View: Marriage is for suckers. - Page 11 - The Lounge Discussion and Review on Literature, Arts, Culture

crashjr · 02-06-2012, 11:20 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ChaosReigns

No, it is because 65% of the divorces involve a shotgun.

Sigh.

ChaosReigns · 02-06-2012, 02:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by crashjr

Sigh.

Not easy being green, is it?

Lil Gary · 02-15-2012, 07:56 PM

My wife and I are about to begin the process of separation/divorce (married almost 5yrs). I'm tempted to just write it all out here as therapy but will hold myself back.

I will say that who we were at 23-24 getting married right out of college is different than who we are at 28 and into the swing of our careers. A little worried what's going to happen to our dog though (haven't discussed that, he's the one I don't want to be without!)

**katyseagull** · 02-15-2012, 11:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lil Gary

My wife and I are about to begin the process of separation/divorce (married almost 5yrs). I'm tempted to just write it all out here as therapy but will hold myself back.

I will say that who we were at 23-24 getting married right out of college is different than who we are at 28 and into the swing of our careers. A little worried what's going to happen to our dog though (haven't discussed that, he's the one I don't want to be without!)

Sorry to here that you are going through a separation. That's sad. Who wanted the divorce, you or your wife? If you don't mind my asking, in what way do you think you changed? Did your goals change?

usemy3rdarm · 02-15-2012, 11:32 PM

I'm describing now is what all great leaders did long ago, look at Genghis Khan, etc.[/QUOTE]

Really?? Genghis?? LOL. your point is so clear to everyone now.
Never try to validate an argument with Genghis Khan

Lil Gary · 02-16-2012, 11:23 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by katyseagull

Sorry to here that you are going through a separation. That's sad. Who wanted the divorce, you or your wife? If you don't mind my asking, in what way do you think you changed? Did your goals change?

We haven't separated yet, but it's been discussed and I've kinda made mental preparations as to how it's going to go down.

Deep down, I think that I've wanted one for quite a bit. I'm not sure if that sentiment ever showed itself because I've tried to make things work for a while. My wife said that she's always been happy (which I don't 100% believe) but that recently she hasn't and she's the one who brought it up.

In terms of goals, I don't think they've changed. We're both doing well in our careers and have never wanted kids. We have both had our issues, but my wife has had a hard time getting over mine. I feel this underlying anger has always magnified small issues. This has always caused some friction but it has recently come to a head.

pokergod350 · 02-17-2012, 12:07 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AnimalWarrior

What's the point of getting married? Can anyone give me a good reason why marriage is good, besides tax benefits or so your wife can't testify against you?

Every relationship I've been in has ended, and every relationship becomes stagnant after x amount of time. One of the most beautiful things is to go out and meet a new partner, enjoy your time with them, learn, grow....and then move on to the next.

Relationships become stagnant because you've both learned whatever you needed to learn from each other and it becomes dull, this happens to all. So why do people stay together? Simply because they're insecure. They're scared they'll never find someone else again. They're co-dependent for whatever reasons.

If you want kids, that's great! But is it really necessary to get married? It's clearly a failed experiment. Personally, I'd rather have a few baby mama's and pay child support, see my kids when I please and still let my life grow to the tune that I want.

I've been in that place like you all have, where we think we love a girl forever. And it always ends. A girl is the only creature that can become your best friend, and then your WORST enemy in literally one second. This is a FACT. Why the hell would you legally commit yourself to this person "forever"? And even if you say divorce is an option, why even bother getting married in the first place? So they can take half your ****? Marriage is just a title, like stamping "Gucci" on a purse. It's the insecure who like to parade that around.

To have a successful marriage you have to understand the different types of love...which is easy to do once you get older and life becomes more fragile. That puppydog love you experience when you are young never lasts...scientifically demonstrated to last no longer than about 18months. However, two people who are dedicated to each other and have the same goals...raising kids correctly, etc...can develop a very strong love that revolves around taking care of each other...and that's a nice love, but you need to move past the immature need for the puppydog type of love. One of the big problems couples has is other couples who'll lie and BS to everyone they know saying how in-love are romantic they still are with each other. That's a load of **** and they are just satisfying their need to look happy like a lot of other people in life who think they need to go around looking happy all the time and when in reality they are occasionally miserable like everyone else who goes through tough times.

My advice is to go ahead and get married and not worry too much about whatever happens. It's all part of experiencing life and it's better to experience as much life as you can rather than regret when you are too old and haven't lived a full life.

**katyseagull** · 02-17-2012, 11:30 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lil Gary

My wife said that she's always been happy (which I don't 100% believe) but that recently she hasn't and she's the one who brought it up.

In terms of goals, I don't think they've changed. We're both doing well in our careers and have never wanted kids. We have both had our issues, but my wife has had a hard time getting over mine. I feel this underlying anger has always magnified small issues. This has always caused some friction but it has recently come to a head.

