Season 8, Episode 5: Banking on Marcy



Synopsis: Marcy's method for overcoming her fear of public speaking involves fantasizing that she's elsewhere, which is a real treat for her audience. Meanwhile, Al gets hooked on rap videos.


6.5/10: Some funny stuff in this one, in particular Al getting hooked on rap videos with the sound down, and his taste in women starts to become more like rapper's tastes. He starts to like big butts, is what I'm saying. Also a great bit where Al somehow gets stuck between Marcy and Jefferson flirting/talking dirty and it renders him paralysed.


Dialogue:
----------
Al: Yo! Rap Channel, you take requests? I'd like you to play the following videos: 'Rump Shaker', 'Gangster Booty', and 'Put Some More Ass on that Lass'. My age? Uh... I'm 15. Oh. Under 18 you need parental approval? No problem. My old lady's right here. She'll aprove.
[to Peggy in his normal voice]
Al: Peg, the Rap Channel woun't play my favorite videos unless I get parental approval. Pretend you're my mother. Just tell them it's okay.
Peg: [into the phone] It's okay. He's over 40.
[Al takes the phone away from Peggy and hangs up]
Al: Peg, I was having fun! Why'd you have to ruin it by telling them my real age?
Peg: Oh, please! They already knew your real age. I was telling them your I.Q.
----------
Al: It doesn't work anymore, Peg.
Peg: What doesn't work anymore?
Al: It.
Peg: How can you tell?
Al: I've been reading Playboy, Penthouse, Juggs, Hustler, Big 'Uns, Little 'Uns, Round 'Uns, I Between 'Uns. Nothing. Then I remembered something. It hasn't worked since I saw Marcy do that horrible thing at the bank. She killed it. You made it sick, but Marcy killed it.
Peg: Well, I suppose we could just say a little prayer and go on with our lives.
Al: That's good for me, but what will you do?
Peg: Oh, don't worry about me. I'll just keep going... and going... and going... and going...

Season 8, Episode 6: No Chicken, No Check



Synopsis: Confident they can share, Kelly and Bud pool their money to buy a car, which both want - but neither will surrender - for drive-in movie dates.


6/10: Some laughs, but nothing outstanding. There's some nice visuals near the end when a Doberman sees a guy in a cat's head and a heads-up display comes up with stats, like in a terminator. Then Al gets it later when he targets Peg.

Dialogue:
----------
Al: Ah, children! What the hell, wolfen. Let me tell you something about sharing: don't do it. Nothing good ever comes of sharing. Your mother and I shared a bed and nothing good came out of it.
Peg: Maybe that's because nothing good ever went into it.
---------
Al: I'm so hungry I could eat a vegetable.
---------
Bud: Hey, Kel. Guess what; I've got a date tonight with a foreign exchange student who's so easy she makes you look like a calculus problem.

Season 8, Episode 7: Take My Wife, Please



Synopsis: On Halloween night, the Grim Reaper (who looks a lot like Peggy) finally answers Al's

unwitting call for death, and then won't leave him alone until one member of his family says they

need him. Meanwhile, Marcy convinces Peg, Kelly, and Bud to impersonate the Village People at her

party.


5/10: Not that funny (but some very funny specific moments), but some good-to-see premises. It's

cool to see Peggy as the grim reaper. She does look like Cher in her long black wig though. And

it's great to see the Village People in action (though they get attacked by a large gang of

menopausal women driven insane by the pathetic impersonation done by Jefferson, Peg, Bud and

Kelly).


Dialogue:
----------
Grim Reaper (showing Al a picture album): "Here's me with all six of the Three Stooges. My

favourite was Curly, so I took him out first. Ooh ooh ooh! Here's me with John Wayne..."
----------
Grim Reaper: Any time between now and midnight, if any member of your family says that they need

you in any way, I'll let you live.
Al: All my family has to do is say that they need me?
Grim Reaper: That's right.
Al: Just once?
Grim Reaper: Just once.
Al: Oh... in that case, I'll go pack my suitcase.
----------
Cowboy Village Person: Hey, sorry about the Dodge out front.
Kelly: Why, did you hit it?
Cowboy Village Person: No. I'm just sorry about.

