thanks for this. Im staying at expo hotel in sants, around 20mins from beach by car. but im close to metro so can get around easily for 10euros 10 trips.

I'll give that a try, thanks.

Lucid, Some of what you said is a little off [specifically to my situation] but to be fair it's also a function of you operating on incomplete information. I agree there's some things I need to change. Any relationship you put yourself out there, making yourself completely vulnerable to that person, and make what you believe a solid connection, and then have that backfire, is going to sting and it's a bit easier said than done to just flick the 'switch' (or it is for me at least). All I can really do is line-check to make sure I'm doing whats best for the long run, which I believe I am, and hopefully it'll feel less awful in time. All in all, thanks for the advice - it's appreciated.

The vast majority of young germans speak really good english from my experience. Really surprised at this.

ya im guessing she grew up somewhere else but was living in germany so probably picked up the little English she knows from Germany. I am actually meeting up with her in 1 hour to go to the beach and chill.

Apologies for whatever length this turns out, I know I am the nut low of the thread, but I wanted to post a (partial) success.

So today was literally the first time in my life I tried to pick up anyone at a bar at night. I was out with a few people, and there's this gorgeous girl dressed way too nice for this place who keeps wandering around and going out to sit at a ledge far away from everyone else to read her phone. My friends notice this too, and I'm like, eff it, I'll start my bar approaching life with a 9, whatever. I walked up and made fun of her for being on her phone at a bar and went from there.

Here's the thing: It went super well. Only I didn't know it went super well, because I don't have any experience in these things. She was reading homework about a sociologist that I knew a ton about, and I was able to tell her some crazy stories.

I won't go into the play-by-play, but there were numerous moments where I thought things broke down a little, but by and large I held the conversation and when I didn't she picked it up. She was touching her hair and necklace, and given the way she was dressed, she was looking for action. I talked with her for about a half an hour, and when I went back and told my friends I failed, they were pretty surprised.

It failed because: a) I convinced myself that she wasn't feeling it because I couldn't get her to go to a different section of the bar; b) I never even asked for her number (when really, that would have pointless, she was looking to be taken home). At one point, she said she had to go to the bathroom, and I said cool I should go back and talk to my friends and then we parted ways. I never saw her again. Obviously, this was a totally weakass move and I should have pushed for more.

The other thing that I messed up and am not sure how to do is touching. I touched her bracelet at one point, asked about it, etc., and then we had some commiseration over the quality of our cell phones which involved some touching.

FWIW, she did say she recognized a coworker there, and I'm pretty sure her coworker texted her something about me and that's when I really felt things took a turn for the worse.

So, mixed feelings. Invigorated at approaching a really hot girl that I really think every other guy there was too afraid to approach. But, the rest of my game needs a lot of work. The worst part was assuming the bathroom move was "I'm done with you" after a half hour.

90% of guys would have closed this girl, and I didn't. That doesn't surprise me, but I think I may have run into a unicorn and need to be more prepared for next time. Which means putting myself in the same positions again.

No Brad,90% of guys who bothered to approach her would have ended up the same way.
So you didn't get the girl.
At least you had the attention of a beautiful woman for a little while.

Contrast that to my Friday night at a concert,and the only interaction I get is from a cute underage girl,a hateful stare from her mom(I assume),and two drunk women insulting my shirt and height to their boyfriends.

So you're no where close to the nut low.

She is originally from Venezuela but grew up in Germany so i was right about this. I hung out with her and 3 of her female friends yesterday at the beach for a few hours which was quite fun. while she was away swimming I found out she has a bf back in Germany for 2 years which surprised me because shes quite flirty with me and touchy feely.

She initiated that we go smoke some shisha by the beach this evening so I guess there is some interest on her part. I am trying not to catch feelings or get serious with her as i am leaving in 2 days, I will hang out with her tonight and have fun but I'm not going to focus on getting sex as im fine having someone to hang out with as friends during my short stay here.
will keep you guys updated.

lol at "90% of guys would have closed her." Have you been around males before? Don't be so hard on yourself, sounds like a fine interaction. Everyone knows going to the bathroom is an easy way to ditch someone, so if she genuinely had to go but wanted to continue hanging out after she probably would have made that obvious.

This is why she wasn't into it. You came up to her and basically cornered her into having a 30 min convo with you. I'll assume tho I may be wrong that you spouted out tons of knowledge about the sociologist/sociology and she could tell you were trying to prove how smart you were to her. You also kept assuming it wasn't going well at certain points and were constantly worried about what she was thinking about the interaction rather than just having a fun interaction. Focus on having fun, not getting the girl. And from that place have a fun, carefree conversation about whatever for 2-10 mins depending on how it's going then dismiss yourself back to your friends before she has a chance to dismiss you by going to the bathroom.