I'm not really getting any sense of what went wrong and which one of you has underlying anger. Would you say it's incompatibility? Could you give us an example of a small issues that's being magnified? I mean when I hear "small issue" I'm thinking something like a messy house or which family to visit at Christmas time. Those are small issues to me, but certainly not something that would cause the breakup of a marriage!

**katyseagull** · 02-17-2012, 11:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by pokergod350

One of the big problems couples has is other couples who'll lie and BS to everyone they know saying how in-love are romantic they still are with each other. That's a load of **** and they are just satisfying their need to look happy like a lot of other people in life who think they need to go around looking happy all the time and when in reality they are occasionally miserable like everyone else who goes through tough times.

My advice is to go ahead and get married and not worry too much about whatever happens. It's all part of experiencing life and it's better to experience as much life as you can rather than regret when you are too old and haven't lived a full life.

I liked this post, Pokergod

. I like how you said that everyone goes through tough times occasionally. Sometimes it seems like everyone else has their act together except for me. lol.

Do you really think that some people are faking their romance with their spouse out of a need to go around looking happy all the time? I mean I've kind of suspected that was true, but I've never really heard anyone say it before.

Black Talon · 02-17-2012, 12:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AnimalWarrior

What's the point of getting married? Can anyone give me a good reason why marriage is good, besides tax benefits or so your wife can't testify against you?

There simply is NO good reason. Unless you're a sheep of course...

Quote:

Originally Posted by AnimalWarrior

Every relationship I've been in has ended, and every relationship becomes stagnant after x amount of time. One of the most beautiful things is to go out and meet a new partner, enjoy your time with them, learn, grow....and then move on to the next.

Couldn't have said it better myself.

Quote:

Originally Posted by AnimalWarrior

So why do people stay together?

Oh, I have no problem with people staying together 'forever' but it's the whole marriage thing - Why the hell do we need a piece of paper from the government saying we 'belong' together? First, it's none of their business. Secondly, once there's a written agreement between two people that they're bound to each other for the rest of their lives, they become slaves. And who the hell wants to become a slave?

People are so damn stupid.

rjsob · 02-17-2012, 12:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by pokergod350

To have a successful marriage you have to understand the different types of love...which is easy to do once you get older and life becomes more fragile. That puppydog love you experience when you are young never lasts...scientifically demonstrated to last no longer than about 18months. However, two people who are dedicated to each other and have the same goals...raising kids correctly, etc...can develop a very strong love that revolves around taking care of each other...and that's a nice love, but you need to move past the immature need for the puppydog type of love. One of the big problems couples has is other couples who'll lie and BS to everyone they know saying how in-love are romantic they still are with each other. That's a load of **** and they are just satisfying their need to look happy like a lot of other people in life who think they need to go around looking happy all the time and when in reality they are occasionally miserable like everyone else who goes through tough times.

My advice is to go ahead and get married and not worry too much about whatever happens. It's all part of experiencing life and it's better to experience as much life as you can rather than regret when you are too old and haven't lived a full life.

+1

It's not all about love either, it is also about balance. Shared goals & common values are important. But finding someone who accepts your weaknesses and other "bad" stuff and provides a counterbalance to that is also key. The whole is greater than the sum of its parts.

Black Talon · 02-17-2012, 12:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kioshk

My parents have been married for over 50 years. When marriage is done right, it's very special. It's a way we share ourselves.

Share ourselves? Dude, we can share ourselves without having a piece of paper issued by our 'trusted' government. You miss the point; I don't mind two people staying together for 50+ years, but why in the world would they need to get married? Because they're sheep, that's why. They are conformists and feel a need to 'belong.'

So sad. But hey, whatever floats your boat...

crashjr · 02-17-2012, 01:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Black Talon

Share ourselves? Dude, we can share ourselves without having a piece of paper issued by our 'trusted' government. You miss the point; I don't mind two people staying together for 50+ years, but why in the world would they need to get married? Because they're sheep, that's why. They are conformists and feel a need to 'belong.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/False_dilemma

Thanks for playing though.

crashjr · 02-17-2012, 01:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by katyseagull

Do you really think that some people are faking their romance with their spouse out of a need to go around looking happy all the time? I mean I've kind of suspected that was true, but I've never really heard anyone say it before.

I'm pretty sure this is true, and one of the reasons that blame, hatred and all out aggression take over in contested divorces. Faking happiness leads to a lot of pent up rage and anger ime. This is the #1 reason for relationship counseling - vent the steam and let reason and logic prevail. It obviously doesn't work all of the time, but with the right person and right mindset and expectations going in, it can really save a lot of heartache.

leoslayer · 02-18-2012, 01:08 PM

this should sum up marriage for all the guys here nsfw

http://youtu.be/JCADpxXn4Yo