^

Just heard this :

A couple is walking in St. Petersburg Square on Christmas Eve. They feel a slight precipitation.“I think it's raining.” says the man.“No, it's snowing.” replies the woman.“How about we ask this Communist officer here? He is always right!” exclaims the man. “Officer Rudolph, is it raining or snowing?”“Definitely raining.” Officer Rudolph replies before walking off.
The man turns to his wife with a smile. “See? Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear.”

That got an aloud chuckle from me.

Most people don't know that back in 1912, Hellmann's Mayonnaise was manufactured in England. In fact, the Titanic was carrying 12,000 jars of the condiment scheduled for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico, which was to be the next port of call for the great ship after its stop in New York. This would have been the largest single shipment of mayonnaise ever delivered to Mexico.

But as we know, the great ship did not make it to New York. The ship hit an iceberg and sank. The people of Mexico, who were crazy about mayonnaise, and were eagerly awaiting its delivery, were disconsolate at the loss. Their anguish was so great, that they declared a National Day of Mourning.

The National Day of Mourning occurs each year
on May 5 and is known, of
course, as - Sinko De Mayo.

Buzz

Thank you for bringing some good groans

Woman: Do you drink

Beer? Man: Ferrari? Still not

Enough syllables.

See if you can figure out what these seven words all have in common?
1. banana
2. dresser
3. grammar
4. potato
5. revive
6. uneven
7. assess

Give it another try....
Look at each word carefully. You'll kick yourself when you discover the answer.

No, it is not that they all have at least 2 double letters....
Answer is below!


Answer:

In all of the words listed, if you take the first letter, place it at the end of the word, and then spell the word backwards, it will be the same word.

i'm kicking myself!

Was gonna say they're all palindromes if you ignore the first letter

I didn't actually seriously try and work it out much, because I just assumed it was going to be a joke with being in this thread

+1

+2

A bad by me.

I apologize.

I missed it and thought it was funny because I missed it. Sounds like Noodle got it.

OK. Here's one in an attempt to make up for my bad.

A big city lawyer went duck hunting. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field. As the lawyer climbed over the fence to claim his bird, the elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked the lawyer what he was doing.

The litigator responded, "I shot a duck and it fell in this field, and now I'm going to retrieve it."
The old farmer replied, "This is my property, and you are not coming over here."

The indignant lawyer said, "I am one of the best trial attorneys in New York and, if you don't let me retrieve that duck, I'll sue you and take everything you own."
The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't know how we settle disputes here. We settle small disagreements like this with the 'Three Kick Rule.'"

The lawyer asked, "What is the 'Three Kick Rule'?"
The Farmer replied, "Well, because the dispute occurs on my land, I get to go first. I kick you three times and then you kick me three times and so on back and forth until someone gives up."

The attorney quickly thought about the proposed contest and, being the person he was, decided that he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the local custom. The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the attorney.
His first kick planted the toe of his boot into the lawyer's groin and dropped the lawyer to his knees!
His second kick to the midriff sent the lawyer's last meal gushing from his mouth.
The lawyer was on all fours when the farmer's third kick to his rear end, sent him face-first into a fresh cow pie.

The lawyer summoned every bit of his will and remaining strength and very slowly managed to get to his feet. Wiping his face with the arm of his jacket, he said, "Okay, you old fart. Now it's my turn."

The old farmer replied, "Nah, I give up. You can have the duck."

Hah, nice.

What do you have when you have a bunch of lawyers buried in cat poop?

fyp

lol damn!

haha that's more like it buzz/gramps!

Blue text unreadable on slick forum skin

Sounds like a personal problem!

Try "select all" to change the color and make it readable.

If you use a non-Mac P.C.:
http://www.wikihow.com/Select-All

Or, if you use a Mac, just hold down the apple key and tap the letter "a" to select all.

Alternatively, just dragging the mouse over the text may change colors so as to make it readable.

My background is white so that blue text is very readable. But when I come across an unreadable text, I just highlight it and then it's readable.

Hope this helps.

Buzz

eh, on a phone when i wrote that. no mouse to speak of

Don't you have a way of highlighting whatever message you're reading on your phone?

How does this color work?

How does this color work?

Buzz

Top color

Bottom not so much

Not an easy way to select large chunks of text on phone

Just quote the post like you're replying and read in text editor.

An old country preacher had a teenage son, and it was getting time the boy should give some thought to choosing a profession. Like many young men his age, the boy didn't really know what he wanted to do, and he didn't seem too concerned about it.

One day, while the boy was away at school, his father decided to try an experiment. He went into the boy's room and placed on his study table four objects..


1. A Bible

2. A silver dollar

3. A bottle of whisky

4. And a Playboy magazine


'I'll just hide behind the door,' the old preacher said to himself. 'When he comes home from school today, I'll see which object he picks up.If it's the Bible, he's going to be a preacher like me, and what a blessing that would be!

If he picks up the dollar, he's going to be a business man, and that would be okay, too.

But if he picks up the bottle, he's going to be a no-good drunken bum, and Lord, what a shame that would be.

And worst of all if he picks up that magazine he's going to be a Skirt-chasing womanizer.'

The old man waited anxiously, and soon heard his son's foot-steps as he entered the house whistling and headed for his room.

The boy tossed his books on the bed, and as he turned to leave the room he spotted the objects on the table.
With curiosity in his eye, he walked over to inspect them. Finally, he picked up the Bible and placed it under his arm. He picked up the silver dollar and dropped into his pocket. He uncorked the bottle and took a big drink, while he admired this month's centerfold.

'Lord have mercy,' the old preacher disgustedly whispered.'He's gonna run for Congress.'

I like jokes