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Old 11-01-2009, 11:03 PM   #91
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Re: SL "Ask Out A Girl" Thread

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Originally Posted by il_martilo View Post
Posting here instead of EDF because they don't understand situations about people younger than 35.

So I met a girl at a party last night (European Pop Star costume ftw) and she's absolutely adorable. We're talking for a bit initially and having a great time, when one of my good mates comes and cockblocks me on purpose. (He later tells me he's been trying to set something up with her even though he has a gf).

Well **** that. So I "accidentally" run into her when I go to get another drink. We start talking again and it goes fantastic. Other than not being foreign she's got just about everything else. As the party winds down a little she asks me for my number which I'm tempted to snapcall but play it cool.

So here's my question. Since she's not really connected to my group of friends I'd rather do something other than "hey are you going to XYZ's tonight? cool see you there". I have two lines

(1) Just bring her to some party
(2) Do something else

Frankly I'd rather do something else. She's also a musician (although not the like emo/weird type fortunately) so if there were any decent concerts coming up that would be the clear answer. Would asking her if she wants to play together some time be weird?
UPDATE

Ran into the girl saturday night at the party I was at. I was actually hoping not to run into her to let things cool off a bit and hit on other girls. Obv I wasn't going pedal to the metal two nights in a row so we talked for 10-15 minutes which went fine and I talked to other girls/she talked to other guys. When she was leaving she came for a hug so I said "I'll call you later this week yeah?" and she smiled and said sure.

So my question-- Since music is our common ground it makes the most sense for us to hang out based on that. But I've got two problems.

(1) Absolutely no good concerts this week. Last week would have been perfect but there are none this week so this is out.
(2) I can't find a non-awkward sounding way of phrasing the idea of "do you want to come over and jam?" Jam is a word you use with guys, not girls... it implies bro-ing out which is NOT my intent. If anyone has a way of suggesting the idea that we hang out at my place with me, her, and two guitars I'd be very grateful. Ordinarily I'd just be like "hey maybe I could give you a lesson" but she actually knows what she's doing .

But other than that everything is great. Ideas? Or should I try to save that for later and take another line.
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Old 11-01-2009, 11:09 PM   #92
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Re: SL "Ask Out A Girl" Thread

you could text/call and be like "ive been working on some new stuff, come bang me".
or something like that.
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Old 11-01-2009, 11:25 PM   #93
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Re: SL "Ask Out A Girl" Thread

just because music is a common ground doesnt mean you have to get together to play music. id try to get her somewhere else casual and then have her come over to jam or whatever you want to do.

OP- yeah oops about the eating thing i mixed you up with the im in love guy
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Old 11-02-2009, 09:34 AM   #94
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Re: SL "Ask Out A Girl" Thread

So I met this exchange student last Friday and got her number so we had on-and-off text-communication since. Last night I basically sent her a "You wanna do something later?etc"-message and I got a "Maybe " Answer. So I was like o.k. I'll give her a couple of examples.
And then I get this "Just tell me when u have any suggestions or plans " answer. Wtf does that mean? I just gave examples. Nothing specific, but examples nonetheless!

So I answered with a "Sounds good-etc." message, which now in hindsight was a bit meh but w/e.

So, next move?
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Old 11-02-2009, 09:39 AM   #95
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Re: SL "Ask Out A Girl" Thread

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Originally Posted by Le Alexandre View Post
So I met this exchange student last Friday and got her number so we had on-and-off text-communication since. Last night I basically sent her a "You wanna do something later?etc"-message and I got a "Maybe " Answer. So I was like o.k. I'll give her a couple of examples.
And then I get this "Just tell me when u have any suggestions or plans " answer. Wtf does that mean? I just gave examples. Nothing specific, but examples nonetheless!

So I answered with a "Sounds good-etc." message, which now in hindsight was a bit meh but w/e.