How do you find time to watch all of these?

bump for the archive threat

I keep several episodes on my phone. If I get 20 minutes spare I watch one

Season 8, Episode 8: Scared Single



Synopsis: Al hires a recent Polk High graduate Aaron, who sees him as a hero, and Al takes full advantage by giving the boy the full benefit of his wisdom. Also, while working as the Verminator, Kelly accidentally gets a face-full of bug spray - which causes her to start behaving very strangely.


6/10: A few decent laughs with Kelly acting totally weird, but the best part is when Al takes Aaron to see the married men that are forced to sit in the Mall whilst their wives shop - the poor wretches. But we do get their song:

My wife will never cook or clean,
She still the money spends.
Who knew when I first chose my mate
That she would put on that much weight.
Or sex we like for sure,
If it only worked with her.
Please K-I-L-L, K-I-L-L me, me, me.


Dialogue:
------------
Al: Peg, I made a mistake. Before I left for work today, I used to think that all women were totally useless. Now I realize that it's just you. I used to think that all men were loses, destined to marry the worst possible mate. Now I realize that it's just me.
Pegg: Huh? Oh, sorry Al. I didn't here you come in. I was watching Oprah.

Season 8, Episode 9: NO MA'AM



Synopsis: When women take over his bowling night... and his nudie bar, Al springs into action and his organization "NO MA'AM" leads a take-over of a talk show called "the masculine feminist".



7/10: THE FIRST "NO MA'AM" EPISODE! Pretty funny, and strange to see Jerry Springer in this as the host the 'The Masculine Feminist'. If you ask me, the ladies brought this on themselves by taking away Al's Bowling Night. Oh and we get a classic 'nudie bar' poem.


Dialogue:
------------
Where a buck's enough to see their stuff, at the nudie bar.
Where the breasts may be fake but man do they shake, at the nudie bar.
Where you swear like a sailor, and wish you could nail her, at the nudie bar.
Where the cops are at the door, and there's a Kennedy on the floor, at the nudie bar.
------------
Al:
Demand one, you gals want a ladies night, try having it in the kitchen cooking for a man.

Demand two, don't put on a dress and ask us if it makes you look fat, we hate that. Besides it's not the dress that makes you look fat. It's the fat that makes you look fat.

Demand three, don't ask us to talk or cuddle after sex, or before sex or during sex. You're lucky we take our pants off.

Bob: You take your pants off? How you get them over your shoes.
Jefferson: Demand four, don't ask us to say "I love you" over the phone. It's hard enough to say it to someone we're paying a minute to talk to.
Pete: Demand five, Stop talking about Fabio.

Season 8, Episode 10: Dancing With Weezie



Synopsis: Al and Jefferson want to attend the opening of a new sports bar, but their wives insist they instead accompany them to a live performance of "The Jeffersons' Movin' on up Tour".



5/10: Eh, it was alright, but very American-sports centric and Jeffersons-centric, and I know very little about either, so I think it just wouldn't be as entertaining to me as to an American. The best bit is Bud and Kelly dressing up as Al and Jefferson to fool the wives, and when Marcy starts flirting with Kelly. It's also good to see Officer Dan having fun.


Dialogue:
------------
Bud: I cannot believe this actually worked. Mom was so convinced I was Dad that she picked my pocket during the last scene change.
Kelly: What are you complaining about? At least you didn't get a hickey from Marcy!
------------
Kelly: This is the lowest thing that I've ever done.
[Bud stares skeptically at Kelly]
Kelly: Okay, the lowest thing I've ever been paid to do.
[Bud continues staring at Kelly]
Kelly: Okay, the lowest thing I've ever been paid to do that I didn't enjoy.
[Bud nods with approval]

Season 8, Episode 11: Change for a Buck



Synopsis: Lacking attention, Buck decides to run away from home and the rest of the family doesn't discover that he's gone until a week later which is the time limit for dogs at the pound where Buck winds up. Al is then torn between going with the family to look for Buck and going to the nudie bar with Jefferson for a "Wrestle Till You Raw" night.


