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Originally Posted by The Evil Polka Man
For what it's worth TML, I sympathize with you.
+1
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Originally Posted by Karak
Make it clear you are pissed off. Be cold, distant and unengaging. Make her force her way back in.
I think that's too much...be cordial and nice or w/e, but if she wants to hang out then come up with excuses not to and don't go out of your way to include her in your life, if that makes sense. It's certainly not attractive to be visibly bitter.
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It really is a pain in the ass that I now have two plans in place to see her on Friday and Sunday night. I could bitch out on the Friday one, but after the exchange at dinner the other night...
(playful tone for all of this)
Me: Fine, fine. I'll be there.
Her: You'd better be. You can't back out now.
Me: Do I ever fail to live up to my word?
Meh, I've just gotta suck it up and go. There will be a ton of people there. I'll just say hi to her briefly and then move onto socializing with others until I'm tired of it.
Super Bowl party at my place is obviously inescapable, but again, at least that's a group function.
For Friday (well, I guess that's right now, fml): see, you don't have to live up to your word. It seems obvious that she takes you for granted and it would probably be good for you if you kicked that notion out of her mind that you're Mr. Dependable and always there for her.
But if you are going to whatever it is, then yeah, it's a fine plan to just make the focus something other than hanging out with her. Same with Sunday - okay, she's there, say hi, talk to her or w/e, but she's background noise. Don't focus on her.
Like, I think this post will help illustrate where your mind should be at...
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See, I guess here's another point where my situation makes it harder to disassociate...friend just texts saying "let's pregame at my place at 10 and then head to the bar." Sounds fun to me.
So do it!
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She hangs with that same group and might be there, but I'm sure as **** not going to let her hinder my night life just so I can deliberately avoid her.
Don't deliberately avoid her!
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It's a small enough crowd that snubbing her when she tries talking to me will seem like a dick move. I mean, I can be short with her on some level and try to keep conversations going exclusively with others as much as possible, but that only goes so far. If the entire group is in one conversation I'm not going to take awkward steps to avoid acknowledging her.
Don't snub her! You can talk to her. It's totally ok, unless operation: detach is more along the lines of "I really like this girl and it hurts to be around her and I really just need a break from her until I can get rid of these stupid feelings", in which case yeah, maybe you should be avoiding her until you can work that out. But if that isn't the problem, and it's just that you see yourself giving way too much attention to her, then you don't need to overcorrect 180 degrees in the opposite direction. Just treat her like a normal person/friend. That in itself is a bit of a step down from how you've
been treating her, which is something she might notice and which might trip her up. And if she doesn't notice, then whatever - the whole point is that you don't care what she thinks anymore.