe invite her to a group drinking thing (with my group, not hers). Or am I overthinking this and should just call her up and ask her to grab a drink? Other option is to just wait as I'll almost certainly hang out with that group again in the next few weeks and can feel it out more then.

Oh, and I also briefly dated (like 5ish dates) and slept with one of her best friends (also a part of that same group) a few months ago which doesn't help anything.

Make sure she knows you are interested (you hopefully already did this..) and then simply present her with an opportunity to do something together.

I think it has little use to hang out with the group and "feel it out". You are dependent on their time schedule/activities and likely nothing will happen/develop in that particular group setting.

James

Gimmickdater · 07-05-2012, 07:01 AM

I would just ask her out. Seems like the perfect opportunity.

scrolls · 07-05-2012, 08:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by citanul

daryn,

probably because he's bought some bro-tastic garbage about the way to get girls is to be aloof and never show interest.

Deldar basically answered this, but also I'm not a complete retard with chicks, I have no problems being direct and asking them out. I just feel like doing that may not be optimal with a girl in my social circle where I'll be seeing her on a semi-regular basis no matter what. That thought may be wrong though which is why I posed the question.

Duerig · 07-05-2012, 09:58 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Deldar182

Try and make your interest in her unambiguous- maybe you could [casually] ask them "what the deal is with X -> she seems pretty cool..." or something along the lines of that? See how they respond?

Please don't ask her friends if she likes you if you're out of high school.

**citanul** · 07-05-2012, 11:03 AM

scrolls,

yeah you hadn't mostly seemed like a retard which is kind of why i was surprised to see your post. i just don't see what's remarkable about this situation that makes it any different than a normal "i like a girl and got her number, how do i proceed?" can't see any reason not to just ask her out for a drink.

scrolls · 07-05-2012, 11:56 AM

Fair enough. Been awhile since I've been interested in someone I'd consider in my social circle so thought I'd get a line check first.

Deldar182 · 07-05-2012, 02:01 PM

I'm still skeptical. Depends how valuable the circle is to you. If you do something that is construed as even marginally awkward (even if its not) theres a chance you don't see her again, and you'll probably see less of her friends too.

It just seems like a spot where you have everything to lose. That said, as long as you're well calibrated you should be able to anticipate her response pretty accurately. **** the people who are like hurrr durrr u like her so ask her out wuts wrong cuz??

Considering you banged her friend you also don't want to convey the player image.

cliffs: women HATE social awkwardness. Avoid at all costs.

**JLBorloo** · 07-05-2012, 02:19 PM

social awkwardness in this spot is not to go for it.
he likes the girl, she may or may not like him. What's the problem with that. If the group involved her ex-bf or what not, sure, be cautious, but there is no reaon ever not to here.

nitwitnit · 07-05-2012, 10:38 PM

I think the main way to make it awkward would be to hit on her for like 3 hours/some long period of time straight when she isn't interested. Then she's kind of in a weird spot on how to deal with you without hurting your feelings etc. etc.

James Morgan · 07-06-2012, 02:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Deldar182

I'm still skeptical. Depends how valuable the circle is to you. If you do something that is construed as even marginally awkward (even if its not) theres a chance you don't see her again, and you'll probably see less of her friends too.

It just seems like a spot where you have everything to lose. That said, as long as you're well calibrated you should be able to anticipate her response pretty accurately. **** the people who are like hurrr durrr u like her so ask her out wuts wrong cuz??

Considering you banged her friend you also don't want to convey the player image.

cliffs: women HATE social awkwardness. Avoid at all costs.

Fortunately there is no need to do anything marginally awkward.

He can just ask her to go to place x and do y together. Preferably something you talked/joked about before. Depending on her reaction and the progress of the evening you can contintue further or decide it may not be what you expected.

If she says no/stalls you can take it as a strong clue she's not interested but you did not do anything close to being social awkward.

No guts no glory..

James

jmakinmecrzy · 07-08-2012, 12:12 AM

I met a girl I really liked on Tuesday night at a small, divey local bar. I am good at the 1 night thing, not so good at dating stuff because I ****ing hate calling on the phone, I hate women and people in general, and am always talking to women with the goal of eventually getting laid. if they show any indication it's not going to happen, I'm on to the next. for some reason this girl was different.

ok so enough of that. I met this girl, she was sitting right behind me as i was playing pool with my friend. she kept laughing at the stuff i was saying, she was cute enough, but i was more interested in the game for some reason.

she asked me if she could take my shot once and i coached her to victory. we spent the night talking til the bar closed (have a **** ton in common and for whatever reason, i wasn't bored out of my mind) occasionally drifting off to our mutual friends. i met her sister (who is her nearly identical fraternal twin) and some of their friends, all of which really liked me. I ended up walking the girl most of the way home, I only tried to make a move once during the night, I asked her if she wanted to go take a walk and she got kinda shy. I playfully held her hand every now and again and it was a lot of fun.

she gave me her # and name which i promptly lost, but found again on thursday. the problem is it's her sister's phone (for some weird reason she doesn't have one) and she said they share it while she is in town for the summer. My question is this - how the **** do I call this girl's sister to ask this chick out? how should that convo go? i don't even know what people ask people to go do, it's been a while since ive been genuinely interested in seeing a girl more than once. i can't really stop thinking about it and it's driving me nuts, but at the same time I know it's probably pointless because:

A) she didn't seem THAT into me, she would not kiss me goodnight because "she doesn't kiss in front of her sister."

B) she's leaving at the end of the summer anyway and since i'm really not looking for a quick ****, what the **** is the point of a month and a half long thing?
summer fling could be nice but i hate ending things on someone else's terms.

C) when i couldn't find the number because my phone was dead, i texted a few #'s in my phone #'s call logs, hoping to find hers. I ended up texting the right one but no one responded.

so i'm strongly leaning towards not call but what do you guys think? FWIW there is a decent chance I will run into her again this summer. not a huge one, but we have similar hangouts. I tried to find her on FB but she doesn't have one or is unsearchable.

oh yea and if i did see or talk to her again i was thinking of going parasailing soon, i get free rides (or alternatively, whale watching) and she mentioned several times she loves nature and outdoorsy stuff. I am thinking this is more of a 2nd date type thing. but seriously wtf do people go do? all i do is go out and drink. i probably seemed boring to her other than the fact i have a good sense of humor.