Oh my god that is awesome. Legit lol'ed. Especially funny when he actually looks just like a short, fat man when walking away.

A good one that made my day - Apparently Oscar Pistorius has sacked his legal team and hired Celtic FC's after hearing you can lose both legs and still win

This girl said she loved this book so much she read it cover to cover

No **** , that's how you read a book

A guy comes home from work early, and hears what sounds like two people upstairs. He goes to the bedroom, where he finds his wife, alone. Still suspicious, he looks under the bed. Nothing. He then opens the closet door and sees his best friend. He asks: "What are you doing here"? His friend replies: "Everybody's gotta be somewhere".

do we get infractions for requesting bans? ugh

Only in NVG

A man went to the doctor's for a check up:

"How often do you masturbate?"

3 or 4 times a day probably.

"Do you think you could stop?"

Why?

"Because I'm trying to examine you."

The other day after lunch I took my dog for a walk around the neighborhood. As I was waking past my friend's house I see his son Tommy in the front yard sprinkling glitter all over the lawn. Naturally I was curious, so I walked up to him and said "Tommy what's with the glitter bud ? What are you doing ?"

Little Tommy replies "Oh, it's elephant repellant dude !!"

I said, "Tommy, there aren't any elephants around for thousands of miles."

He says, "I know, that **** works, right?!"

I too enjoy The Simpsons

The **** is this punchline?

That you spent five seconds reading that.

What's the best thing for a woman in a battered relationship to do ?






The ****ing dishes if she knows what's good for her !

I went on a date with a dolphin last night, it was really great - we just clicked.

I got into a fender bender yesterday. A "little person" jumped out and said he wasn't happy.

I think it's amazing

How do you remove one thousand flies in one motion?
Slap a Kenyan in the face.

Perfect. A+

I groan every time I open this thread. I think it's important to come in with low expectations.

Agreed. This thread is not funny or creative anymore. Don't know why folks think this **** is even slightly humorous.

Someone please post an actual joke.

No dictionary has ever been able to satisfactorily define the
difference between "complete" and "finished". However, during a
recent linguistic conference, held in London, and attended by some
of the best linguists in the world. The presenter was asked to make
that very distinction. The question put to him by a colleague in
the erudite audience was this: “ Some say there is no difference
between ‘complete’ and ‘finished.’ Please explain the difference in
a way that is easy to understand.”

The presenter's response:
“When you marry the right woman, you are ‘complete.’
If you marry the wrong woman, you are ‘finished.’
And, if the right one catches you with the wrong one, you are
‘completely finished.”

What, a group of white men can't get together to laugh at stereotypes about minorities and women?