youre thinking way too far into everything mang.
a girl says "hey im in xxxx, you should come"
she doesnt care one way or the other.
shes just being friendly.

Attracting a girl with a boyfriend can be tricky, and the situations can differ. There's the girls that have a boyfriend, don't want to be with him anymore or are having serious doubts and are poking around to see what else is out there.

Then there's the girls in ****ty relationships who never considered leaving their boyfriend until now, with you, they see they might have something better.

Finally, there's the girls who are happy with their boyfriend, but maybe they could be happier.

Obviously this disregards girls who are very happy and you aren't gunna break them either way.

I ranked those in order from least to most difficult.

Tactics you want to consider:

-You need to be careful of making her feel guilty. Take it easy. You can't come on too strong or get her into too many date like situations too quickly. She'll freeze up and you're done.

-Use group settings. This will be your best tool. She can go COMPLETELY guilt free, and you can still talk her up and get to know her in these situations. I've used this very, very effectively in the past.

-As things get heavier, you can move to one-on-one situations, but again be careful. You can't frame it as a date. You have to frame it casually. Of course, unless she's a moron she'll know what is going on, but she will be able to rationalize the guilt in her head away. Again, this is something I used.

However, all that said I don't really recommend doing this if you are looking for a LTR. Your relationship will not be normal with her coming off another relationship, and it is going to be a very long and frustrating process. See: some of the posters in this thread and their stories. You are better off just putting yourself in a good position with the girl for if/when she breaks up with her boyfriend rather than trying to break them up yourself. It's just better for all parties involved.

There's plenty of single, attractive women out there, even for you guys well into your 20s. If you are going to try to steal from someone else, she better darn sure be worth it. Chances are she's not.

lol stop thinking and go you donk

(although I do see where you are coming from, the fact that she is inviting you is a good sign of attraction. Just be sure to play it right and you'll be fine.)

Depends on what kind of play/concert it is and what your intentions are. I assume you want to go beyond the friend stage.

If it's, for example, a classical quartet playing in front of parents and teacher then skipping out would probably be the best since you won't be able to get any quality time w/ the lady.
Concerts and parties seem very standard and I can't see why you would want to say no to such invites. There will almost definitely be liquor and a easy atmosphere which favors you.

And I think you're way too pessimistic. If I was at a party and got that text/call from a girl that's like a golden ticket.

I think the reaction to not go to the concert/performance is an example of us sometimes going... too far with the aloof, cocky approach.

Yeah, you have to push and pull but, like I've said before, you do still have to be nice and show attraction at some point. There is something to be said for being nice to a girl, haha. Just don't be an overall pussy.

ya i've been a pansy up til now and am trying to reverse it. i shouldn't go too far in the other direction though. thx for the advice guys.

It's all how you stage and present yourself. The exact same words or actions taken with two different demeanors can send two completely different messages. Thremp and I had a good discussion about this on the EDF relationship thread yesterday.

fwiw, im fairly confident that her bf does not go to school with us.
maybe ill ask...ill tell her to break up with him over thanksgiving break.
i rule.

she just texted yer boy.
not gonna think too far into it, but it was not class related.

if you like a girl that likes or is dating someone else but has shown interest in you:

don't be needy. this includes
-texting more than once if you don't hear back from her. hell, it's worth ignoring a text or two of hers every once in awhile.
-calling her late night (a text is fine, phone call is almost "too much effort")
-apologizing for anything slightly stupid you did drunk. unless she's your gf or you did something that would certainly cause her to never speak to you again, you don't owe her an apology. note that i'm not saying act like a d-bag, but if she drunkenly spouts off "i'd love to hang out but i have a bf" and you say "get over yourself" or "wtf why are you dating him," she is just as in the wrong as you are. actually, you have done nothing wrong. bonus: she said she would love to hang out but she has a bf. this means she at least has some feelings for you. if you play your cards right you have a chance with this girl.


