Two Plus Two Publishing LLC Two Plus Two Publishing LLC
 

Go Back   Two Plus Two Poker Forums > >

Notices

Laughs or Links! Forum for posting humorous or interesting links, articles, jokes or pictures.

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 10-03-2012, 02:35 AM   #201
||.||.||
Gifmeister

 
||.||.||'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: ♥☮☺🌼
Posts: 14,058
Re: Joke of the day

||.||.|| is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-03-2012, 10:00 PM   #202
ZwiFT
adept
 
ZwiFT's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Posts: 728
Re: Joke of the day

Why is blonde girls belly button all blue?


Spoiler:
ZwiFT is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-04-2012, 01:00 AM   #203
gsr142
journeyman
 
gsr142's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Huntington Beach, CA
Posts: 220
Re: Joke of the day

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sean Fraley View Post
What did Cinderella say when she got to the ball?

Spoiler:
Easily my favorite.
gsr142 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-04-2012, 06:29 AM   #204
Gabethebabe
Malware Jedi
 
Gabethebabe's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: In front of my monitor
Posts: 21,219
Re: Joke of the day

Quote:
Originally Posted by notitfortat View Post
> A man seeking to join a south Texas Sheriff's Department is being interviewed.
>
> The Sergeant doing the interview says: "Your qualifications all look good, but there is an attitude suitability test that you must take before you can be accepted."
>
> Then, sliding a service pistol across the desk, he says: "Take this pistol and go out and shoot six illegal aliens, six meth dealers, six Muslim extremists, and a rabbit."
>
> "Why the rabbit?"
>
> "Great attitude," says the Sergeant. "When can you start?"
This has an older variation about some dude interviewing Hitler and Himmler, who are planning WWIII. He asks: what you are going to do this time?"
Himmler responds: we're going to kill 20 million jews and an acrobat.
Dude asks: Why the acrobat?
Himmlers looks at Hitler and says: "TOLD YOU SO. Nobody gives a damn about jews"


What is the first thing they say to a black dude, when he is wearing a suit for the first time?

Spoiler:
Gabethebabe is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-04-2012, 06:33 AM   #205
Gabethebabe
Malware Jedi
 
Gabethebabe's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: In front of my monitor
Posts: 21,219
Re: Joke of the day

A nun died and went to Heaven. St. Peter at heavenīs gate says: I'm sorry, I can only allow you in if you answer three questions about the bible"
The nun said: That's OK, I can do that.
"OK, here comes question 1: who was the first man on earth"
"HA", said the nun, "That is an easy one! That was Adam!"
St. Peter smiled and he said: "That is the correct answer. Here comes the second question: Who was the first woman on earth?"
"HA", said the nun, "That is an easy one! That was Eve!"
St. Peter smiled and he said: "That is the correct answer. Here comes the last question: what was the first thing Eve said to Adam when they met in Paradise?"
"Oops", said the nun: "That is a hard one"

Spoiler:
Gabethebabe is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-04-2012, 06:38 AM   #206
Gabethebabe
Malware Jedi
 
Gabethebabe's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: In front of my monitor
Posts: 21,219
Re: Joke of the day

A woman is giving birth in a hospital.
Doctor says: "Push Mary, I see the head coming: baby has got a little black head!"
Mary replies between her puffs: "That is possible, I've done it with a negro."
Doctor says: "OK! The head is out, I can see the babys body! Baby's got a white body!"
Mary replies between her puffs: "That is possible, I've done it with a white dude too."
Doctor says: "OK! There is your baby! It has yellow legs!"
Mary replies: "That's possible - I've done it with a chinese guy too"
Doctor asks in confidence "Mary, are you not ashamed it is so clear that your baby has so many fathers?
Mary replies: "Well doctor, I'm just very happy that he does not bark"
Gabethebabe is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-04-2012, 06:44 AM   #207
Gabethebabe
Malware Jedi
 
Gabethebabe's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: In front of my monitor
Posts: 21,219
Re: Joke of the day

A woman washes ashore of a seemingly uninhabited island after a shipwreck, but after a couple of days she finds there is actually a man on the island. A rough guy, bronzed, kinda attractive, so they start talking when the woman says:
"So, what do you do if you have any, hmmm, sexual desire?"
The man responds: "well, a couple miles back is a tree with a hole in it. If I'm horny, well, I do it with the tree"
So the woman undresses and lies down spreading her legs and says: "How about a real woman instead?"
The guy replies: "Can't say no to that" and proceeds to give the woman a huge kicks between the legs.

"AAAAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOO" cries the woman "WHAT DO YOU DO THAT FOR??"
"Well, replied the man:"Gotta make sure there ainīt no squirrel inside"
Gabethebabe is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-06-2012, 06:32 PM   #208
duecesful
grinder
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Posts: 445
Quote:
Originally Posted by alexander7179 View Post
a planes going down, they throw out all the bags to lighten the load. its still going down so the pilot get on the speaker and says, ok people are going to start having to jump out to save the rest, we'll do this the only fair way, alphabetically....first the A's...will all the africans come to the front of the plane....(no one gets up)....ok the B's...will all the blacks come to the front...(no one gets up)...ok the C's...will all the colored's come to the front...(no one gets up)... a little black boy turns to his mom and says "mom aren't we african, black, and colored?" the mother replies, "yes son, but today, we're ******s, and we're letting the mexicans die first!"
The Mexican turned to her and said "Nice try but today we're wet backs"

Last edited by duecesful; 10-06-2012 at 06:48 PM.
duecesful is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-16-2012, 03:42 AM   #209
thebio123
newbie
 
thebio123's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 45
Re: Joke of the day

Mother, mother can I wear mini skirt?
Mom says no.
Can I wear earrings?
Mom says no.
Can I wear high heels?
I said no!
Can I wear lipstick?
No!
Why not I'm 18 already!
Mom: I know Denis I know!
thebio123 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-16-2012, 10:10 AM   #210
raheem
temp-banned
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: SANCHEZ
Posts: 2,235
Re: Joke of the day

Like srsly these are all **** unoriginal jokes and then when you try to post one anti-joke it gets deleted.

