Season 4, episode 14: A Taxing Problem

THE VERY LAST EPISODE WITH STEVE AS A REGULAR




Synopsis: Al owes 5 grand to the taxman after Peggy submits his return, and he's most likely going to jail. Then someone offers him 5 grand for Peggy's hair. Will she give up her hair to save her husband? No, duh.


6.5/10: Some solid laughs in this one, the best ones being about Al going to jail, so well worth a watch. And it's a shame Steve departs without much of a fanfare. I will miss him (actually, because of the sequencing on the DVD set I'm watching he is in the next one, but this is his last 'official appearance as a reg)

Firsts: We see Peggy's 'tin foil package' in the fridge for the first time. One the kids have been warned to never, ever open.


Dialogue
-----------------------
Steve: You know what would make me feel better? To be the outdoorsman I was born to be. Al, I wanna be a Rodeo clown. Y'know, something with the land. Thing is, how do I tell Marcy?
Al: Well, now, see, that is a thorny one, Steve. What say I give that some thought while I'm making my marriage vows in a prison chapel to a guy named Rock.
-----------------------
Bud: Come on, Dad. You got two more days till the audit.
Al: Why wait? I'm guilty. What's my defense? Your mother's an idiot? Besides, I deserve to be punished. I married your mother. So long, kids. Let me know who wins this year's Bud Bowl.
Bud: Come on. Now surely you can make $5,000 in two days.
(Bud bursts out laughing.)
Al: Thanks, Son. Your love's gonna make those 20 years just fly by. Now I'm gonna need some toilet paper. Two ply. White. A harmonica. Oh, and a picture of Mommy, in case thoughts of escape cross my mind.
-----------------------
Peg: Al! Honey! Great news! Uncle Toppy called. He pulled some strings and he got you a cushy gig in the prison hospital. You're gonna be a guinea pig in the experimental medicine ward. [scoffs] And you thought he didn't like you.
Al: [to Bud and Kelly] Did you get me cigarettes, kids? I need lots of cigarettes. That's for my new boyfriend.
Peg: Well, Al, if he only smokes after sex, a half a pack will do ya.

Season 4, Episode 15: Rock and Roll Girl




Synopsis: Al is peeved he's the only bread winner, and challenges the rest of the family to earn some money themselves, even if it 1 dollar. He says he'll triple anything they make. Kelly auditions for the part of 'slut' in a rock video by The Gutter Cats, with the help of her manager Bud.

5/10: Yeah not bad, and one of the dresses Kelly wears might as well not be there, so generally nice to watch, with a few solid laughs. We also see a second appearance of what was to become Officer Dan, but in this one is just called 'Officer'.


Last: Last appearance of Steve as a regular (though he does crop up in at least one other episode in the distant future), if you take the ordering of the US first run.


Dialogue:
--------------------------------------
Al: Back! Back, you savages. Here! Here's your stinking allowance!
[Al throws a wadd of cash on the floor, and Peggy, Kelly, and Bud break away from Al, and grab at the money, yelling like a literal pack of savage animals]
Al: Ahhh... another Hallmark moment.
--------------------------------------
Kelly: Bud, go get my dress.
Bud: Which one?
Kelly: The one Daddy calls my belt.
--------------------------------------
Steve: [Al and Steve are watching the "Video Slut" tryouts on cable access TV] Look at that one, Al! So that's what they look like before you marry them, eh?
Al: Wait a minute, that's Kelly!
Steve: Oh. You know what, Al? I really promised Marcy I'd get home in time to cut the grass.

When Milla catches Bud drilling a hole into her room.

"It's OK Bud, I don't mind if you peep."

My favorite episode I think.

Mine too.


"So I did what any other man would do Bundy. I cancelled my insurance and hung myself. SHOWED HER, HUH!!"

Yeah, I love Its A Bundyful Life. Glad to see you're still doing this, db.

