Ugh, this sucks. Either you didn't answer or I missed it, but I think the first thing you need to determine is whether this really is PPD or not? I think your course of action should be drastically different depending on that answer.

PPD, even exacerbated by whacky religious zealotry (which I have experience with) and issues with her family (don't we all), can be overcome. Going the SOB lawyer route will likely end any hope of reconciliation, so I'd be sure before enacting a permanent solution to a (hopefully) temporary problem.

If she's just nutty--or if this was a problem that's been building for a while and she decided she wanted to leave, but the birth is only coincidental and this isn't really PPD--then I think it's probably easier to sever all ties and go see the SOB lawyer.

Do you really want her back? If so, I'd hold off on the lawyer (I guess you're raising money for that, so you haven't crossed the rubicon) until you can really talk with her. It sounds like she wants to come back there may be hope, but you'll likely have to get her away from her family to have any hope of working things out.

I may have missed something but I'm not sure why OP doesn't just show up at the parents house at least to talk. Trying to handle this by phone when the wife feels she is being watched and is probably very anxious not to be disapproved of by the parents she is now completely dependent upon seems kind of like begging for doom.

These are very intimate matters and like most intimacy, especially the kind between a man and a woman, I think you really need to be in the room at the time. There are things that go on when you're together that are just different than they are at any remove. I know it's corny and maybe a bad example, but you can write thousands of words or spend days on the phone and it can all be total crap compared to a simple hug.

RR,

how the **** did you fall in love or whatever with this woman?

serious question. You seem to be someone who values hard work and intelligence and you seem very motivated and go-get 'em. She seems to be the opposite of you in every sense.

I understand she's probably very beautiful and perhaps fun to be with, but seriously, I can't imagine getting married to someone who is a ticking time bomb like this.

Did you

A: not realize how much your worldviews and personalities were different?

or

B: Realize it but think that it wouldn't matter or it would change with time?

Not trying to speak for RR but I can tell you it is easier to end up with the "wrong" person than you would think. Without derailing the thread too much let me just say that after my divorce I had LOTs of people come up to me and say, "I always wondered what in the hell you were thinking when you married her". I was always wondering "WTF, Why didn't you SAY something". But then again, I was "in Love" (along with young, stupid and borderline depressed from a breakup with another girl) and likely wouldn't have listened anyway.

If you're like guys I know, you probably would have been pissed off at the friends who told you that. And if you told your girlfriend that, she would likely have tried to find a way to isolate you from that friend. So telling a guy something like this can be, one way or the other, ending the friendship. With the bonus of not accomplishing anything positive whatsoever.

Exactly, I agree 100%
It was really more of a statement to how someone could fall for "the wrong girl". Not that this was what RR did. There is no way of knowing his situation or rational. Everyone has their own thing and that's OK. But it is really easy to wake up one day and all of a sudden you're wondering how in the hell oyu could have fallen for this person.

Yup. Lots of things that seem like they should or must be chosen at the time, and lots of flat out impulsive acts, look completely different once we get a little perspective on them. It can be hard to take that necessary step back, and sometimes it never occurs to you that you don't have wired as well as could be anyway.

I keep on hearing the lyrics from Once in a Lifetime in threads like these.

The problem is that a lot of us don't know whether the person we are with could one day turn into a ticking time bomb. How can you tell. People change. How are you going to know that the person you fall in love with is going to become bored and disenchanted? Babies are born and change the whole dynamic. Sometimes the person we hoped would be our partner for life turns into a selfish control freak.

It's really hard for some of us to tell if we can count on someone else. We want to believe so badly in the other person. We are optimistic and want to give that person the benefit of the doubt.

As I recall, this is an issue that use to drive Dr. Laura crazy (yeah I know, she's nuts) - people who marry other people whose worldviews and religions are completely contrary to their own and then proceed to have children with them. Religion (or atheism) is extremely important to some people. And in these situations a divorce is a complete disaster. People can get frantic picturing their child being raised with weird values.

"No way in hell is my child growing up a Catholic!"...
"but you and I both agreed to this"...
"Huh? Over my dead body!"

(substitute "Baptist" or atheist or whatever you want)


Also, for those of you who say that the wife is crazy or being brainwashed by evangelical parents (or is a prisoner in their home) I don't buy it. She knows what she is doing. She made her choice.

Like you say about the wife in this case, people quite often are not surprised by what's going on -- they DO know what they're getting into, and that some parts of it are probably bad. But they are activing instinctively rather than logically, or tell themselves that their love will overcome, or whatever. Or their marriage gets them some long-craved for social approval(this can very much be the case for women, who can be looked down on even worse than men for being unmarried).

Sadder than not knowing what bad results may come is knowing it and making those bad choices anyway.

I just briefly spoke to RR as soon as he emerged from his day in court. In short, his high-priced lawyer kicked ass from start to finish. "He was worth every penny. I may have had the best lawyer in the state." RR is on his way right now from the courthouse to go pick up his kid. It's temporary, for now, he gets her for three weeks. But the judge said that the father's case is so compelling, the mother should seriously consider settling out of court (ie, she has no shot).

The first thing the lawyer did was to call the wife to the stand. The second thing the lawyer did was to ask the judge to remove the wife's parents from the courtroom (the judge complied). A brilliant move, I didn't even know you could do that!

I'm sure RR will post in much greater detail when he gets the chance, but that chance certainly won't be this afternoon. His busy day is far from over. I really shouldn't have stolen his thunder like this, but I couldn't contain such good news.

Hot Damn! That's good news!!
I was just wondering about RR and what was going on with this yesterday.
Thanks for the update
Congratulations RR

awesome...took me a couple looks to realize that this thread was from june...

good for RR, it sounds like the right choices are in the process of being made...

I was planning to bump this and see that YTF already did. I might post a trip report later, but right now I am really tired. After I talked to YTF I went to pick up my baby. The police were called when my father in law assaulted me. I took the high road and didn't press charges, but a police report was taken in case this impacts the divorce proceedings. My baby is now home resting.

Just read this thread, missed it the first time.

RR, very happy for your good news. I hope things continue to improve.

Thank you. I don't expect to be around here much going forward as I am now a single parent with a 3 month old baby (that weighs in at about 16 pounds, taking her for a check up tomorrow).