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Old 01-16-2009, 07:22 PM   #26
Gdiddy007
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Re: Joke of the day

What's the difference between a blonde and a washing machine?














When you put a load in the washing machine, it doesn't follow you around for a week.
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Old 01-17-2009, 06:07 AM   #27
fsoyars
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Re: Joke of the day

I ran into an old friend the other day that I hadn't seen in a long time. He looked great except for the very odd fact that he had rat ears.

I said to him, "I'm sorry but I have to ask... what's up with your rat ears?"
He told me an amazing story:

"A while back I found this old lantern and when I rubbed it a genie came out and granted me three wishes."

"Well what did you wish for??"

"Well, for my first wish, I wished for a billion dollars."

"Wow! So, you're rich??"

"Oh, yeah. Got five huge houses, fifteen cars, three yachts. It's great you should come party with me."

"Uh, yes please! I'm so jealous! Well, what about your second wish?"

"For my second wish, I wished to be able to have sex with any woman I want."

"Nice call! How's that treating you?"

"Amazing. Banged Jessica Alba last night. Gisele the night before. It pretty much rules."

"That is unreal! You lucky bastard! Well, so what about your third wish???"

"Um... well... I kind of screwed up on the third wish..."

"What are you talking about? What was the third wish?!"

"Um... well..."

"Dude, tell me! What did you wish for?!"

"Well... I wished for rat ears."
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Old 01-17-2009, 06:54 PM   #28
jacktay
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Re: Joke of the day

Time for another Boudreaux joke.....

Boudreaux was sitting at the bar in Benny's Bar and Seafood Market in Thibodaux, Louisiana, having a few beers.
After a while he leans over to the guy sitting next to him and asked, "Hey do you wanna hear a really good Aggie joke"?
The big guy replies, "Let me tell you something, I'm an oil field roughneck, I weigh 270lbs., and I don't like cajuns".
"My buddy here is a pro football player, he weighs 300lbs., and he doesn't like cajuns either".
"His friend on the other side of him, is a pro wrestler and weighs in at 320lbs., he is mean as hell, and hates cajuns more than we do".
"And we are all Aggies".
"Now, do you really want to tell an Aggie joke?"
Boudreaux, all 148lbs., puffs out his chest and replies,
"Well, no I guess not. Cuz damn, I don't wanna have to explain it tree (3) times!"
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Old 01-18-2009, 04:35 PM   #29
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Re: Joke of the day

Quote:
Originally Posted by fsoyars View Post
I ran into an old friend the other day that I hadn't seen in a long time. He looked great except for the very odd fact that he had rat ears.

I said to him, "I'm sorry but I have to ask... what's up with your rat ears?"
He told me an amazing story:

"A while back I found this old lantern and when I rubbed it a genie came out and granted me three wishes."

"Well what did you wish for??"

"Well, for my first wish, I wished for a billion dollars."

"Wow! So, you're rich??"

"Oh, yeah. Got five huge houses, fifteen cars, three yachts. It's great you should come party with me."

"Uh, yes please! I'm so jealous! Well, what about your second wish?"

"For my second wish, I wished to be able to have sex with any woman I want."

"Nice call! How's that treating you?"

"Amazing. Banged Jessica Alba last night. Gisele the night before. It pretty much rules."

"That is unreal! You lucky bastard! Well, so what about your third wish???"

"Um... well... I kind of screwed up on the third wish..."

"What are you talking about? What was the third wish?!"

"Um... well..."

"Dude, tell me! What did you wish for?!"

"Well... I wished for rat ears."
Someone explain please to me?
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Old 01-18-2009, 07:55 PM   #30
jacktay
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Re: Joke of the day

Quote:
Originally Posted by UCBananaboy View Post
Someone explain please to me?

Sorry, I dunno either......
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Old 01-18-2009, 08:54 PM   #31
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Re: Joke of the day

Quote:
Originally Posted by UCBananaboy View Post
Someone explain please to me?
Pure nonsense
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Old 01-19-2009, 08:41 AM   #32
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Re: Joke of the day

I went to the butchers shop with my wife today. She said to him ' is that a pigs head in the window?'.. he said 'no, its a mirror'
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Old 01-19-2009, 01:45 PM   #33
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Re: Joke of the day

Quote:
Originally Posted by UCBananaboy View Post
Someone explain please to me?
Quote:
Originally Posted by jacktay View Post
Sorry, I dunno either......
You're expecting a punchline and there isn't one.
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Old 01-19-2009, 07:36 PM   #34
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Re: Joke of the day

What do you get when you clobber two babies to death with a whiffle ball bat?