Season 4, Episodes 16+17: You Gotta Know when to Hold Em parts 1+2



Synposis: Steve has left Marcy, and Marcy is lonely. Bud tries to catch her on the rebound. Peggy talks her into a girls-only vacation to Vegas, where Peg loses 5 grand of Al's credit card money in 8 minutes. Al descends on Vegas with the kids and a baseball bat. Al figures he can make the money back by wrestling with a woman for 3 minutes. I mean, how hard could that be?


7/10: Definitely different quality levels on this pair, the first being okay but nothing special, and the second being pretty hilarious. Memorable moments are Kelly being able to predict roulette numbers when her mind goes blank untill Al flusters her into not being able to do it, a section where Al imagines being like James Bond, and Al wrestling a 'Glow Girl'. Though one bit in part one was excellent: Bud saying with glee "I'm gonna get me an old lady!" made me laugh out loud. But, gaaaaaah, no more Steve!



Dialogue:
-------------------------------
Peggy: I want a vacation.
Al: You want to visit some place new, go into the kitchen.
-------------------------------
Marcy: God, I hate men!
Al: I thought you were man's best friend. No, wait, that's dogs not chickens.
-------------------------------
Pizza Boy: That will be $20 for the pizza plus tip.
Al: Yeah well here's a tip.
[runs the pizza boy's head into the door frame]
Al: Doors hurt.
-------------------------------
Marcy (to a twitching Bud): And if you ever touch me again, I will slap you so hard even your name will be swollen.
-------------------------------
(Al comes in and grunts a greeting at Bud and Kelly. They grunt back. Al sits on the couch, props his feet up on the coffee table, and presses a button on the TV remote control. Nothing happens. He presses several times more with no results.)
Al: What the hell is wrong with this remote control?
Bud: Dad, I'm no electrician, but I'd say the trouble is the TV's gone.
(A distressed Al walks over to where the TV used to stand, feels the air and grabs his head.)
Kelly: Oh, and by the way, Dad, so is Mom.
Al: Wait a second. Let's not gloss over this TV thing. Where the hell is it?
-------------------------------
[Al dials a phone number to his credit card company]
Al: Al Bundy here. Yeah, 'No Tip' Bundy. Now look, it seems you people made a little mistake. Now, I ordered a pizza and it seems my credit card was... what? No, I did not charge $5,000 in the last 10 minutes. [pause] I see. And just exactly where did my wife spend this alleged five grand? Thank you very much.
[Al hangs up the phone]
Al: Kids, get a change of clothes and a baseball bat. Because we're going to Vegas!

Season 4, episode 18: What Goes around, Came Around




Synposis: There's a highschool homecoming, Al gets asked to speak, Kelly has 2 dates (and teaches Bud some truths about men and women), and Bud plans revenge on a girl who once did him wrong.


7.5/10: This is a great little episode, not quite classic, but firing on all cylinders for giving great lines and subplots to each character for a change, even Marcy. I just love Al's truly pathetic inspirational speech at the homecoming, made whilst everyone ignores him. Plus it earns a whole point extra for containing my single favourite line in all bundydom. It's spoken by Kelly btw.

Dialogue:
===================
Bud: I'm after revenge. Sweet, pure, uncut revenge. Phase One is now complete.
Kelly: What's Phase Two? You touch her on the knee and then start to cry?
Bud: Not quite, O-she-whose-head-can-never-be-seen-in-a-car.
-------------------
Al Bundy: Let's talk about my mother-in-law. My mother in law is so big and fat that... well, people often overuse the phrase "as big as the Earth". But kids, try to imagine everyone you know under one giant muumuu.
-------------------
Kelly: Bud, don't be a sucker all your life. Let me tell you the difference between men and women: we're liars and you're all idiots.
-------------------
Al Bundy: [holding up an egg] This is your brains. This is your brain on marriage.
[slams the egg on the floor]
Al Bundy: Any questions?

