These are good examples what I mean

Where is this even coming from? How is she emotionally flaky? She wants sex, bangs a guy a couple of times, she (correctly) starts to feel he's getting romantically interested, so she blocks him off. A+ adult human behaviour imo.

Why is this necessary? Person A is just looking for sex, person B wants more. Person A picks up on this and breaks it off before there's even more emotional hassle (s)he doesn't want.

There's literally 0 need to include gender in any explanation of the events. This situation happens thousands of times every day, with A male and B female and the other way around.


Oh and not having anyone to share your emotions with is called loneliness. It's hell for humans and has a huge detrimental effect on your health and lifespan. Being a man (rather, being a human) is not about struggling with everything yourself, but it is about creating a life for yourself so you don't think a person you've seen 3 times is your emotional soulmate.

''The solution to your situation (and I hope LD would agree) is not to act like you don't want anything more in the hopes of getting laid a couple more times, it's to just accept that.''

What do you mean by this kaby?


btw, why cant she just say ''I dont want a relationship''? Also why if she just wants to have sex would she send me a message a few hours before ''This is not a booty call right? We are just gonna cook something''.

My life has taken me down a very esoteric/spiritual path. Whether you or anyone else believes in any of that and is on the same page as me is beside the point, I get your point for sure. My mind works in abstract ways, most people I'm probably losing with my abstract thoughts about the nature of energy etc. I'll work on being more concrete and concise. I enjoy teaching/helping people in areas I've struggled with personally bc I feel like my past weaknesses have become my current strengths and it helps me to further improve as well. I appreciate the advice, I agree using analogies and real life examples is better and if I'm going to be abstract, it's better to make a statement or ask a question that forces the other person to think on their own rather than digest some abstract thought I'm having in my own mind.

Supreme confidence and a DGAF attitude...I see you!

I mean that the correct play is to accept that you want different things at this point and let her/it go. The correct play is not to fake like you're all detached and just looking for sex when that's not the case. It might get you laid a couple times more but who cares about that? LD might disagree but I don't think there's anything wrong with telling her "hey I'm starting to get feels so if you still just want sex we need to break this off", A+ human move imo

The problem is that you're at a place in your life where someone you met 3 times is BEST CLICK EVER HOW CAN I LET THIS GO. You need to focus on improving your life so that's not the case anymore, not on this particular interaction.

because everyone's imperfect. everyone's struggling to communicate well. perfect humans don't exist. I don't know why she send that message, there could be numerous reasons, nobody is perfect in owning their emotions and desires

maybe she wanted to manage your expectations in case she ended up not wanting to have sex with you (see https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yRzs7v0do_Q). pretty much any women knows someone who has been abused or made uncomfortable in a situation like that. maybe she just wanted to protect her self-image that she's not a slut or whatever. i don't know. why does the specific way in which she's not perfect matter when you have quite a bit you need to work on yourself? ;-)

The reason I've included gender is bc deep down, the people we see in the world that look like females spend anywhere from a fair amount of their day to a majority of their day acting and feeling like a man in the world. Most of the guys posting in here, their main issue is acting too much like a girl. Being too clingy, needy, emotional, etc...

I'm speaking to the guys that post here about role reversals so they can hopefully see that in taking on the female role and pushing themselves on a girl, they're forcing her to act/be/feel like even more of a man which just pushes the girl away even more.

Yea sure, it is as simple as Person A wants sex and Person B wants more at just a surface level, however when Person B is posting here asking what went wrong and how to fix it...I find it prudent to let him know the truth which is he's acting like a bitch which is forcing the girl to take on the man's role in the short relationship. She however would prefer to feel like a woman so she will need someone that knows how to BE a man around her.

Here's the kicker. All this worrying this guy is doing about keeping this girl around and not losing her. If he was just BEing a man and living his life, content with himself, not dumping all his emotions onto her but was available to let her dump her emotions on him(assuming they aren't too insane/burdening)if he feels like dealing with it. This girl wouldn't leave him alone, but he wouldn't really care that much either way. He'd be happy with her or without her, it just wouldn't matter that much in the long run.

She's playing a socially acceptable role for a female to play. Relationships are for girls to sort out, just live your life and hook up with girls along the way. The ones that like you will keep calling you and try to coral you into one, whether you want one will be your choice at that point. Right now you're dumping all your emotions on her and begging her to accept you/them. That's the role she wants to play with you, she wants a man that she feels like is a rock and can handle her when her emotions are running wild. If she sees you and your emotions running wild bc she gave you a little pussy and hung out with you a couple times, how could she ever feel that way about you?

Why do you need to incorrectly call 'acting too clingy, needy, emotional' 'girly'? It's just acting too clingy and emotional, and both males and females do it (see: this thread ;p), and both males and females don't do it or do the opposite.

If being too clingy and emotional is the girly role, than what you call the male role would be about dealing with clingy girls. Why would you want that? How does that make sense?

You could just as well say "hey, you're acting all clingy after 3 dates. reverse the roles. how would you feel if someone was all like I LOVE YOU FOREVER after seeing you thrice? would that make you more attracted?". That would work just as well, no need for gender at all. For example, note that your advice (minus the gender BS) would also work perfectly in gay/lesbian relationships.