Spoiler:
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Old 01-21-2009, 06:52 PM   #35
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Re: Joke of the day

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Originally Posted by Slimtobi View Post
What do you get when you clobber two babies to death with a whiffle ball bat?

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More baby jokes pls!
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Old 01-22-2009, 09:24 PM   #36
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Re: Joke of the day

Why do you put the baby in the blender feet first?

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Old 01-22-2009, 09:27 PM   #37
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Re: Joke of the day

Whats funnier than a dead baby?

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Old 01-22-2009, 11:39 PM   #38
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Re: Joke of the day

Quote:
Originally Posted by fsoyars View Post

"Dude, tell me! What did you wish for?!"

"Well... I wished for rat ears."
Lol'd
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Old 01-23-2009, 12:13 AM   #39
No Ego Thanks
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Re: Joke of the day

WTF the baby "jokes".
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Old 02-09-2009, 06:49 AM   #40
Strip6
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Re: Joke of the day

A man walks into a bar and says, "Bartender, give me anything but a Budweiser."

Bartender replies, "Why not a Budweiser?"

Man says, "Last night I drank 24 Budweisers and I blew chunks."

Bartender replies, " Well, a lot of people would puke after that."

Man says, "No, you don't understand. Chunks is my dog."
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Old 02-09-2009, 09:59 AM   #41
bronx bomber
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Re: Joke of the day

A drunk guy throws up all over himself at the bar. He starts moaning to the bartender how his wife is gonna kill him for ruining his new shirt.

Bartender says no problem, just put $10 in your shirt pocket and tell your wife some guy puked on you and gave you the money for drycleaning. Guys says thanks and heads home.

Guy gets home and explains to his wife the whole story. She reaches into his shirt pocket and pulls out the money. "Hey, wait a minute, this is a twenty". Oh yeah says the drunk, I forgot to tell you, the guy **** my pants too.
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Old 02-10-2009, 01:09 AM   #42
TwoOuter
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Re: Joke of the day

Doctor to Patient: You have to stop masturbating.

Patient: Why?

Doctor: Because I'm trying to examine you.
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Old 02-10-2009, 01:10 AM   #43
TwoOuter
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Re: Joke of the day

A Husband and Wife were sitting watching TV when he turned to his wife and said,

"Honey, tell me something that will make me happy and sad all at the same time."

She said, "Well, you have a bigger penis than all of your friends."
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Old 02-10-2009, 01:12 AM   #44
TwoOuter
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Re: Joke of the day

A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room, waiting for
the doctor to come in for the baby's first exam.

The doctor arrived, and examined the baby, checked his weight, and
being a little concerned, asked if the baby was breast-fed or
bottle-fed.

'Breast-fed,' she replied.

'Well, strip down to your waist,' the doctor ordered.

She did. He pinched her nipples, pressed, kneaded, and rubbed both
breasts for a while in a very professional and detailed examination.

Motioning to her to get dressed, the doctor said,

'No wonder this baby is underweight. You don't have any milk'

'I know,' she said,

'I'm his Grandma, but I'm glad I came.'
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Old 02-10-2009, 06:46 AM   #45
Tapow Dayok
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Re: Joke of the day

I've heard the rat ears joke before, but instead of rat ears, he had a giant orange head.

Either way, it's a fantastic joke if you've got the right audience.
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Old 02-10-2009, 06:48 AM   #46
Tapow Dayok
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Re: Joke of the day

Quote:
Originally Posted by TwoOuter View Post
Doctor to Patient: You have to stop masturbating.

Patient: Why?

Doctor: Because I'm trying to examine you.
A+

I'm stealing this one.
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Old 02-10-2009, 01:33 PM   #47
Eihli
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Re: Joke of the day

What sound does a baby make when you put it in a blender?
Spoiler:
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Old 02-10-2009, 04:55 PM   #48
patrick47
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Re: Joke of the day

What is easier to unload, a truck full of Dead Babies or a truck full
of bricks
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Old 02-10-2009, 09:03 PM   #49
UCBananaboy
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Re: Joke of the day

Quote:
Originally Posted by TwoOuter View Post
A Husband and Wife were sitting watching TV when he turned to his wife and said,

"Honey, tell me something that will make me happy and sad all at the same time."

She said, "Well, you have a bigger penis than all of your friends."
lol
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Old 02-10-2009, 09:05 PM   #50
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Re: Joke of the day

I can't do the niftly spoiler thingy:

Q: How many dead babies does it take to paint a house?

A: Depends how hard you throw them.
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