Dating/Relationship General Advice Thread - Volume 10 --Spring 2012 Edition

[nohands]

Originally Posted by Kazuya

Thanks,

the ****ty thing is she 'was' that amazing. I'm not being results oriented/putting this past relationship onto a pedestal. I just didn't realize it until later cause I was still at a younger age where I wanted to put my dick into every hot girl (still do, obviously to an extent).

The phoning/chasing hail mary isn't an option. She's made it clear that we couldn't ever make it back to what we 'had'. It's not my place to try and 'wedge' myself back into her life (via phone call or facebook or whatever) to then try and be a 'friend' while I'd obviously be secretly hoping her relationship ****s up and I'll be there to take-over.. I could never do that cause I do genuinely want her to be happy so I respect her decision and wish her well. The "only" way is clearly to "accept" it's gotta be like this, and make the best of it (which I've been trying to do) Plus on a sidenote: never chase 1%'rs it's the worst thing you can do for the soul, truly

Luciddream - I've thought way too long about this and I know you're right. Maybe I posted this hoping for some secret miracle or someone who felt the same but then did something? and it worked out for them. Like if someone has any ideas/things to try (to get over her - 2 years IS long enough like you said) I'm extremely open-minded and DO just want to get over this crap in my mind, I'm willing to try/take any advice. Also because my above post + this 1 has been extremely emo, I do have a super hot 1st date with a 8.5 tomorrow that kind of just fell on my lap that I'm confident will go well, I gotta remember life ain't all that bad and just work with the moment

kazuya,

I'm going to go ahead and make some assumptions. I find myself in a similar situation (to a wayy lesser extent) and I have done some serious thinking about this kind of situation.

I am going to assume that you have been successful in nearly every aspect of your life. You described yourself as good looking and seem intelligent. Probably throughout your entire life you could dictate the outcome of a situation. If you had a flaw or didn't like something about your life, you could think rationally and figure out the best steps to correct it.

Now you are encountering a situation that you can not change, no matter what you do. You could win the lottery for 50 million dollars and she would still be in the back of your mind and you wouldn't be truly happy. (Remember I'm assuming)

And this type of situation eats at you more because you cannot truly accept the fact that you cannot change this situation. Its your pride that is in the way of your acceptance because you have groomed yourself never to give in. In my opinion that is the hardest ****ing thing to put aside because you pride is the ****ing thing that made you who you are.

People are right when they say time is the answer. Because when you die, you problem is over.

My advice to you would be to relieve all the annimosity and resentment that you have towards the situation and realize that it just does not matter anymore. You must be able to truly accept that you cannot change the situation. Once you stop blaming yourself and become at peace with situation and yourself then you will be able to move on. GL

[jeccross]

Kazuya,

I can relate and you sound like you're dealing with it better than me. Cutting off contact is a must and it took me too long. Unfortunately only other solution is time imo. It will get better.

[DcifrThs]

Originally Posted by scrolls

a) About a 100% chance her thinking was something along the lines of "Oh, dcifr has a new profile pic, I like the new pic so I'll 'like' it." It was almost certainly not "I'm still interested in dcifr maybe if I wait for him to do something on Facebook and 'like' it he'll get the hint to contact me again."

b) Yes, you can. If you'd like to casually see her then yes, you should sent that text. It's really not a big deal at all, will take up 8 seconds of your time, and the absolute worst thing that can happen is she ignores the text.

You have to realize you are way, way over thinking this, right?

every once in a while my overthinking is right...i guess i do it enough that just by chance it's right about that often lol.

re: a) above --> i just got a text from her "Hi Barron!! I know it's been a while. I hope you're doing well even though ski season is over!"

so i'll probably respond later today w/ the general "doing well thanks. how about you?" and see where it goes from there...but yea, obv it meant "something"

i doubt she likes my facebook pic and texts me for no reason.

[Kazuya]

deldar - I've been in relationships (or the opportunity) for last 7years or so of my life I'd say.. This was the 'only' 1 that lasted more then a year yes, but that's cause I have given other girls a shot and I just feel guilty staying with them if they want to keep escalating (engagement or are looking for the one) and I'm not feeling (read: love) them, so I just break it off.

Dcifrths - Ahh, didn't want to marry her because I wasn't at the 'right' place in my mind at the time. I can point to some things at the time that made me hesitant, however sadly they were all my own securities (and nothing to do with her). I try not to dwell on this for obvious reasons because it'll do nothing now. Instead I'll try and do some reflecting on why I can't still let go emotionally,, I think it's cause bottom line is yeah I ****ed up huge and wish every day I did just a few things different, or knew what I know now. (Like getting laid is fun, but if you have that connection and its genuine with someone - don't fear the future just embrace it)

nohands - your assumptions are all pretty much correct. Kinda laughed that I read like an open book. anyway, I copy pasted your last paragraph because that's so true, and I need to remind myself of that.

jecross - good luck sir.

Cheers,

Thanks everyone for the advice I'm going to work on what you guys suggested.

[scrolls]

Originally Posted by DcifrThs

every once in a while my overthinking is right...i guess i do it enough that just by chance it's right about that often lol.

re: a) above --> i just got a text from her "Hi Barron!! I know it's been a while. I hope you're doing well even though ski season is over!"

so i'll probably respond later today w/ the general "doing well thanks. how about you?" and see where it goes from there...but yea, obv it meant "something"

i doubt she likes my facebook pic and texts me for no reason.