Last edited by Professionalpoker; 10-16-2012 at 01:48 PM.
raheem is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-16-2012, 11:06 AM   #211
Fordham
old hand
 
Fordham's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 1,913
Re: Joke of the day

a man walks into a bar
Spoiler:
Fordham is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-16-2012, 01:46 PM   #212
Professionalpoker
 
Professionalpoker's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: @propoker
Posts: 16,109
Re: Joke of the day

Quote:
Originally Posted by raheem View Post
Like srsly these are all **** unoriginal jokes and then when you try to post one anti-joke it gets deleted.
Like srsly, someone forgot to hit the post button.

Last edited by Professionalpoker; 10-16-2012 at 01:49 PM. Reason: not seeing anything posted or deleted by u itt since you registered.
Professionalpoker is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-16-2012, 05:06 PM   #213
raheem
temp-banned
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: SANCHEZ
Posts: 2,235
Re: Joke of the day

Quote:
Originally Posted by Professionalpoker View Post
Like srsly, someone forgot to hit the post button.
It was my previous account, like later I got banned.

But not cos of the joke, it was something similar to this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D8bsO7eRSDs

From 5:50 onwards.
raheem is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-16-2012, 09:29 PM   #214
EvilSteve
 
EvilSteve's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: 2p2 afterlife
Posts: 13,199
Re: Joke of the day

Quote:
Originally Posted by raheem View Post
Like srsly these are all **** unoriginal jokes and then when you try to post one anti-joke it gets deleted.
What's an anti-joke?

Spoiler:
EvilSteve is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-16-2012, 09:49 PM   #215
EvilSteve
 
EvilSteve's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: 2p2 afterlife
Posts: 13,199
Re: Joke of the day

Joke of the day? This thread is almost four years old!

Spoiler:
EvilSteve is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-17-2012, 01:07 AM   #216
Professionalpoker
 
Professionalpoker's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: @propoker
Posts: 16,109
Re: Joke of the day

we skipped a few days. we're lazy like that.
Professionalpoker is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-26-2012, 01:09 PM   #217
PatInTheHat
veteran
 
PatInTheHat's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Edmonton
Posts: 3,182
Re: Joke of the day

Did you hear about the scarecrow that won a Nobel Prize?
A: It was outstanding in its own field.
PatInTheHat is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-26-2012, 01:16 PM   #218
private joker
Most Definitely
 
private joker's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Am I the boxer or the bag?
Posts: 25,244
Re: Joke of the day

What did the stripper use on stage to dance to "Gangnam Style?"

Spoiler:
private joker is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-26-2012, 03:25 PM   #219
salesbeast
Pooh-Bah
 
salesbeast's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: It's Problem
Posts: 5,243
Re: Joke of the day

What has 4 balls and eats ants?

Spoiler:
salesbeast is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-26-2012, 04:49 PM   #220
PokerDharma
veteran
 
PokerDharma's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: The 8 Seat
Posts: 2,116
Re: Joke of the day

Two queers are hanging out when one says, "Let's play hide and seek! I'll hide, and if you can find me, I'll blow you!"

"What if I can't find you?" replies the second queer.

"It's okay", says the first queer, "I'll be behind the piano!"
PokerDharma is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-26-2012, 07:58 PM   #221
El P
Pooh-Bah
 
El P's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: limbering up
Posts: 5,729
Re: Joke of the day

Quote:
Originally Posted by salesbeast View Post
What has 4 balls and eats ants?

Spoiler:
might be the worst itt so far

Quote:
Originally Posted by PokerDharma View Post
Two queers are hanging out when one says, "Let's play hide and seek! I'll hide, and if you can find me, I'll blow you!"

"What if I can't find you?" replies the second queer.

"It's okay", says the first queer, "I'll be behind the piano!"
lol
El P is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-29-2012, 07:19 AM   #222
Kvitlekh
adept
 
Kvitlekh's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 855
Re: Joke of the day

Quote:
Originally Posted by El P View Post
might be the worst itt so far



lol
How can you think the second is funnier than the first? They are both not very funny, but at least the first makes some kind of corny sense. And the second?? Is there something I'm missing?
Kvitlekh is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-29-2012, 09:21 AM   #223
raheem
temp-banned
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: SANCHEZ
Posts: 2,235
Re: Joke of the day

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kvitlekh View Post
Is there something I'm missing?
Yes there is. Like I think that is one of the funnier jokes in this crappy thread.
raheem is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-29-2012, 10:31 AM   #224
Sciolist
Carpal \'Tunnel
 
Sciolist's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Tallinn
Posts: 17,498
Re: Joke of the day

It was an awful joke. The first page and a bit were OK and it's been an awful thread ever since.
Sciolist is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-29-2012, 11:09 AM   #225
abcyrillic
centurion
 
abcyrillic's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 191
Re: Joke of the day

And?

Last edited by abcyrillic; 10-29-2012 at 11:10 AM. Reason: lol serious critics
abcyrillic is offline   Reply With Quote

Reply
      

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off


Forum Jump


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 07:47 PM.


Powered by vBulletin®
Copyright ©2000 - 2017, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Copyright Đ 2008-2010, Two Plus Two Interactive
 
 
Poker Players - Streaming Live Online