Season 4, episode 19: Peggy Turns 300



Synposis: Al plans a special evening for Peggy's birthday - a night at the Bowlarama, where he hopes to finally beat his arch-rival's high game record. Al manages to break the record score, but then moments later Peg is on course to bowl a perfect game.


7/10: Haha, this is the perfect Al moment episode. He finally wins something, only to see it used against him to twist the knife on his failed life. It's great to see that tiny moment of victory, but you know it can't last.


Dialogue:
===================
Bud: [Filming with camcorder] Ready, Dad.
[Al and Peggy enter]
Al: I'm entering. Widen, widen. Did you get your Mother in the picture?
Bud: Yeah, Dad.
Al: Rewind.
-------------------
Marcy: You, sir, are Satan's toejam! I know what you're up to! Trying to sabotage your own wife! Is there no limit to how low you'll sink?
Al: Well, I wouldn't kiss you on a bet.
-------------------
Al: Well, can't beat a three hundred game, I guess. What the hell, I never really liked bowling anyway. The twenty years of practice were just getting me ready for what I really like to do. Lying on a lawn chair in the backyard, letting the buzzards pick at my eyes.
-------------------
Marcy: One more! One more and she's got it. God, you must feel low.
Al: Kelly, come here. Kids, do you know what you're witnessing here?
Bud: A perfect game?
Al: Nope. The Bundy Curse. That's what keeps us from being happy. There's no point in fighting it. It's what separates us from the ordinary losers. They can have their moments. But not us. Never us.
Kelly: But Mom's having a major moment now, and she's a Bundy.
Al: No, she's not really a Bundy. She's just Bundy by marriage. She's part of the Curse.
--------------------
Kelly: Why is Daddy watching a blank screen?
(We see Al, smiling, watching nothing.)
Peg: I don't know, but he seems pretty happy.
Bud: He just may have snapped, Mom.
Peg: Well, it's not like you need a brain to sell shoes. Now, come help Mommy put her big trophy in front of Daddy's little ones.

That's so classic.

I actually watched this one 2 nights ago... The end where he's fantasizing the TV shows and being a "winner" is a great way to close. Husband... father... bullfighter... inventor of the 7-day underwear.

The one before is good too. Not sure if you got the teenage late 80s/early 90's TV show "Saved By the Bell" on the other side of the pond, but Bud's date was one of the stars of that show, and of many teenage fantasies, Tiffani Amber Thiessen. Her in the towel at the end... oh yeah.

Season 4, episode 20: Peggy made a little lamb



Synposis: Peg discovers that she never graduated High School, because she flunked one class: home economics. Now she must go back to school with Kelly and pass the final exam. You just know this won't end well.


6/10: Yeah, not a bad one, amusing to see the Bundy women try and do anything in the kitchen, and also how both handle being in class. And Al gets to eat!


Dialogue:
===================
(Peg is looking at her high school book)
Kelly: Who's the hunk?
Peg: That's your father!
(Bud and Kelly lean in to get a closer look.)
Bud: What's that on his face?
Peg: A smile.
Bud: Wow!
Kelly: Wow! Daddy had hair. And look, shoulders! [raises her shoulders] Up here!
Bud: Let's see your picture, Mom.
Peg: OK.
Peggy turns the pages to find her picture, then shows it them.
Bud: [smiling sweetly] Awww, Mom.
Kelly: Oh, you were so pretty, Mom! [quietly to Bud] Wow, what happened?
Bud: It's been sixty years, Kel.
--------------------
Peg: OK. I see the problem. It seems that I failed one stupid, useless class in my senior year.
Bud: Whatchyou fail, Mom?
Peg: Home Economics.
Kelly: Gee, what a shock.
--------------------
Al: Ahh, what a day. It was, uh, "Born Before 1900 Day" at the shoe store. There were some feet that were so wrinkled you could've made a third foot out of them. I truly, truly want to die. But at least I have a High School Diploma! [he laughs] You staying up, Peg?
Peg: Yes.
Al: Ah, no reason for me to then.
--------------------
Marcy: [sitting down] Home Ec? [fondly] I remember Home Ec.
Kelly: Oh no. What door have we opened?
Macry: It was my favourite class. I got an A plus plus on my final. Lemon meringue pie. Oh, what an experience it was... my first, you know. [she starts kneading the towel as she speaks, getting more and more turned on as she talks] Kneading the dough till it was ready. I was all sweaty. Then came my filling. Stirring and stirring over a pulsing heat. Don't bring it to a boil too fast whatever you do. Sloowww then fast. Slooowww then fast. Till it starts to rise, riiise, RISE... [she stops and realises Peg and Kelly are staring at her] Oh god! My taxes!!
Marcy quickly gets up and runs out of the house.
Peg: Why didn't I get meringue pie?

