Several people asked me to do a thread I thought about making a few years ago under a different screenname. I'll type it up over time, it's just to kill time really. You'll love it. if you have any questions feel free to ask anything.

Its just stuff from my life, this thread was pre-vouched for by a couple people on here.

General stuff:
7 years covert hand-to-hand operations in iraq
6 years super black ops in pakistan as interagency triple agent getting paid sick cash i would literally tip $20 for just a coffee
2 PhD's: nutrition and art history
147 jobs
took over the #1 escort agency in switzerland using machineguns
put a drug dealer out of business
lots and lots of other stuff that will entertain you if you're not a dumb idiot who hates awesome stories

GTFO with this bull****. You dropped out of the Rhode Island School of Design less than a year into your Masters program. PhD my ass. You're a god damn liar. And I've seen you tip like 48¢ at Starbucks.

48c service yields an appropriate tip. they won't learn if you tip them the same no matter what. it's about teaching people

this is why I didnt wanna rrehash my life story on here. Its so easy for people to be brave on the internet. Im too old to lie about life and too old to care what people think. PS--if you dont think the ufc out of the crowd fight was real just google Jordan Murray Winnipeg fight record. And lets be blunt, owning an escort agency or going to jail isnt a big accomplishment. Its not like Im on here saying I won an olympic medal. Anyways, its all good, i can take the hint. Ill get my account removed so I dont have to deal with this stuff. At my age, its useless.

did you have a question for me?

literally thousands. probably tens of thousands, but just to be conservative i'll leave it at thousands. most of them were hand-to-hand kills with everyday items, but i also piloted several stealth bomber missions and i jumped out of them in wingsuits sometimes

can we get a list of the everyday items?

as a great american philosopher once opined, "the haters gonna hate hate hate hate hate"

you can call us out for minor discrepancies, but the storytellers of bbv4l will not let your troll opinion effect our spirit, because we are strong mature adults.

bic pen was probably my favorite, because every time i go through airport security i tell them straight up, "i've killed thousands of trained soldiers on the battlefield with this pen, and you can't do a DAMN THING about it" and they never do.

telephones. old telephones with the cords. i've swung several of those into enemy faces, knocking them unconscious and allowing me to suffocate them with a simple everyday pillow. or even slicing their jugulars open as they're laying there unconscious, using nothing more than a household box cutter. once cell phones started becoming cheaper and smaller i knew my days left in that game were numbered.

wooden chairs. i'd wait until the enemy is distracted and break a wooden chair over their backs, knocking them unconscious, allowing me to drag them into a common bathtub for drowning

this is all based on strategies they taught me at special army school. everything can become a weapon if you need it to

this is an outrage!

so i was chillin at the republican debate and the craziest thing happened. i was just standing there and i overheard some event organizers talking about how none of the candidates showed up except trump. a snowstorm or smth. snow day. anyway i spoke up i said "i'm running the president. i'll debate". and so i did, for over 4 hours, one on one with trump and at the end he conceded that i was superior to him. i swear to god. google it

that reminds me of this time in law school when we stole the dean's car and parked it on the roof of the quad. everyone was like, "whoaaa! no way! you guys are awesome!"

so i was on heroin hanging out with samuel L jackson and we go to these dudes' apartment to get back this briefcase that was stolen from marsellus wallace. one of the kids was eating a hamburger and samuel L just eats it up in front of him talking bible stuff. i didn't want any, i was like psh, just smoking in the kitchen. anyway, then a bunch of **** happened out of order but eventually we killed everybody and got the briefcase.

I smell dog****...oh yeh it's this thread...

If you're telling the truth about any of these stories you're up yourself/a wanker.

If you're lieing/telling stories as "jokes" you're also up yourself/a wanker.

Keep on pulling it though...

nothing gets by you

lol didn't see this one

I want to hear more about art history.

art originated in Europe about 200 years ago, with a guy named Michael Angelo. he was so good at art, even as a kid he would use his left hand to write secret notes to himself about his neighbor's dogs' behavior.

did you want more? or, anything specific?

I'm fascinated by sculptures and statues. Please share your wealth of knowledge on this topic.

well, back in Ancient Greece, all the great people carved likenesses of their heads into marble. I suppose that's kind of like art. in Asia they made mostly vases. looking at European statues it makes you wonder why Asians didn't make better art. like, instead of carving a statue of a horse battle, or painting a mural, they'd draw it tiny on a vase. huge waste of art, Asia really blew it for a while. except the guy who thought to commission hundreds of life size terra cotta soldiers and he just put them underground and never told anyone for a thousand years. THAT's art. that guy basically invented the true essence of art

Surely you have a statue somewhere - pics?

i'd like a life-sized or larger-than-lifesized statue of OJ simpson like from that new tv show with Ross and John Travolta, but all i have in terms of statues are scale gundam rn

and here's a picture, but only because people have been bugging me to make this thread for a while now and i'm too mature to let the trolls win

Need pics of your cabinet door handles for a true measure of your artistic bona fides.