So, next move?
What is her nationallity? That could be an issue, if she is not the best at english or you used slang then she could have been confused. Just out of curiosity what were your examples? Also maybe she was trying to be funny lol.
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Old 11-02-2009, 09:42 AM   #96
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Re: SL "Ask Out A Girl" Thread

Okay, I'm actually stuck for what to do to progress a relationship. This girl that I liked all of last year had arranged to split up with her long term boyfriend last summer, but I think she didn't completely manage it, I'm not entirely sure about that so do I need to ask her about that before I try anything?
I've known her some time now, so I may be in the friend zone, but I think she knows I like her, haven't explicitly told her that though but she may be giving me a few signals that she may be interested, although I could be exaggerating them in my head. Latest example is a halloween house party where I was sitting in a corner chatting to a friend and then she came and sat next to me, when the friend wandered off we chatted for at least half an hour mostly discussing other peoples relationships and gossip about mutual friends, but with some flirting too until everyone left and I walked my housemate home.

Is my play just to lay it out there one night after we've both had a few drinks and see her reaction or is there a better way?
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Old 11-02-2009, 09:42 AM   #97
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Re: SL "Ask Out A Girl" Thread

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Originally Posted by il_martilo View Post
UPDATE

Ran into the girl saturday night at the party I was at. I was actually hoping not to run into her to let things cool off a bit and hit on other girls. Obv I wasn't going pedal to the metal two nights in a row so we talked for 10-15 minutes which went fine and I talked to other girls/she talked to other guys. When she was leaving she came for a hug so I said "I'll call you later this week yeah?" and she smiled and said sure.

So my question-- Since music is our common ground it makes the most sense for us to hang out based on that. But I've got two problems.

(1) Absolutely no good concerts this week. Last week would have been perfect but there are none this week so this is out.
(2) I can't find a non-awkward sounding way of phrasing the idea of "do you want to come over and jam?" Jam is a word you use with guys, not girls... it implies bro-ing out which is NOT my intent. If anyone has a way of suggesting the idea that we hang out at my place with me, her, and two guitars I'd be very grateful. Ordinarily I'd just be like "hey maybe I could give you a lesson" but she actually knows what she's doing .

But other than that everything is great. Ideas? Or should I try to save that for later and take another line.
Finding common ground is the best way to do this. So you found common ground. I say you ask her to do something and then jam. But definitely use the "we both love music" to segway (spelling?) into getting to know her better.
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Old 11-02-2009, 09:58 AM   #98
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Re: SL "Ask Out A Girl" Thread

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Originally Posted by Flyingbanana View Post
Okay, I'm actually stuck for what to do to progress a relationship. This girl that I liked all of last year had arranged to split up with her long term boyfriend last summer, but I think she didn't completely manage it, I'm not entirely sure about that so do I need to ask her about that before I try anything?
I've known her some time now, so I may be in the friend zone, but I think she knows I like her, haven't explicitly told her that though but she may be giving me a few signals that she may be interested, although I could be exaggerating them in my head. Latest example is a halloween house party where I was sitting in a corner chatting to a friend and then she came and sat next to me, when the friend wandered off we chatted for at least half an hour mostly discussing other peoples relationships and gossip about mutual friends, but with some flirting too until everyone left and I walked my housemate home.

Is my play just to lay it out there one night after we've both had a few drinks and see her reaction or is there a better way?
Ok well to give you a clear idea on what to do some questions must be answered. 1) Does she ever talked about her bf/ex bf. 2) Did she hang out with him on halloween or go to the parties with him. If the answer to both of those questions is "no" then chances are 85% that she does not have a bf. I think her coming over and chatting with you until you leave is definitely a sign of liking you. I think the whole asking while drinking this depends on you and her. Is she the type that likes for someone to come out and say "Look I like you, your amazing, etc, date me"? If so then no go on the drinking thing, just tell her when you guys are flirting one day. But if she is the type that well it really doesn't matter then yes go for the drinking thing. Make sure you have had only a half a drink or so. You want to come off sincer and genuine, because coming off sincer and genuine is the key to making it a success. Also make sure she is not plastered, you want to make sure she remembers lol. After the stage is set, make your move. Talk to her and wait for the moment. Now the moment...well you know after I explain it. When you start flirting and you get her to laugh and she pauses to take a breathe look at her straight in the eyes and then give her a big smile, and then boooom say your thing. If all goes well you will end the night making out and with the girl you want.

