Everyone has a hang-up question in their life. For example, some people refuse to tell their age. For me, I don't care, probably because I'm a dude, if anyone knows I am currently 33 years old.

I once met a person who refused to say where he was from. It wasn't so much that he wanted to keep it a secret, it was a question, that being a military brat, was too ambiguous for him to answer. Yes, he was born in X place, but considering he never lived in a place more than 2 years, how would he answer the question that everyone takes for granted should be easy to answer?

I constanly face a question, and it's one that should be easy to ask, and it's one that everyone takes for granted should be easy to answer: "What do your parents do for a living?"

When I am asked this, I feel like it's a loaded question. I'm not certain, but I think most people feel like your parents represent what you are today, and what they did for a living represents your values, and what they do represents your background.

"What do your parents do for a living?" is always preceded by "Do your parents still live out here (in Los Angeles)?" and "How are they doing?" and "Do you talk to them often?"

It never fails, and the first question in this short (kind?) interview always makes me start to sweat, usually my first thought is "What string of lies am I going to have to start telling?" becuase saying "I don't like talking about my personal life" sounds awfully rude and unbecoming, so I beging to run through the answers I want to tell:

"Do your parents still live out here?"
My answer:
"No. They still live back home. I live out here alone."

Real answer: I don't know....

"How are they doing?"
My answer:
Fine.

Real Answer: I don't know...

"Do you talk to them often?"
This is where it breaks apart. The real answer is "I haven' talked to them in over 20 years, so I really don't know the answer to either of the above, and for all I know, they are both dead." Actually, it used to be that I would answer "How are they doing?" with "They both died in a plane crash" but that turns into a crazy thought that I am a total *******, and then I had to open up with my fake emotions and describe in detail things like: "When was this?" and "What were you doing when you found out?" (I read it in a newspaper?), and "How do they show a funeral of people that were exploded into bits across 7 states?"

Now days I just sigh and say "Once every 6 months or so" but that always leads into a lecture on how I should appreciate my parents and try to call them more often.

Finally, I asked the million dollar question: "What do your parents do for a living?"

Real answer: "I don't really know, but I think my mom was a prostitute who lived off welfare during extended vacation times and my dad was a drug dealer. I could be wrong about both of these since I don't actually know them, but I'm pretty sure this is pretty close to the real answer."

My answer: "My father was a biochemical engineer and my mother was a law clerk."

The liberty of all of this is that I can make up lies as I see fit and I never have to tell the truth, right?


or some reason, I feel like saying my parents had awesome and exciting careers will make someone suspicous as I don't really come across as someone who has had a good background. Well, maybe it's not as obvious now so I can get away with this particular lie, but on other days, it is more fun, and perhaps for fascinating to tell people that I grew up in aweful poverty (which is pretty much true) and that I really had to struggle to get to where I am today. The fascinating part of that answer is because somewhere in the list of "my background" questions, the person will ponder where I went to college, and that answer is: "Me? College? Nah, I was too poor when I was a kid to do such a thing, so I taught myself everything I know how to do. Why, do I appear to have something like a Masters or a Bachelors?"

So, hit me with your best "**** my life" question. You know, that one you just dread.

Dave, why not just say they died when you were young and you didn't really know them?

I can't think of a question I have a hard time answering.

Just answer "We don't keep in touch with eachother and haven't spoken in many years. I'm sorry I know people don't like to hear that but it's the truth. What do your parents do?" Seems pretty honest and reasonable. They won't think you're a freak who can't deal with it and you deflect the attention back to them (everyone who just starts personal conversations with people likes this anyway). If the press then you can get a bit more defensive "I don't want to be rude but I'd rather talk about something else right now."

I asked an old co-worker in the break room where he went to school and he said "Ahh, back East." "Oh yeah? Where at?" "Ohh, you know... back East." "East...like Beaumont, or China?" At which point the guy literally burst into laughter for 1-2 minutes straight while a couple women walked in and out of the break room and looked at us with a weird look. The whole while he was laughing I was pressing "Dude...where at?? Now I need to know."

His answer: "U. Conn". Don't know what he was trying to hide or why he would be ashamed of University of Connecticut.

How much do you make?

An interesting scenario for me has come up quite a few times over the years when dealing with medical professionals.

I've had some surgery over the years, nothing major but stuff that required general anaesthetic. They always ask your family medical history, does this run in the family, does that run in the family, are you allergic to this or that.

The answer for me is, I don't know - I am adopted. I've always wondered if I'm a walking time bomb carrying perhaps some terrible genetically passed down disease that will rear its ugly head at some point in my life. But meh, I don't worry about it.

Just makes it tricky when answering these types of questions at hospitals or when changing doctors or moving overseas or w/e.