Season 4, episode 21: Raingirl



Synposis: Al demands a raise and gets $5, whilst Kelly gets a grand-a-week job as a weather girl. Al becomes her manager, and she's offered a $250 grand a year contract. What could go wrong?


5.5/10: Eh, a few good lines, but nothing outstanding except for a little mother-daughter talk between Peg and Kelly about growing up.


Dialogue:
===================
Kelly: Mom, what am I gonna do? If I don't do this stupid intern thing, I won't graduate.
Peg: Hmm, graduation... Kelly, maybe it's time we had a little talk. You're getting to be a big girl now, and there's something I've been putting off telling you for a while. But time is slipping by quickly, and I don't want you to learn about it on the street. Honey, there is a thing out there that men will want you to do. In fact, they'll expect it. Now, no woman really enjoys it, but we do it, get them to marry us, and then never have to do it again. That horrible thing is called 'work'.
Kelly: Hold me, Mom, I'm scared.
Peg: Oh, I know, I know. But Honey, the important thing is to do it early, while you're still young. That way, when your husband comes home, reeking of beer, wantin' some lovin', you'll follow that fat rump upstairs, because you'll know that no matter how disgusting the next three minutes will be, it still beats the hell out of work.
---------------------
Kelly: [Kelly is talking about her internship] You know, they're not as nice as they seem on television. Like today, when I, like the rest of the nation, was wondering where East Dakota was, the weatherman told the manager that either I went or he went.
Marcy: Oh well, losing your first job isn't so bad.
Kelly: Me? They canned him like a tuna.
-------------------
Kelly: Mom, I'm on the horns of an enema.

Season 4, episode 22: The Agony of De Feet



Synposis: Al keeps having nightmares about feet, and is truly desperate, but is perked up when asked to judgew a pageant in his own store. Kelly tricked Marcy and Bud into thinking they slept with each other.



6.5/10: Some good lines here, this time for Bud, Kelly and Marcy, but some real crack-ups from Peg too. And of course, Al never gets what he wants, right?



Dialogue:
===================
Marcy: Peggy, I need to ask you something. Have you ever done something that you didn't remember the next day?
Peggy: Well, having the kids.
Marcy: No, I mean have you ever done something that you really regretted?
Peggy: Having the kids.
-------------------
Al: Come on, Peg, haven't we had enough sex in our lives? When does it get to be over?
Peg: When you're officially dead. Now get on!
(Peggy lies down flat, smiling.)
Al: Aren't my sleeping nightmares enough?
-------------------
(after Marcy runs screaming from the Bundy househould)
Peg: What's with her?
Bud: Too much of a good thing.
Bud saunters coolly upstairs. He passes Al, who is leaving for work.
Al: Morning, Son.
Bud: Mornin', Al.
-------------------
Rhonda: Excuse me? [leaning over] Are you alone?
Al looks up and comes face to face with Rhonda's hooters. Al looks in awe and surprise.
Al: No, I've... died and gone to Switzerland!