4/10: Not a great one, but some laughs. It had several topical jokes, but as we all know, topical ages as well as gongonzola on a radiator (only jokes about Oprah never age). There was some good scenes in the dog pound among the dogs though.


Dialogue:
------------
Al: A fat woman clip-clopped into the shoe store today and said, "I need something I'd be comfortable in." So, I said, "try Wyoming."
------------
Al: Time sure flies by when you have a family and no life.

Season 8, Episode 12: Just a Little off the Top



Synopsis: Al's back injury requires surgery, but "human error" results in a circumcision instead, requiring him to be sedate for a month, which suddenly isn't easy.


6/10: Pretty good, I did laugh hard when Peggy (insensitively) starts chopping sausage in front of Al, and the parts where Al tries to avoid anything that turns him on, and everything on TV is called 'Thong Bikinis of...'. And Peggy starts to turn him on...




Dialogue:
------------
Al: Hey kids, here's a real funny story. Did you know that while I was in the hospital, Daddy's nurse was a fat woman who used to come into his shoe store? "Used to" is the term because her patronage fell off one day when she came in and asked for something to make her foot look small. So I said, "try your ass." She remembered me all right. Then we laughed, until she picked up a catheter the size of a boa constrictor and charged.
---------------------------------------------
Marcy Rhoades D'Arcy: Hey, Stubby. We head about what happened to you so I got you a card.
[reads from the card]
Marcy Rhoades D'Arcy: We heard about your little loss, we hope you'll make it through. Because thankfully the part they took was of no use to you. And though they took more than you'd like the good news is that another quarter inch would have been a full lobotomy.
---------------------------------------------
Al: Everything I see or hear is about sex.
Peg: Oh Al, that's just your imagination. There's plenty of other things going on.
(Peggy sits in the armchair, opposite Al.)
Al: Hmm... well... tell me about bingo.
Peg: Well, we overheard this couple going at it in the bathroom. I don't know how they thought they could get away with it. I mean, you could hear her a whole block away. [loudly] "Oh, Al!" - his name was Al, too - "Oh, Al!" On and on!
(A "sproing" noise is heard.)
Peg: What was that sound?
Al: A stitch.
---------------------------------------------
Al: Peg. Do you mind?!
Peg: Mind what?
Al: When you shake your leg like that it... makes your boobies go back and forth.

Season 8, Episode 13: The Worst Noel



Synopsis: On Christmas eve, Kelly and Bud try to sneak in a jukebox to give to their parents, who are arguing over the proper speed for channel surfing. Meanwhile, something tells Al the D'Arcys are having a Christmas party but he's not invited...


4.5/10: A few laughs, but by far the weakest of the Christmas MWC shows.

Dialogue:
------------
Peggy: Oooh, look, "It's A Wonderful Life".
Al: Peg, I hate this movie.
Peggy: How can you hate "It's A Wonderful Life"?
Al: Because it's a horrible life.
------------
Announcer: And now the Black Entertainment channel presents: It's a Malcolm X-mass.
------------
Al: Oh, no. Not Sally Struthers feeds the Third World channel. Hey, Sally, open your purse up! I'm sure there's enough Ding-Dong's and Ho-Ho's in there to open a new Seven-Eleven! That's that every starving kid needs, someone like Sally standing their while they're eating saying, "are you gonna finish that?"