If you keep the convo short and she's enjoying it she will be thinking, wait I wasn't done with that conversation and she will come back looking for you. If you overstay your welcome(even if she was enjoying it in the beginning) she will just be thinking, OK I'm done with this, what excuse can I make to get out of this. It's infinitely more powerful to dismiss yourself/her than to let her dismiss you.

Not necessarily,the key part may have been several factors coming together at the right(wrong?) time.

If he's able to reliably discern her intent that night,he could also influence it,and so could others.

I suspect she had a change of heart in that time they spent together,maybe it was what he said,maybe it was a text from the coworker,maybe she just realized picking up a random wasn't the best thing to do.

I doubt dismissing her would be helpful,playing the odds,a hot chick will just move on,rather than turn to pursuing someone who just blew her off.
Once a connection is made,it's probably better to focus on keeping her attention.
Sometimes it just doesn't happen.
If Brad can't admit to any major mistake,I'd be inclined to think she just changed her mind.
She may have not been on the prowl,she could have just needed validation in her own mind,and this little episode did just that.
The big thing to me is that Brad took a chance,it may not have worked out,but he took a big step in developing his social skills towards women.

No, it's the mindset that she's the King and you're the Queen that's killing you. Why do you need to keep her attention, or worry about how she'll respond to you dismissing yourself from the conversation early. It's not her attention you should be worried about keeping, you should be enjoying yourself and letting her worry about keeping your attention. If you were just being the King she would play her role and be the Queen but you're ****ing it up with your mindset and making her the King you need to win attention from.


How is chasing her approval, validation, and attention not being feminine? You emasculate yourself and then wonder why she loses attraction.

You know what the queen said?

If you want to crown her, then crown her ass.

Ok, met a girl on CoffeeMeetsBagel last week. She's only 21 (I'm 32) but she looked hot so I decided to see where it went. Did some light texting/flirting and then made plans to meet up for coffee tonight. In the pics on her app, she was a solid 8 or 8.5: very cute face, great little body, nice hair, etc.

So I met her tonight--first thing I notice is that she's cute but...much closer to like a 6. Her hair is up, she's wearing no makeup, her skin isn't the best, but I had nothing else going on that night so I was like whatever, she's still kind of cute. So here's the thing: she ends up being super socially awkward. I got the feeling her self-esteem wasn't that high. Like, she's pretty shy and introverted and it's a struggle to make a conversation with her. We both have some kind of iced coffee then decided to walk around, we go in a supermarket and she opens up a little bit finally, talking about different foods. I was ready to bolt but now I'm thinking maybe there's some potential. We leave and then she says she's going to walk home (she doesn't live far). I ask her if she'd like me to walk her to her door and she says no, but says I can walk her to the next corner. She says something about being really stressed and busy the next 2 weeks because of school and graduating and I say I can understand that. She seems pretty stiff and I couldn't really get a read on what she was thinking + I was unsure myself of how I felt about her, since I felt she was finally starting to open up right before she said she needed to go home. We hug, I wish her luck and tell her to stay in touch and she says "yeah definitely!" but I have no idea if that was just a polite auto-response.

Ok so my questions are:

1) Anything I should have done differently?
2) Any advise on how to steer a shy girl who may be interested into feeling more comfortable/sexy? Or is it not worth even trying?
3) What's my best play at this point?

So you schedule a date with an 8-8.5, she shows up as a 6 plus is pretty socially awkward. You consider bolting but have nothing else going on so decide to stick around and from there start chasing and pursuing a girl you originally said wasn't on your level....you're now putting an awkward 6 on a pedestal and trying to figure out how to get her to see you again....yea this isn't gonna work out at all.

Not sure if I totally agree with Lucid's assessment,but if you weren't connecting with the girl,don't worry about it.
TBH,I think she isn't going to get back with you,but with socially awkward types,it's hard to tell.

Put it in the "oh well" file for now.

I'm not putting her on a pedestal. I don't care if I never see or hear from her again. I'm interesting in improving my dating skill, learning from my mistakes, etc., so that I can have more positive experiences in the future. That's all.

Just don't ever see her again. Your not even into her. The last thing she needs is some guy who's not even into her pumping and dumping her, if she's socially awkward and likely sexually inexperienced.

