^^^^^^^made me laugh!

Okay i occassionally will type this joke in the chat box at the poker table when i feel it is appropriate....


What do professional poker players and dogs have in common?

Eventually the dog will stop whining!



^^^^^Dedicated to all the Phil Hellmuths out there!

Oops correction, too much New Years celebration, i guess:

What is the difference between a professional poker player and a dog?

Eventually the dog will stop whining!

How come blondes never learn to waterski?

Cause as soon as they get wet they lie down

How Long is a China man

Bear & Rabbit

The 7 Dwarfs go to the Vatican, and because they are the 7
Dwarfs, they are immediately ushered in to see the Pope.
Grumpy leads the pack.
Grumpy, my son, says the Pope, 'What can I do for you?
Grumpy asks, 'Excuse me your Excellency, but are there any
dwarf nuns in Rome?
The Pope wrinkles his brow at the odd question, thinks for a
moment and answers, 'No, Grumpy, there are no dwarf nuns in Rome.
In the background, a few of the dwarfs start giggling.
Grumpy turns around and glares, silencing them.
Grumpy turns back, 'Your Worship, are there any dwarf nuns in
all of Europe?
The Pope, puzzled now, again thinks for a moment and then
answers, No, Grumpy, there are no dwarf nuns in Europe.
This time, all of the other dwarfs burst into laughter.
Once again, Grumpy turns around and silences them with an angry
glare.
Grumpy turns back and says, 'Mr. Pope! Are there ANY dwarf
nuns anywhere in the world?'
The Pope, really confused by the questions says, I'm sorry,
my son, there are no dwarf nuns anywhere in the world.'
The other dwarfs collapse into a heap , rolling and laughing,
pounding the floor, tears rolling down their cheeks, as they begin
chanting......
Grumpy screwed a penguin!
Grumpy screwed a penguin!
Grumpy screwed a penguin!

LARRY is in Room 232 at the Hospital


Okay, you are asking who in the hell is 'Larry'.

Larry gets home late one night and, Linda, his wife says, 'Where in the hell have you been?'

Larry replies, 'I was out getting a tattoo.' 'A tattoo?' she frowned.
'What kind of tattoo did you get?'

'I got a hundred dollar bill on my privates,' he said proudly.

'What the hell were you thinking?, she said, shaking her head in disgust. 'Why on earth would an accountant get a hundred dollar bill tattooed on his privates?'

Well, one, I like to watch my money grow. Two, once in a while I like to play with my money. Three, I like how money feels in my hand.

And, lastly, instead of you going out shopping, you can stay right here at home and blow a hundred bucks anytime you want.'

Larry is recovering in room 232 at the Hospital.

What's the difference between a blonde and a washing machine?














When you put a load in the washing machine, it doesn't follow you around for a week.

I ran into an old friend the other day that I hadn't seen in a long time. He looked great except for the very odd fact that he had rat ears.

I said to him, "I'm sorry but I have to ask... what's up with your rat ears?"
He told me an amazing story:

"A while back I found this old lantern and when I rubbed it a genie came out and granted me three wishes."

"Well what did you wish for??"

"Well, for my first wish, I wished for a billion dollars."

"Wow! So, you're rich??"

"Oh, yeah. Got five huge houses, fifteen cars, three yachts. It's great you should come party with me."

"Uh, yes please! I'm so jealous! Well, what about your second wish?"

"For my second wish, I wished to be able to have sex with any woman I want."

"Nice call! How's that treating you?"

"Amazing. Banged Jessica Alba last night. Gisele the night before. It pretty much rules."

"That is unreal! You lucky bastard! Well, so what about your third wish???"

"Um... well... I kind of screwed up on the third wish..."

"What are you talking about? What was the third wish?!"

"Um... well..."

"Dude, tell me! What did you wish for?!"

"Well... I wished for rat ears."

Time for another Boudreaux joke.....

Boudreaux was sitting at the bar in Benny's Bar and Seafood Market in Thibodaux, Louisiana, having a few beers.
After a while he leans over to the guy sitting next to him and asked, "Hey do you wanna hear a really good Aggie joke"?
The big guy replies, "Let me tell you something, I'm an oil field roughneck, I weigh 270lbs., and I don't like cajuns".
"My buddy here is a pro football player, he weighs 300lbs., and he doesn't like cajuns either".
"His friend on the other side of him, is a pro wrestler and weighs in at 320lbs., he is mean as hell, and hates cajuns more than we do".
"And we are all Aggies".
"Now, do you really want to tell an Aggie joke?"
Boudreaux, all 148lbs., puffs out his chest and replies,
"Well, no I guess not. Cuz damn, I don't wanna have to explain it tree (3) times!"

Someone explain please to me?

Sorry, I dunno either......