And ofcourse, to come back to months earlier, the problem is not just that you're using a male/female dichotomy that's incorrect but otherwise whatever. It's that your subscribing to ideas that have been used to justify oppression of women for centuries. The way you talk about women is sometimes very similar to how people in the 19th century talked when women were considered obviously too emotional to vote.

To use an imperfect analogy: imo you're like a coach motivating his boxers to fight against a black opponents by telling them "that n- might be strong but he's dumb. take on the white role and be smarter than him, and you'll win". it's not only clearly wrong, but also very harmful to society as a whole - and to the boxer himself is his goal is to be a good person not just to win fights/get laid. but we've been here before ;-)

How to be a man 101....

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mEcqoqvlxPY


It's not that she feels something he doesn't, it's just that he's a mountain and she's the storm beating up against it. Men are the mountain, women want to be the storm....let them

Thank you all for post.

Regardless of the difference between you two (kaby/LD :P) its clear that i kind of ****ed up the moment i told her my emotions after getting rejected romantically. The weird thing actually is that its not that i wanted a relationship myself either, but yeah I acted like I wanted be with her the rest of her life even though that was not my plan lol. She probably interpreted it like this, making A) the situation for her awkward B) diffecult for me to understand because i was thinking differently compared to how i was thinking just because emotions after rejection

Anyway, time to man/grow/secure up and not be clingy or given clingy impresson in the future :P

**** emotions

It isn't about not being emotional. Repressing emotions will only cause you more harm in the long run. It's about seeing them for what they are which is fleeting feelings, allowing them to be there without being lost in them, and making a logical and rational decision in spite of them. Trying to push them down and not feel them will only make them come back stronger each time until they are too strong to be ignored. This is probably where you went wrong originally to get yourself in the spot you did.

As you said, you didn't really want a relationship either. You knew what you wanted all along until you got lost in your feelings. Learn to enjoy the emotions without putting conditions on them or defining why they must be there...just let them be.

Thank you so much again.

Really helped me today. Currently in a much more relaxed, objective state.


I just wish I could feel like I currently feel always. I often feel like this, even when I was with her, but the soon I get the slightest fear of rejection/fear (when she doesnt reply quick) I get all messed up.

How would you suggest learning to enjoy emotions, and just let them be? Instead of getting messed up.

Gain life experience, stop caring, don't get hooked, do what you want

Lucid's most recent post is very good imo. I never agree with all of the energy and gender role stuff. Like kaby, I think it's way off base. I also think I'm well qualified to say so as someone who gives minimal ****s, studied social inequality for years, and has been with lots of different sorts of women. I know he'll never be convinced otherwise, which is whatever.

But when it comes to the attitude of giving no ****s and just "doing you" as DJ Pauly D would say, well, that I totally agree with.

Lucid what books would you suggest as must reads?

The War of Art is really amazing.

I suggest for anyone to do a sensory deprivation tank though. Go a few times and explore your thoughts and feelings and just let them flow and let go of trying to control them. You will learn more about yourself and what you want and subjects that interest you will just become more apparent. Then people you meet will tell you about a great book they're reading and it will sound interesting to you and relevant to your own path in life. It's hard to know what to learn about next or what the next step is in our life if we don't take time to know who we are and accept it. The more I follow this process the more life just naturally guides me, the less I resist the more obvious the next step is.

The blueprint by Rsd Tyler is very good too

and +1 to what LD said about the mechanism of women

Shouldn't it be called the redprint?

INTERESTINGG

The fact that you wrote in caps makes my sarcasmeter bip

I don't think its worth it for that price. im sure there is material out there that is just as good, more updated and less than 100$

I didn't check the price tbh. I just got it for free on the internet. you can just type blueprint rsd tyler pdf on google and you get it for free.

+1 to the float tank

Just had my first hour and want more

Only disappointment is that the dude who owns the place is more "new age crystal healer " than "disciplined buddhist dharma warrior"

lol nice

Situation that's new to me:

I hooked up with a friend of a friend through my social circle. We were on a pub crawl, she joined maybe 5 hours later than I did. I didn't talk to her too much at first, but a few stops later ended up dancing with her at the club, flirting, bringing her home and drunkenly banging.

I don't remember all the details, but two things I remember her repeating were "are you sure you want to do this and you're not just drunk?" And " no feelings" like she only wanted something casual. she got a little mad I forgot her Eastern Europe country of origin at the end(I think I should have got some credit for remembering "not Russia or Ukraine")

I added her on Facebook the next day and texted "we should do that again, but sober" she said "yes, sober" should I just be inviting her over, day of when i feel like it? Seems like she wouldn't want to date if she says "no feelings"

Multiple friends saw us leave together and we're in the same social group. what should I say to other friends who ask to be discreet and keep the FWB going? I assume I should act like we're not sleeping together, don't ignore her but don't hover around her all the time. Not sure how to handle if I'm getting interest from other girls around her tho