Season 4, episode 23: Yard Sale



Synposis: Al is sick of how much money Peg is spending on junk from yard sales, and decides to make some money back by having one of his own. Lack of interest makes Al creative, and he comes up with 'Bundyland: The Happiest Place on Earth'.



5.0/10: Some good lines, but one of the weaker episodes of this season. Peggy's love tips to Marcy is the highlight.


LASTS: This is the last time we see Peggy smoking on screen, apparently. Shame, it looks sexy on her.
FIRSTS: First time you hear the Bundy credo involving always losing, but never quitting.



Dialogue:
===================
Al: Peg, why did you buy a boar's head?
Peg: Well, if you must know, it aroused me. Glassy eyes, stuffing for brains, nothing below the neck. Nail it to a toilet bowl, it could be you.
Al: No, it couldn't. 'Cause unlike me, someone loves him enough to put a bullet in his head. I can't live like this. I already got a dog and three leeches.
-------------------
Marcy: Peggy, my mistake was looking for a man to love, when all I really needed was a man to hurt. I think I found him. He's perfect!
Peg: Oh-hoh-hoh. Are you gonna have sex with him?
Al: Well, you heard her say she wants to hurt him!
Marcy: Peggy, this is not something I'd admit in front of a man, but I'm a little nervous about this sex thing. It's been a long time. Three months.
(PEGGY LAUGHS)
Peg: I can do three months standing on my head.
-------------------
Peg (giving advice to Marcy in front of Al): The most important thing the first few times is to make them feel like they're doing a good job. Even when they're not. You know, I say things like "Hoh. Honey, I wasn't laughing at you, I was just thinking of a joke!" or, "You know when it's the real thing, it only has to take but a minute." Oh, and you should keep a little glass of water by the side of the bed. Sorta sprinkle your brow, they'll really think you're into it. I've gotten a few "Suffer, baby"'s from Al with that one. (SHE AND MARCY LAUGH. AL SINKS INTO THE COUCH) Oh, and then, if you have a free hand, which I always do, you wanna just sorta reach over to the clock and move it forward. It's a good confidence builder. And always practice moaning to cover up your yawns. Y'know, I guess what I'm saying is, you've just gotta leave the man with something!
Al: Peg, you forgot about your best secret move. You know, spitting cracker jacks while you shout instructions? Oh, and the passionate "Remember tomorrow's garbage day" at just that right moment. (TO MARCY) You know, I can't speak for all men but that really turns me into a tiger.
-------------------
Kelly: You know, I can't understand why we can't sell of any of this junk.
Al: Well, honey, see, lawn sales are based on the Bigger Idiot Theory. You know, nothing's so dumb that some bigger idiot won't come along and buy, but the uh, the flaw on that theory is that eventually you get to the Head Idiot, and uh, you call her "Mom".
Bud: So, what do we do, Dad? Give up and become Sanford and Son?
Al: No. I'll think of something. Remember the Bundy credo. A Bundy never wins but a Bundy never quits.
Kelly: No, Dad, it's a Bundy never eats.
Bud: No no no, it's a Bundy never learns.
Kelly: Wait, isn't it a Bundy never dies?

And that's the end of Season 4

BTW, here's a relisting of the episodes I've seen so far (seasons 1 - 4) that I consider classic. I will update this list at the end of each season.

I've identified 12 I consider classic episodes. These are one that are usually flat out hilarious, but often they also have a great monologue or running gag that just pays off so well.