Also add some smooth remarks, you know. This is a crappy example but you will get the picture.
Her: I think I am going to go on a diet
You: Uhhhh why?
Her: I am getting fat
You: *laugh* are you serious? You are to perfect to be going on a diet

A thing to remember is girls like witty, funny, smooth, and nice guys. So it seems like you got the smooth, funny, and nice down. You just need the witty.
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Old 11-02-2009, 10:07 AM   #99
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Re: SL "Ask Out A Girl" Thread

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Originally Posted by BamBam192 View Post
What is her nationallity? That could be an issue, if she is not the best at english or you used slang then she could have been confused. Just out of curiosity what were your examples? Also maybe she was trying to be funny lol.
Thanks for the reply. She's European and her country was under the Soviet banner until 1990 when it collapsed and has been free since, so, yeah, her understanding of english is good but not great. I tried to be quite articulate and didn't use any v. tough words.
My examples were go for a walk, café and just partying (i.e. meet up next time we're out.).

My main concern is that I gave examples, then got a 'hit me up when u got examples lol' answer right back.

More help please
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Old 11-02-2009, 10:21 AM   #100
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Re: SL "Ask Out A Girl" Thread

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Thanks for the reply. She's European and her country was under the Soviet banner until 1990 when it collapsed and has been free since, so, yeah, her understanding of english is good but not great. I tried to be quite articulate and didn't use any v. tough words.
My examples were go for a walk, café and just partying (i.e. meet up next time we're out.).

My main concern is that I gave examples, then got a 'hit me up when u got examples lol' answer right back.

More help please
Well if I was you I would reply back "haha did you not get my examples, or did you think they were sucked?". Its not a big deal, she was either being serious or funny. So just ask to find out. No real secret or smooth way to get your answer for this one. Sometimes with cell phones things like this are hard, because she might have sent the text before you actually sent yours, but it got delayed due to signal or connection between her phone to the tower. So also could have just not seen it and replied, trust me I know, but sometimes woman just don't understand that when their phone rings and their is an envelope that says text message on their phone that it means they have a new text. No sarcasm by the way I know girls like that.
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Old 11-02-2009, 10:22 AM   #101
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Re: SL "Ask Out A Girl" Thread

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Ok well to give you a clear idea on what to do some questions must be answered. 1) Does she ever talked about her bf/ex bf. 2) Did she hang out with him on halloween or go to the parties with him. If the answer to both of those questions is "no" then chances are 85% that she does not have a bf. I think her coming over and chatting with you until you leave is definitely a sign of liking you. I think the whole asking while drinking this depends on you and her. Is she the type that likes for someone to come out and say "Look I like you, your amazing, etc, date me"? If so then no go on the drinking thing, just tell her when you guys are flirting one day. But if she is the type that well it really doesn't matter then yes go for the drinking thing. Make sure you have had only a half a drink or so. You want to come off sincer and genuine, because coming off sincer and genuine is the key to making it a success. Also make sure she is not plastered, you want to make sure she remembers lol. After the stage is set, make your move. Talk to her and wait for the moment. Now the moment...well you know after I explain it. When you start flirting and you get her to laugh and she pauses to take a breathe look at her straight in the eyes and then give her a big smile, and then boooom say your thing. If all goes well you will end the night making out and with the girl you want.

Also add some smooth remarks, you know. This is a crappy example but you will get the picture.
Her: I think I am going to go on a diet
You: Uhhhh why?
Her: I am getting fat
You: *laugh* are you serious? You are to perfect to be going on a diet

A thing to remember is girls like witty, funny, smooth, and nice guys. So it seems like you got the smooth, funny, and nice down. You just need the witty.
Thanks for the response
1) Her boyfriend goes to a nearby university about 30 minutes train ride away. She saw him about once a month in semester time last year. I've met him a few times and he's a cool guy, got on well with him. I actually went to a festival with both of them over the summer, just me and them two and some of his friends from home.
2) Nope, I haven't seen him once this semester so far, but I know that she did visit him once in the first week of this semester, as she owed him money for some university stuff as her student loan hadn't come through yet, she may have seen him since, but I don't know about those times.

