Had a girl I got a number from on tinder this weekend call me yesterday and when talking about a date she went on she said "and I made sure I paid for my meal so I had no obligation to him"

Since it seems like we talking about paying. I have worked retail/seen at fast food places that married couple pays for there own things they buy which seems weird as ****. Stuff under like $20. Guessing jsut about everyone here never been married, but does combining money not a thing?

I was talking to a female friend the other day who said that her bf of 1.5 years pays for ~80% of couple expenses like entertainment and dinner. When she moved into his apartment they split the monthly bills 50/50, but now he bought a house and is paying to have it upgraded (he flips houses for a living). In the meantime they are living in his parents basement (huge bedroom, living room, kitchen, bathroom, etc) rent free. She is helping fix up the house with little stuff but isn't planning on investing money into it until she has a ring. I'm not sure of their incomes but she said she makes significantly more than him.

Does this seem standard?

I work in the financial services industry and there is a small % (I'd guess about 1-2%, but lolsamplesize) of couples that keep all assets separate and do not talk about what the other has.

Split personal accounts was uncommon a couple of decades ago, I wouldn't combine them tbh and probably keep a lot of my financials undisclosed.

Splitting stuff while it occurs is silly though in most spots. Having a combined bank account for expenses like rent, etc. is standard.

This is a really common sentiment -- means the girl has dated a bunch of tools and had bad experiences. Easy to use this to your advantage by opening her eyes to the fact that the problem is the guys she previously dated were losers and you're not like them.

This was discussed in OOT where there are more married guys. I think it is pretty evenly split which was surprising to me because my parent's generation it was 100% combined.

This all seems fine to me. Unless he specifically asked her to buy the house with him, why would she go in on a house that he's buying? Actually one of my friends is doing pretty much exactly this right now. Has a gf of ~8 years and is buying a house himself for them to live in. I'm sure she'll help with utilities and standard expenses but it's definitely his house.

+1 Seems pretty optimal

I think minimizing entanglement is the better choice. I know two couples who got joint property and one worked out fine for now and the other went bad right away and end up with litigation.

Relationships should be about wanting to be together not staying together because there is so much entanglement that now it would be so much work to untangle that you end up settling just to avoid the hassle.

So tilting lately when I go out with a girl that is clearly doing very well for herself (last two were editor of a major PR firm in NYC, and president of a real estate company) and don't even reach for their purse when it comes, much less offer to split. I'm fine with paying but is the lack of gesture common with upperclass like this?

disclaimer: I've never dated a girl from the upper class since Im only 23

I'd say it's more common for all women to not do that on a first date

I would say the the further you move up the more it is expected that the guy pays.

People tend to date people their own economic level so poor girls are more inclined to offer to pay because they expect the guy to be busto and need help. After a certain level it is not expected.

If a girl offers to pay that is a bad sign. She is doing it to signal the date is going badly and she isn't interested.

strongly disagree. Girls are always told by their friends to offer to pay as it makes them look good and tbh its true. I would appreciate if a girl offered to pay even if im paying anyway. I will be suspicious if she just sits there when the bill comes and doesn't say a word,she should aleast reach for the purse as a minimum imo. I always pay for the first few dates too but I would be impressed if she offered or reached for her purse, altho im not middle or upper class so its probably different for me like you said.

I'd say this isn't necessarily the case anymore. I think a lot of younger women will offer to pay just to show they aren't dependent on anyone and not trying to use anyone.

As long as the girl is appreciative and says thank you I don't give a f*ck if she offers or not. Pretty pointless gesture anyway since there's no chance the offer gets accepted.

Agreed. Offering to pay isnt a bad sign. Insisting to pay after you waive her off is.

Making meaningless gestures is something I would expect a girl to grow out of quite early.

If she has concerns about being perceived as a user for at least not making the effort to pay I'm going to see that as she has dated a lot of losers which will raise the question of why did she date a bunch of losers and I'll start looking for what is wrong with her that I'm missing.

Your views are so distorted by your personal experience/income

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Experience yes but income no.

How people act being a signal of their past experience is a universal thing -- in all aspects of life. People will act how they believe it is expected of them to act. Those beliefs are formed by their past experiences in similar situations. So if a girl makes a gesture of pay she either doesn't have enough dating experience to have learned that is not expected or she has dated guys where it was expected.

I hate to jump on the bandwagon so late, but I'm board with everyone else saying you are wrong. It's very standard for a girl to give the token offer to pay even though it gets rejected 99% of the time.

Stop dating women who only date losers!

All,

Two different situations here imo:

1) I totally agree with Henry that many experienced, attractive, successful women (let's say late 20s and up professional job hot chick) expect that the guy will expect to pay and don't bother with a charade of trying to pay, and instead go with a sincere thank you to let you know they really appreciate it. I actually prefer that.

2) I disagree with Henry that women expect guys to pay all the time once they are in a relationship. When both parties make similar amounts of money, it tends to become a pretty even split of alternating stuff in my experience and that of all my friends. When the guy makes a lot more (like biz guy dating a teacher), guy tends to pay for nice stuff and girl pays for some casual stuff. All instances I know where the woman makes a lot more, it's split about equal, but the guys in all those situations are also very well off.

Try to articulate a logic explanation for this behaviour when you start with the premiss that both parties know it is a meaningless gesture.

The only one I can come up with is she thinks she has to / it is expected of her. So that leads to the question why would she think it is expected of her?

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Also im my experience it is close to 0% of girls on actual dates make the fake offer to pay. If it is friends or a pickup / run into a girl then it goes up a lot but actual formal dates it is almost never.

I agree it is not expected but it is nevertheless proper. My logic is from when I lived in a real city and makes less sense in Ottawa but if you look at the outing as a whole the girls are spending a lot more to look their best than the guys are. We start at a deficit so paying for the consumables is a way to even things out. The more casual the scene the less this applies obviously so I wouldn't expect students to keep paying for long-term relationship but for professionals who do more upscale stuff if the guy doesn't then the girl is at a huge disadvantage.