Like Colin said, if you're not into her, don't see her again.

Regarding shy girls, you just have to be more patient as it will naturally take more time for them to be comfortable enough with you to begin opening up.

I'm more curious about how you ended up touring around a supermarket on a first date?

You should always have a rough plan ahead of time of different options to transition to depending on how the date is going. When I was dating frequently I always had 2-3 different things in mind to transition to after the initial meetup venue depending on the vibe of the date. This ensured I'd never find myself touring around a supermarket on a date because nothing gets a girls panties wet like the supermarket!!!

Speak for yourself,take the right one down the frozen food aisle and it's a party.

lol^ yeah i basically had no plan. figured i'd just meet her and see how it went, to be honest i never really had a date with such a shy or socially awkward girl before. btw the supermarket was honestly pretty fun.

been texting with this other girl that i met on the same dating app. she seems nice and smart, but possibly somewhat boring, and she's rather plain looking. she expressed interest in meeting up next weekend, so will probably just take a chance and see how it goes. the reason i'm going on dates with these "meh" girls is because i don't have much dating experience, and i figure i have to start somewhere.

Finally back in the states, ended the semester in France with a bang. I had heard that some kids the previous semester rented an AirBnB and threw a party so I decided to go for it. Rented out a nice studio apartment for a little over 100 euro for the night after finals ended. Word spread pretty quick and soon I had 60-70 people planning on coming, definitely not enough room for that...

Lucky enough, my friend who used his AirBnB account to rent gave me the wrong address which I posted on an FB event, so everyone thought it was at a different place. This turned in to the perfect excuse to only invite half of the people with the real address so the party wouldn't get too big. We bought around 200 euro worth of alcohol and made jungle juice plus had bottles for taking shots.

Party started at 10, by 11 we already had 30-40 people there. The entire place was packed and people started climbing on the roof to party as well. I was a little nervous since I had a 300 euro security deposit down in my name but it all worked out and nothing got messed up.

Went to the club after until 4:30 and then came back to the apartment with G. Had sex that night, woke up at noon to clean up, then had maybe the best sex of my life again at around 2pm. We showered together then went straight to bed, the sex was super intense. Was our last day together though so think that had something to do with it. Had to say bye to her a couple hours later which was really hard. She cried in my arms and was visibly shaking, it was super tough.

Funny story though after we had sex at 5am I threw the condom on the windowsill and forgot about it. My homie who had used his account to rent the BnB came later and took it over to use it hook up with another girl. He found the condom and kind of smacked it away cause he didn't want to touch it, but it didn't fall out the window. So later when he returned the AirBnB to the owner the chick found the condom and took a picture of it and texted it to him saying in French, "thanks for the gift" hahahaha. Great way to end the semester.

Back in the states for a few weeks before heading to Colorado for the summer. Not really on the prowl for any girls here since I definitely had a lot of feelings for G, but there is one girl here who I've had a lot of sexual tension with in the past. We'll see how it goes.

Need your advice fellas:

I'm not really the pickup type but I got out of a 9 year relationship in February. I've had a ton of sexual encounters in the meantime, and for the most part really enjoy the single life. Its refreshing and definitely calming. It's also pretty amazing that I've built 2 sexual relationships in the meantime where the women know its purely about sex. That being said.

There is this girl I have been heavily physically attracted to since meeting her 6 years ago. She ended up having a kid and moving out of state, but we kept in touch over the years. Once we began talking more, I told her upfront that I had 0 interest in being her buddy and would rather ****, cuddle and eat ice cream with her. She was visibly impressed by this and since that point, we've texted and phoned each other everyday for almost two months. I wake up to snapchats from her regularly.

Is it a mistake if I go spend 4-5 days with her out of state? I kind of want to do this as a way of proclaiming for myself I'm doing the things I want to do, but this is also seriously out of the norm for a guy like me. And besides her being a 10 looks wise, I've grown to enjoy her awkward sense of humor and the fact that she's not dumb.

What's the play gentlemen?

What's the problem?
If you agree to meet,and end up plowing the snot outta each other,are you afraid of catching feels?
What's the plan if you don't go?
Unless she specifically said "if we bone,we gotta get married",
I'd just let my conscience guide me.

I would venture to guess he's wondering if it's dumb/desperate to travel out of state to get laid. I don't think he's worried about feels.

UCD - I feel you should have something else inspiring you to travel to her area and then you two can meetup. Do you know other people where she lives and/or are there touristy things you can do?