Before I met my soon-to-be wife, it was anything surrounding my dating life (or lack thereof):

"Are you seeing anyone?" "Do you have a girlfriend?" "Was anyone cute there?"

Don't really have one right now (although job-related ones could be in the offing soon)...but I'm anticipating (to no one on this board's surprise) that questions about when we're having children will be coming soon to that category.

Dave,

Whatever you do, don't bring others into this. My wife grew up in a crappy family and hasn't spoken to her parents or siblings for more than ten years. They weren't invited to the wedding, they say crap about her all the time for absolutely no reason, etc.... She doesn't want to talk about them to other people and just brushes off the question by saying: "They're all fine, I haven't spoken to them for awhile....still the same." or something like that.

BUT, the problem isn't her or her family, the problem is when good intentioned people ask ME about her family. Then I sweat because I have been forbidden by her to say anything about them to anyone. And I don't. But I hate to lie or dodge questions either. So I end up saying something about how I haven't really met them or don't know much about them, both of which aren't true. I always feel lousy when the subject comes up.

Whatever you decide, as long as it is something you can say and still remain comfortable, true or not, its the right answer.

Don't think anyone's topping yours Dave, but one of mine is when people ask "So when are you getting married"

I recently got engaged and it's all people ask. I mean, I realize you get engaged with the intention of getting married but people who I barely consider acquaintances have asked me multiple times over the space of like a month.

This is a part of adoption law I can never understand. If the intention is to erase all evidence that the parents exist, why doesn't the birth certificate say:

"Father: LOL, j/k!
Mother: see: "Father""?

I'm trying to think of where that idea came up. Was it that somewhere some guy discovered that he had a super rare condition that one and only one person in the entire world had, and that guy found his parents by asking around?

Not a competition...

This is up there with: "You been together 2 years now. When are you getting married?"

The usual crop of people get engaged, and the woman is so excited that the wedding dates are planned the next day. Well... actually, the wedding date was already set in stone a year earlier, but you didn't know it yet.

I've had girlfriends who told their family about my family, and you know, it's quite embarrassing. It's hard because maybe their sister will ask me if it was okay the gf told her, and honestly, it's no big deal, but it's still sort of awkward.

I was once asked: "Are you mad at her for telling me?"

Not really. It's sort of natural that someone would go to someone close and ask how to deal with someone like me especially if she is giving out her heart.

It's an unusual thing, and for certain, you'd want your children and siblings to be running around with someone that probably has their head on straight, and the relationship with the family is a pretty strong indicator in many people's minds. I don't necessarily agree with the common belief, but this common belief is real and that surely plays with your wife's conscience.

I'm sure your wife already expressed this to you, but it may be hard for you to understand since you love her and apparently she isn't the prima donna of family, but I can guarantee you that after years of telling people that her family sucks, every single person she ever said that to pointed their finger at HER, like she's the bitch that ruined everything, and honestly, it's not her fault.

If her experiences are anything like mine, this is what people have told her over the years:

"There is nothing my parents could do to me that would make me not forgive them. Blood is thicker than water."

"Your parents love you; it's not their fault you won't reach out to them and show your appreciation."

"Wow, you must have been a real wild girl (boy) growing up. What did you do to piss them off?"

"People that can't forgive their family can't forgive themselves."

"Your parents love you, and they are trying their best. You know? You just have to talk to them and iron it all out."

"If you don't have a family, you don't have a past, thus you don't have a future."

"Until you clear up your issues with your family, at least try to understand them, you'll never be able to resolve your own issues."

"People who can't love their family can't love anyone, including themselves."

"Thou shalt love thy mother." <- Implicitly saying she's going to hell for being a bad person.

So, yeah, rather than deal with the comment above, she'd rather not hear anything at all, and it does suck you can't talk openly about it, but at the same time, she does want the respect of everyone around her, including your friends and family, and I can't blame her for not wanting to risk losing the respect because the truth gets out about her familial relationship.

I get "Did you kill anyone in Iraq?" I generally avoid saying I was military just to avoid this question. Sometimes friends will make a military comment to me, and a third person that doesnt know me will start in with the questions. I would like to say " Did any family members molest you as a child, because if so I bet you want to talk about that over a beer right?" But, I usually give an awkward look, or say no.

yuck. never thought to ask such a question. Now that I think on it: isn't it nice to know we live in a day when that isn't considered a really stupid question? imagine going to any war before 1980 and the question is how many...

Along with this one i used to get "Whats it like to shoot at/kill someone"

Now i just don't mention it to anyone for the same reason as you.

Very interesting dT.
I think a key word for you might be "estranged". It gets the point across, and is sort of a subject killer.

My mother's side of the family had all kinds of estrangements. 6 kids, step-mothers, family business, etc. All lived in the same city and one half didn't talk to the other.

Of course every poker player hates the "what do you do for a living?"