I saw on Wipeout one night, a chick with the hyphenate of: Funke-Ho.

That's the greatest last name ever.

So...to recap...you lived with this woman for sixteen years, had four children with her, suffered incredible heartache together, but when she, a practicing doctor with a professional reputation, suggested that she would keep her last name, you told her to hit the bricks?

If I have this information correct, then a quick question: are you some kind of sociopath? This sounds like one of the most heartless actions I've heard about if the details of it are true. Is there more to the breakup? Apologies if I'm wrong, but I'm just going off the details you've given.

Your preference that your wife change her name is not what makes you provincial. A lot of people share that preference for whatever reason. What makes you provincial and a douche is your unwarranted assumption that I am a dickless candy ass in the eyes of others because I did not insist that my wife change her name.

The majority of people in the country wouldn't share your opinion because they wouldn't have one. They just don't care if a husband and wife have different last names.

I don't think I have a NY centric view. I grew up in rural Minnesota, wnet to school in Iowa, started my career in North Dakota, continued in New Jersey, and am now in Virginia. No where did anyone care, or even comment on, if a couple had different last names.

Just because the majority of women change their names does not mean that they, their husbands, friends and family share your opinion that keeping their maiden name is emasculating to the man. It just doesn't follow.

He just sounds like a guy with old-fashioned traditional beliefs. Not unlike many people I know.

Old fashioned traditional women weren't world class athletes or doctors. They only went to college for their Mrs. degree. The last 50 years or so have been game changing.

deal breakers are for people who might marry someone they don't love unconditionally. maybe they want to marry for money, or children, or stability.
otherwise, if you love the person, then all the "conditions" that could break a deal will already be accounted for in the equation.
(e.g. "i could never marry someone who doesn't take my last name" would never need be said. two people who are truly in love would know each other well enough to either compromise or get over it.)

ah, the old "no truly in love scotsman"

coffee, we dated and lived together for a year before we got married. last names were never talked about until a week or 2 before we got married. then she said she wanted to keep her last name. i said no i cant do that. if you cant take my name then we shouldnt get married.
everybody has deal breakers. wheel flush, what if your fiance told you she had sex with somebody else the week you were getting married? lots of ppl have deal breakers. i could prob give tons of examples.

rococo i said unless i knew you my first impression would probably fall under wimp. just like a lot of ppl get the impression that a fat person is lazy. and on and on.

and for those that said nobody has ever said anything to you about your wives last name, they wont.
esp in the south. we just dont openly insult people.

I lived in the south for twenty years, and in NYC for the last eighteen. I literally have never heard anyone express the "you're a wimp" stereotype in the north or the south, either after I was married seven years ago, or at any time prior to being married. It's a peculiar prejudice of yours, not widely held. In any case, it's not a good enough reason to insist that my wife change her name.

Your idiosynchratic "wimp" stereotype is based on the assumption that every man secretly wants his wife to change her name. My wife didn't keep her name because I failed to "man up" and give her an ultimatum. Only a true idiot would make that assumption. My wife kept her name, among other reasons, because I didn't give a ****, and because it's her name to do with what she pleases. Amazingly enough, I also have never "manned up" and told her how to cut her hair, or what clothes to wear. I'll give her my opinion freely, but at the end of the day, she's a grown woman, not a ****ing housepet.

And lastly, of course people have different deal breakers. That doesn't mean that all deal breakers are equally valid.

not sure why so much hate going to leoslayer.

Its perfectly fine for him to have a dealbreaker. If his bride to be is not willing to accept his dealbreaker then she isn't the one for him. Its no different than any other dealbreaker that could occur between first date and marriage. I'm sure the many of you criticizing him now have declined to marry a person for a lot less.

leoslayer -

Would you feel less of a man if your wife made more money than you? How about a lot more and everybody knew it?

no i wouldnt. i did make more than her the entire time we were together except the last 8 mths we were together. she wanted to change jobs and needed to study for some boards.
i said sure ill reduce the size of the business down to my core accts so i only have to work 2 days a week. (she worked 3) that way i could take care of the children get them to school and all the other stuff needed and she could leave and study. did this she got new job, economy went to crap ( hard to rebuild) and 60 days later she is asking me why im not making more money lol. she thought it wasnt fair to her that she made more than me. it was plenty fair to her when i made more than her for 15yrs

So any dealbreaker is fine with you? What if he insisted that his spouse be a raging xenophobe? Would we be allowed to criticize that viewoint? Obviously that's a more extreme example, but your suggestion that everything amounts to a personal preference of equal validity is silly.

In any case, I am less concerned with his personal insistence that his wife change her name than I am with his idiotic views about those persons who have wives who kept their names.