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Old 03-09-2017, 12:22 PM   #1001
darksideofthewal
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Re: Joke of the day

Quote:
Originally Posted by Noodle Wazlib View Post
Robot humor for ya:

There's 10 types of people in the world,

Spoiler:
Shouldn't that be "F"?
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Old 03-09-2017, 01:41 PM   #1002
Morphismus
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Re: Joke of the day

Quote:
Originally Posted by darksideofthewal View Post
Shouldn't that be "F"?
this
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Old 03-14-2017, 05:05 PM   #1003
Gabethebabe
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Re: Joke of the day

I was walking from the train station to school and there was this steep 40 step stairs that I had to climb every morning. This morning I saw a small girl halfway the stairs, struggling to go up with a bike about twice her size. Upstairs was a friend of hers, with his bike in hand, looking down to her struggle, but not moving a finger. So obviously I stepped up, told her to hand me the bike and brought it up for her, while she trodded behind me with a look of defeat.
Upstairs I returned her the bike and her face was grateful, but instead of saying "Thank you" she said:
Spoiler:
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Old 03-15-2017, 11:59 PM   #1004
Hero Value
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Re: Joke of the day

Um, apparently I'm missing something in that above one. Seems like not really a joke
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Old 03-16-2017, 11:01 AM   #1005
onehandatatime
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Re: Joke of the day

why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?






















Fo da drizzle
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Old 03-16-2017, 03:17 PM   #1006
networth
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Re: Joke of the day

So Buzz goes up to heaven and meets Job at the pearly gates. He says "I thought St Peter would meet me here. Job smiles patiently and says You are exactly the 3 billionth person to say that. But you don't win anything for that. You still have to tell me why you should be let in.
Buzz says "I'm no saint, but I've always tried to help out my fellow man. I've given pages of advice to my fellow poker players and never held anything back. I've written multiple articles on O8 specifically. I go over the odds of making hands on flops with one low card and show what hands to continue with. Then I go over flops with two low cards and the odds of making low hand. And for all these of course I include the subset of two tone flops. Then I go over three low card flops and show when chasing high hands is reasonable. Then I had an article on high only flops and show what hand have odds to continue. In my article of monotone flops I discuss what bets mean and the odds of someone flopping the nut flush and whether you should continue whether going high or low. In my article on paired flops I distinguish between a high pair and a low pair and the likeliness of the nuts being out there. All my articles include a reminder of pot odds for money already in the pot as well as new money going"....Okay, okay you're in says Job.
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Old 03-16-2017, 03:45 PM   #1007
Phat Mack
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Thumbs up Re: Joke of the day

Quote:
Originally Posted by networth View Post
So Buzz goes up to heaven and meets Job at the pearly gates. He says "I thought St Peter would meet me here. Job smiles patiently and says You are exactly the 3 billionth person to say that. But you don't win anything for that. You still have to tell me why you should be let in.
Buzz says "I'm no saint, but I've always tried to help out my fellow man. I've given pages of advice to my fellow poker players and never held anything back. I've written multiple articles on O8 specifically. I go over the odds of making hands on flops with one low card and show what hands to continue with. Then I go over flops with two low cards and the odds of making low hand. And for all these of course I include the subset of two tone flops. Then I go over three low card flops and show when chasing high hands is reasonable. Then I had an article on high only flops and show what hand have odds to continue. In my article of monotone flops I discuss what bets mean and the odds of someone flopping the nut flush and whether you should continue whether going high or low. In my article on paired flops I distinguish between a high pair and a low pair and the likeliness of the nuts being out there. All my articles include a reminder of pot odds for money already in the pot as well as new money going"....Okay, okay you're in says Job.
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Old 03-17-2017, 03:22 PM   #1008
onehandatatime
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Re: Joke of the day

what's Snoop Dogg's favorite tool?























Da chizzle
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Old 04-18-2017, 06:51 PM   #1009
pudley4
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Cool Re: Joke of the day

Moses, Jesus, and an old man are out golfing. At the 3rd hole their tee shot has to carry 260 yards across a lake.

Moses is up first and he puts his ball right into the water. He walks up to the lake, parts the water, and hits his ball on to the green.

Jesus is up next and he too puts his ball right into the water. He walks up to the lake, walks across the top of the water, and hits his next shot on to the green.

Finally the old man gets up and, just like the rest, hits his ball into the water. As it starts sinking, a fish swimming by swallows the ball. The fish swims away but an eagle dives out of the sky, grabs the fish and carries it to its nest. It starts tearing away at the fish and the ball comes loose, rolls out of the nest, bounces off a tree limb on the way down, lands on the green and rolls into the hole.

Jesus turns to the old man and says "Quit showing off, dad"
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Old 04-18-2017, 07:07 PM   #1010
pudley4
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Cool Re: Joke of the day

A man answers an ad for a sales position. The hiring manager says "We sell toothbrushes. You'll be on a 30 day probationary period. In that time you need to sell at least 100 units on average each week. If you make that goal you'll be hired on full time."

The man agrees and starts work immediately. He reports back after his first week and he's sold 250 units. The manager is impressed but thinks "maybe it's just beginner's luck". But the following week the new guy has sold an additional 400 units and had quickly become the company's top producer.

The manager decided to follow him to see if he could learn anything from the guy's sales technique. He followed him to a busy farmer's market where he watched the guy set up a booth. The first customer stopped by and the guy said "Hi there. I'm testing out some new kinds of chip dip and I'm wondering if you'd like a sample?" The customer agreed, took a chip, dipped it, and took a bite. "OMG THIS TASTES LIKE S.H.I.T!"

"It is," said the guy. "Wanna buy a toothbrush?"
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Old 04-25-2017, 03:51 AM   #1011
mariad
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Re: Joke of the day

That is hell of a sales person.
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