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Old 06-12-2009, 11:58 PM   #151
PyramidScheme
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Re: Joke of the day

Luis Castillo
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Old 06-13-2009, 11:25 AM   #152
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Re: Joke of the day

"I've always depended on the kindness of stranglers"--- PJ Carlesimo
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Old 06-27-2009, 10:48 PM   #153
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Re: Joke of the day

So Farrah dies and goes to heaven. God says "Sorry to see you here so soon. Anything I can do for you back home?" She says "I would just like all the children in the world to be safe" "Done!" He says and kills Michael Jackson.
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Old 06-29-2009, 01:16 AM   #154
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Re: Joke of the day

Quote:
Originally Posted by GutZ View Post
So Farrah dies and goes to heaven. God says "Sorry to see you here so soon. Anything I can do for you back home?" She says "I would just like all the children in the world to be safe" "Done!" He says and kills Michael Jackson.
this is awesome
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Old 06-29-2009, 02:31 PM   #155
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Re: Joke of the day

What did Michael Jackson , Farrah Faucet , and Ed McMahon ask for for xmas?


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Old 06-29-2009, 04:06 PM   #156
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Re: Joke of the day

but wait! there's more! (just pay separate shipping and handling)
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Old 07-01-2009, 05:35 AM   #157
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Re: Joke of the day

Q: Whats brown and sticky?











A: A stick
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Old 07-01-2009, 01:57 PM   #158
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Re: Joke of the day

What has 2 legs and bleeds?

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Old 07-01-2009, 10:20 PM   #159
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Re: Joke of the day

What do you call a trustworthy iranian business man?





" asif "
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Old 07-02-2009, 04:34 AM   #160
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Re: Joke of the day

Here's one I made up:


Q: What's the upside to your daughter getting shot?

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Old 07-02-2009, 06:25 PM   #161
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Re: Joke of the day

Jane and Arlene are outside their nursing home, having a drink and a smoke, when it starts to rain. Jane pulls out a condom, cuts off the end, puts it over her cigarette, and continues smoking.

Arlene: What in the hell is that?

Jane: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet.

Arlene: Where did you get it?

Jane: You can get them at any drugstore.

The next day, Arlene hobbles herself into the local drugstore and
Announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms...

The pharmacist, obviously embarrassed, looks at her kind of
Strangely (she is after all, over 80 years of age), but very delicately asks what brand of condom she prefers.

'Doesn't matter Sonny, as long as it fits on a Camel ..'

The pharmacist fainted.
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Old 07-04-2009, 12:24 PM   #162
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Re: Joke of the day

Quote:
Originally Posted by GutZ View Post
So Farrah dies and goes to heaven. God says "Sorry to see you here so soon. Anything I can do for you back home?" She says "I would just like all the children in the world to be safe" "Done!" He says and kills Michael Jackson.
That's terrible.
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Old 07-06-2009, 01:27 AM   #163
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Re: Joke of the day

you heard what the elephant said to the Mod on the nude beach...

how do you breathe out of that lil' thing?
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Old 07-31-2009, 06:21 PM   #164
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Re: Joke of the day

A respectable lady went into the pharmacy, walked up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, 'I would like to buy some cyanide.'

The pharmacist asked, 'Why in the world do you need cyanide?'

The lady replied, 'I need it to poison my husband.'

The pharmacist's eyes got big and he exclaimed, 'Lord have mercy! I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband. That's against the law! I'll lose my license! They'll throw both of us in jail!
All kinds of bad things will happen. Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!'

The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife.

The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, 'Well now, that's different. You didn't tell me you had a prescription.'
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Old 01-02-2010, 03:16 AM   #165
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Re: Joke of the day

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson go on a camping trip, set up their tent, and fall asleep. Some hours later, Holmes wakes his faithful friend.

Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.

Watson replies, I see millions of stars.

What does that tell you?

Watson ponders for a minute. Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Timewise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?

Holmes is silent for a moment, then speaks. Watson, you idiot, someone has stolen our tent.
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Old 01-02-2010, 04:54 AM   #166
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Re: Joke of the day

Who invented the copper wire ?

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Old 01-13-2010, 12:28 AM   #167
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Re: Joke of the day

"What up biotch? Why you laughin?" asked the pimp a shemale ho. "Notin.. Just scared the hell out of a flasher, showed him a bigger dick"
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Old 01-13-2010, 01:57 AM   #168
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Re: Joke of the day

Quote:
Originally Posted by RiverAnAce View Post
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson go on a camping trip, set up their tent, and fall asleep. Some hours later, Holmes wakes his faithful friend.

Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.

Watson replies, I see millions of stars.

What does that tell you?

Watson ponders for a minute. Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Timewise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?

Holmes is silent for a moment, then speaks. Watson, you idiot, someone has stolen our tent.
This one's really funny. The one right above this post, which I will not quote based on repulsion, is not.
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Old 01-13-2010, 06:48 AM   #169
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Re: Joke of the day

Quote:
Originally Posted by twoplustwostore View Post
Jane and Arlene are outside their nursing home, having a drink and a smoke, when it starts to rain. Jane pulls out a condom, cuts off the end, puts it over her cigarette, and continues smoking.

Arlene: What in the hell is that?

Jane: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet.

Arlene: Where did you get it?

Jane: You can get them at any drugstore.

The next day, Arlene hobbles herself into the local drugstore and
Announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms...

The pharmacist, obviously embarrassed, looks at her kind of
Strangely (she is after all, over 80 years of age), but very delicately asks what brand of condom she prefers.

'Doesn't matter Sonny, as long as it fits on a Camel ..'

The pharmacist fainted.
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Old 01-13-2010, 06:49 AM   #170
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Re: Joke of the day

Quote:
Originally Posted by obss View Post
"What up biotch? Why you laughin?" asked the pimp a shemale ho. "Notin.. Just scared the hell out of a flasher, showed him a bigger dick"
lol wat
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Old 01-13-2010, 09:41 AM   #171
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Re: Joke of the day

Q: How do you get an elephant into Safeway?

A:
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Old 01-13-2010, 10:17 AM   #172
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Re: Joke of the day

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nGABJUKCGx4
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Old 01-13-2010, 06:49 PM   #173
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funny joke

> A man seeking to join a south Texas Sheriff's Department is being interviewed.
>
> The Sergeant doing the interview says: "Your qualifications all look good, but there is an attitude suitability test that you must take before you can be accepted."
>
> Then, sliding a service pistol across the desk, he says: "Take this pistol and go out and shoot six illegal aliens, six meth dealers, six Muslim extremists, and a rabbit."
>
> "Why the rabbit?"
>
> "Great attitude," says the Sergeant. "When can you start?"
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Old 01-13-2010, 06:59 PM   #174
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Re: funny joke

pretty funny if u ask me...-)
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Old 01-15-2010, 06:48 PM   #175
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Re: funny joke

Quote:
Originally Posted by neverbeclever View Post
pretty funny if u ask me...-)
And me.
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