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Originally Posted by dcm91
As a staunch defender of Cloud Atlas let me be the first to say: Jupiter Ascending is actually terrible and I can't recommend anyone waste their time with it. Aside from a couple visually stunning images, it's an emotionally inert narrative trainwreck that failed to even remotely entertain me, let alone touch me.
A movie this boring does not qualify for "spectacular failure" territory.
Jupiter Ascending
Stunningly terrible. It actually makes Attack of the Clones look like a good movie. At least AotC is coherent, although clumsily executed.
One critic wrote that it's hard to believe a movie with this much exposition is this confusing, but it does and it is.
It's equally befuddling how a movie over two hours long would have you scratching your head trying to understand what ANY character's motivation was, but that's also true. Characters change their minds about things that literally put BILLIONS of lives at stake, but we have no idea why they changed their mind or how this fits into their character arc, or why moments later the characters completely reverse their position AGAIN.
The Wachowskis have always had a tin ear for dialogue, but this makes it seem like The Matrix was written by Aaron Sorkin.
The romance is among cinema's worst. It ranks right up there with Attack of the Clones, though Jupiter Ascending might have stolen the top prize.
The ending is full of deus ex machina after deus ex machina. At one point, someone tells another character to basically "try harder" if he wants to rescue the heroine.
For the first ten or fifteen minutes, I thought okay, this isn't great, but it's pretty good. Except that was the high point, and the movie got worse with each passing minute, until I finally felt angry at just how bad I could see it would be by the time the credits rolled.
Do not see this. No matter how much you might enjoy a train wreck of a film, you will find nothing to enjoy in this one.