Touche, maybe I need to start paying more attention to who the hell "likes" my Facebook stuff

[DcifrThs]

Originally Posted by scrolls

Touche, maybe I need to start paying more attention to who the hell "likes" my Facebook stuff

lol. so i responded to her text w/ that short 1/2 a liner and it started a long ass text convo. i let her drive, only asking an occasional question. she asked 80% of the questions and always followed up with one when i made a statement.

we chatted via text for about an hour off and on and in the end i cut it off saying i gotta get back to work. she said me too so great catching up and after 5mins i said "yea def. we should grab a drink sometime" and ofc at this point i knew shed jump on that and she did. we're getting a drink (me = water and juice, her = whatever she wants lol) this wednesday.

and she picked the same trivia joint we went to on our first date so we'll see what happens. obv this time around i'm not attached to her being anything serious. i'm basically seeing/sleeping w/ 2 girls this month (21y/o and my ex who's flying in for 4days of awesomeness staying w/ me 14th-17th) right now so i'm not in a rush to start being with another.

ideally we'd hang out and do fun stuff like beach/white water rafting etc. i'd like to have her as a ski buddy too. i am curious as to why she cut off contact like that and why she re-initiated it but obv i aint asking that lol.

[Fabian]

This girl who I don't know very well at all (went to school together briefly a few years ago) who I've been secretly crushing on ever since as she's hot as hell and seems very cool, liked my facebook status a few days ago. One time dealer?

[DcifrThs]

Originally Posted by Fabian

This girl who I don't know very well at all (went to school together briefly a few years ago) who I've been secretly crushing on ever since as she's hot as hell and seems very cool, liked my facebook status a few days ago. One time dealer?

now that seems like way overly optimistic lol. no previous dates? contact? phone number exchanges etc.?

[Fabian]

Just a joke man

[DcifrThs]

Originally Posted by Fabian

Just a joke man

heh. after all this time i still suck at detecting trolling and some sarcasm/jokes

[Colin_Piddle]

Originally Posted by DcifrThs

there's a flip side to this. even though i'm fortunate to be a pretty amazing drunk, there are quite bad sides to this quality. other than decisions w/ girls (i.e. when im blackout drunk, i'll bring home girls i otherwise would never even look twice at lol), my friends can't tell im blackout drunk. this leads to problems.

i lived in st.louis for 2 yrs for grad school and there's no real reliable cabs so everybody drinks and drives. my friends let me drive home a few too many times. i'd wake up in bed, not remember the last part of the night and think "i really hope my car isn't outside" ... and ofc it'd be there, perfectly parallel parked.

now i'm way smarter and don't do that at all but still, it's not necessarily a good thing to be a good drunk.

that and you can have a freaking awesome time, and not remember it. people can get insulted that way. i was at a wedding and got blackout drunk and apparently danced w/ this girl for 30minutes and at breakfast the next morning she was very insulted i didn't remember at all.

i also have a v low blackout tolerance. so after 7ish drinks the reel will be missing a few scenes. as a result, i don't drink to excess anymore, period. that wedding was the last time (may2010 i think, so a year since ive blacked out at all)

enough of that ramble and drunk ability bragging lol...@deldar: alcohol is used in social situations b/c it's a social lubricant. people feel more confident, trusting, and open. many people have a tough time being like that in groups or on first dates and use alcohol to alleviate those symptoms of social nervousness. i don't think there's anything wrong w/ that. if you *always* need it then yea, i can see it being a problem.

7 drinks and ur suffering memory loss? I assume u dont drink beer like a real man.

[Colin_Piddle]

Kazuya- I had a friend who was in a similar situation to you (had been going out with the chick for even longer) and then randomaly broke up with her cos of committment issues or some random rubbish. Everyone was like WTF he moved into a place with one of my other mates. His ex kept coming round begging him to take him back, eventually he realised what a fool he had been and they got back together and they are now married.

Unfortnately for you, you have left it to late. Just have to move on. Prob everyone posting in this thread has an ex girlfriend or at least someone they went on a few dates with that they regret not taking it further. I know I do. You really have to take up other hobbies, meet lots of girls and dont compare your ex to anyone knew u meet.

[timeforheroes]

Originally Posted by nohands

kazuya,

I'm going to go ahead and make some assumptions. I find myself in a similar situation (to a wayy lesser extent) and I have done some serious thinking about this kind of situation.

I am going to assume that you have been successful in nearly every aspect of your life. You described yourself as good looking and seem intelligent. Probably throughout your entire life you could dictate the outcome of a situation. If you had a flaw or didn't like something about your life, you could think rationally and figure out the best steps to correct it.

Now you are encountering a situation that you can not change, no matter what you do. You could win the lottery for 50 million dollars and she would still be in the back of your mind and you wouldn't be truly happy. (Remember I'm assuming)

And this type of situation eats at you more because you cannot truly accept the fact that you cannot change this situation. Its your pride that is in the way of your acceptance because you have groomed yourself never to give in. In my opinion that is the hardest ****ing thing to put aside because you pride is the ****ing thing that made you who you are.

People are right when they say time is the answer. Because when you die, you problem is over.

My advice to you would be to relieve all the annimosity and resentment that you have towards the situation and realize that it just does not matter anymore. You must be able to truly accept that you cannot change the situation. Once you stop blaming yourself and become at peace with situation and yourself then you will be able to move on. GL

This is the safest personality assessment I've ever read. Do you think he's ever going to disagree with anything you have written here? So lol, I mean seriously!

[DcifrThs]

Originally Posted by Colin_Piddle

7 drinks and ur suffering memory loss? I assume u dont drink beer like a real man.

i'm not saying full blackout...but 7 drinks in 1.5-2hrs and i'll have some scenes missing the next day.

but it seems i have a very low blackout tolerance relative to others.

[Deldar182]

Blackout is caused by drinking too much in a short period of time I believe. You can get the same amount of drunk if you just drink slower... seems pretty foolish to do otherwise, no matter your tolerance.

also taking this opportunity to lol at people who brag about their manly tolerance
/semidrunkpost