Of course I'm not going to do anything when I/she am plastered That would probably end up badly. She's definitely the shy type so I think having one or two drinks would loosen both of us up.

The smooth remarks, I do them already, at the halloween thing she complained about how she always pouts in pictures because she hates her smile, ended up complementing on her smile and encouraging her to do it more. etc.
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Old 11-02-2009, 10:32 AM   #102
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Re: SL "Ask Out A Girl" Thread

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Thanks for the response
1) Her boyfriend goes to a nearby university about 30 minutes train ride away. She saw him about once a month in semester time last year. I've met him a few times and he's a cool guy, got on well with him. I actually went to a festival with both of them over the summer, just me and them two and some of his friends from home.
2) Nope, I haven't seen him once this semester so far, but I know that she did visit him once in the first week of this semester, as she owed him money for some university stuff as her student loan hadn't come through yet, she may have seen him since, but I don't know about those times.

Of course I'm not going to do anything when I/she am plastered That would probably end up badly. She's definitely the shy type so I think having one or two drinks would loosen both of us up.

The smooth remarks, I do them already, at the halloween thing she complained about how she always pouts in pictures because she hates her smile, ended up complementing on her smile and encouraging her to do it more. etc.
Ok, well if she has only seen him once this semester because she owed him money and not out of missing him then I say you are good. Also how did she react when you said that about her smile? Did she laugh? Look away and chuckle? Did she make eye contact and smile like you lit up her night? Reactions while being smooth are key for making your next move. If she smiled, laughed, or put her hand on you then I say you are definitely good to go! But if you want to be absolutely sure, just pull the "So how are you and your bf doing?"

Also I know you said you do the smooth thing, but I have a tiny grain of wisdom to add. Make sure you hint to liking her for example

Her: so how are you and the ladies?
You: We are doing good. I have my eye on this one girl. *look at her and smile*

Her reaction her will definitely be a tell of wether she likes you or not. Also I don't condone it, but there are way of stealing her from her current bf in any situation. I like to play far, but all is far in love and war lol. So if you need help on that front ask away as well. I do suggest trying other methods first though.
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Old 11-02-2009, 10:38 AM   #103
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Re: SL "Ask Out A Girl" Thread

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Well if I was you I would reply back "haha did you not get my examples, or did you think they were sucked?". Its not a big deal, she was either being serious or funny. So just ask to find out. No real secret or smooth way to get your answer for this one. Sometimes with cell phones things like this are hard, because she might have sent the text before you actually sent yours, but it got delayed due to signal or connection between her phone to the tower. So also could have just not seen it and replied, trust me I know, but sometimes woman just don't understand that when their phone rings and their is an envelope that says text message on their phone that it means they have a new text. No sarcasm by the way I know girls like that.
Great advice thanks. Just one more quick. Do you still believe this even tho' I answered her last text w/ a "Sounds goods, will hit you up"-message.

Thanks again. Students are usually not this intricate for one, and two I usually play too much poker to care..
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Old 11-02-2009, 10:54 AM   #104
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Re: SL "Ask Out A Girl" Thread

I can't really remember how she reacted but was along the lines of her laughing and generally denying it but looking at me at the same time. It definitely wasn't badly received.

Hm, interesting example, is that pretty standard? That seems a bit too obvious at first glance. Or is that what I want? To be bold and put my intentions out in the open?

I don't want to steal anyone away from a boyfriend. Thats a bit too below the belt for me.

Might have to post a trip report sometime then
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Old 11-02-2009, 10:56 AM   #105
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Re: SL "Ask Out A Girl" Thread

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Great advice thanks. Just one more quick. Do you still believe this even tho' I answered her last text w/ a "Sounds goods, will hit you up"-message.

Thanks again. Students are usually not this intricate for one, and two I usually play too much poker to care..
Yes, I still do. Situations are not always clear, many different thing could possibly happen. So you have to keep yourself open to different outcomes. I say text her tomorrow and ask her to do something.
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