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Old 02-10-2009, 10:26 PM   #51
theslowdown
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Re: Joke of the day

What's the difference between a baby and a bowling ball?

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Old 02-10-2009, 11:16 PM   #52
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Re: Joke of the day

a woman was killed when she was hit by a truck driver yesterday. who's fault was it?

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Old 02-10-2009, 11:28 PM   #53
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Re: Joke of the day

Have you seen a picture of Helen Kellers dad?
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Old 02-10-2009, 11:30 PM   #54
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Re: Joke of the day

Why coulnt Hellen Keller drive a car?
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Why cant Hellen Keller drive a train?
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Old 02-11-2009, 12:22 AM   #55
CCuster_911
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Re: Joke of the day

How do you torture Helen Keller
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Old 02-11-2009, 02:05 AM   #56
Nicefingcatch
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Re: Joke of the day

What do you see when the pillsbury doughboy bends over?


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Old 02-11-2009, 02:55 AM   #57
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Re: Joke of the day

Why did the feminist cross the road?

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How many feminists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

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Old 02-11-2009, 08:42 AM   #58
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Re: Joke of the day

How does Michael J. Fox prefer his martinis?

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Old 02-11-2009, 11:39 AM   #59
jacktay
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Re: Joke of the day

Quote:
Originally Posted by theslowdown View Post
What's the difference between a baby and a bowling ball?

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you should
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Old 02-11-2009, 02:42 PM   #60
5john5smith5
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Re: Joke of the day

Quote:
Originally Posted by TwoOuter View Post
Doctor to Patient: You have to stop masturbating.

Patient: Why?

Doctor: Because I'm trying to examine you.
best ever
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Old 02-16-2009, 07:07 PM   #61
UCBananaboy
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Re: Joke of the day

Q: Why does Helen Keller Masturbate with one hand?

A: So she can moan with the other.
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Old 02-16-2009, 08:29 PM   #62
jacktay
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Re: Joke of the day

How does Helen Keller's parents punish her?

They secretly rearrange the furniture.
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Old 02-17-2009, 07:36 PM   #63
GutZ
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Re: Joke of the day

I was in Home Depot the other day pushing my cart around when I collided with a young guy pushing his cart.

I said to the young guy, "Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going."

The young guy says, "That's OK. It's a coincidence. I'm looking for my wife, too. I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate."

I said, "Well, maybe we can help each other. What does your wife look like?"

The young guy says, "Well, she is 24 years old, tall, with blonde hair, big blue eyes, long legs, big boobs, and she's wearing tight white shorts, a halter top and no bra. What does your wife look like?"

I said, "Doesn't matter --- let's look for yours."

Most old guys are helpful like that.
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Old 02-17-2009, 07:56 PM   #64
Gdiddy007
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Re: Joke of the day

Quote:
Originally Posted by UCBananaboy View Post
Q: Why does Helen Keller Masturbate with one hand?

A: So she can moan with the other.
omg
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Old 02-17-2009, 07:56 PM   #65
Gdiddy007
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Re: Joke of the day

How do you make a dead baby float?

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Old 02-18-2009, 01:17 AM   #66
wslee00
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Re: Joke of the day

Quote:
Originally Posted by UCBananaboy View Post
Q: Why does Helen Keller Masturbate with one hand?

A: So she can moan with the other.
LOL - this was great
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Old 02-18-2009, 08:49 AM   #67
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Re: Joke of the day

2001 called they want their dead baby jokes back.
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Old 02-19-2009, 04:17 AM   #68
Sean Fraley
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Re: Joke of the day

It is the first day of medical school, and the doctor in charge of the new class has all the new students gather in the main lecture hall for the orientation. Taking his place in front of the group, he starts his speech.

"In order to succeed in the world of medicine, you must first master two things" he says, scanning his eyes across the room.

"The first: you must be completely comfortable with anything on, in, or around the human body" and with this utterance dramatically whips the sheet off of a cadaver that has been laid face down on the table in front of him. He then, to the amazement of the medical students gathered in front of him proceeds to shove a finger into the cadavers anus, pulls the finger out, and then puts a finger into his mouth.

"To impress upon you how important this is, I will now require that all of you form a line, walk up to the cadaver, and then do precisely as I have just done. Any person who find themselves unwilling to attempt this will automatically fail the program. If you don't think that you can handle it, the door is over there". After a minute of shocked murmuring, the students make their decision. A handful head to the door but the large majority of them form a line and proceed to mimic their instructor.

After the students have finished and sat down, the doctor continues with his speech. "The second thing that you must master is this: pay attention to each and every detail, let none escape your notice. Needless to say, all of you have a great deal of work to do in this. I am appalled that not a single, solitary one of you noticed that I stuck my index finger into the cadaver's rectum, but my middle finger into my mouth".
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Old 02-19-2009, 06:18 PM   #69
Ian.
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Re: Joke of the day

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ethos View Post
How does Michael J. Fox prefer his martinis?

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I loled even tho I knew what the answer was gonna be.
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Old 02-19-2009, 11:02 PM   #70
bronx bomber
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Re: Joke of the day

How did Helen Keller burn her hand?










Reading the waffle iron
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Old 02-19-2009, 11:14 PM   #71
jacktay
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Re: Joke of the day

How did Helen Keller's parents punish her?







They attached doorknobs to the walls.
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Old 02-19-2009, 11:29 PM   #72
E.S.P.
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Re: Joke of the day

Quote:
Originally Posted by theslowdown View Post
Lol'd
FAIL
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Old 02-19-2009, 11:37 PM   #73
E.S.P.
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Re: Joke of the day

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tapow Dayok View Post
I've heard the rat ears joke before, but instead of rat ears, he had a giant orange head.

Either way, it's a fantastic joke if you've got the right audience.
U 2
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Old 02-20-2009, 03:08 PM   #74
Pocket4s
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Re: Joke of the day

LOL that masturbate joke was SO HILARIOUS omfg best joke of all time
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Old 02-20-2009, 04:11 PM   #75
Phresh
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Re: Joke of the day

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sean Fraley View Post
It is the first day of medical school, and the doctor in charge of the new class has all the new students gather in the main lecture hall for the orientation. Taking his place in front of the group, he starts his speech.

"In order to succeed in the world of medicine, you must first master two things" he says, scanning his eyes across the room.

"The first: you must be completely comfortable with anything on, in, or around the human body" and with this utterance dramatically whips the sheet off of a cadaver that has been laid face down on the table in front of him. He then, to the amazement of the medical students gathered in front of him proceeds to shove a finger into the cadavers anus, pulls the finger out, and then puts a finger into his mouth.

"To impress upon you how important this is, I will now require that all of you form a line, walk up to the cadaver, and then do precisely as I have just done. Any person who find themselves unwilling to attempt this will automatically fail the program. If you don't think that you can handle it, the door is over there". After a minute of shocked murmuring, the students make their decision. A handful head to the door but the large majority of them form a line and proceed to mimic their instructor.

After the students have finished and sat down, the doctor continues with his speech. "The second thing that you must master is this: pay attention to each and every detail, let none escape your notice. Needless to say, all of you have a great deal of work to do in this. I am appalled that not a single, solitary one of you noticed that I stuck my index finger into the cadaver's rectum, but my middle finger into my mouth".
This is probably the worst joke ever.
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