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Old 08-09-2012, 05:32 AM   #76
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Re: Worst one night-stand etc thread

Pimpdaddy is definitely in the lead for sure.
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Old 08-09-2012, 06:18 AM   #77
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Quote:
Originally Posted by isriggedblatantlyy View Post
the woolly mammoth tale!

So like all of you i had been through a chiity dry spell for like 5 or 6 months. Had broke up with a smokin hot French chick i had been dating for 8 months because i decided i wanted to get back with my Swedish ex. This didn't work out as expected as Swede just wanted to be friends!!! (I blew batches of nut butter on your face or 2 years and now you just wanna be friends!!!!).

Anyway it's saturday night and i am well hammered after many beers/vodka/tequila and some other chit and we are in this dive of a basement bar called the Viper rooms in Dublin, my friend is with his GF (solid 7.5 imo) and she has her friends with her.

So it's 3 am and we are leaving the bar and my friend says ther'e a party on at his GF's place. We grab a bottle of vodka from behind the bar (manager is a friend and says i can replace it the following day) and head to the "party".

Party consists of me and my friend his GF and her friend. Friend is a 3 when drunk and minus 2 when sober but hey it's been a while and i'm a man i have my needs and *** it cos a mouths a mouth right!!

So we are downing vodka and this ****** woolly mammoth starts rubbing herself against me o n the sofa and before i know it her hand is down my jeans and i have a raging boner and all i can think about is how she is gonna get a batch of hate paste right in the eye!

So we end up all neked and i am giving this ****** HEIFER my best...i mean seriously she is loving it and me?? well i am breaking my dry spell so i am happy ( yes it's with a ***** UGGO i know i know) and it's all good good soooo ***** gooooooooood.

So it's on it's hands and knees and i'm behind SLAMMING it hard and next thing i know she is saying "hurt me ***** hurt me" I think to myself WTF!!! But she says it again only louder. I grab a handful of hair and start yanking her back onto my boner because at this stage i am ready to explode. She starts again with the "hurt me hurt me" and followed by "FASTER YOU PRICK FASTER" well that's enough for me and i put the boot down. She starts screaming about how she gonna cum then starts sayin "slap me slap me" so me bein the gent that i am i give that big ole ass an ALMIGHTY SLAP. I mean seriously never mind a hand mark you coulda taken ***** prints from it. THE BITCH LOVED IT!!!!! "Hit me again hit me again" so i am slappin this ass and banging like a piston and sure as chit stinks i blow my load alll over her back and hair.

Ten minutes later (she wants to go again i just wanna GO!!!) my bud comes outta his GF's bedroom and gives me a knowing look. I make my excuses to leave saying i still have to find my car cos fcked if i can remember where i parked. Walkin down the road and my bud says "did you slap her?" I start laughing and told him the story and he says "i was in the middle of banging Sue (his GF) when we heard the slap (1 floor up and other side of the house) and both of us lookled like meer cats wondering wtf that was"!!

Two weeks later and i find myself in the same club and my bud has warned me that the woolly mammoth is there also. I hide in a corner but eventually have to go take a leak. Of course on the way out i get cornered by her (lucky i am sober). "Wanna take me back to your place and we can get nasty i private" she says. "Erm listen....it was fun and all but that's all" says me/ "WELL *** YOU" she says "DON'T EVER THINK YOU ARE GETTING THIS AGAIN!!!" and storms of lol.

No pics of woolly mammoth as this was years TL;DR

Got dumped/broke up with hottie
had looooonnnggggg dry spell
Banged a woolly mammoth for sexual release
A+
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Old 08-09-2012, 06:36 AM   #78
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Re: Worst one night-stand etc thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by isriggedblatantlyy View Post
the woolly mammoth tale!

So like all of you i had been through a chiity dry spell for like 5 or 6 months. Had broke up with a smokin hot French chick i had been dating for 8 months because i decided i wanted to get back with my Swedish ex. This didn't work out as expected as Swede just wanted to be friends!!! (I blew batches of nut butter on your face or 2 years and now you just wanna be friends!!!!).

Anyway it's saturday night and i am well hammered after many beers/vodka/tequila and some other chit and we are in this dive of a basement bar called the Viper rooms in Dublin, my friend is with his GF (solid 7.5 imo) and she has her friends with her.

So it's 3 am and we are leaving the bar and my friend says ther'e a party on at his GF's place. We grab a bottle of vodka from behind the bar (manager is a friend and says i can replace it the following day) and head to the "party".

Party consists of me and my friend his GF and her friend. Friend is a 3 when drunk and minus 2 when sober but hey it's been a while and i'm a man i have my needs and *** it cos a mouths a mouth right!!