Here goes in reverse order:

12. S3E01 He Thought he could - Al has a face-off with a librarian that haunted his boyhood

11. S411+12 It's a Bundyful Life - Al gets visited by a guardian angel, and shown how much everyone is better off if he'd never been born

10. S2E13 You better watch out - Santa parachutes into the back yard

9. S4E01 Hot off the Grill - Al has a barbeque and makes love to Peg 4 times!

8. S2E22 All in the Family - Peg's family comes to visit

7. S3E21 Life's A Beach - Bundy's hit the beach

6. S1E05 Have you driven a Ford lately? - Al and Steve work on a Ford to get a cool car

5. S1E06 whose Room is it anyway? - Steve and Marcy want to build an extra room, but Al and Peg stick their noses in

4. S2E12 Earth Angel - A young hottie stays, making the neighbourhood men horny

3. S4E10 At the Zoo - Steve avoids getting a job and turns green. Marcy goes psycho.

2. S3E04 A Period Piece - The guys go hunting in the woods, but the women come. And they're all menstruating...

1. S4E04 Tooth or Consequences - Al goes to the dentist

I was just watching this earlier today

This show on at 1am-4am is the greatest move in TV history for me.

Wha? What channel?

I know TBS runs it 5am-7am on the East Coast. It's on somewhere else?

O same time

I'm on PST

TBS

So youi guys, what's your favourite episodes? Who's a better Marcy-mate, Steve or Jefferson?

The one where the aliens use Al's socks for fuel.
The one where Bud gets lucky with the babe who's getting married.
The french student (Milla Jovovich) living in the garage.
It's a Bundyful life.
I like Jefferson better.

Both of them are so good, it's really hard to choose a favorite but I think I'd have to go with Jefferson. He's a great character!

Steve > Jefferson, but it's close IMO. I love his sarcasm.

My top 25 episodes:
1) You Better Watch Out - This is the prototype episode. Everything about it is perfect. I laugh every time I watch it.
2) A Dump of My Own
3) Her Cups Runneth Over
4) 976-SHOE
5) The Bald and the Beautiful
6) I Who Have Nothing
7) Go For the Old
8) The Proposition
9) Married... with Aliens
10) Hot Off the Grill
11) The Unnatural
12) One Down, Two to Go
13) My Dinner With Anthrax
14) All Night Security Dude
15) Poke High
16) It's a Bundyful Life
17) Johnny B. Gone
18) NO MA'AM
19) Calendar Girl
20) Rites of Passage
21) Fair Exchange
22) Ride Scare
23) My Mom, the Mom
24) Just Married... with Children
25) User Friendly

Honorable mentions:
For Whom the Bell Tolls
All in the Family
The House That Peg Lost
Here's Lookin' at You, Kid
What Goes Around Comes Around
Al... with Kelly
And Baby Makes Money
The Gas Station Show
The Chicago Wine Party
Mr. Empty Pants
Get Outta Dodge
No Pot to Pease In
I Want My Psycho Dad

Wow you've really thought about this. Can't believe Tooth of Consequences isn't on your lists tho.

Season 5, Episode 1: We'll Follow the Sun




Synopsis: It's Labor Day. Al decides to take the family on a vacation, and see America by car, but instead they end up spending the entire time caught in a
traffic jam on the freeway.


7.5/10: A corker to open this season. This one is excellent, some good cracks at Marcy, Peg and Al going off at each other, and the entire family beat the crap out of another family that gives them lip in the car next door for singing 'The Cow Kicked Nelly'. Topped off by one of Al's everyman speeches, that first get the mob on his side, but eventually lead to them attacking him....


Dialogue:
-------------------
Peg: Did you miss me?
Al: With every bullet so far.
Peg: Well, maybe you need a bigger gun, sweetheart. Not that I don't love your itty-bitty one.
-------------------
Al: Everybody, I have an announcement. Your happiness... sickens me. Everybody but me is looking at good times. But for me it's been one long continuous year since I got married. Actually, one long month. Helluary.
-------------------
Peg: Al, we have not moved an inch in two hours.
Al: Peg, I can hear that in our bedroom. Now just shut up and let me enjoy myself.
Peg: I could hear that in our bedroom too, honey.
-------------------
(Peg stops by a car that's rocking side to side and peers inside.)
Peg: Boy, that takes me back.