this is an interesting topic. i've been a part of the same group of friends for a while now- many of my HS friends went to college with me, and i've been friends with many of them for almost 10 years now. i'm now entering a stage in my life where we can't just dick around all day and hang out- where people are finally starting to get some real jobs and be in some semi serious relationships.

i guess you could say i'm kindve entering 'no mans land'...so now that the group i'm a part of now (friends) is deteriorating, i'll be in the same spot as you. it's kindve scary, as this is the first time i won't really have an identity- or at least an identity associated with those i've been a part of for the last 10 years of my life. (and considering i'm only 22, those 10 years have been meaningful).

i guess true feelings of 'no identity' will be seen in the next few years...we'll see. hopefully i'll still have my friends, but people change, times change, and obviously people grow apart sometimes.

I never have felt that need, no. I have a group of friends I hang out with semi regularly, but I could definitely easily live without them if I had to. I am a little different than most people upstairs so I guess you can't really go by me, but as long as I have my pets I am good.

I also have never felt lonely in my life, at least as an adult. I don't understand some basics things that others feel, the need for a relationship, family, children. I have problems with others at times, and would rather just do most things alone honestly. I did one of the meetup things, because I am interested in the paranormal and have had some experiences. The group thing just didn't work, and I decided better off on a chat board than with the others.

I think its fine to not be part of a group, as long as you are okay with it. I for one am all about "pleasing myself" in all honesty, and I wouldn't have it any other way.

So I read the above and my reaction is all like, "F U buddy!" but, then I look inside myself and truth is that I'd leave in a heartbeat if I could.

So does it make me a bad person then if I like it here?

of course not, to each his own...New York is just a place i don't want to live again

No not at all, I can only speak for myself.

I'm done with it.. I hate what has become of it.

I'm Brooklyn born and raised, I stood on the corner of Bath Ave and Bay Pkway about 6-7 years ago and just stood there for a minute or two and looked around and listened.

The store awnings were written in Russian and all the voices were either Russian or Chinese. It is no longer the place I grew up in. I don't want my chidren to have to learn two or three languages to comunicate with their classmates.

Dom,

You need to look at this situation from a different angle. If you were married, most of your male friends would be husbands and boyfriends of your wife's girlfriends. From someone who has been in this position in the past, your current position is probably much more preferable.

I love St. Augustine! But did I miss something, why would you want to leave LV? I've been busy this week and haven't been able to keep up with my fellow Loungers. Are you a single man again?

I'm grateful for the 2+2 forums because I tend to be a loner and this place gives me a sense of belonging to something. Oddly enough, it really does sort of fulfill a social need, which is cool. On the other hand, when someone on the forum gets rude or superior acting it makes me want to shut off the computer and walk away from it for a week. At those times I question whether any of the group feeling is real or just a figment of my imagination.

Pics?

if you are going to move somewhere new...go to some place interesting...like a tropical island or some foreign country etc.

Tropical islands can be surprisingly dull.

Find a Religion. Just kidding, Dom; I know you are atheist.

Here’s the problem about what you are talking about – even if someone comes up with something like you are talking about, it takes commitment. Commitment is fine, but it also ties you down to schedules and routines. Take for example golf or bowling leagues. Leagues are great when you feel like playing and have the time; but when you are busy or too tired or bored to play, they are a hassle.

I know exactly what you are feeling and have tried lately to think of things to do with others. We have a group of guys who play pretty much weekly poker and that is cool, but our player pool is dwindling and when we don’t play no one seems to want to get together for even a few drinks – let alone something to do other than that. People go their own ways (I am just as guilty being fairly busy.) The weekly game, too, is sometimes a hassle - again, it takes commitment.

Bottom line: Thoreau’s quote published in 1854 still rings true: The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation…

I understand that you are not desperate or talking about loneliness.

Yeah, doesn’t Paris sound great – ‘cuz even if you have nothing to do or no one to do anything with, you can just hang at a café all day.

Anyway, I really doubt an answer to your question will be posted; but I sure hope so, because I would like to find something too.

Another quote to reference: I still haven’t found what I’m looking for (U2, obviously).

Btw, regarding the wishing you were married thing – see Thoreau’s quote above (it includes us married folk).

How cool is negtv capability post!(#50 in this thread)!

How about starting a dining group/club – go to different restaurants to wine and dine, say every two weeks or once a month (weekly becomes a commitment)?

How about starting a whorehouse? Get them addicted to blow and you'll have friends for life.

I found a business card at my local cafe advertising Tai Chi lessons. The guy charges $10 a session, which is great since I can't afford $100 + fees for gear to go to one of the local dojos. And it is perfect since my schedule won't always allow me to make it for lessons. I'm looking forward to going to the first session. Hopefully it will be a worthwhile class, and perhaps I will be able to convince the teacher or some of the students to have some fun sparring with me outside of class.

Have fun. I've always wanted to do tai chi. I'll be interested in hearing a TR.

Yeah, but doesn't there have to be an organic component? I mean, isn't having someone's back just because they're flying identical colors or frat pin or uniform a forced commitment, a form of emotional fascism, to quote Declan McManus?

I'm an only child, and spent a lot of time with a sense of isolation, and wanting to feel a part of something, so I see your point. It is what led me to play the team sports I did, or play in bands. Both of those are merely "gang" substitutes that are more socially acceptable. But the enduring friends I have made, who I would, even in middle age, grab a bottle in a bar fight for, are, with a few exceptions, not folks I met through those endeavors, but friendships that have evolved outside of those particular social constructs. Not linked by a title or charter. And those relationships are far deeper and more durable than any kind of forced camaraderie, while being no less satisfying to any "pack" urge we may have. In that sense, I have felt a sense of "belonging" for most of my adulthood.

I would guess that you, Dom, are the kind of person who would have your friend's back without having to have that impulse reinforced by a patch or an oath or membership fees. You (and many who have contributed to this rather revealing thread) probably "belongs" in a more salient and real fashion than any Hollywood fabrication.

That said, I guess we could start rocking some Lounge colors. Maybe rumble with some of the other 2+2 forums.

Somehow, I see more West Side Story than Sons of Anarchy...

Kid, you always make me laugh. And yes, the Lounge should start flying some colors and go kick us some OOT butt.

And if we're more West Side Story I at least want to be The Sharks.

Perhaps you could use a son-in-law who loves to hunt and fish?


Interesting topic. The more I think about it, the more I realize that I'm a loner. I'm sociable but for the most part I just think way differently than others who participate in the same activities as me and so it's really hard to connect or develop some sense of belonging. I guess there is some silver lining in being a maverick but sometimes I wish I could just follow along like everyone else.

Fight Club

Really? You do recall that West Side Story takes place in New York City, right?



And I always saw you more as this character than any other...

We have one of those where I live. It's pretty funny. The guys go all year beating the hell out of each other, including black eyes, broken bones, sometimes missing teeth, but the moment June comes around the club goes on hiatus because "It's too damn hot!"

that is the most ******ed thing i've ever heard of.

[QUOTE=RJT;14744043]Find a Religion. Just kidding, Dom; I know you are atheist.



A religion usually finds you. One does not choose God on a shopping trip to the Mall. Some will even argue that God chooses you!

Is there a club I can join where I get to fight Natalie Wood and Rita Moreno?