-don't be the guy who is always "there" for her. as much as you think that's going to get you first in line when her ****ty relationship ends, it's not. trust me on this.

this means:
-short, infrequent texts, not insta responding to her texts/calls, not always on IM whenever she is, etc.
-talk to other girls, even if you have no interest in them. even if it's just to get your mind off her or just to make friends, it's important to do this. you'll drive yourself freaking crazy if you are constantly thinking about your situation with her.


okay, so what's the endgame? the best thing you can do after hearing from her that she has a bf or likes someone else is that you let her know (in as many words) "cool, no big deal." if she likes you at all, it will bother her that you are "okay with it." you need to then strategically cut her off.

don't text her. be very distant if she reaches out to you. facebook is a wonderful thing, be seen in pictures with other girls, status updates that make her think you're having the time of your ****ing life (be careful: many people overdue this, especially girls. don't make it obvious you are trying to show her you are "okay.")

after some time passes, you may find you don't really care about this girl anymore. that's fine, she's probably not your future wife. if you still like her, i'd suggest being pretty direct. a text: "hi stranger, drinks tonight?"

remember, this is all assuming she at least indicated she had some feelings for you. she will be surprised/happy/relieved to hear from you. she was probably worried that you had totally moved on by now, and she still probably doesn't even know what context your hangout was in.

if you have a shot with her, she'll say something like "hi...what do you have in mind?" your best bet is to have a group of people over and invite her to join everyone. she doesn't have to feel guilty about hanging out with a group of people and your friend alcohol will make it easier.

you can respond "i dunno, ppl coming here tonight." remember, you "don't care" about how this ends. the less details you give the better, she'll fish for them if she has any interest.

you have to play the game right back at these girls. everyone always complains that girls like d-bag guys. well, it's not that they necessarily like d-bags, it's that they like the fact that these guys are in control, confident, and don't appear to "need" the girl. even if you aren't the type of guy that is naturally just a jerk, you can simulate that effect just by understanding the way girls think not being so damn easy for them to read.

trust me, i made some of the same stupid mistakes i read over and over on here. i've been on both sides of it before, multiple times. you don't have to be one of those fratty jerkoff guys to get girls in college, but you can and should take cues from them.

wow i can't believe i just wrote that. sorry

before i read it, i want to say you could have sex with my sister on my grave and i would still think you are the stone cold nuts.

i would like to point out that im not being exclusive to her. its not like im holding out, just waiting. the world is still a spinnin.

well after i finally dragged outa her that she had a bf, and she admitted thats the reason she wont hang out, i took the risk and pretty much put myself out there and did that whole i dont blame you, most girls with bfs end up cheating with me. in retrospect it was a dumb/douchey/arrogant thing to say, but she seemed to kinda like it.

i havent friended her on facebook and i dont have her AIM. (sidenote: i dont think ive been on AIM more than a few times this month...does anyone really use aim anymore?) i just normally dont friend people, and i dont want to friend her if she has a bf anyway. should i friend her? not texting is pretty normal seeing how we dont really have that long of a history, but i dont want her to think i just gave up, forgot, whatever. i want to limit my texts, but have just enough to be that constant lingering thought. at least thats my thinking atm.

yea after things inevitably dont work out ill probably use that type of line next semester when i wont be seeing her 3 times a week.

its pretty sad, but if i decide one night to be that "jerk" guy, its so much more fun.
example 1: halloween. i have a ridiculous costume, and this 6/10 is telling me how she doesnt like it. her hot friend is just standing by watching our little talk about costumes. i finally ask, wait, what are you supposed to be (her and her 2 hot friends are wearing all white and angel wings). she goes, "im a victoria's secret model". i go "your friends can pull it off, but im not sure if you can." her two friends start lol'ing. right on queue, my friend, who had also been watching/listening, chimes in "wait, what did you say you were". the 6 reiterates "im a victorias secret model". he insta-responds "i guess you really can be anything you want on halloween". needless to say, hot friend was cracking up, ugly friend ruined everything by getting pissed and telling her 2 hot friends to go somewhere with her.

I disagree very much with a majority of your approach. Essentially your plan of attack is if you find out she has a bf, stop everything and stop talking to her. This WILL NOT work in most cases. You need to build attraction. You cannot build attraction if you are absent from her life. If you aren't texting her, hanging out with her or forming any other kind of interaction with her, then she'll never come over to your side.

Girls are very stubborn and will stick to the status quo until the day of their death. They need to be shaken from said status quo. If you disappear of the face of the earth, she'll dismiss you (almost relieved that you are gone) and continue her relationship with her boyfriend. After all, that is the EASIER way out. If she is going to take the HARD way out (starting a new relationship and/or leaving her old one), she will need a damn good reason.