Season 8, Episode 14: Honey, I Blew Up Myself



Synopsis: For Al's birthday, Peggy decides to give him a sexy photo of herself to hang in the shoe store - but the photographer decides to hang a giant version of the same photo right outside the store. Naturally this can not be tolerated, so Al enlists the help of Marcy's feminist group "FANG" (Feminists Against Neanderthal Guys) to eliminate the offending image. Meanwhile, Kelly and Bud can't seem to find the right present for Al.


6.5/10: A solid episode, with some excellent parts. Al beating up guys who letch over Peg's picture but refusing to admit he's jealous, Al doing his version of 'green eggs and ham' but about Peg, and then Al presenting his case to F.A.N.G. and being very rude to them at the same time.

Dialogue:
------------
Al's "Wife" Chant:
I've seen her from the front, I've seen her from the back.
I've seen her in a chair, I've seen her in a sack.
I've seen her stand, I've seen her crouch.
I've seen her on her stupid couch.
I do not like her in the mall, I do not like her in the hall.
I do not like her in my life, I do not like my big red wife!
------------
Al (to a room full of feminists): Now, hang on to your flannel panties, there is still time to act. I want every gynoceros in this room to charge down to the New Market Mall and stop this dastardly deed. Show them, as only you can, that a woman's body is not to be appreciated, but to be feared, reviled, and, in the case of most of you, kept totally covered at all times. Hurry, my sisters, down to the mall. But remember: not more than three in the elevator at one time.

Season 8, Episode 15: Sofa So Good



Synopsis: With Al and Peg away for a family reunion in Wanker County, Bud cedes control of the house to Kelly on Saturday night. Unfortunately her date destroys Peg's beloved couch, thus sending Kelly to meet the maker for a replacement. Kelly must travel to the far corners of Illinois to find the crazed, hermit-like, former maker of the couch to ask for a replacement before her parents come home.



5/10: This isn't bad, with a good scene between Kelly and the crazy guy that made the sofa, called Mary (pronounced Mar-ay).



Dialogue:
------------
Kelly: [the couch has been torched] If Mom finds out about this, it could kill her.
Bud: Kel, don't you think you're exaggerating just a little?
Kelly: [the phone rings; Kelly answers] Hello?
Peggy: Is my couch okay?
Kelly: Your couch? Why yes, it's fine. It's lovely. Why do you ask?
Peggy: Well the funniest thing happened: for no reason, my rear end suddenly got warm.
------------
Kelly: I'm trying to teach these kids how to read.
Bud: But, Kelly, you can't read.
Kelly: Well you can't score, but you still have a bed.

Season 8, Episode 16: How Green Was My Apple



Synopsis: An apple grows on a Bundy tree, but hangs over the D'Arcy's yard, prompting a property dispute that turns ugly... and explosive.

4/10: Not a great episode, with a boundary war between the Bundys and the D'Arcys feeling a bit desperate, and like the writers are running out of ideas. Nice guest appearances from Danny from the Partridge Family and Gary Coleman from Diffrent Strokes though.


Dialogue:
------------
Al: [Bud and his date are about to leave] Son, since you're using the Dodge tonight, I need you to stop by the hardware store and pick up fifty pounds of manure for me and stop at the drug store and pick up some 'rhoid cream for me.
Kelly: While you're there, get me some extra large maxipads too.
Bud: Does anyone need me to pick up anything really embarrassing?
Peggy: Suppositories!

Season 8, Episode 17: Valentine's Day Massacre



Synopsis: Bud sets out to respond to a long-lost valentine card, while Al battles other husbands at a store for last-minute Valentine's Day shoppers.

6/10: Some good laughs in this one, moreso from Bud's plight than Al's. It's always funny to see an overweight female sexual predator call Rita drag Bud into her room so she can rape him, am I right?


Dialogue:
------------
Al's High School Valentine poem for Peggy:
I love your hooters,
I love your ass,
Let's say we meet after class.
------------
(Bud emerges from hotel room after being raped by a very large older woman called Rita)
Bud Now I know how Tom Arnold feels.