So we are downing vodka and this ****** woolly mammoth starts rubbing herself against me o n the sofa and before i know it her hand is down my jeans and i have a raging boner and all i can think about is how she is gonna get a batch of hate paste right in the eye!

So we end up all neked and i am giving this ****** HEIFER my best...i mean seriously she is loving it and me?? well i am breaking my dry spell so i am happy ( yes it's with a ***** UGGO i know i know) and it's all good good soooo ***** gooooooooood.

So it's on it's hands and knees and i'm behind SLAMMING it hard and next thing i know she is saying "hurt me ***** hurt me" I think to myself WTF!!! But she says it again only louder. I grab a handful of hair and start yanking her back onto my boner because at this stage i am ready to explode. She starts again with the "hurt me hurt me" and followed by "FASTER YOU PRICK FASTER" well that's enough for me and i put the boot down. She starts screaming about how she gonna cum then starts sayin "slap me slap me" so me bein the gent that i am i give that big ole ass an ALMIGHTY SLAP. I mean seriously never mind a hand mark you coulda taken ***** prints from it. THE BITCH LOVED IT!!!!! "Hit me again hit me again" so i am slappin this ass and banging like a piston and sure as chit stinks i blow my load alll over her back and hair.

Ten minutes later (she wants to go again i just wanna GO!!!) my bud comes outta his GF's bedroom and gives me a knowing look. I make my excuses to leave saying i still have to find my car cos fcked if i can remember where i parked. Walkin down the road and my bud says "did you slap her?" I start laughing and told him the story and he says "i was in the middle of banging Sue (his GF) when we heard the slap (1 floor up and other side of the house) and both of us lookled like meer cats wondering wtf that was"!!

Two weeks later and i find myself in the same club and my bud has warned me that the woolly mammoth is there also. I hide in a corner but eventually have to go take a leak. Of course on the way out i get cornered by her (lucky i am sober). "Wanna take me back to your place and we can get nasty i private" she says. "Erm listen....it was fun and all but that's all" says me/ "WELL *** YOU" she says "DON'T EVER THINK YOU ARE GETTING THIS AGAIN!!!" and storms of lol.

No pics of woolly mammoth as this was years TL;DR

Got dumped/broke up with hottie
had looooonnnggggg dry spell
Banged a woolly mammoth for sexual release
This is not a thread for bragging.
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Old 08-09-2012, 06:38 AM   #79
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Re: Worst one night-stand etc thread

An epic fail for me happened when I was around 19 years old, working behind the bar at a club. I had just came back from a few days off and had left the running of the bar in the "capable" hands of a foreign student who was working with us for the summer.

On the very first night back, I started to get on really well with a French woman who was clearly way older than I was (possibly 35 years old) and rated about a 7. She told me that her husband had paid for her 1-week holiday in Malta because he had a lot of business meetings planned and he didn't want her to get bored.

After a few drinks, she started telling me that the real reason her husband paid for her holiday was because he was probably sticking it to his assistant - who was also a man!! I did my best not to laugh but she told me I could go ahead and do so. For some strange reason, I didn't and this made her feel a bit better. As the night was slowly turning into day, the club was soon closing and she told me that she is rather hungry but had no idea where to go during this time. I told her that if she waited maybe 30 minutes I would finish my shift and also was going to look for some food.

Frenchy said "oui oui" in a rather excited voice and asked me to make White Russians for us to drink. One turned to two and two turned to three drinks each and we finally left the bar. Unfortunately, the student did not replace the milk and I would only find out later on, after a rather embarrassing session with Frenchy. We grab some food and she invited me over to her room close by, which of course I accepted.

My stomach already had started to make weird noises but I didn't think much of it at the time. Back in her room, she asked me to wait for a few minutes as she needed to use the bathroom and told me to make myself comfortable. She came out looking the bomb in some see-through gown and taking the hint, I walked to her and we started getting hot.

I asked her to not remove the gown as I found it very sexy on her but I did get her boobs out for some fun. Anyways, she asks me to stand up over the bed and she proceeded to take off by boxers and give me a BJ. I've had good BJ's before but this woman knew her stuff. Eventually, she worked her way down to my balls and that is when it happened...

Spoiler:


I close my eyes, scared of looking down but since she stopped, I had to see what was going on. There she was, staring up at me with a look of pure fright and disgust, almost in tears. I couldn't take the shame any more so I quickly got dressed and left the room, with Frenchy still on her knees with a look of utter disbelief! Needless to say, she never came back to the club and I fired the student the following night!
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