There is something to be said for not being her emotional crutch or lap dog and to keeping your distance. Obviously, considering my previous posts, I agree with this. But you DO need to put some work in to build attraction and you DO need to spend time with her. "Strategically cutting her off," assuming you haven't already built the requisite level of attraction, is a really good way of getting her to forget about you. You need to find a balance. Your balance seems to be way too close to the end of completely ignoring her. This may work on a girl who is already super interested in you, or who you have already put a lot of time in with, but not one who has just shown the basic levels of attraction.

Group interactions are the best way to find this balance. They work in your favor in two camps: first of all, it's not obvious you are showing a great level of interest in her by inviting her to a group gathering. After all, you are just as likely to invite your guy friends to the group gathering. Furthermore, you can showcase your interactions with other women while mixing in interactions with her. You can show her why you are so wonderful and why she'll fall in love with you without letting her know you are actively trying to show her this.

Second of all, as I've stated before, she will be able to come guilt free. It isn't posed as a date or a one-on-one interaction. The "I have a boyfriend" guilt will either disappear or be rationalized away.

I've said this a thousand times: you guys have the propensity to take the *******, alpha male approach way too far sometimes. Yes you have to show disinterest to gain interest, but holy **** if you show complete 100 % disinterest and make scant to no effort at all the second you meet any type of resistance, as you seem to be advocating GP, they'll never even consider you.

Also, is there a reason Turnupthesun is willing to sleep with Green Plastic at any given moment? Am I missing something here?

Been lurking on 2p2 for a long time, but this thread has inspired me to start posting.

I need your opinions on this situation. Sorry, in advance, for the length

I decided to make my move on the girl I liked. She had been showing me signs that she was interested. We did the usual talk and text with mostly text. We hung out, alone, a few times. Only thing about her was that she was very shady. I, seemingly, had to reach deep to get her to reveal information about herself.

Anyway, I got tired of playing games and decided to listen to some advice from a few female friends and just be upfront. During our after class chat I told her that I liked her. She said that she was "seeing somebody right now."
However, in the conversation beforehand she referred to him as a friend. Hence, I didn't see it coming.

My response to her was that I just wanted to let her know, because I hate playing games. She tried to get out of the situation very quickly. Unfortunately, my last words to her were "I don't want things to be awkward."

On Thanksgiving break now so I won't see her for another week. What should be my play after we get back from break?

Again, relying on texts far too much. Typical error a lot of guys make. Some women force us into this, though, so I'll ignore this issue for now.

What happened? What were you doing? Was there any type of physical interaction? Was it a date? Dinner? A movie? There's lots of useful information here you aren't providing.

What do you mean? Are you trying to psycho analyze her? Did you want to know about her past? Is she clammed up as a whole? What type of info was she withholding?

Big mistake. Most (not all, but a vast majority) women give truly, truly awful dating advice. Honestly, as a general rule, women are the last people you ever want to turn to for dating advice. They have absolutely no idea how to articulate what makes them attracted to men. Many of them don't even understand what makes them attracted.

Furthermore, women often give that advice of "be upfront." It's ****ty, horrible, awful advice. I was just sharing a relationship issue with a female friend of mine the other day, and she gave me that advice (I didn't want advice, but she offered it unsolicited). "Just tell her that you like her." I lol'd a bit and told her that was the worst possible move. She didn't understand why.

I asked her how her current boyfriend attracted her. What made her so interested? Did he push and pull her, keep some mystery and make her wonder if he was interested or not? She said yes, and admitted this made her even more interested in dating and getting to know him. I asked her what she would have done if he just told her he liked her right off the bat. She thought about it and said that would have been really awkward, and would have made me wonder if I could just do better.

Keep in mind this is the same girl who, just 3 minutes prior, told me to "be upfront and tell her you like her." Just awful advice.

Meh. Odd she didn't reveal this to you earlier. Not sure I really believe her. Good sign that she didn't talk of it earlier... very bad sign that she brings it up now.

Yikes. You really blew it here. Awkward and potentially creepy.

"Just wanted to let her know." This comes across as weak, subservient and passive.

"I hate playing games." I'm neutral on this one. It's possible you could strike her as obsessive with this.

"I don't want things to be awkward." Sure fire way to make things awkward is to say this. If she wasn't considering awkwardness before, she sure is now.

I don't know. You really dug yourself a hole here.

I know I talked a bit before about not ignoring women or blowing them off, as you can't build attraction that way, but you put yourself in a real ****ty spot here so you need to take a different approach.

