I don't know how to

---change a tire
---mix a drink
---use a BBQ
---funnel a beer
---fix anything or god forbid build anything (except Leggo, i'm awesome at Leggo)
---have absolutely no knowledge of investments, stock market, finance
---cook anything remotely impressive
---pornography addiction

Summer is winding down and I want to stop being ineffective, I have a 3 day weekend coming up, how many of this can i learn? Where do i start? any other things I can add to the list?

You're not a man until you're 40

8/8 right here boi, porno addiction arguable but ill give myself the point

obviously using a BBQ and cooking an awesomez is an easy BOGO.

whilst bbq is cookin, practice funnelin them beers and read the WSJ!

The Wall Street Journal?

Yeah I figure firing up the barbie and lighting some steaks on fire is easiest to cross off. My uncle has a grill and I have burgs so we'll see. Maybe I'll make a little vid ftb.

Mixing a drink also looks easy, just never done it, whats a sangria? Probably that and maybe some stuff with irish whiskey because that's what I have in my cabinet.

Haven't jerked off in 4 days feels good man.

Fixing anything or building anything is a long shot in hell, I put it on the list because its a weakness and something to aspire to but if you know these white-collar hands i've never used a saw or a hammer in my life. So it's doubtful.

Ask dad to teach you.

Get a sex change?

Money exists so you don't have to learn how to do any of those things

made some mean Manhattans on the weekend.
Started a retirement savings plan as well on Monday.

Basically killing the game right now.

Also deleted all my sweet, sweet porn .gifs from Tumblr. Been dry for at least 7 days. #pornprohibition

Planning for retirement is easy:

1. invest in company 401k to get full match
2. max out roth IRA every year(vanguard is ez game, put it in target fund or if you want a little more gamble, total stock market til you are like 40)
3. max out 401k (18k a year) if you still feel like it

if you can do all three of those in a single year, every year, you can throw the rest you want to save in a vanguard brokerage

literally all you need.

Might be the best post in this forum in months

Disagree.

The satisfaction of changing a tire on the side of the road in front of your woman saying "Baby I got this" is something money cannot buy.

You can learn half of these in an afternoon

How emasculated you already are.