I would blow her off for a bit. Distance yourself a little and don't be so available. Act aloof and like the whole interaction that happened before didn't bother you. DO NOT APOLOGIZE FOR IT OR GROVEL OVER IT WHATEVER YOU DO. Seek out other women. Make sure she knows about your pursuit of other women. You are really going to need to cool things off before you have any type of chance again.

Basic advice: stop talking to establish/investigate attraction. Communicate with your overall behavior, not words.

Sorry about the vagueness. We hung out at coffee shops and bookstores. Nothing, but talking and normal flirting happened when we hung out. Physical contact was limited to hugging.

She's definitely clammed up. I dunno how to put it, but she rarely talked about her family, friends, and never really told stories. Alot of the time, I felt like I was carrying the conversation.

I hear what you are saying about the up front thing. I asked the friend about how she got into her fiance and she told me it was after he just told her he liked her. Sounded convincing at the time.

Yeah, I wouldn't ordinarily believe the other guy thing either. However, she did tell me in class that her car was in the shop and that she got to school because her friend let her borrow his car. I see now that I should have followed up on that eyebrow raising comment.

She said "I'm seeing another guy. You know the one whose car I am borrowing." I responded with "so you like him?" She said "yeah."

Sorry, I should have mentioned that earlier.

I know I really killed myself w/ the awkward comment, but whatever. I can't take it back.

You are reaffirming my instinct to be distant and to play off the incident like it never happened. Basically, I'm not going to make much, if any, effort to talk or hang out with her. I won't ever mention our last conversation.

What do you think I should do if she brings up the topic of our last conversation?

Try to shrug it off + make a jopke? But like Karak said, if this comes up, you're totally boned.

I mean, your last 2 posts basically scream "FOLD" (to use a poker analogy, plz don't ban me). Get over it and move on.

Karak's advice is good, but it's probably better if you acknowledge your chances with this girl are very small and you should probably unstick yourself from this girl and "friend-zone" her.

I only tell you this much about girls,...

If you thinkin' 'is she interested in me?', 'could she be?', 'what should I do to make her interested?'... You doin' it WRONG.
A few girls will like you, many will not. And only few will truly love you.
Yea she might have got nice azz, nice boobs or face, well so what, there's plenty of that kind. Be confident, turn off your brain and listen to heart. Be cool. If a girl doesn't come up to you to talk, well she prolly doesn't want to talk to you at all, or she's just shy... if so, she's missing the best she could prolly get. That is if you think of yourself that high. If you don't, you should!


Simply, don't pretend to be someone you're not only to be liked by a someone you seem to like, be yourself, even if that means nobody will like you.

And don't get desperate from being alone... I've been alone for most of my life, but not lonely or unhappy. ;-)

She can be closed off for a few reasons, of which you will not know unless she trust you immensly (sp?). She could have been hurt in the past, sheltered as a child or during high school, or a bad family experience. Those are just three. But the why is not important right now. Take Karak's advice it seems fairly solid. The best thing you can do for yourself is to go after other women. By doing this you will kill some of her thoughts of being creepy/stalker/awkward.

If she brings up the last topic of conversation, she has been thinking about you and usually in a good way. If she does just act like it's no big deal and tell her not to worry if she apologizes for it ending the way it did.

Thanks guys for your responses.

I realized after the whole incident that I really liked her b/c

1. She was hot.

2. I just wanted to prove to myself that I could get a girl like her. I guess I just wanted her as a trophy.

I'm over it and haven't thought about her much since. I just want to learn from that experience so I don't f*ck up royally next time.

This is a good attitude to take. You'll be fine. Just learn and move on. Maybe she'll get interested in you, maybe not. Either way, it doesn't matter.

plenty of chicks are hot... just dont listen to what girls tell you. how many times have you head the cliche "i just want a nice guy" and the next night she is banging the dickhead who lives in your wing.

It's possible to be both self-confident and assertive yet nice at the same time. That's really the perfect balance to find. Know when to show your niceness and know when to show your (controlled) arrogance.

Ex: contrast a group setting at a bar vs. an intimate encounter.

Taking the lead, commanding attention and entertaining the group will be good in the bar situation.

Being kind, gentle, caring, yet still assertive, will serve you better in an intimate encounter.

These things seem obvious, but oftentimes you forget about them in the moment.